Solace
Deep within the Whitetail Wood, beyond even the purview of the Mad King Discord himself, a tall white alicorn stepped in some mud.
"Oh, bother."
Grimacing, the alicorn lifted her greaved hoof and stared at it in distaste as brown... stuff dripped to the forest floor below. She very briefly considered using some of the water in her skin to clean off some of the caked mud, and then slapped herself for even thinking of such a stupid idea. Clean water wasn't exactly easy to come by in a world of cotton candy clouds and chocolate rivers.
Celestia, eventually, rolled her eyes, huffed, and stomped through the undergrowth with petulant spite, her pink mane bouncing and her armour clanking as she marched.
"Celestia! Shhh!" a lilting voice spat in an angry whisper. Celestia looked up to see a midnight blue mare in annoyingly clean barding glaring at her as if she were a madmare.
Celestia frowned at her sister. "Oh, hush, Luna. It's not like anypony is going to hear us out here."
Luna sighed theatrically, tossing her beautiful blue mane as her eyes rolled out of her head. "Well, yes, somepony might not hear us, but we aren't watching out for ponies, now, are we?"
Drama queen. "You understood what I meant. Also, I stepped in some mud."
Luna stared at her. "How galling."
Celestia sighed. "No, I meant as in, I stepped in some mud. It hasn't rained in... ever. Discord hates rain." She shook her sodden hoof at her sister. "Ergo, how did I step in some mud?"
A speck of mud landed on Luna's face, making her flinch and shoot a glare at her sister, before frowning in thought. "Surely it is just chocolate, correct?"
Celestia looked at her hoof in distaste, then licked it. She made a face and spat out brown gunk. "Nope. Not chocolate."
Luna tilted her head. "How peculiar." She looked concerned. "I suppose this would be a bad time to mention it, but something else has been bothering me." She sniffed the air. "Something smells off. I can't quite put a name to it, but it's rather familiar."
Celestia blinked, then took an experimental sniff. "It smells... rather metallic."
Luna jolted, and her face turned an odd shade of green. "Blood. That's the smell of blood, is it not?"
Celestia stared down at the mud at her hooves. She felt bile rise in her throat.
"We're getting closer," she said.
She walked on through the forest. Luna watched her for a moment, before pulling on her silver helmet and following closely.
"Celestia, stop."
Celestia was jolted out of her daydreaming by her sister's words. Turning, she saw Luna staring off into the trees to their left, eyes wide and alert, ears pointed forward and swiveling side-to-side. Celestia stepped closer and peered into the undergrowth. "What is it?"
Silence. Then, "There's something there."
Celestia's throat felt dry. She cursed herself for not bringing more water. "Well, do you know what it is?" she said, trying to ignore how nervous she sounded.
"I don’t know,” Luna said, shifting on her hooves and fidgeting with the bow strapped across her back, “I don’t know.”
Celestia snorted and stepped away. “Then let’s keep moving, before the dragon-”
Luna held up a hoof, cutting her off mid-sentence, and then stepped further into the maze of trees before her. “Can you see that?” she whispered, pointing with a hoof. “That light between the branches?”
Celestia followed the outstretched hoof and squinted. Her eyes widened. “Luna, this is not a good idea.”
But Luna, of course, was already ghosting through the grass and fallen leaves. Celestia, despite herself, let out a genuine curse under her breath, torn between trying to follow her sister and risk revealing themselves with her heavy hooves and glorious white coat, or staying back and being unable to help if something went wrong.
It was at that moment that a brilliant white light erupted from between the trees, making Luna cry out as the brightness blinded her for a moment. Celestia, unhindered, shouted her sister’s name and galloped to Luna’s side, brandishing her huge longsword in a show of defiance.
When the light eventually dimmed, a huge, glowing stag stood in the clearing before them. It looked at them with curiosity filling its gentle brown eyes.
“Greetings,” it said. “What brings you here, godspawn?”
Celestia blinked, shooting Luna a glance before planting her sword in the dirt at her hooves, standing at her full height, and bellowing, “Halt! Name thyself, creature of the grove! Be thou friend or foe?”
The stag tilted its head, looking bemused. Or amused, Celestia supposed. She couldn’t really tell. “I am a friend to all who respect the ways of the Whitetail Wood. And yourselves?”
Celestia hesitated for a moment, then spoke, “We are the Sisters Celestia and Luna Ex Equestria, Slayers of the fierce Hydra, Victors of the Battle of Trottingham, and Champions of Canterlot. We crusade against the Mad King, Discord, and we seek to destroy his pet abomination, the Star Eater.” Celestia inclined her head in a show of deference. “Will you assist us in our quest?”
The stag grew very still. So still, in fact, that Celestia swore that it had turned into a tree before it decided to speak. “I am afraid, Sunwalker, that there is little I can do to help you. Discord’s reign has doomed the forests of this land to an inevitable death. The Whitetail, my seat of power, is already tainted and twisted.” His eyes shone a deathly white. “And the monster that gorges itself on the creatures and the magic of this Wood isn’t helping, to say the least.”
Celestia looked upon the withering wood and its fading god, and felt a spike of pity in her chest. “My condolences, spirit.”
The stag sighed. “Nevertheless, I believe I could help you find the Star Eater, although I would rather not - it is not an earthly being, you see. It is a creature of the world of dreams, of nightmares, the land of gods and kings and monstrous things.”
“It is no danger to us,” Luna spoke, standing tall by her sister’s side. “We are the champions of mortals, and it is our duty to destroy the Star Eater before it can consume more of our ponies in its gluttony.”
The stag looked between the two alicorns, then leaned its huge antlered head down to them. Its horns glowed a bright gold, and a small sphere of light floated out from between its antlers and floated up into the air.
“Follow this orb,” the stag said, “it will lead you to the Star Eater.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “That is all? Why do you not lead us there yourself?”
But the stag just shook its head. “The Star Eater preys on beings like myself. If I were to get too close to the beast, it would devour my essence and grow ever more powerful. I have only managed to stay one step ahead of that dragon through tricks and illusions, something I can no longer rely on now that my magic dwindles so.”
Luna curled her lip in disgust. “Sounds like cowardice to me.”
The stag looked at her sadly. “I am sorry, Moonseer. I have done all I can, but I carry the soul of the very forest itself. I must do what I can to preserve it.”
Luna turned on a hoof and walked away after the floating orb. “Enough. Let us find this creature, Celestia, and show it the true power of a god.”
The forest was silent.
Celestia hadn’t realised just how much damage the Star Eater had caused until they had walked into the very centre of Whitetail Wood, where the trees were devoid of leaves and the grass crinkled dryly underhoof. For most of their excursion, the skincrawling background noise of insects chirping and buzzing and the telltale sound of animals scurrying through the undergrowth had followed the two.
Now, it was all gone. Only the sound of their armour clattering as they moved remained.
The alicorn sisters hadn’t spoken since their meeting with the forest god. Luna had retreated into a stern and silent fury, while Celestia had gotten lost in thought, occasionally looking over at her silent sister with concern before returning to watching the forest for signs of movement.
They stopped. They looked around, and realised that the trees had fallen away, creating a huge, desolate clearing.
“Sister,” Luna finally spoke, “I do not like this one bit.”
“Neither do I, Luna.” Celestia watched the orb of light float slowly toward the centre of the clearing, where the dry earth was cracked and bizarrely colourless, and then hung there, in the air.
“What is it doing?” Celestia asked, tilting her head.
“I do not see the Star Eater.” Luna took a cautious step back. “What if the Whitetail spirit was leading us into a trap?”
“No.” Celestia quelled the thrill of fear in her heart. “No, he wouldn-”
And then, the earth exploded.
A huge, void-black head with freakishly long teeth burst out of the ground, swallowing the tiny dot of magic whole. Two enormous, milky white eyes stared unseeingly up at the neon-pink sky as it slowly slid up out of the ground, dirt clattering off its obsidian scales. Between the plates of its scale armour, Celestia could see sparkling white stars, trapped forever within its body.
“Oh, gods above,” Luna whispered.
The Star Eater’s head snapped toward the two, and it bared its fangs in a smile.
Deep in the Whitetail Wood, a white alicorn stepped in mud, and it mixed with the blood that ran down her coat and painted her greaves a rusted red.
Celestia didn’t care. All she cared about was the dying alicorn that lay across her back.
They had won, in the end. The Star Eater was lying on the ground, seemingly dead, and so they hadn’t expected it when it had lashed out, tearing a chunk out of Luna’s side. Celestia had killed it, then, cleaving its head from its body with a swing of her burning blade.
But it was a pyrrhic victory.
There was just so much blood. Celestia’s coat was matted with her sister’s ichor, her mane was dyed a deep red, and her own blood dripped off the frayed edges of her tattered armour.
Celestia glanced over her shoulder. Luna’s wound was coloured an unhealthy black at the edges. Some kind of infection, perhaps, magical in nature.
Celestia didn’t know. And it frightened her, more than any corrupted god or nightmarish dragon could ever hope to.
It was a long time before they found shelter.
Celestia had done all she could. She’d burnt her horn out with healing spells, she’d used the last dregs of their water supply to clean the wound, and she’d bandaged Luna up to the best of her ability.
But her sister wasn’t waking up.
Celestia didn’t know what else to do but cry.
“C… Celestia?” she said, eventually. Her throat rasped, and her eyes glowed an eerie green.
“Luna! Are you alright?”
“It hurts, Tia. The magic… it is inside me. It burns.”
“I’m here, Luna. I’ll always be here.”
“Hold me, Tia.”
And the sisters held each other in the darkness of the cave.
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Another wonderful story, Pear
And Luna's arrogance bites her on the butt.
Enjoy your present, my love.
I love this! Great job my friend, wonderful and excellent job!
This is good!
Ouchies. Though I would never have guessed this was for a Princest collab.
Hiya Pearpy!
I love the mythic vibe to this, you should write more (totally not me grouching for more Tenebrae). I'm jealous of some of the threads you use in here to connect scenes, such as the "A white alicorn stepped in the mud". It was tidy. No doubt you could do more and forge something a bit more expansive, but you were very concise with this, which is no small feat in itself.
Too bad you mauled best pony in the process, though. :9 Were you going for a Nightmare Moon inception thing? Or is this just like a diary snippet of Discordian Equestria?
Regardless, I don't know what you were complaining about. This is definitely something beyond what I can write. The dialogue and pacing was punctual as usual, and there was no floweriness or circumlocution in getting at the main points of each scene. Luna's bitter, hotheadedness is exquisitely explained in all of thirty words, which to me is like Pinkie Pie Sense. It's beyond my reasoning and I'm driving myself mad trying to figure out how you do it (because I do everything in the polar-opposite).
Yay Purple Pear!
Cool story. A little short, but I enjoyed this.
I'm going to give this a fine tooth comb of a review once I've had some sleep and time to digest it. Off the cuff though, I like it. Very atmospheric feeling. Dialogue sounds good and natural.
I do think it could have been a touch more descriptive, but that said, I wasn't feeling like I was missing anything, just that you could have made it even more rich of atmosphere.
I'll do the full review tomorrow evening after work.
Excellent. A very entertaining tale!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Solace
Grammar:10 (not my strong suit)
Pros
*The Call back (" a white alicorn stepped in mud"
* Luna characterization.
Cons
*Not terribly crazy about the ending. I don't want to say it's the abruptness but there just something...missing about it. I can't put my hoof on it.
Notes Section
Gah, why can't I do grammar this good?!? If there is a mistake I don't see it. I agree with Habanc about the use of the " a white alicorn stepped in mud" line. Something you might see in an epic poem...
(Nine hoofs out of ten)
5034888
Cool. I'll get to reading your story in a sec.
Do you mind if I do a let's read of your story on Youtube?
5064632
:O You kiddin'? I don't mind at all!
5035601 Cool.
I hath reviewed a thing!
5065290 I just uploaded my reading for your story.Here.
5092311
Awesome! Thanks muchly.
Nice story- latte punch sent me here! From youtube.
Good world-building in this! :)
5110839
Thank you, friend :D
As always ya' paint a scene and roll with it. I really liked the brevity of this piece felt like no word went to waste and that all the silly fluff authors like to use was cut out.
Thanks for killing some time before i went into work bro.
> Sees epic description.
> Reads epic tale.
> Although reason stated, author ends at a moment where the reader would have to stay up and only imagine what would happen next.
Wonderful story. You put my thoughts of making stories to shame.
Whoa. Excellent work in the mythic tone and grim implications. I'm very glad the Angels pointed me here, and I regret not reading it earlier.
¡Ewe! ¡Celestia determines whether something is poop or not by tasting it!
That cliffhanger... D:
There's some beautifully crafted imagery here, done in an efficient manner. Poetic, really, in that it uses the best words in the best order, and nothing more. That said, I'm not sure how I feel about the ending. This story is told in a way where, if the names were changed, it would work perfectly as original fiction. In that case, what happens after the ending would be completely up in the air. But because this is pony, we know that Luna lives, then becomes Nightmare, etc. Unless this is set in an alternate universe? It doesn't really matter in the end, because I can't shake the feeling that the story stopped instead of ending. For that matter, one could say that it started rather than beginning, that it reads as an excerpt from a longer tale as opposed to a short story.
But I still like it. This has sat on my Read Later shelf for years now. This is odd to me, because I've been following you for some time, yet this appears to be the first story of yours that I've read? At least this story shows that I had good reason for following you. It's a shame that you don't write pony stories anymore, but that does still leave me the back catalogue peruse.
8162119
Yeah, this story is sort of representative of me as a writer – I can put the words in the right order but that's all I can do, so longform stories with intricate plots are just beyond me. I like my character pieces though, but I don't pretend it's anything more than a short vignette.
Also, you're not alone in disliking the ending. I just didn't think there was anything left to really say.
Thanks for reading, but thanks even more for commenting. Comments are my favourite thing about fimfiction.
(also there might be more stories coming Soon (tm) if that interests you)
Lovely work in a wee package. There's a lovely grim, mythic tone to it, and admirably sets up a lot of grief for Celestia and Luna down the line. Not too shabby, Pear.