• Member Since 25th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Des92


T

There always comes a moment in one's life, a moment, when you have to decide. A moment when you realize that you can not delay any longer. That you must do what has to be done. There is no one else, but you. No one is going to help you do it, either. Sweeping the floor is a duty one must always carry out. But be wary of the consequences, for who knows where it might land you...

And never let go of your broom.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 8 )

Well as far as I can tell you are doing a really good job with this. It's well written, and well detailed. a few spelling errors here and there but other than that it has an interesting premise. I look forward to seeing were you go with this. Btw it's actually rather difficult to capture my attention with a story. The fact that you have speaks volumes. Keep it up!!

I liked your introduction of the transportation to Equestria, it felt unique compared to many other HiE fics. I think you could benefit from fleshing scenes out more. The descriptions of things happening felt somewhat sparse, and that made portions slightly confusing. Great first couple chapters, I'll be interested in seeing where the rest of this fic goes!

4668805
I will try my best. However, I will not be setting any deadlines yet.

4668901
Thank you very much!

4669555
Thanks for the feedback, will definitely keep that in mind!

There is no major problem with the story. It's well written and the plot seems to flow decently. Sure, the comedy isn't the best, but it does the job. And it also looks promising, despite the whole 'HUMAN TELEPORTED TO EQUESTRIA FOR AN APARENT REASON WHATSOEVER' cliché. A proofreader is not needed with that grammar, but watch out for those small details,

It has potential, but be careful with what you decide to add, for it may be overused. But leaving that aside, keep this up and you may have a good story in your hands. That is all!

See ya soon!

4674594
Thanks for the feedback! All valid points, and admittedly I did indeed follow one of the most cliché setups possible.
What did you mean by 'those small details'? I'm assuming you're talking about grammar and typos?

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