Once Upon a Youth and Beauty

by jenna131

chapter 5 date night

Darkness spread over the castle of the 2 sisters and yet this darkness could not compare to the one that had lived underneath the flour of the castle.

“Come we must inform mistress,” The same squeaky voice from earlier said, reaching for the door and opening it. Once inside, a big, buff, hooded figure reached for the arm of a pony statue and pulled down on the arm.

Suddenly a door appeared like magic and the 3 hooded figures walked inside.

“Let me guess you 3 failed again.” An evil voice quaked.

“Oh no, your beautifulness,” a dark voice pleaded.

“You will be pleased to hear, your grace, that we have found the pony that you spoke of and, better yet, she passed the 2 test,” the squeaky voice chimed.

“But there is one problem,” the buff voice began shakily.

“What would that be?” asked the evil voice.

“You see, we think that the dragon is falling in love with another dragon instead of falling in love with that dress maker pony.”

The evil voice turned into a sweet and pure voice.

“Then what is the problem? That mare Rarity didn’t even stand a chance to pass the 3rd test, and that leaves us with one mare to handle with. Must I remind you, my pets, that if that other mare falls in love with a beast, that means that she will be the fairest of them all.”

“And that would mean?”

“It means Fluttershy will be the key to my plan.”
~*~

“Okay, you got this Spike,” Spike mumbled to himself. He wore a red bow tie and had a special flower behind him.

It had been 3 days since Fluttershy and Chime Tuner made up. Chime Tuner and Thorn have been living in Fluttershy cottage until they could find their own place.

Spike knocked at the door to Fluttershy’s home, mumbling to himself. The door opened with Thorn at the door.

“Hey Spike what’s up?” Thorn asked, smiling.

“Hi. I’m, uh, good, but I was wondering...”

“Wondering what?”

“Will you like to, um… Go on a picnic with me?”

“Sure! I’d love to! When is it?”

“I was thinking right now, but if you can’t, I understand.”

“No, no, I’d love to go. In fact, I’m not doing anything right now, so if you want, we can go right now.”

“Great! That would be wonderful!” Spike exclaimed.

“Alright, just let me get ready.”

“Ok.”
~*~

After a long walk from Fluttershy’s home, they finally made it to a spot near the park. It was empty because, of course it, was night time.

“Here we are!” Spike announced, pointing to a little picnic cloth on the ground with gems every where. Pinkie pie stood next to it, dressed up as a waitress. For the final touch, fire flies lit up the atmosphere.

“Oh, it’s so lovely,” Thorn whispered.

“Indeed you are,” Spike whispered to himself.

“Did you say something?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he quickly responded.

“Ahem,” Pinkie cleared her throat. “Hello, my name is Pinkie. I’ll be your waitress this evening. Romantic music, played by me, will start soon for the lovely couple.”
Thorn and Spike blushed at the statement “lovely couple” but then sat down on the ground and ate there food while Pinkie sang:

Oh, this is the night,
it's a beautiful night
And we call it Bella Notte

Look at the skies,
they have stars in their eyes
On this lovely Bella Notte.

Side by side with your loved one
You'll find enchantment here
The night will weave its magic spell
When the one you love is near

For this is the night
And the heavens are right
On this lovely Bella Notte

At that time, they had finished their dinner and started to walk around, talking and laughing. The birds chirped, as if to say these words:

This is the night
It's a beautiful night
And we call it Bella Notte
Look at the skies
They have stars in their eyes
On this lovely Bella Notte

Side by side with your loved one
You'll find enchantment here
The night will weave its magic spell
When the one you love is near

For this is the night
And the heavens are right
On this lovely Bella Notte

Spike made his move by stretching his arm across his dream girl's shoulders, only to find out a reaction he didn’t expect. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, sighing.

Was he actually falling in love with someone besides Rarity? Now he knew that she was the one he wanted to be with, even after death. But there was one thing that he needed to know before he made his move.

“Spike?” Thorn began.

“Yes?” Spike answered.

“Can you tell me about your past?”

“Well, um, sure. But on one condition.”

“Yes?”

“You have to tell me about your past, too. Okay?”

Thorn was quiet for a minute.

“Okay, but you go first.”

“Let’s see, where to start...”

~*~

“And that’s my whole live,” Spike finished.

Thorn listened in awe. Now it was her turn to speak.

“I guess it’s my turn, isn’t it?” she sighed with a soft smile. “I lived near Manehattan. I was born and raised in a little hot spring. My mother was a yellow dragon while my father was red. We had such good memories back then. But when my 1st birthday came, my mother and father gave me something to wear every day.”

She picked up the locket and held it in her claw.

“They told me it contained a wish and that I am only to use it in emergency.”

Tears stared to form in her eyes.

“When night time came, poachers arrived and tried to take the all the dragons. My mother told me to stay in a tree trunk that she stashed me into and to stay quiet until they came for me.”

All of the sudden she started sob.

“They never came back for me, so I went to go look for them. Then I met Chime Tuner. He took care of me but… but... I miss them so badly to the point to where I think there-.”

Spike instantly grabbed her, hugging her close and crying.

“Don’t you dare say it! don’t even think about saying it,” he sobbed.

Thorn didn’t know what to say. She was so shocked about someone caring for her besides her folks. She embraced him.

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Thorn.”

~*~

After the night was over, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Chime Tuner were fanatically searching for Spike and Thorn. Luckily, they saw Pinkie Pie still in her waitress outfit, babbling on about Spike not giving her a tip last night.

“Pinkie, do you know where Spike is?” Twilight asked her.

“Well yeah I know where they are! They're over by the tree on the bench, sleeping.”

“Sleeping?” Twilight asked curiously.

She walked over to the bench, but stopped to see the cutest thing she had ever saw. It was Spike and Thorn cuddled up together sleeping, just like Pinkie said. It was so cute! In fact, they all decided that they wouldn’t wake them up. On that very day, they all agreed that this was the start of a beautiful romance.

But in the shadows, the 3 minions started to smirk.

“Now we know she is the one,” one minion began, taking off his hood. He was a diamond dog.

“Now to go tell Mistress.”

Comments

[JLBDreamer]

Hi there. I just wanted to say while its obvious you aren't an experienced writer I see a lot of potential. Your story idea is interesting but I would like to give some constructive criticism. You need to learn how to show more than tell how the characters are feeling. You already have moments of that but you slip back into telling. Also you should work on pacing at bit. Its not allowing the reader to make an emotional connection to your original characters and I can see a lot of potential in them. Dive into their heads a bit and let the readers get to know them. Things are moving way too fast for us to care what happens.

I want to give you props for including songs. Its not easy to do, I know since I'm actually including songs in a story for the first time, but you just leap into them so fast it feels forced. A little more build up than "she started singing" would help.

Keep up the good work! You and this story both have potential.

[jenna131]

5437489 thank you! and yes i still have a long way to go and i might just redo the whole story so i will include a lot more detail and i won't rush into things etc. but other then that i should be fine thanks again for the tips

[yumimizuno]

That is a really grat idea for story. I like it. Maybe the song is not my fav part of story, but give atmosphere of ... erm.. Diskeyword? I have this impression

[jenna131]

5918825 wow that's grate to know that there are other people like me!

[jenna131]

5917926 thanks!

[Dr midnight]

can there please be another chapter

[jenna131]

6115203 well i'm trying to rewrite the whole story so it might take me a while.

[Dr midnight]

6115478 For how long

[jenna131]

6589019 well probably until i can get an editor or just someone that can help me rewrite it and change some stuff but other then that i really don't know

[Dr midnight]

6589066 I can help you rewrite it if you want

[jenna131]

6589254 well since you are the first person the ask if you want to help them sure why not.

[Dr midnight]

6589308 when do we start

[jenna131]

6654786 any time you want.

[Dr midnight]

6655408 so how are we going to do this anyway

[jenna131]

6655419 do you have skype?

[Dr midnight]

6655423 no

[jenna131]

6655446 well do you have any suggestions?

[Dr midnight]

6655452 I'll see what I can do

[jenna131]

6655484 ok.

[Iamsorry]

i cant wait to see this finished :D

[jenna131]

7369272 thanks!

[Nova Whirl]

7369361 Are you writing the New part?