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Diamond Tiara reflects back on her short but happy marriage to Silver Spoon. Both ponies have had hardships to endure to get this far, and some regrets over how they treated others in the past, but their lives as adults are not the same from how they were in the past. Yet in some cases, the past cannot be ignored. Or set right again.
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I like this fic, thank you for writing it.
Well, that opened the flood gates. Is this really your first fiction? Awesome!
That was pretty messed up stuff. I really want to see more of where this goes, but even if it doesn't I have to say I really loved what you set up here, that punchline at the end was adorable as well.
Fantastic job on this. I can imagine Filthy as the type who buries himself in his work to avoid talking about his feelings or admitting something bothers him. Having to keep the business afloat and staying strong and confident in front of his daughter probably felt right to him, but boy did he miss out. Did more harm than good...
Here's hoping we eventually do see the reunion chapters. This certainly has my attention!
Congrats on your first story!
That was wow. I really like what you did with Twist.
Could use a bit more exposition on some parts that tell us how the ponies have matured over what their filly-selves were. Would have been pleasant to show us what the inside looked like a bit clearer, though not really important so the School intro seems alright. Though it sounds like the school house is going to be super cramp from how small it's implied.
This chapter was great. Really liked that moment at the end, no child should ever have to go through that. Cheerilee and DT having a back and forth like that was pretty nice. I like this Cheerilee.
Now that was a promising start. Already she found a way to mutually benefit herself and two others with hardly a try. lol Business mare indeed!
Scoots is pretty awesome in this, doing all that stuff with Rumble (whose cooler for sticking it out with her when he could of been solo) despite her shortcomings.
We need a Diamond Tiara hoofpump picture.
This is a really cute fanfic that is really nice for evolving new head canons and for even more fanfic ideas for other authors. As for your question, I would suggest Silver Spoon and see how she deals with either Babs or Sweetie Belle. :)
Poor Silver. And damn, hopefully those two contrasting opinions from DT to Scoots and Silver to Rumble don't mess things up.
Silver's parents are just rather horrible though, geez. To even go so far as to say those things about Rumble, damn.
Not sure why this wonderful story is being ignored. Rather dumb in my honest opinion, I suppose Silver Spoon fans hate Silver Spoon if she isn't breaking Diamond's heart in some way. Not enough Silver putting DT in her place I'd imagine.
Seriously, story is only getting better. Their loss, whatever.
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I personally think it isn't necessary to put down Diamond Tiara or even redeem Silver Spoon to write Silver as a pony with personality beyond childish antagonist. She doesn't have to grovel for forgiveness from the CMCs to become sympathetic (even beyond their stint as Gabby Gums, I wonder if the CMC themselves are regarded sympathetically by most of Ponyville. I can imagine the property damage they cause on a daily basis). So I tried to keep Diamond and Silver reasonably human. They aren't going to beg everyone they tormented to forgive them, they still do have their dignity and pride. But like adults, they aren't proud of their more childish mistakes. And since they both care about eachother, they aren't going to criticize one another for it since they know it applies to both.
I personally don't like Apple Bloom very much either, and I'd like to see more conflict. (Not full out fighting, maybe just a not-so-friendly dibate)
I think that introducing the old characters as adults is genius, but maybe wait one or twiore chapters before going on to Snips, Snails, anyone else in the class. But I'm in love with this story, and the really catchy chapter names ;)
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I probably won't be able to flesh out every old classmate, especially since their number has varied over the seasons.
To tell the truth, I think the chapter names are a bit corny. But sometimes I just need to get a chapter out and don't want to waste time when the meat of the chapter is already done.
Very interesting cant wait for the mext chapter
whoa. That got real. Apple Bloom needs to watch out, seems all that propaganda has blinded her to what her Uncle really is...
Sweet, Babs got some screen time. If any pony were to be at least okay about the whole lesbian thing, it'd be an old friend at least. Those two seem to have opened up a lot during those weeks they spent together.
This chapter was depressingly short. But I guess it'd be dumb to stick around in a place where Pinch might wanna use her own advice and go for that tea. Which could hit DT or land on Silver. Yeesh...
And yeah, DT could of handled that better. Somehow. But dang if Pinchy didn't know what buttons to push. Geez, Dink and BP got it the worst it seems, and quite a nice way of showing off how some people handle being bullied.
I think that since Diamond realized her mistakes and actually took the blame, she is much more of an adult than Berry. However, Diamond was still a freaking brat up until her probably late teens.
Also, thank you for giving me a new character to hate...........I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. ;)
I'd say Barry should be given sympathy because she was a victim as well
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Nope. She's the worst kind of bully, the sort who knows what she's making her victims go through and revelling in it.
Di should have gone for the tea herself. I just hope she doesn't leave entirely; if she does, I fear it'll all blow up and be "her fault" by the time Berry's done.
Really good chapter!!! This whole fanfiction is killing me! It's just too good, honestly. And-wait....do you hear that? Oh yeah, it's me crying loud enough to wake up the entire world. Yep. Still loved this though!!
But FYI I would change this to Teen if I were you, hence some things in this chapter get a little
1. Adult-Dramatic
2. Referencing adult themes (not directly) but because if you were younger you most likely won't know what 'conceived' means but
Just thinkin' (your fanfic, your rules. My words are suggestions
)
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I can understand your concern for the rating, because it does include a fair amount of injustice and backstabbing that wouldn't make it into any ordinary children's book. But as to the birds and the bees, I'm not so certain. I knew of them at an early age and the media in my country doesn't censor the facts of life nearly as much as some other places. I think it comes down to whether the mods of FIMfiction maintain American or European guidelines on some topics.
Whoa... Pinch needs a buck to the face to make that pain she's faking with some genuine hurt. That is so messed up.
Loved Babs moment. But dang,
Great chapter! More people need to check this one out! xD
Diamond Tiara is now Draco Malfoy
That opens up a lot of possibilities. And rawr, Diamond seems to have opened up a can there with Rarity. I'd love to see Apple Bloom's face if she found her own sis was a filly fooler. Rarity's lucky Diamond hooked up with Silver, she may have pursued Rarity anyways. xD
Dang, Mayor Mare is so spiteful. If this stuff keeps up the one behind all the vandalism will get bolder to a point they might throw a brick through window even if DT and SS end up inside. Hate crimes can be quite traumatizing. Looking forward to the next chapter. ^^
Wow, I begin to think Mayor Mare "screw up" their marriage on purpose.
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Funny that you should mention bricks through the window. You'll just have to see how right your assumptions are.
Although I would like some sexy time with Alula, I think DT has to much pride to accept the deal. Be faithful to your wife pls.
wow. well THAT was a route I wasn't expecting. things just got complicated.
I have no words to add to this chapter.
This is long overdue, and I apologize. College exams kick you in the rump. I hope you're not upset I'm only going through the first chapter, also, because I do have my reasons. Either way, I'm MissyAngel from WRITE, and as you requested, I'm here to review what I can of your story.
First chapters should not judge what the story's quality is. However, a first impression still needs to be strong in order to keep up the anticipation of the readers, so they'll want to read more. This chapter showcases decent writing, especially when it's your first story her, and I always appreciate good starts. Especially when they're not as bad as one might expect. The writing came across as pretty good overall. However, there are some things that can throw this impression off.
A huge problem I see is that there's a lot of backstory detailing what happened in this one chapter. I'm sure the audience would love to know what happened with Diamond and her father, and the background itself does seem very sad. However, if it's given right at the start, not only do you take time on backstory as opposed to the present story, but tossing info dumps into the first chapter can be downright boring if not done properly. We can't quite feel the emotions as strongly if the whole story is given to us in a single exposition. A good way to do it is by giving us the story piece-by-piece throughout the story. Not so much to make it seem like a mystery, but to keep us wondering more on the background of Diamond Tiara's relationship with her father or Silver's with her parents. If this doesn't seem that important to put like that, then simply minimize what was written down, because if it takes most of the first chapter, it's disappointing that we only see so little going in the present with these two characters.
We get so much of what happened before I can't quite get into these characters yet. Will they in the second chapter? Hopefully. But a lot of reviewers focus mostly on the first chapter not because it summarizes the whole story, but it's a greeting to the reader, and you want it to be the best.
Other small nitpicks are just that--and they're centered mostly around grammar. There are a few run-on sentences and a little problem with the dialogue. Like I said, it's small, but it's still somewhat important to point out, since writers should know how to write things out properly:
For narration continuing beyond the dialogue, if it's addressing who's speaking, put a common if it's a period.
Also to note:
First off, perhaps this is just a personal preference (sorry if that's the case), but 'seemingly' never seems like an appropriate word to use 90% of the time. Especially when it's obvious she does notice. Also, what does she notice about her wife? Is she staring off into space? Poking at her soup with her spoon? Details are important to the surrounding environment to add taste and style to the story.
Overall, I can't say much else about this because, like I said, there's not much going on in the present. It's all narration on previous events. Which can be a bad thing if it takes up most of the first chapter. Anyway, I'll try my best to see if there's anything else in the next chapters to review, but I can't make promises. I hope this helped you out in some way.
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I apologize for not getting back to your sooner, but the holidays took a lot of my time. Firstly, thanks for your response. Don't feel bad if you think it was overdue. My reply here is to.
Concerning infodumps, I can see the problem. I don't believe I have spoiled Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's entire history in the first chapter, and there is sufficient in later chapters to develop on the premise, and some parts I wanted to establish for the first chapter. It is, indeed, exposition before the main characters begin interacting with the rest of the characters.
About run on sentences, I do not know if it is a language thing. I'm not from an English speaking country, so there may be a difference in standards with American English. But admittedly, this isn't something I paid attention to when reading books in the past in any language. I'm not sure if I can get used to changing my writing to conform to that rule easily.
The third point, on the pointlessness of the word 'seemingly', I have to say it seems rather silly indeed when put under a microscope. Especially in the contexts of its use. If I ever do a rewrite of that chapter, it's the first thing I'd change to gave it actual purpose.
Is this still continuing? Just curious how you're holding up. I kinda miss reading this story's Silver and Diamond drama with the ponies in town. Was hoping we'd eventually see what's up with Apple Bloom and others.
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I have simply had a few months where work has been draining and writing has ground to a halt, but I do hope to finish the story. There are a fair amount of ideas I hope to put to paper in due time, and that would require continuing Silver and Diamond's story. Knowing someone is still interested should incentivize me to do so sooner rather than later.
6036892 Ugh, yes. summer brings with it more demand and strain on workers. Glad to hear there's still interests in continuing this wonderful story.
Wish you the best!
I can't stop laughing.
This was beautiful and true to life for a same sex couple. Tragic yet I can see how their hardships have made their bond stronger.
you do my OTP beautifully!
I love that
is on good terms with Silver and Diamond. Sure its because Diamond thought she was too easy a target but i bet know both DT and SS are glad they hadn't been cruel to her.
I wonder if Twist knows her mother is a freaking Secret Agent!
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YES WE DO!
Diamond has a good point. They all 5 or 6 including Babs have done horrible things they regret. It would be hypicritical for them to hold grudges against each other.
i am loving this story soooo much!
Scoots is not Hoofticaped she's hoofticapable! I love how Diamond was positive influence on our favorite little stunt mare!
ugh, these past couple months have not been kind. I can't believe I let that update slip past me. I feel bad now. ><
Thank goodness though, I could use a pick me up from one of my favorite DiamondSpoon fics. <3
Thanks for the update!
it's my headcanon that Silver love's to tease much like Pinkie and Dash like to prank ponies.
Oh THAT is awesome! letting Silver be someponyelse's confidant other then Diamond's.
lol now THAT was an awesome Babs Seed. A very mature and natural take on her. I love it!
Loved the callback to one of Diamond's actions with Alula. It's good she feels guilty, shows she really regrets it. I'm sure Silver would understand the things DT did for her sake. She probably wouldn't forgive or forget, but she'd work to get past it. Maybe. I suppose it's all on how it comes out. Would suck if Alula played dirty down the road. But that mare got what she wanted so who knows.
Still, though, that Babs. DT is such a flirt. Though Silver wasn't helping much with that. lol xD
Kinda wonder if DT and SS would be in for a "I'll do your gay thing if you two do the straight thing. Me BF and I, join both of you's." SS and DI's reactions would be priceless. Now to wait and see if anyone makes a fan AU scene to this chapter. ;P
But seriously, Silver really has had it rough. I can't imagine what it must have been like to grow up with such people who so willingly disown their own children over a sexual preference. ><
it's sad that the one pony who gave Zecora a chance is now a borderline racist who hates Diamond and Silver more for their sexual orientation and imitation of Canterlot "Unicorn snobs" rather then their taunts as fillies.
It's also sad that i can't disagree with your logic. Applebloom used to be my fav filly back in the day, but somehow Silver Spoon replaced her as "best pony" in my heart.
She really is the most ignorant, gullible, and susceptible to outside influence. I mean one afternoon with Dash turned into her life's pursuit to try everything once and move on once she failed. Wait.. is she still a blank flank?
I don't think Scoots mark was mentioned either, but it sounds like she knows where her talent lies.
I think Diamond restrained herself rather well, considering if the person who plays my DT on tumblr ever heard Silver being called shallow, that pony would be on the floor in one way or another.
As far as blame goes, we can play that game all day. DT's mom made Diamond a bully, Diamond made Silver a bully, and together they helped make Berry Pinch into a bully.
But Diamond and Silver grew up, moved on, didn't let their past or their grievances with their parents and classmates define or consume them.
Berry Pinch is a hypocrite (so is Silver on the subject of eaves dropping LOL) she is going after two ponies who share the same problems she has with her own mother.
and that comment about Derpy's passing, she deserved allot more then luke warm coffee in the face.
i know things are only going to get harder for our happy couple from here on in, But I LOVE Silver's pet name for Diamond. "Sugar Lump" *squee*
to bad the first time she used it in the story was at the point where it all went down hill.
So I guess Scoots talked.
so repressing a stool pigeon joke hereDammit, things were going so well till Berry and Bloom bucked everything up.My heart goes out to Diamond and Silver. I only hope Rarity's gift can help them out of this hole.
this is one of those damned if you do damned if you don't deals. And I fear Alula will want much more to keep her silence. As she said, she is the jealous bachelorette.
I'm worried what kind of trouble Silver could get into if the business fails but if she walks out now they would loose their house. I suppose the honest thing to do is walk out, hope Alula was bluffing, and prepare to move back into Filthy's mansion (that should be an option, he's hardly there himself) till they can get back on their hooves.
Silver needs to look for entry level work. being a staying at home house wife is useless if she doesn't have a house or a home.
on top of all this, I wonder if anypony besides Rairty supports them.
so that would make him a Sheriff in wild west terms. Where the mayor just puts a badge on some guy and all of a sudden he's the law.
However I can't say i care that Applebloom is being forcibly detained for questioning. She is a horrible bigot after all.
You forgot Earth Pony serfdom and or slavery. because we KNOW that happened. It was obvious that Earth Ponies were treated as lesser beings and expected that they provide food for the other races with little to no compensation.
I am inclined to accept all of this as new head canon, because no society is perfect, not even Equestria.
"Why miss Twilight are you trying to seduce me?"
Excellent!