I have to disagree how you handle this entire scene from personal experience there are some things that are not personal choices that affect behavior and to call him out and say he doesn't love someone because he can't get over it is entirely bullshit. A relationship is a two way street and requires both parties to give and take. The best relationships last so long because they allow faults to exist in their significant other not iron them out. Personally this chapter offended me and your idea of romance is completely blown as a one sided ordeal. The chapter was written well but how you handled his social problems should not have been delt with personal attacks of that nature.
4943599 Dude, shut the fuck up. Go and take some English lessons, and grow a brain and a pair of balls while you're at it. If by now you haven't taken a step back to look at why it is you act the way you do you shouldn't be sinking time into fiction; you should be sinking time into your life and reality. Everything you feel has been conditioned by what others have taught you. What's to stop you from changing your mind? Tell me explicitly how you simply cannot change your damn mind and make your life better by removing as much bad as possible. If you can do that, then all hats off to you, as you will have performed a feat the likes of which not even Stephen Hawkins' mind could muster. I don't accept weak arguments and I certainly don't accept fallacies.
Take a step back, man. You can do wonderful things with your mind. You can learn to simply overcome fears and be happy no matter what. History has given you hundreds of examples. Perhaps Gandhi was one of the best. Do a little research; it'll be good for you.
4943599 Speaking as someone who has high functioning Autism, or Asperger's Syndrome as I was technically diagnosed, while I do agree that there are things about phobias and disorders some people have a tougher time in handling, and while we didn't choose to be as such, that doesn't mean we can't choose to improve ourselves. I'd have to agree with Jan here in this case, for if you want to get anywhere, you have to take that first step yourself. You can ask for help from someone to guide you, yes, whether it be from family, friends, or a special service, there are numerous resources, but you can't expect to have answers to all of your life's problems fall onto your lap, or as Jan would add in, "Whine and complain enough for someone to offer it."
Taking me for example, I'm not good with talking to people, being social, and there are some things about the majority I can't stand about them. But does that mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Fuck no. I want to find a good girl to marry one day, no way am I going to worry about having kids yet, and I DEFINITELY don't want to still be living with my parents when I start looking around. I'm not in a rush to get in a relationship right now, but if I DO want something, I know I'd have to GET myself out there if I want to make any kind of progress. That goes for looking for a new job that pays better so I can move out of my house (that I'm currently working on), finish my schooling, and adjust to my living arrangements before I move forward.
That goes for Henry here too. He KNOWS he loves her, he WANTS to let her know why he's so freakin' nervous with everything around him and break down, but like Jan said, he's letting his fears get the better of what he wants, of his love. It may be harsh how Jan's treating him, but I guess sometimes you gotta be tough to straighten them out, and not be a whiny, suicidal bitch.
So I applaud you Sir Hat for taking this approach, and I'm just loving how this story's progressing. Keep it up.
Why is it that all the characters in this story except for the narrator are douchecanoes? I don't understand. Because so far it's been 2 stone-cold bitches that don't give a shit about this guy, and 1 asshole French dude that says anything to jerk this guy's chain. Is it, like, a metaphor for life?
4943754 awe your adorable anything I said was how I felt on the subject, freedom of speech and all that jazz. The author can choose to look at it and make decisions on how to take it themselves. I enjoy the story really I do but I take offense to this chapter if you can't respect my opinion why should I respect yours.
Also depression and a whole slew of other mental illnesses are caused by brain chemistry. They literally do not think rationally compared to the average bulk of people.
4943866 As I said, I do not accept fallacies. And you really do require those English lessons I mentioned.
In the space of two years I was diagnosed with claustrophobia, depression and suffered three variants of insanity. I cured them all in a single day with a snap decision. Do some research, pal. It'll do you good. I have no more to add.
4943835 I'm not trying to say that nobody can beat the odds or anything it just bugs me that he's making it seem so simple?. I am really having a hard time trying to articulate what I mean.
A side of my family has a history of mental illness we recently went to a reunion and I reconnected with a lot of my cousins I had not seen in a long time. Two days latter a cousin two years younger than me hung himself in the woods. Now I can say honestly we were not that close but he was family and I didn't recognize any abnormal behavior so it was shocking to learn about his death like that.
So to see someone ripped apart for perfectly human failings doesn't make me to think awesome, I get offended. As I have stated I am attracted to this story I like the main characters I just don't agree that attacking the guy like that is the proper way to dispense psychiatric care.
some issues are caused by chemical imbalances and can not be fixed by choosing to fix them, however sometimes they can be repressed or have a sort of tolerance built up. some issues are engraved so deeply they can't be fixed by the person alone. sometimes they just need a push in the right direction, sometimes the right change in ones life is needed to fix the problem. sometimes a medicine may be needed. but often these can cause a new problem that could potentially be worse then the one they fix.
4943953 There are varying degrees of this thing. Frankly I don't like you painting this so black and white. It's not as easy as you're either depressed or not. Some people can beat the odds yes, others need meds, others a combination. Jan isn't simply saying "Everyone can fix this on their own." He's tooling this particular instance to Henry.
I just got back from one of my sessions, bottom line was "You have to make a choice, and you need to start, or nothing is going to change." It all depends on the case.
4944198 Jan is a weird dude, with a weird pony waifu, with a weird satyr son. Dude is just flat out weird. But he has one of the best lines I've come up with soon.
"Make a choice, do you want to be watery ejaculate stagnating in a puddle looking the sad? Or do you want to be angry cum, shot out of a throbbing dick and into the eye of a nurse!? ...Food for thought...as they say...."
4943857 We have...dumb dragon mare. We have "I love you, but I need a life too. I'll keep loving you, but we need to be apart." And...a French asshole (As all the French are.). So more of...a strong independent waifu, who don't need no man to keep her down. A frenchman. And a dumb thuggish dragon mare, and you can hardly blame her for being dopey.
4944550 We can both agree on the dragon-ite and the French douche pickle, but no way in hell Rouge was half as innocent. Don't you remember? Chapter 2?
"Oh, you love me? Cool. But if you could take that pansy-ass love and go fuck yourself with it, that'd be great. I'm blowing this popsicle stand, cause I want money and shit. So... See ya later, faggit! "
4944670 She made it very clear it wasn't just for her. She's taking a chance to seem normal, to represent all the moth ponies. And she is a bit selfish, just like Henry is a bit whingy.
I was raised with the Al Bundy approach to the French. Which is to be condescending and disparaging. So imagine my surprise to read this. Bravo. Bravo.
Many things in this chapter rub me the wrong way, but one of the reasons really stood out, and I'll just say it. The chapter seems really, really forced. For example, how does the French guy know so much about the main character. And I don't want to hear that it was from Rouge's stories she may or may not have told him and stuff like that. Because to truly call out a guy on his personal problems like you're a psychiatrist, you have to really get to know the person with extensive time. Not even professionals can determine what type of problems a person may have from second hand information. And to call someone out on it seems very... Well, just plain asshole-ish. Because even if you go on tangents, and by all means perfectly right tangents on someone's personal problems and how to fix them, the human mind will refuse to believe that it's wrong if you just all of a suddens say that it's way of thinking is incorrect. We've all done that at some point, and when you try to go against big problems like social anxiety stacked with a big helping of depression, It'll take more than a few
I mean, you are social retard, this is known. But what is not known is why, how long, or what can be done.
to actually get them to accept that they have a problem. So what I feel you've done is just crammed a whole character arc into what is a 2,000 word chapter. So in all it come out to me as very forced and inhuman.
P.S - If any of the wording is seen as insulting or offending to the author it was not my intention. This is just a critique of a story that I think can make it out of my read later box with a little more effort.
P.P.S - How does Frenchy know if Rouge's a virgin or not, and why should we care.
4944777 This isn't the perfect talk for Henry, this is all spitballing on Jan's part and a bunch of French assholery. He's equating whatever problems Henry has to mild depression, and showing a bit of sympathy while still being an asshole. And I don't plan to have Henry agree with everything he said at the drop of a hat, he just got outshouted for once.
>Accepting the problem. Isn't the problem with Henry, it's more getting him to work on it that's the problem.
As said before, things have been set in motion, but are still waiting on the horizon.
And a simpel (If strange) conversation I left out. Rouge, "He kissed me before I left...so that's something...." Jan: "...A kiss? ...Didn't you say you were going to settle down with him? *leans in* have you two not had sex?" Rouge. "...No...." Jan: "Heh...a social rejects and virgins...you two really were meant for each other."
4944692 Make up as many excuses as you want, it's still b.s in the end. Ain't no making up for dropping him like he's hot and then making like horse turds and hitting the trail. Rouge i.imgur.com/3EkNxpk.jpg I am disappoint. And angry. And somewhat disgusted. But only like 10%. Mostly disappoint. That's like 65% or 70.
4944831 I'll buy it for now. It never really came across to me like he's really accepted his problems at all, considering how much he's been running from them. I mean come on, he lives in a forest because he has social anxiety. Hell, he moved to another dimension because of social anxiety, and if that isn't running from a problem, I don't know what is.
And as I've said before, a couple of other things still bother me. I'll just point off some.
• The romance in this is very, very dull. I never really saw a reason as to why they liked each other, except for Rouge visiting him sometimes.
• That's not really French douchiness, but more of a plain rude douchiness
• Main character could use a little more polish on his characterization than just sad to angry to depressed to panic attack, rinse and repeat.
They have a MLP fic called "How many friends have you made today?!" that did the job on the main character having a problem, his acceptance, and how he's trying to fix it in a pretty entertaining way. It's not really a shining example in literature, and probably not the way you're wanting to do things, but it does what a lot of people fail at and subtly characterizes the main character without making him two dimensional, which I feel might be happening to Henry.
4945029 Truly most of my fics have a large extended prologue before I figure these things out. But I have the characters in one place, I have someplace to go back to if I need to, I can hammer apart the depression and slowly reveal the person behind the sorrow, and I can get into the romance between the two strange folk.
Break down the depression and anxiety and crack open the clunky but lovable thing inside both Rouge and Henry.
4945168 Joining in on the comment train here, I'm not really a writer but when it comes to the french character, I have met people like this. Not as rude, but with the ability to discern motivations and feelings without much information. The only reason that we as humans can write stories at all is that we have a certain degree of empathy, and you make of it what you can. The reason we have empathy is because, even though we don't want to admit it, we are predictable. There are a few people with the special ability to fill in the blanks correctly and figure things out for themselves. And as you said specifically not to say, what he does know he got from Rouge. PS; I am French American... And I am fine with this... Reminds of a majority of my family.
He laughed, that peculiar mocking French laugh. "...I took your friend's virginity." He stated in such a dry tone, such a emotionless, flavorless tone I believe him. I felt my anger boil over. Betrayal, anger, rage, shame, hate, all rose up and threatened to explode out my gut. "You mother fucker!" I shouted, haphazardly throwing my fist at him, nailing his shoulder and making him step back a bit.
Oh by the way, i forgot this in my other comment a moment ago!
POW!*Punch's Sir Hat in the face*
THAT'S FOR MAKING THE FIRST KIRIN I HAVE EVER SEEN IN ONE OF THESE STORY'S PRETTY MUCH AN ABSOLUTE RETARD... AND DRAGONS IN GENERAL BASED OFF WHAT I READ!
...*takes a deep breath*....So congrats! I hate your freaking guts!
..................... Keep up the good work though! Even though I hate your mother @#$%ing guts over the the dragon and kirin thing I still love your story's!
.... Minus the retard kirin and dragon chapters though...
Edit: just to clarify, this is a mixed comment... Though i wasn't kidding what so ever.
It appears you have some a... controversial chapters here. Let me start off by saying it struck a chord with me. It truly did, maybe I can just relate to the character in some way, feel like he does, or maybe I just got too into the chapter.
Waking up in a place you dont know, disoriented and a man with a gun threatening you? You dont know the panic, the fear, especially with having issues as he does. Losing a yelling match and being unable to even argue it because everything is true? The man never even gave a point to argue, admit his own flaws that were easily spotted as to not be able to be argued as a hyppocrite that would surely lead to a number of other flaws if he tried to deny it or a reason to ignore the man. Knowing you werent the one to end up her first lover. The immediate anger that follows. Once he got heated with that virgin line he had a reason to be angry a reason to keep yelling with this man, he stirred his emotions. Thats why he would even listen to a stranger.
The comments here on why she left and her being selfish? What of her kind, they dont matter, only her because shes intelligent or because she had a romance with a man that wojld require her attention in place of trying to make her kind better off? She would have stayed with the man if he had thd courage to go with her, she didnt do it as if she didnt care, this was clear in the second chapter.
Though my criticism so far, is that it DID seem as if the french man had a little too mjch information, that he was plopped from ponyville allt he way to prance without waking, aaaaaaand I came here ecpecting shortmclop story and you got me friedmup with emotions and now I have blueballs
I have to disagree how you handle this entire scene from personal experience there are some things that are not personal choices that affect behavior and to call him out and say he doesn't love someone because he can't get over it is entirely bullshit. A relationship is a two way street and requires both parties to give and take. The best relationships last so long because they allow faults to exist in their significant other not iron them out. Personally this chapter offended me and your idea of romance is completely blown as a one sided ordeal. The chapter was written well but how you handled his social problems should not have been delt with personal attacks of that nature.
Damn, this was a weird chapter, but it still makes me want to read more!
Quit updating as I read, it pisses me off
4943599
I kind of have to agree with this. There are also some disorders that are entirely chemical in nature and the person has no choice as well.
Minor grammatical thing: please have the guy say choose rather than chose when doing present tense. It riles up my inner grammar nazi.
4943599 Dude, shut the fuck up. Go and take some English lessons, and grow a brain and a pair of balls while you're at it. If by now you haven't taken a step back to look at why it is you act the way you do you shouldn't be sinking time into fiction; you should be sinking time into your life and reality. Everything you feel has been conditioned by what others have taught you. What's to stop you from changing your mind? Tell me explicitly how you simply cannot change your damn mind and make your life better by removing as much bad as possible. If you can do that, then all hats off to you, as you will have performed a feat the likes of which not even Stephen Hawkins' mind could muster. I don't accept weak arguments and I certainly don't accept fallacies.
Take a step back, man. You can do wonderful things with your mind. You can learn to simply overcome fears and be happy no matter what. History has given you hundreds of examples. Perhaps Gandhi was one of the best. Do a little research; it'll be good for you.
4943667
I had the distinct impression that it was intentional. He is speaking in broken English after all.
4943599 Speaking as someone who has high functioning Autism, or Asperger's Syndrome as I was technically diagnosed, while I do agree that there are things about phobias and disorders some people have a tougher time in handling, and while we didn't choose to be as such, that doesn't mean we can't choose to improve ourselves. I'd have to agree with Jan here in this case, for if you want to get anywhere, you have to take that first step yourself. You can ask for help from someone to guide you, yes, whether it be from family, friends, or a special service, there are numerous resources, but you can't expect to have answers to all of your life's problems fall onto your lap, or as Jan would add in, "Whine and complain enough for someone to offer it."
Taking me for example, I'm not good with talking to people, being social, and there are some things about the majority I can't stand about them. But does that mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Fuck no. I want to find a good girl to marry one day, no way am I going to worry about having kids yet, and I DEFINITELY don't want to still be living with my parents when I start looking around. I'm not in a rush to get in a relationship right now, but if I DO want something, I know I'd have to GET myself out there if I want to make any kind of progress. That goes for looking for a new job that pays better so I can move out of my house (that I'm currently working on), finish my schooling, and adjust to my living arrangements before I move forward.
That goes for Henry here too. He KNOWS he loves her, he WANTS to let her know why he's so freakin' nervous with everything around him and break down, but like Jan said, he's letting his fears get the better of what he wants, of his love. It may be harsh how Jan's treating him, but I guess sometimes you gotta be tough to straighten them out, and not be a whiny, suicidal bitch.
So I applaud you Sir Hat for taking this approach, and I'm just loving how this story's progressing. Keep it up.
Why is it that all the characters in this story except for the narrator are douchecanoes? I don't understand. Because so far it's been 2 stone-cold bitches that don't give a shit about this guy, and 1 asshole French dude that says anything to jerk this guy's chain.
Is it, like, a metaphor for life?
4943754 awe your adorable anything I said was how I felt on the subject, freedom of speech and all that jazz. The author can choose to look at it and make decisions on how to take it themselves. I enjoy the story really I do but I take offense to this chapter if you can't respect my opinion why should I respect yours.
Also depression and a whole slew of other mental illnesses are caused by brain chemistry. They literally do not think rationally compared to the average bulk of people.
4943866 As I said, I do not accept fallacies. And you really do require those English lessons I mentioned.
In the space of two years I was diagnosed with claustrophobia, depression and suffered three variants of insanity. I cured them all in a single day with a snap decision. Do some research, pal. It'll do you good. I have no more to add.
4943835 I'm not trying to say that nobody can beat the odds or anything it just bugs me that he's making it seem so simple?. I am really having a hard time trying to articulate what I mean.
A side of my family has a history of mental illness we recently went to a reunion and I reconnected with a lot of my cousins I had not seen in a long time. Two days latter a cousin two years younger than me hung himself in the woods. Now I can say honestly we were not that close but he was family and I didn't recognize any abnormal behavior so it was shocking to learn about his death like that.
So to see someone ripped apart for perfectly human failings doesn't make me to think awesome, I get offended. As I have stated I am attracted to this story I like the main characters I just don't agree that attacking the guy like that is the proper way to dispense psychiatric care.
"...I took your friend's virginity."
duelpassonline.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/berserk_guts.jpg
I feel sorry for this guy more and more very chapter.
I will push forward and read more!
4943754
4943599
you are actually both correct.
some issues are caused by chemical imbalances and can not be fixed by choosing to fix them, however sometimes they can be repressed or have a sort of tolerance built up.
some issues are engraved so deeply they can't be fixed by the person alone.
sometimes they just need a push in the right direction, sometimes the right change in ones life is needed to fix the problem.
sometimes a medicine may be needed. but often these can cause a new problem that could potentially be worse then the one they fix.
He's French, its a natural reaction.
I like how you made the satyr a little more... Different.
This is my favorite chapter so far in the story.
4943641
Fak u, lang und 'ard.
4943953
There are varying degrees of this thing. Frankly I don't like you painting this so black and white. It's not as easy as you're either depressed or not. Some people can beat the odds yes, others need meds, others a combination. Jan isn't simply saying "Everyone can fix this on their own." He's tooling this particular instance to Henry.
I just got back from one of my sessions, bottom line was "You have to make a choice, and you need to start, or nothing is going to change." It all depends on the case.
4944198
Jan is a weird dude, with a weird pony waifu, with a weird satyr son. Dude is just flat out weird. But he has one of the best lines I've come up with soon.
"Make a choice, do you want to be watery ejaculate stagnating in a puddle looking the sad? Or do you want to be angry cum, shot out of a throbbing dick and into the eye of a nurse!? ...Food for thought...as they say...."
4943667
True, there are cases that can't make choices. Henry is not one of those cases, one of those cases wouldn't come to the man: Jan Carl Saint
4943857
We have...dumb dragon mare. We have "I love you, but I need a life too. I'll keep loving you, but we need to be apart." And...a French asshole (As all the French are.). So more of...a strong independent waifu, who don't need no man to keep her down. A frenchman. And a dumb thuggish dragon mare, and you can hardly blame her for being dopey.
ARE YOU FORM FRANCE.
4944581
I ams fros Mehicali!
COOL!!!
4944550 We can both agree on the dragon-ite and the French douche pickle, but no way in hell Rouge was half as innocent. Don't you remember? Chapter 2?
"Oh, you love me? Cool. But if you could take that pansy-ass love and go fuck yourself with it, that'd be great. I'm blowing this popsicle stand, cause I want money and shit. So... See ya later, faggit! "
Yeah, that part... That wasn't cool. That was just not cool at all.
3.bp.blogspot.com/_MuoIGCq7mB4/S7O8bWiQQeI/AAAAAAAAAAc/VPpZx8cWb5Y/s1600/8PYYM9WR.jpg
4944670
She made it very clear it wasn't just for her. She's taking a chance to seem normal, to represent all the moth ponies. And she is a bit selfish, just like Henry is a bit whingy.
I was raised with the Al Bundy approach to the French. Which is to be condescending and disparaging.
So imagine my surprise to read this.
Bravo. Bravo.
Many things in this chapter rub me the wrong way, but one of the reasons really stood out, and I'll just say it. The chapter seems really, really forced. For example, how does the French guy know so much about the main character. And I don't want to hear that it was from Rouge's stories she may or may not have told him and stuff like that. Because to truly call out a guy on his personal problems like you're a psychiatrist, you have to really get to know the person with extensive time. Not even professionals can determine what type of problems a person may have from second hand information. And to call someone out on it seems very... Well, just plain asshole-ish.
Because even if you go on tangents, and by all means perfectly right tangents on someone's personal problems and how to fix them, the human mind will refuse to believe that it's wrong if you just all of a suddens say that it's way of thinking is incorrect. We've all done that at some point, and when you try to go against big problems like social anxiety stacked with a big helping of depression, It'll take more than a few
to actually get them to accept that they have a problem.
So what I feel you've done is just crammed a whole character arc into what is a 2,000 word chapter. So in all it come out to me as very forced and inhuman.
P.S - If any of the wording is seen as insulting or offending to the author it was not my intention. This is just a critique of a story that I think can make it out of my read later box with a little more effort.
P.P.S - How does Frenchy know if Rouge's a virgin or not, and why should we care.
4944482
But the main character didn't technically "come" to him. The main character was basically dragged there.
4944777
This isn't the perfect talk for Henry, this is all spitballing on Jan's part and a bunch of French assholery. He's equating whatever problems Henry has to mild depression, and showing a bit of sympathy while still being an asshole. And I don't plan to have Henry agree with everything he said at the drop of a hat, he just got outshouted for once.
>Accepting the problem.
Isn't the problem with Henry, it's more getting him to work on it that's the problem.
As said before, things have been set in motion, but are still waiting on the horizon.
And a simpel (If strange) conversation I left out. Rouge, "He kissed me before I left...so that's something...."
Jan: "...A kiss? ...Didn't you say you were going to settle down with him? *leans in* have you two not had sex?"
Rouge. "...No...."
Jan: "Heh...a social rejects and virgins...you two really were meant for each other."
4944809
He really did bitch at Kiri until she pulled the trigger for him.
4944692 Make up as many excuses as you want, it's still b.s in the end. Ain't no making up for dropping him like he's hot and then making like horse turds and hitting the trail.
Rouge
i.imgur.com/3EkNxpk.jpg
I am disappoint. And angry. And somewhat disgusted. But only like 10%. Mostly disappoint. That's like 65% or 70.
4944833
Does that mean if he bitched about wanting to kill himself with this here gun and she pulled the trigger for him, it would be suicide?
Forget it, I'm just being facetious at this point.
4944918
Kiri would be like "Uh...okay...face or gut?"
i like this frenchman.
Life quote right there.
4944831
I'll buy it for now. It never really came across to me like he's really accepted his problems at all, considering how much he's been running from them. I mean come on, he lives in a forest because he has social anxiety. Hell, he moved to another dimension because of social anxiety, and if that isn't running from a problem, I don't know what is.
And as I've said before, a couple of other things still bother me. I'll just point off some.
• The romance in this is very, very dull. I never really saw a reason as to why they liked each other, except for Rouge visiting him sometimes.
• That's not really French douchiness, but more of a plain rude douchiness
• Main character could use a little more polish on his characterization than just sad to angry to depressed to panic attack, rinse and repeat.
They have a MLP fic called "How many friends have you made today?!" that did the job on the main character having a problem, his acceptance, and how he's trying to fix it in a pretty entertaining way. It's not really a shining example in literature, and probably not the way you're wanting to do things, but it does what a lot of people fail at and subtly characterizes the main character without making him two dimensional, which I feel might be happening to Henry.
4945029
Truly most of my fics have a large extended prologue before I figure these things out. But I have the characters in one place, I have someplace to go back to if I need to, I can hammer apart the depression and slowly reveal the person behind the sorrow, and I can get into the romance between the two strange folk.
Break down the depression and anxiety and crack open the clunky but lovable thing inside both Rouge and Henry.
4945168 Joining in on the comment train here, I'm not really a writer but when it comes to the french character, I have met people like this. Not as rude, but with the ability to discern motivations and feelings without much information. The only reason that we as humans can write stories at all is that we have a certain degree of empathy, and you make of it what you can. The reason we have empathy is because, even though we don't want to admit it, we are predictable. There are a few people with the special ability to fill in the blanks correctly and figure things out for themselves. And as you said specifically not to say, what he does know he got from Rouge.
PS; I am French American... And I am fine with this... Reminds of a majority of my family.
French gobshite dick.
I wanna hit him.
I really like that Frenchman, his personality is just the kick-in-the-ass Henry needs.
I would've done a lot more than just a punch.
"Hmmm, wise this man is, listen to him you should!"
Oh my gawd. LOL I love this Prance guy named Jan more than the moth pony and main human. I can just hear the line "stupid equestrian" right now.
Oh by the way, i forgot this in my other comment a moment ago!
POW!*Punch's Sir Hat in the face*
THAT'S FOR MAKING THE FIRST KIRIN I HAVE EVER SEEN IN ONE OF THESE STORY'S PRETTY MUCH AN ABSOLUTE RETARD... AND DRAGONS IN GENERAL BASED OFF WHAT I READ!
...*takes a deep breath*....So congrats! I hate your freaking guts!
..................... Keep up the good work though! Even though I hate your mother @#$%ing guts over the the dragon and kirin thing I still love your story's!
.... Minus the retard kirin and dragon chapters though...
Edit: just to clarify, this is a mixed comment... Though i wasn't kidding what so ever.
4946558 Sure. "wasn't kidding"
No...she's hardly the only Kirin I plan to write... I mean, Spike X Sweetie is one of the few ships I'm okay with.
4946589 sorry to say but I really was being dead serious... Just please... Not again...
4946675
Kirins confirmed savage idiots!
It appears you have some a... controversial chapters here. Let me start off by saying it struck a chord with me. It truly did, maybe I can just relate to the character in some way, feel like he does, or maybe I just got too into the chapter.
Waking up in a place you dont know, disoriented and a man with a gun threatening you? You dont know the panic, the fear, especially with having issues as he does. Losing a yelling match and being unable to even argue it because everything is true? The man never even gave a point to argue, admit his own flaws that were easily spotted as to not be able to be argued as a hyppocrite that would surely lead to a number of other flaws if he tried to deny it or a reason to ignore the man.
Knowing you werent the one to end up her first lover. The immediate anger that follows. Once he got heated with that virgin line he had a reason to be angry a reason to keep yelling with this man, he stirred his emotions. Thats why he would even listen to a stranger.
The comments here on why she left and her being selfish? What of her kind, they dont matter, only her because shes intelligent or because she had a romance with a man that wojld require her attention in place of trying to make her kind better off? She would have stayed with the man if he had thd courage to go with her, she didnt do it as if she didnt care, this was clear in the second chapter.
Though my criticism so far, is that it DID seem as if the french man had a little too mjch information, that he was plopped from ponyville allt he way to prance without waking, aaaaaaand I came here ecpecting shortmclop story and you got me friedmup with emotions and now I have blueballs
4944420 Seriously though, while I was reading the second chapter you updated twice, TWICE, that's more than most authors do in a month.
Also, downvotes, really? It's a joke people calm down.