Fidanity
The concerns that had been faintly bothering me all day were starting to grow more intense.
This just doesn't seem like her at all...
Celestia's not usually so rude. I've been waiting-
I'm sure she's just really busy! Not rude!
I shook my head, trying to clear away the mental debate. It was hard to remain patient, under the circumstances; I had been summoned to Canterlot Castle to meet with Celestia on some kind of business, without any details as to what to expect, and then, after rushing over as quickly as I could on the idea that it might be something very important, I had found myself waiting in her antechamber for over an hour.
Perhaps the issue she summoned me for is also what's delaying her? That's not a good sign...
As I fretted over the possibility that Equestria was facing some new disaster, I heard the door slide open gently, and a pony I recognized as one of Celestia's aides poked her head out, scanning the room and locating me quickly.
“Celestia will see you now.”
About time...
No more grumbling! Be polite! Consider the situation she might be in!
I nodded my head graciously as I slid from my seat, acting for all the world like I had only just arrived, and nothing was wrong at all.
“Thank you. I do hope everything is alright.”
The aide simply nodded, a slightly uneasy, placating smile forming as she trotted past me towards the exit. To my surprise, I heard Princess Luna's voice from within the audience chamber.
“Good luck, sister.”
Which was promptly followed by her entering the antechamber, and crossing it much as the aide had. She nodded to me on her way past, though her expression was neutral. As the exit door slid shut, I realized that the antechamber and audience chamber were probably empty, save for Celestia.
They left to give us privacy... and 'Good luck, sister'?
Not good signs. Not good signs!
I found myself starting to shake slightly from the building anxiety, and so I paused, taking a deep breath and gently letting it out. As far as I knew, nothing was wrong, and I had faith that Celestia would see to it that, come what may, things would be alright. With new resolve, I marched into the audience chamber.
I've faced serious threats before. I can't let baseless anxiety get to me.
Except that expression Luna gave me...
She can be kinda-
Stop being rude, Cadance!
As I walked into the audience chamber, I spotted Celestia resting on a red cushion, a table laden with tea supplies in front of her. She smiled gently and waved me to the opposite cushion. She looked perfectly serene, like all was right with the world.
She's nervous. What is that tea?
Chamomile blend.
So not only is she nervous...
She's also worried I'm going to be upset.
She must have bad news for me.
“I do apologize for keeping you waiting, Cadance.”
THANK you!
But WHY did she keep me waiting?
“It's no trouble, Celestia. I saw Princess Luna on my way in; I know you try to make time for her.”
Celestia nodded gratefully, taking a sip of her tea as I sat down. Ironically, her look of relief betrayed more of her underlying tension than her previous expression had.
“I do, especially when she wishes to discuss official matters.”
Translation: We disagreed on how to handle something, and I didn't want her to feel put-out.
Something... related to me?
Probably.
A somewhat mischievous grin found its way to my face, despite my slight rising sense of anxiety.
“You two were debating how to break the news to me?”
Celestia paused slightly, raising an eyebrow. The expression looked almost scrutinizing, until I realized she was actually just confused.
“What news?”
Uh oh. Trying to be clever might have been a mistake, there.
Should change the focus of the conversation, quick!
Was there something else I could have commented on?
It's good that she and Luna are working together so well...
“You know, whatever it is you brought me here for. Luna's usually asleep at this time of day, so I figured you must have gone out of your way to get her opinion, make sure she knows it's appreciated.”
Celestia paused slightly, thinking. It was only momentary, but it spoke volumes.
She didn't intentionally take the time to chat with Luna?
So Luna really did come to object to something, then?
Or maybe the disagreement just started off badly...
Celestia smiled gently, sipping her tea again.
“Thank you, Cadance. I do try.”
I quietly poured myself some of the tea, and sipped at it, waiting for her to take the lead. After a few moments of silence passed, I realized that Celestia had probably expected me to engage in pleasantries as I usually would. As I did a mental scramble to think of something to say, she spoke up.
“I suppose you've been fretting over why I asked you to come here.”
Fretting? I haven't been-
Oh come on. Yes I have.
Is it really so obvious, though?
I shrugged a bit, taking another sip of the tea.
“I have been pretty curious about it. Is everything alright?”
“Yes, things are fine. I didn't mean to worry you.”
She seems to feel a little guilty.
I nodded, setting down the tea.
“Don't worry about it. I understand how these things can be. So, what did you want to talk about?”
Understatement!
Celestia shuffled uneasily before she spoke. That little gesture did nothing good for my anxiety; even when the worst disasters had struck Equestria, Celestia had stayed unmoved, discussing them with perfect calm.
“I actually wanted to request a service of you.”
A service? Why is she so uneasy about that?
Wait, my specialty is in spreading and encouraging love...
Is Celestia in love or something?!
I stiffened for a second, and then I felt that mischievous grin returning. Even if my guess was wrong...
“Of me, specifically.”
Celestia nodded. I looked at her with a bit of a smirk.
“Oh my, Celestia. Who's the lucky pony?”
Celestia looked sincerely confused for a moment, before she cracked a smirk of her own.
Okay, so not that.
“Cute, Cadance. While what I require of you is related to your status as the Princess of Love, it isn't quite so personal.”
Then why all the unease?
“You know I'm happy to do what I can for Equestria.”
So spit it out already!
Hey, now. Don't get riled up.
Celestia nodded, looking a little stiff.
“I do. I need you to check up on a couple in Canterlot... soon to be wed.”
Now that's unusual. I've never been asked for something like this.
Almost sounds like spying.
Celestia wouldn't do that.
“Check up on them... to see if their love is genuine?”
“Yes.”
“That seems a bit unusual. I mean... I think I can do that, but isn't it sort of...”
I waved a hoof around, looking for the right word.
“It may sound a bit invasive, yes, but I need to be sure of the safety of my subject.”
That's the word. Singular?
“How is safety a concern?”
“... One of the... ponies involved is secretly a changeling.”
Yes? YES? Wait, what?!
What?! A changeling?! Why hasn't Celestia already arrested them?!
Celestia wants me to investigate a changeling?!
Despite... To see if their love is genuine?!
my history with them?! Of course it's not genuine!
Changelings feed off of love! Why would Celestia knowingly allow a changeling to-
“A-and... if I conclude their love is genuine, you intend to... let them be married?”
I was doing my level best to speak calmly despite the storm of thoughts in my mind. I could tell it wasn't entirely successful, what with the hoof-waving and stammering.
“... Yes.”
This is insane! Changelings are, like...
Has she lost it?! The opposite of everything I stand for!
They're dangerous! They take somepony's identity, trick their loved ones...
They're horrible! They turn love against those who have it!
“So they're infiltrating Canterlot again?! What makes you think this isn't a setup for another invasion?!”
“Cadance, that's exactly what I want you to find out.”
Wait, what? Oh!
Oh, that makes sense! If their love for the pony is genuine, chances are they won't cause trouble!
But wait, that only covers one problem!
“What about the pony, though?! You're just going to let them unwittingly get married to a... a love-feeding bug monster?!”
Celestia stared at me for a few moments, a pained expression taking hold. It wasn't what I had expected, and it made me think back over what I had said.
“Sorry, I didn't mean that! I know you wouldn't let your subjects come to harm, it's just... you said you would let them marry, if their love was genuine, though!”
“And I intend to, yes.”
“I don't... I don't understand. What about the pony?”
“She seems to be in love. You would be a better judge of that, though.”
“But if she doesn't know-!”
“We think she's aware of it, actually. It's hard to be sure.”
She KNOWS they're a changeling?! And she's still in love with them?!
A black bug-pony with flat eyes...
With holes in their hooves...
I felt myself shudder involuntarily.
“Cadance... I knew this would be hard for you, but I hope you understand. You should know better than anyone that love will find a way, regardless of the differences between individuals.”
I stared up at her, thinking over what she said, for some time. Silence reigned in the little chamber as I felt these two conflicting ideas struggle with one another; on the one hoof, she was right about love, and I knew it. On the other, I had trouble reconciling my memories of changelings – crashing my wedding, trying to steal my husband, invading the city, and so on – with the idea of romance.
“... I'll do it.”
Celestia sighed in relief, some tension I hadn't noticed she had going out of her wings and shoulders.
“Thank you, Cadance. I know it may seem strange, but... I think once you see them together, you'll understand.”
I nodded, a faint smile forming.
“And really... isn't that always how it is?”
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This doesn't seem to be complete to me.
Your description blows, mate. You need more than just a definition as that tells us nothing about the story itself. The description is a chance to hook your reader and get them invested in the story.
5071566
At least it's not "Rainbow Dash flies east."
5071566 It tells you what I think is important about the story, which happens not to be the narrative thread of it. I also view the description as something the reader can reflect on after reading the story. Sorry you don't care for it, but I won't be changing it based on that advice.
5071547 This narrative thread is complete. I assume you meant that the ending seemed abrupt, which was intentional; once the tension broke, the story was over. My apologies if that doesn't strike you as appropriate.
5071586 i put those stories off for so long because of the description, but once i got into the plot...it was amazing
5071587 So random definitions is more important than the narrative?
5071608
*nods*
I was making a point along those lines, yeah.
And the writing is literally all over the place.
5071621 personally, i was intrigued by the description, and read the story.
(I may have been slightly influenced due to the fact that i'm a sucker for changeling fics [i mean, just look at my profile])
5071647 Okay, that comment was pretty funny, thanks. There's a deliberate style to the spacing, in case there was any doubt. Heh.
5071651 There are always exceptions, but as a general rule you kinda want your description to actually tell a little about the story and what the reader can expect.
Some people say too much, or in this case it only hints about the story.
5071666 You do want to be careful about that since it did lead to a couple cases of "Where the fuck did rest of the line go?" which was mainly due to how fim fiction handles word wrapping.
5071685 Hmm. I hope it didn't display differently because of monitor resolution differences... I was a bit worried about that.
had a couple of cases of it popping over to the otherside
5071749 Okay. I'm going to try to make the worst offenders a little less likely to do that, and then I'm going to stick an author's note at the top warning readers of the potential issue. I've contacted Xaq about it as well. Thanks.
5071766 No problem
5071586
Oh man, that series is basically the very definition of TL;DR for me.
Or rather, TL;WR (Won't read)
Or actually, TL;ANGTFT (Ain't nobody got time for that)
5071566
To be honest, I think this description is, in a sorta-meta sense, the best one possible; this whole scene is basically the very embodiment of the essence of that word. What better way to describe something that is the exact meaning of a word than the simplest definition of that word?
It may not be very accessible or engaging, but it's still perfect in its own way.
To echo what I said on Steam for posterity's sake, I quite enjoyed this. You did a great job of capturing the internal tension and nervousness that come from dealing with someone as inscrutable as Celestia on a regular basis.
6830722 It sorta reminded me of the changeling but honestly... should Cadence be so nervous about this? She's had way more time to talk things out with her. And not just about changelings. She's way more familiar with her... so why is she treated like a citizen?
6840191
To borrow a phrase from Gaiman and Pratchett, I imagine dealing with Celestia is a bit like playing a card game in a pitch-black room with a dealer who won't explain the rules and who smiles all the time. Long-term exposure to that kind of inscrutability can play merry havoc on most people. Just look at Twilight.
6840269 That's a theory I consider to be bollocks and to be honest? Uninteresting. Most of all though... she has no reason to do this.
5075651 Finally, someone else who couldn't make it through Cryptically Significant Foreign Story Name ("Single seemingly-mundane descriptive sentence that hints at a deeper meaning")! It's especially sad for me, since I'm a very fast reader and have a lot of patience for slow-paced stories normally... but after 20 chapters or so I still had no idea what was really going on and no room in my head to track all the significant glances and gestures and implications and what-not, and I figured the other few million words were going to be the same way. And, well, ain't nobody got time for that!
Despite having talked about this in detail over the weekend, I was feeling a great deal of tension throughout the story. I think that was ratcheted up by the contrast between Cadence's significant rapport with Celestia--which provides a couple different levels of intimacy to support the fidanity--and the fact that it's still not enough to read what's going to happen. Great work.
Oh, and the Author's Note specifies most settings, but it's missing column width. It took a while for me to realize that's why things where running over the line.
7393876 Ah, thanks for catching that! Updating...
Also, really glad to hear you enjoyed the story despite my spoiling so much of it at BronyCon. It was an experimental work, to be sure, but I ended up loving how it came out, despite the many, many hitches with people actually reading it >.<
Fascinating story! This way of portraying branching thoughts throughout a conversation was very clever, and it didn't feel gimmicky in the slightest – one of my fears going in.
My only real issue is that her decision – the large paragraph towards the end – wasn't portrayed that way. Would have been the perfect point to show her rationalizing, and it feels like a huge missed opportunity.
7402228 Glad you enjoyed it! As far as the end, that's a totally valid criticism, yeah. I originally tried it in the branching style, but it ended up being a massive cluster of branching thoughts, to the point that it was hard to track. Still, part of me regrets swapping over to this style, even though it builds a bit of suspense.
7081840 I saw that thing and got archive panic. Tried the abridged version, couldn't really figure out what was going on.
7425777 When it came along, the abridged version just cemented my firm decision to never read the full thing.
I really loved the formatting in this. It really made the anxiety that much more palpable to have it arranged so artfully.
10561227
Aww, thanks! Some folks really hated it, but I wanted to experiment with something new - kind of like a comic-book style of formatting to give more meaning.
10561241
I think my only quibble with this was that it took a bit to realize who our narrator was. That had nothing to do with the formatting, though. It more than likely was due to the minimal description (which is understandable) or just that the name-drop took a while.
10561250
Yeah, that was intentional. It's meant to build up suspense and keep the reader paying close attention, but it might have been a bad call.
10561254
I think it made some sense, but that there could have always been a couple of extras to reinforce the narrator from the start. I just find that stories in the first person are more helpful that way, as both a reader and a writer.
Oh lord. Maybe its just my cellphone but the formatting for Cadence's internal commentary just staggers all over the place and is actively painful to read.