Cutie Mark Crusaders: The Next Generation

by Bluecatcinema

To The Rescue

Ponyville, ten years from now...

Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake, twin children of Carrot Cake And Cup Cake, Ponyville's local bakers, wandered through the streets of their home town. Pound, his pegasus wings flapping, was kicking a tin can across the street. Ever since he was a foal, Pound had enjoyed pounding anything he could get his hooves on, and that can was no exception; Catching up to it, he brought both of his front hooves down on it, crushing it flat. Behind him, Pumpkin Cake was eating a sandwich, which she was levitating close to her mouth with her unicorn magic. As a baby, Pumpkin had a habit of putting all manner of inedible objects into her mouth and chewing on them. As she grew up, this habit had somehow transformed into a penchant for peculiar food; The sandwich she was currently eating had an eggplant and peanut butter filling.

"I'm bored now." Pound sighed listlessly.

"Tell me about it." Pumpkin said through a mouthful of food. "There's nothing to do today."

Suddenly, their attention was drawn by a nearby scream.

"Leave me alone!"

"You hear that?" Pound gasped. "Someone's in trouble!"

"Let's help 'em out!" Pumpkin declared, placing her half-eaten sandwhich behind her ear.

The two young ponies galloped in the direction of the scream. Rounding a corner into an alley, they found a young earth pony filly being cornered by two rough-looking colts of the same species.

"Please, just... go away!" The filly trembled.

"Or what?" Sneered the larger of the colts.

"Yeah." Sniggered his compatriot. "You gonna make us?"

"She won't, but we will." Pound declared boldly.

"Get lost, squirts." Scoffed the big colt. "This ain't any of your business."

"We've decided to make it our business." Pumpkin scowled. "Leave. Her. Alone."

"Fine." The big colt sneered. "We'll deal with you instead."

"Yeah. "Chuckled his lackey. "You're gonna get it now!"

Pumpkin's horn glowed as she screwed her face up in concentration. Various odds and ends in the alley flew up into the air, and, at a twitch of Pumpkin's head, began pelting the bullying colts.

"Hey!" Protested the smaller colt.

"Knock it off!" Growled the bigger one.

"Okay, sis, you've had your fun." Pound stepped forward. "My turn."

"Now you're gonna get it." Snarled the big colt.

"Oh, yeah?" Pound sneered. Raising his hooves, he slammed them down on the pavement, hard enough to actually create small craters in the ground. "Wanna bet?"

The two bullies gaped at the craters in the ground.

"Y-you know what?" Stuttered the big colt. "We've got better things to do do then waste time on you losers."

"We do?" The little one tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah, we do." The big one snarled. "Now let's get outta here!"

The two bullies galloped out of the alley.

"Thanks." The filly breathed a sigh of relief.

"No problem." Pound smiled. "I'm Pound Cake, and this is my sister, Pumpkin."

"Sister?" Repeated the filly. "But she's..."

"A Unicorn?" Pumpkin finished for her. "Let's just say our family tree has a few unusual branches."

"I'm Cream Puff, by the way." Smiled the filly, tossing a lock of lavender mane out of her eye. "You were really brave, standing up to those two bullies like that."

"Yeah, well..." Pound blushed modestly."It was the right thing to do, y'know?"

"You hungry?" Pumpkin asked, levitating her sandwich over to Cream Puff.

"Er, no thanks." Cream Puff grimaced at the unusual filling.

"You should be honored." Pound smirked. "Pumpkin hardly ever shares her food with anypony."

"Don't mind my brother." Pumpkin told Cream Puff. "He thinks he's a lot funnier then he actually is."

"Why were those jerks on your case, anyway?" Pound asked.

"They were picking on me because I don't have a Cutie Mark." Cream Puff turned as she said this, showing off her cream colored, clearly blank flank.

"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of." Pound declared.

"Yeah." Pumpkin nodded. "We're blank flanks, too, and we're not ashamed!"

Pound and Pumpkin showed off their own blank flanks.

"You're blank flanks, too?" Cream Puff gasped joyfully. "I thought I was the only one!"

"You thought wrong, my friend." Pound smiled.

"It's not that I'm ashamed of not having a Cutie Mark." Cream Puff admitted. "I just wish I could finally discover my special talent, and earn my Mark at last."

"Same here." Pound nodded knowingly.

"Hey, you know what this reminds me of?" Pumpkin piped up excitedly. "Remember when aunt Pinkie told us all those stories about the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle, had finally discovered their special talents and earned their marks years ago, but the stories of their cutie mark-seeking exploits were still well-known around Ponyville.

"The three of us could be the new Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Pumpkin declared excitedly. "We could help each other find our own special talents, just like the originals did!"

"You just may be on to something there, sis." Pound mused. "What do you say, Cream Puff? You in?"

"Well, it's worth a shot." Cream Puff admitted. "And the best part is, I get two new friends thrown into the bargain!"

"That's the spirit!" Cheered Pumpkin jubilantly. "All together now..."

The three young ponies put their hooves together.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAAYY!"

"Wanna come over to our place?" Asked Pound. "We can have a cutie mark planning session!"

"And we can introduce you to mom and dad's awesome baking!" Pumpkin smiled. "Take it from me, you haven't lived until you've tried Sugarcube Corner's famous extra-creamy cupcakes!"

"Sounds good to me." Cream Puff smiled back.

The three young ponies trotted out of the alley, friends and comrades, ready to help each find their special talents. If Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle could have seen them at that moment, they would be smiling with approval, happily giving their blessings for the use of their former team name.

The Beginning...

Comments

[TheRealShadowFoot]

I like how this fic starts. favoriting / tracking :D

[Aceskywalker]

Faved/tracked. I wanna see how you develop the Cake twins and your OC.
Will the original CMC make an appearance?

[Nuki Mouse]

Concept not too bad and some thought put into keeping the twins baby personalities intact.
HOWEVER
WAY TOO MANY COMMAS and fragmented sentences strung together, unneeded semi-colons, clumsy wording, capitalization errors galore, and grammarical errors. These are especially bad in the first paragraph.
The first word after a semi-colon is NOT capitalized.
'...no exception; catching up...' -not- '...no exception; Catching up...'
In dialogue, quotation marks don't end a sentence. So the first word after them (unless it is a name) is NOT capitalized.
"Sister?" repeated the filly. -not- "Sister?" Repeated the filly.

BUT BY FAR THE WORST IS:
You having the whole story center aligned instead of aligned left with proper indentation. Having a title or story header center aligned is OK, centering equally lengthed lines of poetry or song lyrics sometimes works, but you should NEVER do it for the body of the story. It's a lazy gimmick that does nothing but make your story almost unreadable.
Now before you throw a hissy fit about me "flaming" you, remember this; I didn't have to write this, I did it because I think this could be a good story.
No one likes flames like "U suck" and nothing more, however critical comments or pointing out errors are NOT flames.
I wouldn't comment if this was so bad it was beyond help. You might want to use a proof reader or editor to help you. Try PonyChan.net; in their fanworks section is a board for Fanfics.
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/
This is full of bronies willing to help new (and old) writers with proofreading and story critiques.

[Starlight_Tinker]

This is excellent, very good job

I agree with Nuki Mouse that the centre alignment is unusual, however, apart from that, I found this to be very enjoyable read

Looking forward to the next chapter

[Koala2001]

The trademark cheering at the top of their lungs lives again

Edit: I just noticed as I read the story again, they're even all three races of pony, just like the original

[Shipper107]

Ever since he was a foal, Pound had enjoyed pounding anything he could get his hooves on, and that can was no exception; Catching up to it, he brought both of his front hooves down on it, crushing it flat. Behind him, Pumpkin Cake was eating a sandwich, which she was levitating close to her mouth with her unicorn magic. As a baby, Pumpkin had a habit of putting all manner of inedible objects into her mouth and chewing on them. As she grew up, this habit had somehow transformed into a penchant for peculiar food; The sandwich she was currently eating had an eggplant and peanut butter filling.

that´s just pwecioush.

young earth pony filly being cornered by two rough-looking colts of the same species.

Pony= Species
Earth Pony= Race

"I'm Cream Puff, by the way." Smiled the filly, tossing a lock of lavender mane out of her eye.
Cream Puff turned as she said this, showing off her cream colored, clearly blank flank.

OHMIGOD IT´S THAT BABY FROM THE MARE DO WELL EPISODE.

"All together now..."

The three young ponies put their hooves together.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAAYY!"

YAAAAAAAAY

[way_2_spooky_4_u]

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAAYY!

You should have had a change in perspective showcasing the subconscious distress the citizenry of Ponyville feels anytime members of the CMC do that.