Page generated in 0.032 seconds
Total duration
833 users online
1,509,296 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like it
s17.postimage.org/xmw6ovysb/3a40a9ba50fda4a490cd2615598e8895.jpg
Nice!
hell yea
good story so far,
Heavy can not wait for next update
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
Some corrections:
“Oh that’s right-the princess!” declared Spike.
(wrong capitalization; either a dash or comma is needed between 'right' and 'red')
her mane looked neatly bushed
IOW she needed to brush it, so that it stopped looking like a neat bush and started looking like a neat hairdo.
Twilight went to the corner of the room and drug over another cushion, a dark green one.
drug -> dragged. Twilight would never drug defenseless cushions, even if they were in the wrong place!
Interesting, I'll keep reading
Well im liking it so far, it seems like it will be pretty good and i like how you show luna being delecate and not causing the ground to shake from her voice lol though i was expecting a random bout of royal canterlot voice, breaking a few of twilight's windows
but yeah im gona start reading this now.
reading this and istening to metallica is an odd combination, will keep reading
i like it so far. ^^ a few grammatical errors, but who doesn't have those, right?
I'll be headed to the second chapter how :D
Well now that I finally have some free time, I decided I should read this story. So far, so good! Luna is my favorite Princess so this should be good.
luna and apple jack are my too favs but luna is my number 1
Jaydex, this is the first story of your's besides the Redheart fics that I've read, and I regret not reading one of the others sooner. I love this story so far, though I've only read the first chapter. Thank you for writing your fics.
1998358
You are quite welcome. I'm glad you, like so many others, enjoy reading my stories! It helps me stay focused to improving as a writer and sharing more stories!
Wow what a start for Luna, onwards!
2053807
I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
Hello!!! I've now made it onto this and can already see what you warned me about. But I don't let it faze me too much to see that in some stories I read.
Lyra, your coat sure looks purple today.
Whose Line is it Luan's?
...
No seriously who is Luan?
i love this story
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/252/6/c/fluttershy__s_yay_badge_by_zutheskunk-d3e8usb.png
1999749 that escalated quickly. but im loving this shiz my nigga! keep it up.
3342362
Thank you!
It's cool but a couple of little things: firstly, commas are your friend. Using them properly can make or break a story. Thankfully, it's not a major issue with this one, more like something to watch for in the future. I would be happy to provide some expertise if necessary. Secondly, I know it's only the first chapter, but let's watch our pacing. Believe me, I want them to have bouncy yum-yum fun too but don't rush it. Remember; a story is like a burp; if you try to force it, you'll just make a mess. Having said that, great story and have a like and fave!
Another good story partially ruined by poor dialog and implausible reactions. Sadly, this is a very common problem in this type of human-meets-pony stories, and it's pretty much always the first encounter -scene that ends up sounding forced and artificial, as if the writer wanted to get it done ASAP. Think about it: if mister Joe Average encountered something as alien and unreal as a winged unicorn of unnatural coloring and human like intellect in the middle of a nightly forest, how would he REALLY behave?
It's a shame, because I really like the idea in this one.
David seems to be taking mankind's first encounter with another intelligent being pretty well.
This is where you lost me. You were doing ok up until this point. Then this.
Let me say this: If the first thing a normal person (who hasn't seen/heard of MLP) thinks is that a pony is "incredibly beautiful", then they are either a) thinking 'beautiful' like a dog's coat can be beautiful, or b) a person into beastiality. At this point in the story, there was no knowledge or indication that Luna is sentient. It's the terrible red-flag of the cliche' of skipping the actual romance bits and going straight to the shipping human and pony. *sigh* And I had such high hopes for this too.
3668729 hey, horses are fine majestic creatures with a firm and flowing beauty!
I noticed. That you used. A lot. Of. Full stops. And very. Little commas.
Dude, you seriously need to learn how to use commas more often. I had high hopes for this, but it the wording just stops and starts, it's very hard and very annoying to read.
Also, 3668729. I agree with this guy. If I wasn't a Brony, and Luna magically appeared in front of me, I'd probably go either "WHATTHEFUCKTHERESABLUEHORSEWITHWINGSANDAHORNANDITSEYESARETOOBIGANDITSMANEANDTAILAREALLFLOATYAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!", or "OHMYFUCKINGGODTHAT'SADORABLE".
I wouldn't go "well, that's a beautiful horse". Y'know? My epilepsy medication would probably decide to stop working, so I'd have a seizure as well.
I'm very glad David didn't go all Old Yeller with a rifle.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/314/717/bcd.png
6070753
she doesn't have a broken leg
OK, this is a nice story and i am going to follow it, but I do have to say that the guy is far too nice and really really comes very close to creepy in this chapter.
Looking forward to seeing what the Author does next.
Oh and about potatoes. There is a reason why potato products are replaced with hay on the show. Faust and company really studied horses. She was told by the horse expert they used that potatoes are poisonous to horses. ( I asked at the horse stable at the end of my street. They said, They heard that before and no one who spent thousands of dollars on a horse is going to risk feeding them potatoes so its really not done.) Piece of trivia. FIM is the first TV cartoon to animate horse walking properly. Leg movements follow a specific pattern that no one had bothered to animate on television. True story
The Monk
“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan
Well that was sudden.