Take it
“T-that’s really funny miss, but just because you have a child that...really looks like me, doesn’t mean it’s-”
“Care to explain, Shining!”
Shining yelped as Cadance pulled his hair. He pulled away from her grip and looked up at her glaring eyes “Ow...Cadance, It’s not my-”
“It is yours.” The pony at the door said in the most monotone voice she could make. “I know this since I’m the mother.” The mare, who was Chrysalis in disguise, had no time to waste when it came to getting rid of this colt, so she wanted it off her hooves as soon as possible, she didn’t care if two of her most hated enemies were staring at her, she didn’t want to have any of this, besides, she could deal with them later.
Cadance could only look back and forth at the colt on the mare’s back and her husband, it was only making her angrier by the second. “How could you?!”
Shining, on the other hoof, was taking this situation very differently. “Honey, I don’t understand a thing this mare is saying, just because she has a colt that looks…” He looked back at the colt, who did nothing but chew strands of hair and smile. “Just...like...me...Um, doesn’t mean I-”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t remember the intercourse.” The disguised mare said. “You weren’t yourself when we were doing it. You were practically laying there, dazed out of your mind and had no idea what was going on.”
Both ponies dropped their jaws while the disguised Chrysalis stood deadpanned in the face. “You act as if you don’t know me.” She said.
“Wh- uh…tug..b...o-of course I don’t know you, for- for all I know, you put a spell on your child and brought it here…” He nodded his head. “Yeah, you brought it here just so you could-”
“Well, believe me,” The mare interrupted. “I thought it was a spell to, or the children just pulling a prank on me, but no, it’s a pony, nothing more, nothing less. So…” She took the colt off her back and placed it in front of her. “Take it.” She then pushed it forward.
The colt sat up and continued chewing chrysie’s strands of hair. He had no clue what was going on, but he did like how he was looking in a mirror again, though this one looked like it was bigger, and sillier, since the face his reflection was making was hilarious.
Though, in reality, it was Shining Armor staring at the colt in utter shock and horror, unable to understand just why this colt was sitting right in front of him, with a body and face that looked just like him when he was a colt.
“Listen, lady, how did you get here anyway?” Cadance said with a glare. She was on the verge of starting a fight.
The mother mare glared right back. “If you must know; one of your guards helped point me in your direction.”
Shining took his eyes off the colt and looked back at the mare in front of them. “How? The crystals guards normally don’t aid every day ponies into bringing them to the prince and princess’s home.”
“That’s because I made the idiot bring me here.” The mare said nonchalantly, causing the couple to raise their eyes.
“You....made him bring you here?” Cadance asked, thinking that this sounded very familiar.
Chrysalis groaned, knowing sooner or later these two would figure out her disguise. She just wanted to get out of this situation and move on with the rest of her short life. “Yes.” She said. “I did. I did the same exact trick on your husband a year or so ago.”
“Same tri...what? What are you talking about, what trick?” Shining was still trying to put the pieces together while Cadance was starting to understand who this mare really was.
Cadance looked away from her and thought about this. “A year ago, that was...that was when I was...wait…” Cadance stepped back. “No...n-no that’s not...that’s…”
“What’s wrong Cadance?” Shining ignored the child next to him and looked at his wife. “I mean, besides this mare telling us that I’m a father, when the only mare I ever fell in love with was you.”
“Technically, that’s not true, Shining.”
Shining closed his eyes and groaned, just as Cadance gasped in horror. “You know what, mare. Why don’t you just take your child and go...go...g-g-go…”
Once Shining opened his eyes, he looked into another pair, a pair of eyes that he never forgot about, the same pair that he saw just a week after the wedding, the same pair that he saw in his nightmares, the completely green eyes with a black slit right in the middle. These were the same eyes That made him blank out and forget everything, and not care for anyone, except for...her.
“You…” Shining said in a dark tone as he stepped back and stood in front of his wife in a protective manor. He clenched his teeth and looked up at the now fully changed mare in front of them.
“You act as though you’re surprised to see me.” Chrysalis said without a care for what would happen after this. She flared up her horn and closed the door behind her, not wanting anyone else to interfere with this little exchange.
Cadance and Shining stood their ground, knowing what this changeling was capable of. “What do you think you’re doing here Chrysalis!” Shining yelled.
The queen facehoofed. “Are you still that stupid! I told you I was here to give you this.” She pointed at the colt, who was now on his back, rolling back and forth in a playful manner.
“What do you mean ‘still’, and where did you get that colt?” Shining started getting the idea that she stole the colt just to make an excuse to...to...well, to do something!
“What I mean is that you are still an idiot.” Chrysalis stood over him. “You have a mind that is so simple to control, that I don’t even need to think clearly to fry your brain, I’d do it now if I wasn’t on a time crunch, and if your wife wasn’t here.”
Shining stood his ground while Cadance came between the two of them. “My husband is not an idiot, and he will never love you.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes as the colt started making his way up her leg. “I don’t care who he loves, I just want this colt” She almost jumped when she turned to see the child on her back. “Out of my hooves.” She slowly turned to the couple again. “So take it.”
Shining stomped his hoof. “What does this colt have anything to do with-”
“For one thing! He’s your son, and two, I have no idea how to raise a pony!”
“He’s not my son, that wouldn’t make any sense.” Shining knew for a fact that changelings don’t have pony children, they only have drones and nothing more.
“I know it doesn’t make any sense, which is why I don’t want to have any part of it, so take it!” Chrysalis grabbed the child with her magic and threw it at Cadance, who caught it with her own magic.
“How is he your child? He doesn’t even look like a changeling.” Cadance inspected the colt, not a single feature on it had any indication what it was part changeling.
“You can blame your husband for that.” She pointed at said accused husband and glared at him.
Shining was completely flabbergasted. “Me? What did I do? You were the one who-”
Chrysalis pushed Cadance out of the way and grabbed Shining by the throat. “You were the one who wasted a whole forty five minutes of intercourse! You just had to be one of those kinds of stallions and last forever. I didn’t even want any enjoyment out of it. All I wanted was a child that would be my plan B, but no, you ruined it, just like you ruined all my plans for feeding my kind!”
Shining struggled to get out of the panting changelings grasp, luckily, Cadance helped by smacking Chrysalis across the face, sending her a few feet back. “You had sex with my husband!?”
Chrysalis rubbed the side of her face. “You act like you care that I mated with your husband.” Chrysalis didn’t know anything about what these ponies cared about when I came to sex, it’s not like it’s personal or anything, it’s just intercourse.
As for Shining and Cadance, they looked at her with wide eyes and dropped jaws. “I-I-I had...had...you….and me...we…” Shining looked away and rubbed his head, trying to comprehend everything that was happening.
While he was doing that, Cadance was on the verge of blasting this queen a second time. “I do care, Chrysie! How could you do this?”
“Simple. I just made him look into my eyes and then once he was under my control I laid him on the bed and I got on top of him and-”
“I mean WHY!? Why did you do it?” Cadance didn’t want to know ‘how’ it happened at all.
“So I could have a hybrid that would have the powers of a pony and those of a changeling, but your husband's DNA decided to favor all of his kind and completely ignore what I had and made….THAT!” Chrysalis pointed at the colt again, who was looking up at his still zoned out father.
“So, you tried to make a hybrid? Why? How would making one even make a difference?” Cadance was starting to question this queens plan, it was starting to become even more outrages by the minute.
Chrysalis had enough, now was the time to leave, now was the time to finally rid this child and forget all of this, she would just answer this and leave. “He would help by...by b-by...uh, by dealing with...by...by controlling...welding...d-destroying...uh…” She sat down and looked down at the floor, wonder just what would happen if this plan did work, if she bread a hybrid, how would it help her? It would at least take a few years until it was ready, and even then the changelings wouldn’t be very strong.
“Well?” Cadance crossed her arms, wanting to hear whatever crazy answer this changeling would give her.
“I-I...I don’t know…”
Cadance ran up to her and went nose to nose with the queen. “Well how does that even make any logical...wait...you...don’t know?” Cadance backed up. “T-then why did-”
“WILL YOU STOP ASKING THESE QUESTION, YOU IGNORANT MARE!” Chrysalis yelled, causing Cadance to back up into the still zoned out Shining and the colt, who was now hiding behind her. “You don’t even need to ask anything, you just need to take this abomination out of my sight and just let me and the rest of my children die in peace, it’s what you wanted in the first place anyway!” Chrysalis panted heavily just as a stream of tears were making their way down her face.
Cadance cringed and the colt hung onto her leg, wondering why his mother was making water come out of her eyes again. “D-die?” Cadance wasn’t sure if she heard that right. She didn’t want their species to not exist, she just didn’t want them in Equestria, they could go somewhere else, like...like… “Oh…” She thought “There is no where else.”
“Please,” Chrysalis continued. “Just take the child and leave us, and don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want to see my children in a dead pile while your guards stand right next to them with spears prepared to strike me tomorrow.” Chrysalis hung her head again and tried to wipe the tears away.
Cadance bit her bottom lip, she hated seeing her worst enemy telling her that she had sex with her husband, but she also hated seeing her cry like this, especially after telling her that their species would soon die out, all because of her and her husband. speaking of which. “Um, Shining, do you have...you know...anything to say?”
Shining only responded with slight whispered to himself and hooves covering his face. “I-I don’t...I mean, I wasn't...forty five minutes?”
“What?” Cadance stepped away while Chrysalis raised her head, her tears now dried off.
“Well, I mean, forty five minutes is...well...I..I didn’t even know I could-” He rubbed his arm and looked at the changeling queen. “Uh...how was it?”
Chrysalis tilted her head while Cadance dropped her jaw again. “That’s what you care about right now?” Cadance stormed up to her husband and looked down at him. “Shining, I don’t know if you were listening, but she just said that her kind was dying, and that she-”
“It was...alright…” Chrysalis looked away. “I’ve had better but...not the worst.” She shrugged while Cadance started losing her mind.
“I-I-I...you really care about this now?”
“Hey, I was just answering a question, princess,” Chrysalis sat up taller and continued. “and I seriously doubt you know anything about what your Shining does in bed.” She then stepped forward. “You, have had sex with him, right?”
Shining looked at the child while Cadance pulled her hair. “NO! I’m not like you who has sex with the first stallion she meets, I want to make sure we’re both ready for a child.”
“He looked ready.” Chrysalis put on a smug face, now knowing that this mare was getting a bit ticked off at her for this.
“That’s because you controlled him!” Cadance went nose to nose with Chrysalis again while Shining held up the colt to eye level.
Chrysalis smiled. For her, this was some form of revenge on the mare that blasted her out of equestria, so she might as well make the best of it. “Oh, I doubt it even matters anyway. It’s not like you would do any better.”
Cadance’s fuse finally lit once that statement was heard, before anyone knew it the princesses and queen were into a full argument of raised voices and sexual slurs to each other, all the while, Shining was too busy looking at his son.
The colt reached up for Shining’s hair. “What is with you and hair, little one?” Shining chuckled, now seeing just why Cadance wanted one of these. It would only be better if-
Shining stared blankly into the distance with an idea that he knew would probably kill him, but his male mind decided to ask it anyway. “Um...Hey, Chrysalis?”
“WHAT?!” Both the mares yelled, still fired up from the argument.
Shining flinched, starting to think asking wasn’t a good idea, but he still went with it and said. “Um...well, you could always…” Shining shrugged. “Try again.”
“...What?” Cadance and Chrysalis said in unison.
“Well, I mean, if your kind is really in trouble...and...if you really need…” Shining trailed off while Cadance walked up to him.
“Shining, are you asking what I think you’re asking?” Cadance clenched her teeth, wanting an answer before she smacks something.
Meanwhile, Chrysalis was starting to understand. “I think he is.” Chrysalis tapped her chin and grinned. “I guess he really cares about me wanting to-”
“Oh, no he doesn’t!” Cadance grabbed Shining’s arm, making him cringe a bit.
“Ow, Cadance, that kinda hu-”
Cadance glared at him. “Shining, you better be joking, cause if you aren't.”
Chrysalis ran up to them and grabbed Shining’s other arm. “Oh, I think he is.” She pulled, making Cadance do the same.
“Chrysalis, I’m telling you right now, if you even think about it…”
“I’m just answering him, and I’m saying if he wants to…”
Both of the mares when eye to eye while Shining stood in between both of them with the colt still in his hooves. His male mind was now starting to realize this was a stupid question to ask. “Um...girls.”
“I bet you don’t even know how to do it, princess.” Chrysalis said mockingly.
“Oh really now?” Cadance was starting to not care about anything but proving this changeling wrong, that she was the princess of love and that she is very capable of anything involving it. “Do you even know who you’re talking to? I am the princess of love, and I know how to please a stallion.”
“Uh...girls, y-you’re kinda crushing my arms.” Shining looked down to see that the colt had now fallen asleep from boredom. He then realized that this colt would be his ticket out of this situation, no one wants to have sex while a child was in the room, right?
“Prove it…” Chrysalis said slowly, knowing this was her second chance at getting revenge, and at forming her plan, but she could worry about that later.
“Oh...It’s on bug.” And once Cadance said that she threw Shining to the other side of the room, making his back smack onto the side of the bed.
“Do you have to be so rough...w-wait, t-the colt.” Shining stood up to see two mares eyes each other as they made their way toward him, he looked down to see of the child was still in his hooves, but it seems that the colt was now on the floor, sound asleep with his flank in the air.
Shining looked back at the two mares, who now stood inches away from him. He was looking all around for a way out of this, but with the doors locked, and them being on the fifth floor, he knew it was either jumping out a window, or…
Shining gulped. “C-can’t we just talk about this?”
Chrysalis chuckled. “I doubt talking will prove anything, Shining. Unless the princess thinks talking is how it works?”
Cadance glared at her once last time before she pounced on Shining. Chrysalis grinned and did the same. As for Shining, he could only think of one thing during all of this.
“I really am an idiot…”
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Alternative title for this chapter: Shining Armor needs an Adult.
Alright. At this point, I can only assume that there is no plan for this fic and we'll just get barely passable writing with an incoherent plot as it gets more and more off track. The dialogue in all of the chapters, but this one especially, has been pretty terrible. No one sounds like they're really speaking, they sound like bad actors reading lines.
5107574 is right, this chapter is all over the place. Chrysalis is angry that they aren't taking the child, then she's teasing that Shining lasted so long, then she's forcing her way inside, followed by depressed, teasing again, angry, and then lustful. And there's little rhyme or reason for each change - each is suddenly what she's supposed to be at that moment.
Cadance isn't much better.
Shining is the most stable with a constant confusion, but even he steps out of character to suggest more changeling-pony sex for some reason.
I think you're trying too hard to do too much all at once. Try and focus the characters more.
baka shining!
So with the Tragedy Tag. The Lings are still going to die?
5107704
Not sure how that's baka, considering he's got two mares about to jump his bones.
Well either way I'm going to enjoy the next chapter!
You got me on the hook. You got me on the line. Don't disappoint, and you'll get that last part!
5107677
I'm not trying 'too hard'
This is a joke fic,
It's suppose to be humorous,
and not make any sense whatsoever
and if you and anyone else who's reading this hates things like this, then I'm sorry.
I guess my fic just wasn't what you wanted it to be.
but to the rest of you who don't mind small problems like this,
and can actually stand comedy at this level.
Then don't worry, I'll be sure to write the next chapter soon.
The way I want to.
5107574 I don't mind a bit of lol while the author thinks about what they should plan for the story
So in the end, they all fucked. I think it might end like this
Um no your not. You're the luckiest son of a bitch ever!
5107944
Ah.
Well, then I say it's too well-disguised. I thought it just needed polishing but it's actually a crackfic. I did not know; it's not quite absurd enough.
*Singing* But it was okay! Cause it was in a three way!
Lovely chapter. Quite silly you know. That last little part was pretty unexpected, but I thought it was funny.
I hope that in the end, the four of them can live together happily as a family.
I think it could work too, what with the whole heard mentality I see in some stories.
5107944
Calm your ta-tas. Your story SEEMED like it was meant to be a full-bodied fic. So, the first we get seems serious and all. So we're waiting for a serious plot with some comedic elements. Then we get this chapter and from an outside view it looks like you completely lost it. THEN we get told it's a crackfic. It even starts out with the same sorta-serious theme, then devolves into a "let's ride my husband's dick" contest out of nowhere.
After hearing it's a joke story, now it makes sense. But it doesn't seem like it was written like one at all until literally the end of this chapter.
5108517
My Ta-tas are calm
but they are also ANGRY
that IS a duality (get that reference?)
but in all seriousness, it was either this way...or way worse.
Worse, as in, suicide, death, sadness, changelings seeing a queen literally 'falling' and everything becoming very dark while still trying to be funny
...yeah
tried that, didn't work.
So I went with this.
With Chrysalis going through constant mood swings due to the stress of the situation
(same with Cadance)
And Shining being an idiot.
and the Colt still being fascinated by hair.
And yes, I promise more plot in the next chapter.
5108644
Oh god angry ta-tas, FLEE! We're all in TERRIBLE DANGER.
Waiting now on the threesome, romance, the changelings become allies because, even if Shining is an idiot, he did show some idea of acceptance as opposed to the arguing ladies.
5108644 Is it more plot, or more plot you're promising?
5108098
I wonder how much of a player that tyke will be in the future with a father that pro.
...this is rape. Shining just got gang raped. Let that sink in.
SOMEONE, THINK OF TGE CHILDREN!
5109119 It sunk in... *grabs popcorn* Keep going...
i.imgur.com/LXiOUEi.gif
5108104
What, because he gets to have sex with the best sex goddesses on equus?
5110332 That and they both wanna prove who the best so yea damn I wish I was him.
5110913
I don't think the mare you're dating would like to see that reply...
5110923 Shit Luna can join too!
5111000
but you're a secret for now...
Hey Shining... here's a shovel *tosses a trench shovel to Shining Armor*...
I figure it might help you with making that grave your digging a tad deeper!
One of the worst kind of arguments to be a part of, but one of the best resolutions ever in my opinion...
awwwwww.
Especially if they become one big happy in the end.
5107944 the way you want to?
THE WAY YOU WANT TO!?!
How dare you think you have free will on a website solely dedicated to the creation of fan based fiction of a well loved children's show! How dare you think you have a choice when an awesome idea demands itself to be written and enjoyed by the masses! How dare you enjoy the act of creating literacy art forged from the anvil of your beating heart, and given life from the stream of imagination!
...and don't let the world forget it!
P.s. Spead the lurv~
5115020
replygif.net/i/159.gif
Couldn't explain it better myself.
5115698 well, I for one enjoy the level of creative wackiness that's put into these stories of yours. Plus I feel it's also a good thing that you went in the direction you did with the last 2 chapters. It honestly did look like Chrysalis was contemplating suicide in the earlier chapter with that note, but you turned that around quite nicely.
Not sure why, but i think ill keep an eye on this one
The Recruit and UCC: ಠ_ಠ
5109119 Don't forget Domestic Abuse, that counts too.
Glob I like this story...
so this yelling out until sex happens?
Most men would kill for this...
Prepare to be killed.
'WHAT!?"
YUP! IT'S ME YOUR OVERREACTIVE IMAGINCATION!
"WHAT!?"
THREESOME TIME! BETTER MAKE YOUR SUBCONCIOUS PROUD! DO IT FOR ALL OF MALE KIND! DO IT MAN!
"WHAT!?"
GOOD LUCK! SALUTE!
5433998
Death by snu snu.
I see the title has two meanings. Euheuheuheu.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5wil1Bx9u1qbaj4uo1_500.jpg
It's so damn funny I forgot what to say !
admit it every guy would ask a lady the same thing
5109119
hilarious 
Nobody cares this sh