Hello Everypony! Thank you for looking at my page! Here I will be posting Sunlight, and any other things I feel like being cryptic about.
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Darkness. It was a strange and ominous thing. It creeped through every crack and absorbed the light. The murkiness was clouded and it filled Sunset Shimmer’s eyes as they slowly peered open. She looked around, dazed and confused on what was happening, and where she was. The smell of forest filled her lungs as she stood up slowly on her feet hooves. She paused, her hooves. She screamed, ’What?!’ She examined the rest of herself. “Oh no no no no, this can’t possibly be right!”
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I like the premise and want to see where this goes (I enjoy "Sunset returns to Equestria" fics) but the plot seemed to really speed up a little too quick after she found Fluttershy's cottage.
Hnnngh! I'm gonna read this just because of the ADORABLE cover picture!
And maybe because I like the premise.
Alright, I'll agree with Mr(s) Breaking News, the pacing does seem a bit rushed, but I've seen much worse out of first-time authors.
My advice? Get an editor, and flesh out the chapter a bit. Show her confusion in greater detail, for one.
Other than that, I think it has some potential.
Is this a SunLight fic?
5092964 Yes
5092967 I...I'm so happy now...
5092967 Oh and when is the next chapter?
5097206 I'm almost finished with it, tonight, or tomorrow.
This is... Beautiful, just to see that is Sunlight give me smiles! Keep with this!
5101939 Thanks so much!
5101873 Yay!
I'm enjoying this already but I have to echo what a few others have said: you've sort of jammed on the accelerator and made it go far too fast.
I like it
I'm looking forward to more
I'm really enjoying your descriptions of the new castle
There's a couple of little typos but I'm glad to see the plot has slowed down and has time to develop. I'm interested to see where this goes.
5102946
So far (I just read this chapter), I agree with that assessment.
Very short chapter. It's still a bit fast paced though. Pacing is different than length. A short story can seem slow and a long one fast or vice versa. What appears to be happening in this case is that, metaphorically speaking, you are making Sunset bounce from place to place.
We all know that it takes time to get places, but it seems a tad excessive for her to get to her destination immediately given the rough external size of the castle and Sunset Shimmer's lack of familiarity with it. I doubt she was that close to the kitchen and that she could use her nose to find her way there, even with the presumably enhanced sense of smell from being a pony.
I would expect Sunset to be a bit rustier on even basic telekinesis than your portrayal suggests. Especially since she's been in Equestria for quite some time.
Also, Sunset talks funny and your grammar could use some work.
That should by 'you're' (you are) and I feel like there should be a ? after "Are you sure, Sunset" and that the rest should be a separate statement.
This:
appears to be a sentence fragment.
5116839 Thanks? I guess?
5119256
?
I hope it was helpful.
one thing. Sunset is yellow or gold not orange
NEED NEXT CHAPTER PLEASEEEEEEEEEE!
hope more soon love this
5119256 so it this story is dead...or what?
5119256 so is this story dead...or what?
This is going to be a great story. I can't wait to read more if you'll continue it.
I like the twist at the end. Didn't see that coming.
Where are the other chapters?
is kingdom supposed to be crossed out or deleted???
More please comeback😭