Johnny Powell's Personal Journal

by Nightmare_0mega

2. Poison Joke

Despite the name, these little blue bastards are no joke. I don't know what sick, twisted, and horribly unfunny god managed to pull these out of nature's urethra, but I'm glad I read that bizarrely titled book "Super Naturals". According to the research provided, they are a type Toxicodendron, being a bit of a distant cousin of poison ivy. Unlike most of those types of plants, these sickos are entirely magical. Apparently, much like their relatives, touching them exposes you to skin irritation oil. Only difference here is you just need to take the word "irritation" in a more mental or emotional context, as its practical effect is less itchy and more sketchy. As in, the most pants shitting aspect about these plants is that they seem to have the power to warp a key physical or personality trait. The effect isn't immediate at least, BUT it doesn't always effect the spot where you touched it.

While skulking around the forest, trying to keep out of sight, I ended up witnessing a passerby succumb to poison joke. He was apparently on a camping trip, if the saddle pack and the makeshift fire pit was any indication. He wasn't entirely careful though, as he attempted to pull out a stump from the ground with his front legs, and ended up slipping and tumbling into the bush, right into a patch of the blue flowers. The effect wasn't immediate, I'll say that much, but when it did show up, it kinda left me somewhat confused. Their two front teeth grew to ungodly sizes right to the point that the poor bastard was forced to drag his head all the way home. He was in such misery that he'd even forgotten his wallet. Apparently the guy was named Buck Tree. I still don't get the joke. Never the less, after witnessing the incredible expanding jaw sideshow, I just kinda sat there, still having a tough time coming to terms with the fact that even plants are out to get you. I am getting there, but it is baby steps.

I was a bit curious though. After reading through the text on the plant itself, and the antidote mentioned, It said that it only affected magical creatures. I wasn't going to leave this alone, because I wanted to see for myself if non-magical entities really would be unaffected. After laying a trap and catching a rabbit, whom looked like he was about to deal a finishing right hook to my face with the way he looked at me, I tossed the critter into the same patch and waited. Sure enough, the rabbit just sat there, looked around for a little, even nibbled on one of the leaves, then gave me a nasty glare. It was at that time I decided it was time to run for the hills. I wasn't going to stick around to see how tough a rodent was in this topsy turvy place.

I'd have to run a few more experiments on the plant to figure out how welly and truly fucked I am in this world, but only after I get some actual equipment to handle the stuff. That is to say I will come back to this, as it does genuinely interest me, aside from making me more afraid of the innocent facade this place seems to have. In the meantime, I'll just stay far, FAR away from any bright blue plants I see. I'm not in the mood to grow and extra head that spouts nonsense into my ear. I'd like to keep that shit internal, thank you very much.

Author's Note:

Short entry, but whatever. It's Poison Joke. What did you expect, a stand-up routine?

Comments

[Frission]

What's this a crossover of?

[alfaomega]

6431014 the darkness 2