Hmm, they are getting closer, I see. This twist in the story, with the training to the Derby placed closer, is a nice one. However, I found a few typos and a name misplacement, I suggest a proofreading. Well, carry on, give us more!
Both of you get lost in the kiss. Lips pressing against lips, and tongues that timidly made their way into each others mouse, were they began dancing with one another and a mix of flavors invaded your senses.
I want to see a story with her and an OC, but I would love it if it is a serious slice of life type of story, not just an adventure story that is going to interrupt the romance or social problem parts in most chases.
Yes! Just how I would imagine her. Direct and to the point. She doesn't have time to pussyfoot around. She's got work to do.
Hmm, they are getting closer, I see.
This twist in the story, with the training to the Derby placed closer, is a nice one.
However, I found a few typos and a name misplacement, I suggest a proofreading.
Well, carry on, give us more!
-Zeph
Kyah is not a word I'd use out of actual manga
4814251
Yeah, I'm adapting this from what I wrote on /mlp/ back in December. Several mistakes slipped through.
Still, I hope you liked the story.
4814426
It was the heat of the moment.
If it were actually me, I'd let her know sooner. Business before pleasure, you know
Let's see where this goes...
I'm really liking this story. That being said, I found some things you may want to edit.
For this first one, I will admit I could be totally wrong because I don't know much about this sort of thing, but shouldn't it be "in" the cabinets?
Space needed.
media0.giphy.com/media/CkyV1ZWhU3oGI/giphy.gif
media.tumblr.com/7750072ca22ea0600dae8959b4c566a1/tumblr_inline_mpd4jadw4a1qz4rgp.gif
4817385
How the hell did that happen?
Didn't think
Also, I should note that Fire Streak is a real Wonderbolt.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111216012622/mlp/images/0/09/Firestreak.png
I want to see a story with her and an OC, but I would love it if it is a serious slice of life type of story, not just an adventure story that is going to interrupt the romance or social problem parts in most chases.