- Member Since 5th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen March 7th
Dieser117
Fav pony Luna, likes Star Trek, Halo, Mass Effect, and Doctor Who.
Dieser117
Joined 5th Jul, 2014 ·
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Nice i'm interested for more
4731359 Thanks.
The only problem I see is that the Chief isn't like that. He is more quiet and would prefer to be alone.
4731468 I agree as well all backstory I've heard about him is that he is fucked in the head and anti-social.
>>GrezterGreen Yeah so I recommend revising now before your too deep and get lots of hate. You can bring him out of his shell later but you got to make the ponies befriend him and sooth his broken mind.
4733216 I revised the first chapter slightly.
That was a bit extreme. I mean i get breaking their spears, but breaking their legs?
4738089 Well in John's mind they were threatening him, and they were also threatening the princess and her little sister, or so he thought.
When can I expect some updates? I hate authors who leave work unfinished or take explicitly long times to upload.
4745492 I'm just waiting on the reads to put into the comments on what the Chief, Cortana, Luna and Celestia should do. I put it in the Author's Notes.
A little short but still way more than my lazy ass could have written in your time span.
4747353 I'm wanting the readers to input on what the Chief, Cortana, Luna and Celestia should do. I'm wanting this story to be a reader helped/powered story and possibly some of my future stories.
4747371 If I tried to give you my input and you listened this story would die. I'm shit with helping others with their ideas.
4749039 Alright then.
Damn these a coming out quicker than well... a lot of stuff.
4752031 It takes me a while to think of the Chapter and the name for it. And with school starting up again I may have to put this on Hiatus, but I'll do my best to update it.
There are a few things you need to work on with this story, though I'm enjoying it. Take the above quoted for example. It should be more along the lines of-
"Thou aren't much of a... talker... as the commoners put it." The Princess of the Night asked while she and I walked across the plains. I didn't respond as usual due to not wanting to talk about the Human-Covenent War and the billions of human lives lost."
The reason I changed it around a bit is mainly due to mentioning that Chief, Cortana and Luna were walking. Technically it's just Chief and Luna walking as Cortana doesn't have a physical body. The rest is to make it easier to read and understand. Again I'm enjoying this so far but you also need to fix some of your sentences. Many of them are rather jumbled and can be a bit hard to follow.
That aside don't stop doing what you're doing. This can get interesting
Don't worry just write how u feel it should be no rush
4753289 Alright, but I may have to put the story on Hiatus since school starts soon.
Shouldn't his ship be The Forward Unto Dawn
4771687 Thanks for pointing it out.
4771703 Yo welkom
4771733
Awkward sentence is awkward and needs correction. In fact, this entire first paragraph needs a serious tune up. It's a very poor overview of Halo 1 to Halo 3.
*whether
Uh... This doesn't sound like the Chief. At all. Massive OOC-ness for the Chief here. The Chief is a professional warrior. His demeanor is defined by his youth of military training. He oozes military bearing like most people sweat. He would introduce himself as Master Chief Petty Officer Spartan-117, UNSC Navy and everything after that introduction is also very OOC and should be removed.
No. The Autumn was fleeing from the destruction of Reach, not heading to Earth (after which was scuttled to destroy the Halo ring). Cole Protocol dictates that no UNSC ship can jump to a UNSC-held location until after jumping to a random location and making a sweep for any Covenant tracking devices.
...Have you ever played the games? The Pillar of Autumn was used to destroy the forth Halo ring while the Dawn was there to secure the Ark. The situation then deteriorated to the point that securing the Arc was impossible and its destruction was required. This was done by using a Halo ring that was under construction (to replace the destroyed forth Halo ring). MCPO S-117 activated the ring before construction was complete and the ring consumed itself in the firing of its main weapon. S-117, the Arbiter, and two other Elites (because I can't even begin to attempt to spell their names
) were on the Dawn to try and escape the Halo ring's weapon firing. After getting to the Dawn, the Elites were able to get to the bridge of the ship while the Chief was stuck in the hanger. The Dawn was only half of the way through the portal before the portal deactivated, leaving the bow (forward) half of the Dawn in Eath's atmosphere, and the stern (rear) half standard out in the middle of nowhere. The Chief then went into cryosleep and left Cortana in the Dawn's systems after they determined their situation and decided that putting the Chief into cryosleep was the best choice.
You might want to get a better grasp of Halo canon before continuing. This isn't even close to being in line with any Halo canon (or even fanon). Search "Halo wiki" and look for the Halopedia website. That would be a good place to start.
...
That's nowhere near "perfect" Old English. That's actually not Old English. In fact, you wouldn't be able to understand Old English given how radically different it is to modern English (for example, this is Old English, "Fæder ūre þū þe eart on heofonum..."). What she's speaking is incredibly poor Shakespearean English (aka Early-Modern English). Here's a good place to start to learn how to write Luna's speech patterns, and here is a good webpage to use to help conjugate the verbs. Do not beat yourself up if you can't get this down. It's not an easy skill to learn. Modern English is significantly more relaxed on word conjugations.
So Sunbutt is the little sister in this fic? Never seen that before.
And now, I've run out of steam to read this fic. The quality is, to be honest, terrible. It takes me longer to understand what you're trying to say in a signle sentence than it would to read a paragraph, normally. There are little to no descriptions, characters make decisions that make no logical sense, the OOC-ness is rampant, our species' name is "Humans" not "Human Beings", the Halo canon is all but ignored and the spelling and grammar is terrible. I'd bet that this is a trollfic, but at least most of these things would be lampshaded in some way. Get an editor and find someone who knows Halo-canon to aid you. I'm surprised that the like/dislike ratio is as high as it is. This is most likely due to it just being missed by all of the people who like Halo crossovers.
4774674 I think I fixed some of it, if not just let me know when you reread through the story.
Yup yeah uhhuh yeah right weird
4796171 ...
4796202 indeed i'm dissipointed nor am i amused since i'm a halo fan and i know for a fact that a horn cant go trough titanium
4796228 Where did you get that from?
4814129 magic my friend magic
How To Use An Apostrophe
(Hint: it's not as a warning to the reader that the word ends with the letter S.)
4818279 I'm doing my best on the story, all I'm asking of the readers is to point out any mistakes and misspellings.
4818382
I gave you three mistakes just from your story description, and that was just from one error category. Not knowing how to use an apostrophe is a pretty big deal. You should click on the link from my previous comment.
4818390 As I said before I'm doing my best with the story.
4818409
Do you want to improve?
4818484 As much as I can.
4818494
Then click the link and learn the proper way to use an apostrophe.
4818500 I know how to use a fucking apostrophe.
4818548
You clearly don't. Read your story description again.
Whoever taught you to use it like that needs the shit slapped out of him or her.
4818548 Dude, watch it. This guy's trying to help. And he's right about your use of apostrophes in your description, so you need to learn to take the help you asked for. I can link you off the top of my head to several examples of reacting like you just did going EXTREMELY badly for the author.
4818648, 4818685 I'm trying to do my best on this fucking story alright you guys.
4818698
Do you want your best to be even better? Then take advice when it's offered to you.
Just don't expect any more from me in the future, kid.
4818698 You ASKED for this to be pointed out, remember? Not only was it pointed out, you were given a useful resource to do some self-checking. I'm really not sure where your attitude's coming from or where/why it went sour.
You know what I hate authors who are just too damn lazy to use proper etiquette or get a proofreader or an editor to fix their story. Don't just cancel a story because you don't have time to edit it get an editor to do it for you i'm not saying could just ride it all half ass and everything do your best send the chapter to another tear after it's edited then post it you canceling this just because some people are giving you good advice and just trying to help out is just childish
Please excuse some of the minor errors in my previous comment I don't own a computer so I have been doing everything on my iPhone and using speak and text a lot and sometimes it puts the wrong words and I don't catch it before I post things
Chiefs thoughts.... Ew.
... Dude. Chief's thought are not one of a fucking stone cold soldier. He she have the same thought process as Maud.
... Dude. This isn't 117... This is a fucking brute from Halo
4823126 I want to let you know that I cancelled the story. But you cn read what I had already published.