The Cloudsdale Mafia

by CloverTales

Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Message To All Readers!!!: This is not even close to finished so please, If it dose not make sense now wait for more chapters to come out thank you!
-MrCloverleaf

The night air was cold and bitter as the sun had just begun to appear over the horizon. Soarin ran through the night as fast as he could, his adrenaline pumping and his mind racing, the events from mere minutes ago still running in his head. All Soarin could think about was Thunderlane’s cold, lifeless form. Spitfire’s limp body was still hung over Soarin’s sweaty shoulder. He tried flying but Spitfire was too heavy for him to stay steady in flight. The sun would soon be up and ponies about. He couldn’t be spotted near the crime scene since there was no proof that Thunderlane was involved in organized crime. Soarin ran faster up the street towards his apartment.

Soarin flung open his apartment door and ran inside, setting Spitfire down on his living room couch. He then ran into the kitchen and grabbed his phone.

“Hey baby, how you doing?” A female voice from behind him interrupted.

“Not now, Dashie. Something happened on the job tonight,” Soarin said angrily.

“What happened?” Rainbow Dash cooed as she playfully scratched Soarin’s back.

“You have to swear not to tell anyone,” Soarin demanded, turning around to face his girlfriend.

“Sure, anything for you, baby,” Rainbow Dash sensually, wrapping her arms around him.

“I shot Thunderlane,” Soarin said, frowning.

Rainbow Dash stepped back, unwrapping her arms from her boyfriend.

“Soarin why, what—why!?!” Rainbow Dash said, slapping Soarin.

The Pegasus staggered back, “I don’t have time to explain, just follow me,” he said, trying to reason with the now angry Rainbow Dash.

“You had better start making some sense,” Rainbow Dash threatened.

She followed Soarin to the living room, seeing the unconscious Spitfire still limp on the sofa.

“What is this!?!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she turned to face Soarin.

“Thunderlane was attacking her, so I shot him before he killed her,” Soarin quickly explained. “You better come with me. Once the Cloudsdale mafia figures out what happened to Thunderlane, they’re coming after us. We got to tell the other Wonderbolts before it’s too late.”

“Soarin… how could this happen?” Rainbow Dash said, a worried look creeping across her face.

“I don’t want to talk about it baby,” Soarin sighed.

Soarin slowly walked over to the phone.

“I need to call Lightning Dust,” Soarin mumbled as he dialed the wall phone in the kitchen.

Soarin brushed past his girlfriend as he quickly walked to the bedroom. He quickly ran to the window and hurredly closed the blinds. He went over to his closet, pulled out a shoebox from under a pile of clothes and carefully took the lid off. He lifted the Glock out of the box and cocked back the mechanism, making a resounding click.

“You never told me you had a gun, Soarin,” Rainbow Dash said disapprovingly as she watched from the door.

“I don’t want to use it,” Soarin said with a determined look, “but if those mafia agents come here, then we need to defend ourselves.”

Soarin walked over to the window and slightly opened the curtains. He sees the dark form of Lightning Dust coming into the complex from the street. Soarin ran down the stairs and intercepted the Wonderbolt at the complex door.

“Hey Soarin, what’s up? You ready for tomorrows flight –wha!?!” Lighting Dust exclaimed, getting cut off by Soarin as he flung her inside.

“Did you talk to anyone on the way here?” Soarin demanded.

“Uh, no? What’s going on?” Lightning Dust questioned as Soarin led her through the apartment door.

“Just… look.” Soarin said softly, pointing at the couch where Spitfire’s limp form still resided.

Lightning Dust ran over to Spitfire with a shocked look. Soarin watched as the Wonderbolt bent over the body of Spitfire with tears in her eyes. Rainbow Dash walked up to Soarin with a sad look on her face.

“Should we let her rest?” Lightning Dust questioned, tears still in her brown eyes.

“What you mean rest? I don’t look that bad, do I?” A voice from the sofa interjected.

Everyone in the room turned to look at the couch.

“Spitfire!!!”

To Be Continued. . . . . .

Comments

[lordofmyth]

rainbow dashes rockets striaght to canterlot and tells celestia mafia were after them. royal elite guard gather them up to protect them, kill or capture mafia agents, and celestia finds the mob boss and incenerates him.

[CloverTales]

4911564 HAHAH I might just do that!! hanks for reading!

[CloverTales]

If any one has a idea they want me to write about tell me. Ill Write about anything. Anything. lol thanks for the support!

[CloverTales]

4913787 haha just realized that.

[Manes]

4914096 Maybe change it to "Oh Celestia!" but then again. It'll sound like he's having sex with her. So just say "holy crap" or something.

[CloverTales]

4914102 Alright thanks for the advice

[CloverTales]

4914102 May i ask. Overall did you like it. I wont be offended by any answer.

[Manes]

4914108 I'm afraid not. Errors were too distracting and the concept seems unbelievable in this story. Like Lordofmyth error filled comment said, Dash could seek Celestia for help and get rid of them in a flash. I mean... Rainbow is friends with her protégé for god's sake. Hell, Rainbow Dash can just go to her for help and she'll gather up the rest of the Elements to fight them off or in Twilight's way, reason with them.

My advice to you is stop writing and start reading well written stories for a while just enough for you to get the hang of grammar and how writing works. It's a good way to build your grammar into a better shape. Also it doesn't hurt to get an editor and pre-readers once in a while.

Don't feel shame like "aww, having an editor means I suck at writing, lel fuk them" no. We writers always need a helping hand no matter how good we are.

Because editors could see the errors we missed because we was too busy worrying about the plot (yes I know) and how the characters don't sound OOC. That we forgot to proofread our work when we're done.

Stop writing, read some stories then come back to this and you'll see the errors you made. Also it doesn't hurt to ask other authors on this site how they improved hell they can even give you some tips.

Last, I mean this. Never, neeeeeeever reject constructive criticism. Do not let your emotions get in the way of somebody trying to help you improve. Appreciate that their taking the time to explain to where you went wrong and how you can work on it.

I still am getting constructive criticism and I can't be happier that somebody is reading my work.

Also start with a simple story. Like Slice of life or comedy. Something memorable that happened in your life so that way it could be easier for you to write it. Never give up, keep writing, keep that calm attitude you have now and I know you'll get better with some help.

[CloverTales]

4914150 Thank you i will try to become better at this. This is my first and i was ready for critisism. Thanks for your help. * Might Retire Story *

[Manes]

4914225 No prob. Just remember to listen to help and get help.