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Twilight Sparkle may believe in Pinkie Pie's myriad abilities, but when an opportunity to study them from a perspective she never thought possible arises, how can she resist the chance at the understanding she's always truly wanted? More importantly, can Ponyville survive the trade-off necessary for this opportunity?
Alright, time to wade into the murky waters of actually writing fanfiction. With a story that was born of the strange and simple thought: "why are all the 'trading places' stories about Applejack and Rainbow Dash?" Ooooooh, this will not end well. 
Now, most of my writing experience is in either participating in or hosting competitive fanfiction tournaments with time-limited rounds, so it is entirely possible that I do things in entirely the wrong way. So I implore any who read this story to please, be ruthless. I can take it. 
Well, you got me interested, so imma keep an eye on dis nao.
"and let's face it, with a name like Twilight Sparkle, you probably shouldn't hang out with vampires." LOL
I wasn't expecting that at all...
So for criticism, it's written well. I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors in there (although I wasn't looking very hard =P), and it's a neat concept. I don't know if Twlight switching with Pinkie has ever been done before (I'm sure it has), but I haven't ever read one. I don't really think that Pinkie would react so harshly to Twilight saying she might not understand something, but this is coming from my head canon, and not the actual canon in the show, so if you have evidence that she would, feel free to prove me wrong. That's my only complaint so far. I will be watching this to see where it goes.
Also, the awkward moment when Pinkie is more powerful than Twilight incoming. Calling it now.
Looks promising.
Though in the end, it depends on what exactly the spell does.
Switch minds?
Switch memories?
Form a temporary hivemind? (That would be a scary possibility, methinks. Take two most mentally unstable ponies and merge them into one consciousness? The world was not ready.)
Very good start. Sounds like this will be a fun one.
Also, I have to disagree with you. I don't believe there is any wrong way to write fiction. Editors may think that. *Glares at his editor.* As a fellow writer, I don't think there is any wrong way to write. ... My English teachers hated me.
First of all, I am glad to see that you're writing a Twinkie story after all, Krizak! Jolly good show!
Secondly, you've got a good thing going here! Shoot, son, you really reeled me in. I'm excited to see where this goes!
As far as critique goes, I don't have much to say so far. You've got good characterization, your pacing is good, and your formatting is easy to read. You forgot an f in "of" in this section, "And she knew that Pinkie would be feeling everything about her, and she suddenly felt a twinge o panic..." but that's easy enough to fix.
Can't wait to read more! 
OK, one thing:
"But before the panic took overtake"
The -take part here is redundant. Either switch these two words for "overtook", "overwhelmed" or change it to "took over". Besides which, overtake is as I recall present tense, whereas the text is otherwise using past tense.
Gosh, listen to me, I sound like Twilight. 
It's a small thing, but being in the last paragraph made it stand out.
Other than that it's a pretty good start, just keep an eye out for things like that. It really bugs some people.
I really like what i see thus far.
"she could feel everything about Pinkie Pie: the laughter, the songcraft, the insecurities that she held deep under the surface," <---- i'm a lil worried about this sentence here, but considering that the dark category hasn't been selected, i will push those fears away.
Also if this guy likes it, >>477667 you've got to be doing something good.
Hope to see more soon!
Starlitomega
I kind of extrapolated it from both Pinkie's insecurities shown in "Party of One," as well as when she takes offence to not being considered responsible by Twilight in "Baby Cakes." It probably got jumbled up a bit in my head as well, but that's honestly what the Pinkie in me said when Twilight said that.
...darn it, why am I tempted to go with the hivemind route now? Oh, well, maybe another time... (
FOR THE SWARM)
I should hope two thousand words shouldn't keep you up too late (and you need your sleep for the big wedding tomorrow).
I just wasn't sure if my experience writing under ridiculous deadlines and then being judged with that deadline in mind would translate over well to a more... relaxed venue, but it seems to have gone alright. 
Sorry, sir, I am the administrator of the Twinkie group, after all. Rest assured that the crazy consequences of this spell will likely overshadow any romantic aspects of the story, at least at first.
What, you don't think a bit o' Irish accent fits my story? Well, alright... *fixes*
Having you watching me is almost intimidating - you are one of the kings of TwiPie - but I shall endeavour to make you proud!
YOU WILL GET MOAR! ...as soon as I write it. I'm not the fastest author in the world, but I hope to have a second, longer chapter out sometime in this upcoming week. (No, I totally won't regret those words, not at all...)
Oh, trust me, that sort of thing bugs me, and it bugs me that I missed it. (It was actually supposed to be "could overtake.") Thank you for pointing it out to me; it has been rectified.
Haha, but you have failed to account for the Sudden Dark Tag Out of Nowhere!
No, no, I'm talking more "Party of One" and less Cupcakes.
>>Everybody
Thank you for all your feedback and interest so far! I hope that I live up to the trust you have placed in me!
Now everybody go to bed! You have to be up for ponies tomorrow!
I kind of extrapolated it from both Pinkie's insecurities shown in "Party of One," as well as when she takes offence to not being considered responsible by Twilight in "Baby Cakes." It probably got jumbled up a bit in my head as well, but that's honestly what the Pinkie in me said when Twilight said that.
Professor Piggy and I have been having an extended convo about Pinkie and her insecurities and, for whatever it's worth, we both have interpretations of Pinkie that line up pretty well with what you're saying here. In particular, I think Pinkie gets uniquely insecure/defensive when she thinks Twilight is acting condescending towards her--just scope out "Griffon the Brush-Off," "Baby Cakes," parts of "MMMystery on the Friendship Express." Maybe it's 'cause Twi can be extra condescending, maybe Twi's intelligence can be intimidating, maybe it's just that Pinkie cares extra about Twi's opinion ... I dunno, but there's SOMETHING there.
I will leave a proper review when I am not so dead tired (it is far past my bedtime), but I really dig this chapter. Very promising!
Primo: Thank you for spelling Owloysius' name right!
Secundo: I approve of Pinkie's nod to and aversion towards sparkling vamponies.
Terzo: I am impressed you included the accent circonflex on "coup de grâce."
Quarto: Good for Twilight making Pinkie Pie make agree to those rules. And good for Pinkie in return for her rules, though at this point, as far as we can tell from her opinion of Twilight, our Miss Sparkle's character design is strictly Canon/Fanon. Don't overthink things and have some fun for once, you stick-in-the-mud. I look forward to seeing both their characters develop.
Verdetto: I'm excited to see where you're taking this. Four out of five for a solid beginning. 
Ultimo: *muttering as I pen a note to self* Track... this... NAO...
Poscritto: No, I don't speak Italian. It's late at night, and I'm getting weird. 
And it's not my fault my roommate has un dizionario. 
Great so far, but in the 5th paragraph which comes right after the single line "Jump into the air and scream like a little filly." In the first sentence "Shh! You'll wake up Spike!" the pink intruder whispered loud enough to wake the sleeping dragon herself,...." You appear to have changed up Spikes gender. Have yet to notice any other mistakes, also tracking.
Edit: Owloysius is spelled correctly, but it depends on which one you want to use, Lauren Faust clarified that "His name is spelled 'Owlowiscious', though 'it probably should have been Owloysius'", Hasbro uses the latter, but I personally prefer Lauren's spelling of it.
Very interesting! I do like Pinkie's admonition that Twilight has to use her magic to have fun and help other ponies laugh, because that's at the very essence of Pinkie's magic.I think Pinkie Pie shows a great deal of self-awareness in this scene. Looking forward to the next part!
I love that feeling you get when you stumble across something special
I know you said to be ruthless, but to be honest, I can't really think of anything to criticise... or at least, nothing that hasn't already been mentioned. The plot is intriguing, the pacing is good and Pinkie and Twilight are perfectly in character ('cross-referencing historical mentions of advanced transformative spells with their modern counterparts'. Sounds thrilling, Twilight). It's funny as well- Pinkie's line about vampires really cracked me up! Lately I feel like I've been reading nothing but sadfics, so this is a nice change of pace.
I hope this gets featured. It deserves it 
I'm interested to see what else happens here *gasp* THIS WOULD MKE A PERFECT EPISODE!!!!!!!! TWI COULD LEARN ABOUT FRIENDSHIP BY TRADING PLACES WITH PINKIE!!!!!!!! IT WOULD BE PERFECT
Needless to say, I enjoyed the story. Krushnazag is pleased mortal. CONTINUE!
Hmmm.... Pinkie Pie with unicorn magic. I'm fine with this, because unicorn magic has it's own set of rules which make sense in-universe - so Pinkie is actually being _limited_ in her capacity for chaos... However, I do recognise that being limited generally forces people to get inventive, and in Pinkie's case, I doubt anything good can come of that. As for Twilight being granted reality altering capabilities and the capacity to ignore the fourth wall... eh, she was going to turn into a mad scientist sooner or later. I'm sure her friends won't mind providing test subjects _too_ much.
Let the madness BEGIN!!!
Interesting, very interesting.
My only question is if the "everything" is well defined and easy to understand what "this" and "that" would be. It'd be kinda funny if everything was labeled. Think about it.
A floating label or sign, stating "You Have Arrived at Deep Dark Secret Corner!"
Hi! I'm back! Congrats on making the featured box! Okay, so, SO much potential for awesome in this story. I'm really excited to see where this will go. Here are some bits I liked from this chapter.
So engrossed was Twilight in her studies that she failed to notice when her aimless little tune picked up a second part, harmonising seamlessly with her own.
That's cute. Ridiculously cute. I can't stop smiling at the visualization of them humming their little song, with Twilight completely oblivious. Also, SYMBOLISM.
"Shh! You'll wake up Spike!" the pink intruder whispered loud enough to wake the sleeping dragon herself, and Twilight managed to calm herself enough to notice that her unexpected visitor wasn't a terrible book thief, but simply Pinkie Pie.
Ha! That's just perfect. Pinkie's concern for waking Spike, Pinkie's loudness while expressing said concern, "terrible book thief."
"What!?" Pinkie shouted, a horrified expression on her face. "There's a pony who doesn't know what baking is? Quick, Twilight, point me to this poor pieless pony, so that I..." A glare from Twilight made Pinkie trail off. "Oh, right, that was a metaphor, wasn't it?"
"A simile, actually, but yes."
Hee. I really like the Twi/Pinkie dynamic you're developing here. Their dialogue feels very in-character (Twilight's, especially), and they play well off one another.
"And in exchange... My rules: have fun! Help others have fun! And do not, under any circumstances, think everything over twice!"
HA! Love! This is some brilliant Pinkie dialogue.
In an instant, Twilight released the power she had been building up, and for a moment, she could feel everything about Pinkie Pie: the laughter, the songcraft, the insecurities that she held deep under the surface, every feeling and thought and fleeting desire the pink party pony held.
This is a very nice touch. Both what the spell does and your description of what Twilight feels. And, as mentioned above, I agree with you that Pinkie has quite a number of insecurities.
Two bits I had thinky thoughts on:
It wasn't like she minded a visit from Pinkie — indeed, a part of her that she had been trying very hard to ignore for the past few months was ecstatic about seeing the pink party pony — but she could have done without the near heart attack.
Dunno what you have planned, but I'd really like to see some expansion on this in future chapters, how and why and when Twilight fell.
Logically, Twilight still knew that this was a bad idea, but between sleep deprivation, Pinkie’s silver tongue, and those traitorous thoughts in the back of her mind, she finally relented.
I do wonder if Twilight shouldn't have had more reluctance. She's possibly the most powerful magician in the kingdom right after Celestia and Luna, and she's logical and responsible enough to know that such powerful magic shouldn't be placed into the hooves of someone who has no experience with such magic. Just felt like she gave in a little too quick, even allowing for her tiredness, twitterpated state, etc.
I dunno, but there's SOMETHING there.
Cue "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast going through my mind, with Twilight as Belle and Pinkie as the Beast.
I'm almost obsessive about making sure words have their proper accents when necessary, for everything from cliché to coup de grâce to Pokémon.
As mentioned, the herself is referring to the "pink intruder"; I suppose it is a bit awkward, possibly because, though it's obviously Pinkie Pie, I haven't expressly said so at that point, and so assigning gender to the "pink intruder" is strange. I might see if I can rework the sentence, or I might just leave it and move on. IT'S A MYSTERY TO EVERYONE.
Yeah, that's now my favourite Instant Button.
I will admit, I had the same thought while writing, that Twilight was giving in too easily, but any attempt to have her be more reluctant and Pinkie Pie continue pleading with her felt like I was just dragging things out. In the end, the premise of the entire story was that this spell was going to be cast, so too much resistance against it happening felt off; instead, I had Twilight take a mitigation route with the promise she made Pinkie give her, since that eliminates some of the worst possibilities giving Pinkie her magic would allow, and Twilight knows that Pinkie won't break a promise.
Besides, Twilight casting big complex spells with only a little prompting has happened before: in "Sonic Rainboom," she worries about the complexity of the butterfly wing spell, but a single line from Rarity convinces her to do it; and in "It's About Time," Pinkie finds the time travel spell - one of the most dangerous things in existence, mind you - and Twilight casts it without a second thought. Twilight's special talent is magic, so casting complex spells is probably a challenge that she looks forward to throwing herself against.
Come to think of it, Pinkie actually found both of those spells... so I seem to have inadvertently have continued a trend of Twilight casting spells that Pinkie finds... Er, I mean, I totally noticed that trend before and expertly wove it into my narrative! Yes, that's right! (You guys are buying it, right?)
Story epicness = 9000+
9000+ = "Your Screwed"
[Reading off reviews]
- "If this story was a pony, I'd sleep wtih it.
- "Wow, a story about ME! Cool! I wonder what kind of fan fic this will turn out to be."
- "This incident wasn't FUNNY. Do you realize what I went through being Pinkie?!
- "Proplem Ponies?"
- I think thith will turn out to be thpethial!"
- "Trixie rules!"
- "I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!"
- "This story is 20% cooler than that other fanfic!"
- "This spawned a great idea...cutie mark crusader FANFIC WRITERS!!"
- "We're with sweetie!"
- "Isn't anypony worried about them?"
- "Eeyup"
- "Muffins!!"
- "Y'know, I remember this. I thought them two were actin' weird!"
- Me gusta...
Originally I supposed they'd share each other's memories, you know, full backstage pass into the other's mind. But a body change... that'd be weird. Interesting and weird. And I'm curious about the trade-off thing on the summary. I'll definitely be tracking this one
Well, well! After I read the
"In an instant, Twilight released the power she had been building up, and for a moment, she could feel everything about Pinkie Pie: the laughter, the songcraft, the insecurities that she held deep under the surface, every feeling and thought and fleeting desire the pink party pony held. And she knew that Pinkie would be feeling everything about her, and she suddenly felt a twinge of panic, knowing that those feelings she had been bearing for months would be laid open to Pinkie, a possibility she had never considered."
I told myself, "Ahhh, looks like this might be a romance fic!"
Only afterwards did I look at the tags to confirm it I know I read the tags...Don't know why it didn't even don on me until after I read them again. Huh....I blame the ear infection
Syntax side note:
The sentence containing "laid" is rather oddly pieced together, making me question whether or not it is the correct use of "lay", or if it should be "lie". Though, I can't really think of a simple revision without changing the entire sentence Oh passive sentences, why you so passive?
The simplest correction I would imagine is to change "laid" to "lain", since there is no direct object (much less an actor for the sentence).
And here is a picture that most accurately illustrates my reaction to this story:
I'ma gunna track. Here, you can has a gift!
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