Maud)327 words
Chapter 148 words

Some Exotic Fever (short story; Comedy; Twilight)

Spike had been shooed out of Twilight's bedroom, much to his irritation. The doctor, a chocolate-brown unicorn stallion with round glasses and that all-too-predictable stethoscope cutie mark, returned his equipment and notes to his saddlebags in a ponderous way which Twilight found infuriating. Not that there was a great deal she could do about it without getting out of bed, something she'd been advised strongly against until the examination was over.

At last, the doctor raised his head and looked at Twilight over the top of his glasses, which were perched so precariously on the end of his muzzle that she was convinced they were only a twitch away from falling to the floor. Broken glass! Broken glass! On my floor! she squeaked inwardly, followed almost at once by a warning Calm down, Twilight! from a more rational part of her mind.

"—within a few days," finished the doctor, looking expectantly at Twilight. The alicorn blushed, coughed a little and put on a broad but entirely false smile.

"Heh... sorry, doc, I think I must have... that is... er, please, do go on!"

The stallion looked distinctly unconvinced, but merely rolled his eyes gently. Twilight blushed again as an unworthy thought flitted across her mind: perhaps it was useful sometimes to be a member of Equestrian royalty.

The doctor took a deep breath, perhaps a little deeper than was really necessary. "To emphasise my points, Your Highness: it does seem that your self-diagnosis was correct, which I suppose is not surprising given... well, I'll leave you a note about the medication I've prescribed. It should be familiar to you. Although yours is certainly an... unusual case, I feel that a standard course of treatment should produce significant benefits within a few days."

"So," said Twilight hesitantly, "can I get out of bed now?"

"Oh yes," replied the doctor. "However, in the light of your particular circumstances, I would strongly advise against any flying, at least until after I've seen you again on Thursday."

Twilight almost bounced out of bed, coming perilously close to knocking the doctor's saddlebags clean off his back. Instead, she thanked him effusively. And again. And again.

Then, as the stallion was turning to leave, she stopped abruptly.

"Doctor... how... how is this possible?"

"I don't quite get your meaning, Princess; could you perhaps elaborate?"

Twilight paused. She wasn't sure quite what she did mean. Still, no harm in asking... "Well, obviously I know about this disease, given that I've had it before. But I thought I'd be immune now. I didn't think it was possible for me to get it again. Wait – this is some sort of prank, isn’t it?"

The doctor frowned. "That's an odd choice of word, if you don't mind my saying so." (Twilight said nothing.) "This really isn't something you want to contract. It's a shame that it's become a bit of a joke among other ponies, since it can be quite unpleasant."

Twilight bit her lip and looked up, nervously. "Un-unpleasant?"

"Well, let's go back to basics here. You have, as I say, the condition that I expected to find. Or at least, a new version of it that isn't entirely confined to unicorns. I suppose I'll have to add a note in my... er... notes to mention that alicorns – and, presumably, pegasi – may be affected, too. I'm sorry, Princess, but every test we've done has come up positive. Apart from the one that might have defined what type of the thing you have, of course. I believe you may have a novel strain. That means—"

Twilight was becoming exasperated. "Yes! I mean no! I mean... I don't know what it means, doctor. And... I thought I knew everything about this disease already! I've read all the literature on the subject!"

"I bet you have," muttered the medic under his breath. But aloud, all he said was, "Ah, yes. Sometimes, that does rather lag behind the most recent discoveries out in the field. We are exploring the possibility of the virus having mutated recently. Which would explain why we've been calling it—"

"I know!" burst out Twilight, tears glistening in her wide-open eyes. "I know now! Lavender Unicorn (Plus Uncertain) Syndrome. But... but..."

The doctor looked at her, his face at last almost kindly, and nodded sadly. "I'll admit that my first reaction was very similar to yours when my colleague first showed me her results. It did take quite some time for me to be convinced. For a long while, I thought she must be mistaken. As I said to her – it's never LU(PU)S."

Author's Note:

Another story idea that didn't quite click. In particular, I couldn't find a way to stop the punchline feeling horribly clunky.

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