- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Mar 12th, 2019
TheOneBehindYou
It appears I'm becoming quite mad; ah well.
TheOneBehindYou
Joined 2nd Jan, 2013 ·
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The description is ineffective. It is too vague for me to get interested enough to red at least
4833009 Aww but friend, I assure you. The read is worth your time. If I told you what was going to happen, it just wouldn't have a good shock factor.
4833012 I would, but my unread favorites is in four digits and read later is in three digits
4833022 Ouch, I know the feeling.
Well get back to me then. No rush.
You lost me at "she giggled, he melted". The idea you're gunning for brought me that far, but honestly, I would only bare to offer you a 6 for actual writing talent, at most.
Then again, you showed me how dumb it is to communicate with the characters as the narrator. Something I actually did myself. So thanks for that.
Did you actually imagine the stuff you wrote as something that could actually happen? It's all far too rough around the edges. Twilight's interactions were worst of all, even though the one with Celestia was the one that actually killed it for me.
I'm not thumbing this. You got potential and a pretty solid idea running for you. If you'd want to re-edit this, then it can actually turn out pretty great. So I'm not going to soil this with a downvote, but only because of that possibility.
That was really good! I don't think you should add shiping in it, but besides that, I have nothing I dislike about this!
4833274 The small shipping moment was just to add in a little flavor of background. Its just to add snippets here and there for character development. So don't worry, its not the main focus.
4833188 While I thank you for the critique, you could have been a little less, I don't know, rough? Granted, you are right. I originally intended this story to be written through only Discord's point of view.
But you gotta understand, I'm very new at this whole, 'adventure' category. I'm more used to writing stories about a more, adult, hehe, nature.
So while I know the story is written a bit off in a way, hopefully I can improve over time.
But thank you, thank you for at least commenting and pointing out the flaws. Most people can't do that.
4834497 I might've come off as a bit unreserved, so I apologize about that. But I was telling the truth nonetheless. And offering critique was the only thing I wanted to offer, it being one of the things you simply can't find around these parts.
Then again, my wording might've left to be desired of. By "talent", I guess I was more rather referring to currently expressed skill. It could've been understood as worth or ability, which would've been the last things I wanted to happen.
And the second paragraph was actually instructions which I was trying to have you consider thoroughly, rather than just me bashing.
People on this site love to say how much they love your stuff, although it might not be that good. Even if you improve your stuff, you don't really get the expected praise for it. So, I actually just don't find compliments enticing at all any more, hence why I might've went in a little dry.
4834590 Apology accepted, I had a feeling you didn't mean to write to me so harshly. You were just trying to get your point across. Which I can respect, I'm a very blunt person myself.
While I have to say though, I've actually run into quite a bit of critiques, you aren't the only one. Which I take all advice very seriously and try my best to follow. Each critique has helped me analyze the problem and able me to fix it. So your words were heard, they didn't go over me. Heck, I agreed that the narration was off before I even pressed the submit button. But, every time I've felt that a story was badly written, most of the time people say its well done. So I never know to trust my instincts anymore. XD
Oh, well, compliments for me, are always rewarding. I enjoy getting anything to be fairly honest with you. Thus, why, I'm happily responding.
Critique, bashing, compliments. Least its something for me.
Either way, there is always room to improve. That's why I will always listen. So if you have more on your mind, don't hesitate to say so.
Ayy, you used my picture! And great job :)
4835132 I told you I would.
This story is gooda. What's Discord going to use that portal for?
This story's idea is one that I have seen before a couple of times, but not in this way. Congrats for originality.
At first I didn't quite understand Discord's grouchiness at the beginning, but then I realized that he was suffering from chaos withdrawal. The way he treayed Fluttershy was a bit harsh; this part in particular made me very annoyed and surprised:
It's no wonder Fluttershy reached the way she did:
I was glad that he felt guilty about his behavior towards Fluttershy though. It seems that even at his worst Discord still cares for Fluttershy.
Then we got to the scene with Twilight. I don't know if Twilight would ever get so angry at Discord, and the scene where they were shrieking each other's names was kinda irrelevant. 
While I don't really ship Celesticord, this story had some adorable moments between the two. 
And when Discord felt so betrayed and broken because he thought the ponies wanted to restrain him from being chaotic, I understood how he felt since it was from his point of view. The ponies probably don't realize how their attempts at reforming Discord made him feel. Finally, the scene at the end where Discord used a dark magic spell to open a portal that lead to what seemed to be an apocalyptic/dystopian Ponyville was so ominous, but the implications were so vague that I didn't quite understand what the purpose of Discord's spell was. Was I even supposed to know? 
Please continue this as soon as possible. I'm very interested in seeing where this goes.
6076099 Trust me, this is a story that, honestly needs tweaking already. It irks me that, you know, this was made technically before the season four finale? So of course a lot of people, won't see how Twilight is still irritable to Discord. I want to continue this as I've had it all planned for a while but...
I've come to realize that, most of my stories need to just be written as I go. Instead of trying to plan things. For if I don't otherwise, it just ends up looking confusing. Like this first chapter entails.
I wanted it to be confusing since, well, it is Discord's point of view. But I didn't want it to be where it was too confusing.