Fuzzy Frisks FiMFiction 10/2/14 · 7:21am Oct 2nd, 2014
Fuzzy Frisks FiMfiction
Hello once again, pony readers!
Time for more of Fuzzy Frisks FiMfiction! Sorry I didn’t get this out last weekend, but some IRL stuff got in the way and I had to keep pushing it back. This coming weekend I should have some more fics reviewed and presented for your edification on where to spend your valuable time.
Why I read it: I added this to my Read Later list because it’s the first thing Pearple’s put out in a while. Also, according to the description it’s a propmt for the Lunestia collab that got away from him and I know a thing or two about prompts that get away from you and become something more.
What’s the deal: A young Celestia and Luna venture into the Whitetail Wood in pursuit of the Star Eater, a monstrous magic-eating dragon.
The cost of victory is greater than either could have expected.
A short story originally written for the Lunestia Prompt Tag Collab that deviated from the original intent quite spectacularly.
Just a short thing to refresh my old writing skills. ^-^
Now, going into this, I have a bit of an idea where this is likely to go. Pearple Prose has an enviable style and dryness to his prose that makes it feel very crisp and paced. He also has a very firm grasp on world building in general. Sometimes he can be a bit short for his own good and his already tight, almost threadbare descriptions can suffer for it.
The story takes place during the reign of Discord in the area of the whitetail woods. Is the Whitetail Woods an actual canonized location in Equestria? I’ve seen it a few times in other fics that have a set of deer OCs, so, maybe it is? Or maybe it’s just a popular fan locale. It doesn’t really matter in the long run here, Pearple wastes no time in getting to the meat and potatoes of the fic: Luna and Celestia armored up and walking through a strong set piece, rather like a diorama where the action is hinted at and the small slice you are being shown is lurking in its shadow.
The first scene does this almost perfectly. The only fault I can really find is the lack of details given to the woods itself. The princesses banter back and forth as they slink through the woods and it does a very good job of presenting Pearple’s take on the two alicorns of old: Celestia is grounded in reality and relatable while Luna is mystical and detached.
The second scene is a bit harder to feel out, for me. The Sisters meet the god of the Whitetail Woods and they name their prey: The Star Eater. IT would appear to be some abominable creation of Discord’s that eats...pretty much whatever it can, including magic. It seems the Star Eater has weakened the forest god and he can’t help the alicorns out anymore than conjuring up a light orb that will lead them to the beast.
The world building is strong and goes heavy on the mystical side of things, but I feel it lacks in the dialogue area. Celestia drops it down into formal style, which feels off given how she’s already been displayed and Luna seems too angry at the spirit for not helping them more than it does. The forest god itself feels a little weak because it seems to change tone every time it talks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool character, but it doesn’t feel fully realized yet.
After that we come to my biggest gripe about this fic. Remember when I said this fic is like a diorama that hints at action? That non-action angle hits home as the fic closes out. The Star Eater makes a grand entrance and gives the princesses its version of “come at me, bro” and then BAM! Next scene!
The fight is implied and that kind of sucks, I was looking forward to this thing getting a godly ass-whuppin’. The princesses are built up, subtly, as these badass warriors and then we get a scene of Celestia carrying a wounded Luna away from the carnage. There is some oddly beautiful imagery there, but it ends all too suddenly with Celestia trying to care for Luna and the vague implication that it was this event that lead to Luna’s eventual transformation into Nightmare Moon.
Is it worth your time: Yes, it is worth your time. It’s short and extremely atmospheric with tight characterization(except for the forest god) and not a single grammatical error I could find. If you’ve never read Pearple Prose’s work before, Solace is a good primer.
Why I read it: I saw this one pop-up near the start of September and the description triggered my curiosity. I’m no fan of HiE, but this looks like something a bit different with humans as the precursors to ponies.
What’s the deal: Shortly after the defeat of Tirek, Princess Celestia began conducting a series of controlled and discreet experiments with a diverse family of potion types, one that allowed their alicorn users to safely witness and analyze events of the past. On the eve of the last of these such trials, a particularly potent potion among the others transports the Princess to a mysterious event far earlier in time than she had originally intended. 50,000 years earlier, in fact.
Now she's in the presence of a group of funny-looking hornless minotaurs wearing business suits.
Here we are again in the ‘familiar’ territory of reading a piece from an author I’ve not had any experience with. Looks safe though, Izanagi has a good number of followers and more than a dozen fics under his/her belt. So let’s get started!
Hmmm...ok, so it’s in first person and the basic setup seems to be Celestia is testing the potion that Twilight got from Zecora that showed her visions of the past in the Season 4 opener. This thing does have the Comedy tag, right?
Yes, it does. Plus the Random and Slice of Life and Human tags...this is going to be something.
Well, the Random tag is in full effect from the start as Celestia finds herself in a boardroom that is both illuminated but defined by it’s shadows, according to the descriptions the author is mixing together. Oh look, an overt Team Fortress 2 reference and we’re not even more than a dozen choppy paragraphs in. The whole setting screams heartless corporation pretty loudly, and I’m not one to talk, but I’ve been in rather a few such boardrooms, and there are not snack tables in them unless there is something special going on.
Also, nitpick in the first: if it is an uninteractable vision of the past, how does Celestia smell the cake? Nitpick in the second: how in the hay is Celestia coming up with being 50,000 years in the past and why is that impossible? Nitpick in the third - actually, you know what, forget it. I’ll just try to go with the flow.
This is not how human conversation works. It’s also not how comedy works. This is how Family Guy does ‘humor,’ by making endless references to other popular cultural topics or entertainment. Team Fortress 2, MEMES, pvp, movies...sigh.
And Celestia...what is wrong, princess? You go from dense and dumb to completing great leaps of logic without any supporting data. You are the reader’s conduit to the story and you make no sense. That’s just tragic.
Pinkie Pie shows up for no reason which is the absolute worst way to use her, she adds nothing to the scene, not even an added layer of mystery. She’s just...there. The writing is technically ok, except for the dialogue. It’s horrible. Just count the exclamation points if you want to really amuse yourself because there is no Comedy here. There is no Slice of Life. All there is in this fic is Random and Human and not even the good kind.
Is it worth your time: This fic is not worth your time. Go read something else. Celestia and Pinkie Pie are misused and either mildly to wildly OOC, Celestia’s narration is just bonkers and not even remotely funny, and the cool premise is dragged through the mud. Humans as a precursor to ponies is a cool concept when done right and this fic does not do it right. There are too many unexplained holes in the story to keep it afloat and the description is spaztic in it’s level of detail.
This could have been cool and still an actual comedy, but as it is, it’s neither.
tl;dr: Read Solace. Don’t read Meet Your Makers.
Stay classy
-Fuzzy
WhiteTailWoods is a canonical location near Ponyville. It is the nice forest as opposed to the bad forest EverFree. The Falling of the Leaves take place there. Most of the friends of FlutterShy live there. The CutieMarkCrusaders crusade there frequently.
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Huh. Learn something new everyday.
Thanks for the heads up!
Great review! I pretty much agree with all of your points, although I choose to defend my decision to skip the fight scene because fight scenes in fiction are dogshit.
It was really hard to find a voice for the forest god during writing as you can plainly see. I felt like I was just treading old tropes I've already used before, so I was much more insecure writing that scene than I was with tge opening.
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As someone that has written fight scenes in fiction, I totes agree. I was just looking forward to the beat down. I like the Warrior Celestia trope.
It is absolutely tragic that the humor, pacing and prose to the second story were so bad. That use of the potion of scrying could have been damn cool.
You know who could write good fight scenes in fiction? Louis L'amour.
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L'Amour was one of the great classics. I've read more than a few of his books and they were solid. Particularly the action scenes. They were best when they were quick and fast paced.