Ms. Harshwhinny wants you. Are you up to her standards?
I guess I should note that the Prologue and the first three paragraphs were written by other Anons.The rest is pure me, though.
4812534
Huh. I was wondering where the change in detail came from. For a moment, I just thought you'd started out nervous and then got more into it halfway through this chapter.
Damn, you have to love a mare who knows what she wants. Especially when she has everything she needs.
I found a minor thing you may want to edit.
Just as you start to get a rhythm, she stops you and lens back, sitting straight and pushing down her hips.
That should be "leans".
I don't understand why this story even is in second person. I don't understand the need and in this story I don't even know much about who "I" am.
5261377What if she was wearing contact lenses
I guess I should note that the Prologue and the first three paragraphs were written by other Anons.
The rest is pure me, though.
4812534
Huh. I was wondering where the change in detail came from. For a moment, I just thought you'd started out nervous and then got more into it halfway through this chapter.
Damn, you have to love a mare who knows what she wants. Especially when she has everything she needs.
I found a minor thing you may want to edit.
That should be "leans".
I don't understand why this story even is in second person. I don't understand the need and in this story I don't even know much about who "I" am.
5261377
What if she was wearing contact lenses