When a handsome pegasus named Blaze Gust moves into ponyville, every mare goes incredibly insane over him. all of tehm except one. A shy and quiet unicorn named Trebel Caster. Trebel catches Blaze Gust's eye, but will he admit it?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 26th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 30th, 2014
mlpcutie
im just an amature writer who loves writing mlp fanfcitions.
mlpcutie
Joined 26th Jul, 2014 ·
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Real good story so far, there are some punctuation errors for example:
Treble rolled her eyes " like I would tell you...' she muttered and raised her chin slightly.
It should be " Like I would tell you! " You put triple dot at the end of her sentence. Unless she was going to continue her sentence then you write it like that, but she didn't say anything else afterwards so it should be written like how I wrote it for you. And you put the wrong punctuation mark at the end it should be " not ' but I think it's an honest mistake. Lastly I think the beginning sentence sounds real familiar, it looks a lot like the beginning sentence from my story "Seasonal Love" no big deal but anyhow this story has a lot of potential but try doing what I do, make a complete bio for your OCs like I did with Teky, Ninroot and others that way you can get an idea of what their personalities are I don't know if you already did that or if you know what their personalities are but just a suggestion. But like I said this story has potential if you need any more help with this story or if you have a story idea that we could collaborate on then I'm all ears but keep up the good work
Absolutely amazing. A story about your two self-insert OCs hooking up, one of who is apparently Rainbow Dash's best friend, and the other who all the mares go crazy for, in a fic filled with spelling and grammar mistakes that obviously had no effort put into proofreading the text of the chapter, description, or title.
prayersandapples.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/I-see-no-way-this-could-ever-go-wrong.jpg
4789897
This is the first story I've seen on this site that has all downvotes and no upvotes.
4790103 Now it has the one upvote and ten downvotes. I want to say that your comment may have something to do with that, but I'm not too sure.
4790103
4790161
Yeah, it's pretty rare to find a story with no upvotes, since the author can upvote their own story.
I'm not even going to go into all of the problems with this. I just have one question: why did you put in a BLANK author's note?!
4789897
Sigh
Where to start--
Right from the very beginning I've seen several problems
, mostly in grammar and spelling. Missing several commas, not-capitalizing the first word in sentences, names, I's, ect. Another is your character being Dashie's best friend. No, she's not. 
It's okay if your oc is friends with Dash, most Ponies in Ponyville are, but her -best- friends are the main six.
The other main problem I have is the male oc, the one "every mare in town goes crazy for," this seems highly unnecessary. What you should do is make him rather Charismatic, a smooth-talker. That would give him -character-, which is something both him and the female oc need
My advice: Scrap the story and attempt a rewrite in the future, pay attention to spelling and grammar, and develop your oc's a bit more!
Draw out the story and give them some biography's, story, -character-
My rating: 0/10 Mustaches
4790161 I'm actually the one who liked it, I liked it because I see it has potential but it just needs a little work I mean when I made my first story I needed to fix it, and later on I did but still this story has potential, it just needs a little work
4793940 I admit you have a point but here's the thing, this story is her/his first story I'm sure it needs a little work but lets be honest who here didn't screw up hard on their first story here. I know I did but I did fix it later on the first story was "Seasonal Love" but anyways you should cut her/him some slack but you do have a point with punctuation errors and spelling errors that need looking at but still cut some slack
4794963 Yes, I do suppose I should cut them some slack on their first story, and you're right it does indeed show potential. I'm always glad to see new writers trying their hand at fanfiction
, and romance stories are a great start!
One point i'm trying to make is to start with the pre-existing characters in the show, and once you become familiar with character balancing and making their personalities interesting then make your oc's.
To author, if they're paying attention to comments: Try filling out an online character sheet, they're -very- helpful in making oc's, and even other things, like WoW Roleplay Personas.
4795014 I considered somewhat the same things she/he should make a character bio like I did with my two OCs Ninroot and Teky Hoof, in fact I have a journal filled with my OCs with there information like age, height, and personalities (I'm board a lot)
Anyhow she/he just needs to work on the characters and a the story line, and the relationship with some of the mane six. Like in my story I just have Twilight be an acquaintance to my OCs, like the Ned Flanders of my stories only without the christian thing.
I apologize for my poor grammar and spelling. I've always been awful at typing. I'm seriously trying my best and I really want people to like my story, even if it isn't as good as most. Again, I feel awful about my mistakes. I'm tying to find a person who could pre-read and help me with corrections. But those of you who gave me a compliment, thank you for the support. I'm sorry if you don't like his story, I will try harder. I promise.
I feel so awful hat I messed up everyone. I get that you guys definitely think I'm a major idiot right now. I apologize for not writing correctly, I was on an iPad at the time as well. I apologize once again.
4798483 Don't feel awful, just shrug off this story and try again!
4798483 You're not an idiot for doing this, besides it's only your first story, I bet if you keep practicing the story writing I'm sure the next story you write will be great! And besides we all make mistakes, especially on our first story. I know I did.