Achievement unlocked, Love Derpy,
Unlocked Awesome mail truck
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Pretty good. There's quite a few small errors though, but I overlooked them.

I love it. I giggled at the blueberry taste part.

Couple of small quibbles regarding grammar, but the overall story was very good.

crush even if there's nothing but air around

crash

pretty good, though towards the end the dialogue gets a little trashy romance novel cheesy, but overall I enjoyed it

I knew it! I knew I recognized you and that reference! Dude! What is up!

fucking lord i love derpy romance stories

4678146 man that is one badass mailtruck

WTBDIJBR! I am not sure how to feel about this.

Very nice chapter, but there are a few things you may want to edit. First, there are a few times you forget to capitalize a name.

After dropping the filly at school –and exchanging a few words with cheerilee- you head towards the post office to start a new shift.

"To you as well Silver light, how is Silver Spoon doing?"

Silver light giggles and says "So, what's our friendly neighborhood human is doing in the market? And more importantly, why did you stop in front of my stall?"

And lastly, there is one part where you wrote "then" when I think you meant "than", but even then, the sentence seems off and I think the "then" should be deleted.

"Two hundred?! But the price is twice then that! Silver, I may be a mailman but I make good money, I can definitely pay you full price, there's no need for this."

I wish I was really badass enough to tackle a manticore.

Hmm... I'm conflicted here. On one hand, kudos for writing a fic featuring Derpy. On the other hand, I really struggled to finish reading this.

There an incredible amount of "tell" and not "show". All the characters feel like they are executing commands, "<Name> moves to spot X, does task Y, jumps through hoop H."
Prime example:

You move away from the bed and move closer to your dresser, picking a grey T-shirt, a simple looking boxers and a pair of jeans, and exit the room.

The color of the T-shirt nor any of the actions in this sentence have any particular significance in the rest of the story and could been easily summarized with a "got dressed and went to the kitchen" (or downstairs). Either way, it's there and feels very rote.

FimFic has a pretty nice writing guide that has a section on show and tell: https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Show-versus-tell

Somehow, the sun rays intensify in heat to a point of which you can actually feel as if your skin is on fire.

I get that this is supposed to be a joke because he is badmouthing Celestia and her Sun, but it defies all means of reasonably explaining how this actually happens and is promptly dismissed. A way you could have kept the joke without making it like Celestia just happened to hear him and got pissed off, would have been to have the sun happen to pass through some item either inside or outside that magnified the heat at that particular moment. You could still give the reader the perception that it was Celestia, but then reveal that it was some mundane thing and uncanny timing that lined up the effect and the character could breathe a sigh of relieve that they didn't actually catch the ear of goddess.

You frown hard and grasp Derpy with both hands, squeezing her slightly but not enough to cause pain "Don't give me that bullshit, tell me the truth and tell me the truth now!"

This felt incredibly hostile towards Derpy and didn't match the level of gentle concern he had before. Things that could have been mentioned here to rationalize this ratcheting up of the tension could have been for anon to monologue internally, She did this every time she cried. Her heart was breaking on the inside, but time and again she desperately tried to cover it up. Each time failing to conceal the pain, which only stoked my desire to try and get answers.

With a character like Derpy, you have so many opportunities to draw out "the feels", but it is squandered on copious amounts of "tell" and not "show". In that one moment where Derpy hesitates to tell Anon what happened, you can stir up a wellspring of emotions. "Does Derpy not trust me?", "I thought were were closer than that...", the list goes on. Instead it feels like he rages and the story just gives him what he wants.

Silence soon falls onto the room.

That must hurt.

... and holy shit it's 8am... time to sleep for a bit. -_-

It Has potential though and I'm sorry to complain there are misspelled words missing words and the progression is improvements could be made and I would love to see it

perfect story, cool reasons on why anything happens in the story, just.... amazing.

You groggily open your eyes as the first rays of sunshine filters through your curtains and straight into your face. You try to fidget towards a more shaded area on your bed, only to learn that Celestia can be very persisting.
"Tens of thousands of miles away from this planet and still a headshot. Scumbag sun." you mutter.
Then you decide to cover your face with your blanket, only partially effective since it was a thin one. You mutter some more unkind words about Celestia and the sun as you slowly rise from the comfortable confines of your bed. Somehow, the sun rays intensify in heat to a point of which you can actually feel as if your skin is on fire.
"Ouch! Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You hurry to say, and as fast as the heat came, it left.

Don't dis my sun...human

Okay this was a pretty decent story.

That being said a lot of other people have said that do you get something different, some suggestions for your next story. Take this well, I think you are good and I want you to get better.

First is to keep "you" fairly ambiguous in Sec9nd Person stories. Both the detail of "me" being an orphan and having one less eye did nothing to the overall story. There is no difference if I was rich or poor since it obvioisly doesn't reflect how much money I have now. The eye thing could have easily been a slash on the arm and Derpy saving me from blood loss. I feel like you tossed that in to make your story seem more "unique".

I also see the trend of "oh I love you love" "I love you too we have the loveliest love that has ever loved a love". That is fine for general fluff fics like this but there is really one problem with that: people who are falling in love or are in love don't talk like that. It is very "high school romance" and not what adults would do.

A date would be more appropriate since it shows that I want tonactually take time out of my life to be with Derpy. As a single mother Derpy would consider a night off to be a bigger treat than jewelry. Have a good dinner, talk a bit and confess that you wish you had done this sooner, she would agree and you two do the comfortable silence as you eat. Then you get home and stick that D in the V.

Granted I am only commenting on this chapter I haven't read the "bonus" one yet.

So in all, good job. You have room to grow and I'll see what else you can write.

5491164

I get that this is supposed to be a joke because he is badmouthing Celestia and her Sun, but it defies all means of reasonably explaining how this actually happens and is promptly dismissed. A way you could have kept the joke without making it like Celestia just happened to hear him and got pissed off, would have been to have the sun happen to pass through some item either inside or outside that magnified the heat at that particular moment. You could still give the reader the perception that it was Celestia, but then reveal that it was some mundane thing and uncanny timing that lined up the effect and the character could breathe a sigh of relieve that they didn't actually catch the ear of goddess.

I get the feeling that the joke literally was that he got flicked by the sun goddess for being a whiny brat. It's not uncommon in fantasy that a deity has enhanced knowledge/sensory perception of their deific portfolio or realm of control. In which case it's not impossible that in this writer's story anyone talking about the sun is being passively picked up on by Celestia.

"Your rather… exceptional physique " Hell yes!! Let a big guy get some!!!!

Well, it was going fairly well until the confession scene. After that, I could practically predict everything that happened and speed read the rest of it until I got bored. Normally, I think a love scene is a great addition to a story like this... but you execution of the confession and her litterally going right for his dick after kissing him and everything (what little there was) before, just, urgh! You could have done better here had you not rushed it and went into cheesy dialogue and cheap sex. Sorry, but I'm not sorry to say that I think you could at least try to do better.