Bring Me the Heads of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

by CCC

Ahuizotl

Tirek watched as Daring Do trotted briskly out of the throne room, then turned to inspect his prisoners again. “Guard captain!” he called out again.

“I do believe,” said a voice from the door, “that your guard captain is currently sleeping off a minor headache.”

Tirek turned, and glared at the creature in the doorway. It was tall and blue, with only two legs and a long tail which ended in an extra hand. At this particular moment, the tail-hand was holding up Shining Armour.

“I'm sure he'll be fine when he wakes up.” continued the creature, tossing Shining into the throne room.

“And who are you?” snarled Tirek.

“I,” said the blue creature, indicating himself with his tail hand and bowing, “am Ahuizotl, the magnificent. And may I say how much I appreciated what you did to Daring Do? She's been a thorn in my side for quite some time now.”

“And yet here you are,” said Tirek, lifting Ahuizotl with his magic, “working with her to break into my throne room!”

“A matter of expedience only.” said Ahuizotl, quickly. “I knew you would defeat her easily, of course, but she's not bad at getting into places. And I'm not bad at beating up ponies, especially now that they've had their magic removed.” He executed a mid-air bow. “I've come to offer you my services, as one villain to another.”

“Of course.” said Tirek. “So that you can wait for the advantageous moment to betray me, as Scorpan did to me, and as I did to Discord.”

Ahuizotl's eyes widened. “Oh, no, no, no!” he objected, just a little too quickly. “I would never think of betraying one as clearly powerful as you!”

Tirek rolled his eyes. “Of course not.” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Not until I was weak enough that you could gain advantage from it.” He looked at the door to the balcony, and opened it with his magic. “Fortunately for you,” he continued, “I don't have any immediate use for you.”

He began to spin Ahuizotl around his head, ready to fling him out over the balcony; a plan which was foiled when Ahuizotl's tail hand managed to reach out and grab Tirek's horn. He continued spinning around Tirek's head for almost an entire revolution after that, his tail wrapping around Tirek's horns, until it ended with Ahuizotl hitting Tirek in the face.

“I... could tell you what 'defenestrate' means?” suggested Ahuizotl, meekly.

Tirek didn't notice the sudden panic on Twilight's and Discord's faces.

“To remove the eyes.” said Tirek, lifting Ahuizotl from his face with one huge hand. “From the Old Equestrian 'fenestra', or 'window', and the prefix 'de', 'to remove', thus 'to remove the windows' – and the only body part that can be described as a 'window' is the eye.”

“You speak Old Equestrian?” asked Ahuizotl.

“I remember back when it was still just 'Equestrian'.” said Tirek. He swept his arm back, and flung Ahuizotl out over the balcony.

“You'll regret thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...” cried Ahuizotl, as he flew towards the horizon.

Tirek snorted. “I doubt that.” he said, shutting and latching the balcony window and failing to notice Twilight and Discord breathe simultaneous sighs of relief.

Tirek stomped across the room and kicked Shining Armour until he opened his eyes. “Eh?” he asked.

“Guard captain.” said Tirek. “I require a rusty knife. You will obtain it immediately.”

“Yes, sir.” said Shining Armour. He struggled to his hooves, and staggered out the door.

Tirek looked at his prisoners, and grinned slowly. “I wonder if you meant what you said, Princess.”

Comments

[Europa]

Turek

one villain

Villains rarely, if ever, regard themselves as such.

“I doubt that.”

Yeah, no, you totally will.

Also ouch, poor Discord.

[CCC]

4873168

4873849

That's a very good question.

[CCC]

4875719

Turek

Ah, thanks. Fixed.

one villain

Villains rarely, if ever, regard themselves as such.

Yes, but Ahuizotl is the sort of cartoonish villain who would. I mean, his first appearance had a classic example of "lock the hero in the deathtrap and go away". And his entire motive in the second was to put a lot of effort into giving very hot summers to one valley - apparently for no reason beyond "because I'm evil".

I mean, he's not an idiot - he probably knows about as much about archaeology as Daring Do does - but he seems to really embrace the villainous role.

[alarajrogers]

Of course, without magic Discord is still three times Twilight's size and has natural weapons. If Tirek gives Twilight a rusty knife... well, first she could make a big show of being unable to hold it, because as a unicorn she's used to doing everything with her magic. And then I could picture Discord using his greater size and dexterity to smply take the knife from her.

Alternately, if Tirek holds him down for Twilight, Discord can plead with her that he just did the same thing she did; yes, he told Tirek about the CMC, but he was doing it to save a friend, just like she was when she gave Tirek her magic. Then she has reason to not do it that maintains the cover story.

[Europa]

4875757 True. Some villains are jealous, some have a bloated sense of entitlement, some see the world through orange-blue morality instead of black-white, some are villains to protect that which they hold dear...

... and sometimes villains are just plain bad people.

[FanOfMostEverything]

4875961
Or she could explain the linguistic drift that has taken place over the past few millennia, and explain precisely how she planned on using a rusty knife to toss Discord out of a window.

[alarajrogers]

4876026
Gonna be hard to throw him out a window if he's chained to Tirek's throne. Maybe that's what the rusty knife was for. :-)

[ferret]

"Why yes Tirek everything I shout in blind rage is fully premeditated. Now where did I put that rusty spoon?"

[CCC]

4876158

Well, she can still throw him out, it's just that Tirek can pull him back in again, quite easily...

Also, they're tied to the throne with rope, not chained to it.

4878059

This is Twilight. She might just have a checklist of "things to shout in a blind rage" somewhere.

Of course, this wouldn't help much at the moment, because most of her checklists were in the library when Tirek blew it up.

[Ponynstuff320]

4875757

Ya do realize he did that to get rid of the Radiant Shield of Razdon right? In the IRL DD books, the shield dispells the Amulet of Atonoment that supposedly has the power to rule over all of Tenochtitlan.

[Draco Dei]

Ahuizotl
-Well, that WOULD be the guy with the track record to be able to capture her so that the un-Discording potion can be forced down her throat.. And this is an 'enemy mine' level situation, perhaps with "only I am allowed to kill her!"... possibly twinged with a highly suppressed romantic tension (which would explain why he uses deathtraps rather than just tearing her throat out or drowning her personally). The part about wanting an explanation for the deathtraps is probably me over-thinking though.

“I do believe,” said a voice from the door, “that your guard captain is currently sleeping off a minor headache.”
Tirek turned, and glared at the creature in the doorway. It was tall and blue, with only two legs and a long tail which ended in an extra hand. At this particular moment, the tail-hand was holding up Shining Armour.
-Ah, and here I was thinking that he would be outside the castle, or only have started planning his attack when he heard that Daring Do had been defeated. That potion is looking more and more likely. Bet they already dosed Shiny if so.

“I'm sure he'll be fine when he wakes up.” continued the creature, tossing Shining into the throne room.
-I will note that canonically villains (non-friends? non-ponies) can't see the color change to know that the mind-control has been broken... or Discord REALLY wasn't paying attention in S2E2. I mean he DID think AJ was lying to him, which would argue that he probably WOULD have noticed if he could have. Miles away from being conclusive. My point here is that they may have just planted Shining Armor in the same place that my fanon says that Chrysalis had him: running the defenses as badly as ponily possible while also passing a full list of all his orders to the attacking side... or at least enough of each of those to walk units into ambushes. Seems a bit early for such a level of success especially since the Resistance could give him a barrel full of potion to spike the drinks in the barracks one night... maybe they can't make that much potion?.

“A matter of expedience only.” said Ahuizotl, quickly. “I knew you would defeat her easily, of course, but she's not bad at getting into places. And I'm not bad at beating up ponies, especially now that they've had their magic removed.” He executed a mid-air bow. “I've come to offer you my services, as one villain to another.”
-Still think the same thing. Ahuizotl is reasonably tricky, and probably knows what happened to Discord. Or course, he might figure that even a chance of retaining his magic in this way was better than hiding and/or that by remaining strictly subservient to Tirac he could avoid getting drained... although, now that I think of it, Ahuizotl might not HAVE any magic, just an unusual species.

“Fortunately for you,” he continued, “I don't have any immediate use for you.”
-That doesn't sound very fortunate to me... although he could just mean 'a quick and painless death instead of tortured into serving me'.

“I... could tell you what 'defenestrate' means?” suggested Ahuizotl, meekly.
Tirek didn't notice the sudden panic on Twilight's and Discord's faces.
-The resistance must have some sort of intelligence on the throne room if he knows about that... I expect a lie, thus proving to the people leashed to the throne that he is on their side. Which makes my idea that the potion I mentioned is in play, and both DD and Shiny have been dosed.

“To remove the eyes.” said Tirek, lifting Ahuizotl from his face with one huge hand. “From the Old Equestrian 'fenestra', or 'window', and the prefix 'de', 'to remove', thus 'to remove the windows' – and the only body part that can be described as a 'window' is the eye.”
-Either Twilight can lie like a boss, Discord was the one to provide the definition, or you are trying to correct for the objections of your readership without editing published chapters by giving the words different definitions in Equestria then they had IRL... either that or it really did mean that IRL at one point, which I find highly unlikely.

“I remember back when it was still just 'Equestrian'.” said Tirek. He swept his arm back, and flung Ahuizotl out over the balcony.
-Excellent point, but that doesn't actually disprove anything since only the roots rather than the final product may have been around at that point. Does mean that if someone was lying it s a VERY good thing they stuck so close to the truth. Of course, Discord is probably that old too, so that makes sense. As for Twilight, if it had been a few minutes (hours?) before he asked the question, then she may have come up with a contingency plan for that. She sometimes panics in emergencies, but give her time to think and she gets much more dangerous... or so I've heard a theory a few seasons back. The contrasting part of that theory was that Fluttershy is the exact opposite in that with no time to panic she does well, so high pressure is where she is more effective.

as he flew towards the horizon.
-Actually a traitor,and just died off-screen, he is supernaturally tough, or the fundamental rules of the universe prevent him from dying even without wings. I mean this IS the show where people can crash into solid cliffs hard enough to crack off a landslide's worth of rock, not to mention if one takes the slapstick abuse Twilight endured in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" to be literal and canonical. The other possibility is that Zecora has a potion for this...but given what Tirac said about him being lucky, I'm actually leaning towards him being supernaturally tough, although Tirac seems to believe in "a fate worse than death" or he probably wouldn't be keeping Discord around.

Tirek looked at his prisoners, and grinned slowly. “I wonder if you meant what you said, Princess.”
-Properly paranoid I see... I wonder if Discord will cue her to do it, since he might even be going to die of old age if he doesn't get his magic back and if he does, then he can regrow his eyeballs with trivial ease... then again, Discord may think that Tirac would want to reward snitching, and thus call the whole thing off at the last second.

[CCC]

The resistance must have some sort of intelligence on the throne room if he knows about that...

Or he and Daring Do were standing right outside when Twilight was yelling about defenestration.

“Fortunately for you,” he continued, “I don't have any immediate use for you.”

-That doesn't sound very fortunate to me... although he could just mean 'a quick and painless death instead of tortured into serving me'.

Exactly, yes.

“To remove the eyes.” said Tirek, lifting Ahuizotl from his face with one huge hand. “From the Old Equestrian 'fenestra', or 'window', and the prefix 'de', 'to remove', thus 'to remove the windows' – and the only body part that can be described as a 'window' is the eye.”

-Either Twilight can lie like a boss, Discord was the one to provide the definition, or you are trying to correct for the objections of your readership without editing published chapters by giving the words different definitions in Equestria then they had IRL... either that or it really did mean that IRL at one point, which I find highly unlikely.

"Fenestra" really is Latin for "window". Tirek hasn't come across the word "defenestrate" before, he's just guessing (badly) based on his pre-imprisonment knowledge of the root words it comes from.

as he flew towards the horizon.

-Actually a traitor,and just died off-screen, he is supernaturally tough, or the fundamental rules of the universe prevent him from dying even without wings.

Supernaturally tough, I think. After all, he has to be able to survive the occasional ancient temple collapsing onto his own head...

I really do enjoy seeing the theories that you come up with. So far, they're far more intricate than what I was thinking when I wrote the story...