Twilight is quiet tonight. The usual spread of apples and soda remains untouched. Maybe I should try buying some chips for next time. Either way, we’re nearing the end of the first episode. Rainbow Dash is about to secure her relay team a spot in the Equestria Games, no surprise there. The strange thing is that Twilight hasn’t said a word. I guess I’ll have to try.
“So…”
“Yes, she’s prodigy.”
“Huh?”
“Rainbow. She’s a prodigy, an exceptional flyer. Someday she’ll be a Wonderbolt and all her dreams will come true without her even working that hard.”
“Do I detect a rivalry brewing?”
She stares at me like I just threw cold water in her face. “Rivalry? With Rainbow Dash? Why?”
“You said she’s extremely gifted, just like you.”
“At flying and sports. My talents are completely different.”
“Still sounds like a rivalry to me. Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”
She levitates an apple into her hooves and takes a bite. “No.”
“Then why? This show’s not worth watching without the Twilight Sparkle Commentary turned on.”
She snorts out a laugh. “That’s what you call it?”
“Whatever makes you stop moping.”
She rolls her eyes and her horn lights up. “Fine, let’s just get this over with. I’ll explain when it’s over.”
Twenty minutes later, I understand why she’s quiet. “So Discord showed up just to screw with your relationship with Cadence?”
“Yup.”
“Have you ever considered… I don’t know… punching him in the face?”
“They edited that out.”
“Seriously?”
“I’m glad they did. It was stupid. I punch like a filly anyway.”
I can’t help laughing. “I still want to see that.”
“Cool it. That’s not all they left out.”
“What else? Did he make you carry him all the way back home, too?”
She shuts her eyes and shakes her head. “I wish it was just that. Remember what Cadence said?”
“I try to tune that out.”
“Ugh. She said life in the Crystal Empire was ‘wonderful’ and ‘predictable.’ ”
“So?”
“So that’s her married life with my big brother she’s talking about. I kept pestering her to tell me what she meant and then… then she did.”
She’s stares down at the couch. She’s done the impossible; she made me care about her extended family. I grab an apple of my own and turn it over in my hands. “And?”
“It’s… I don’t know how to start.”
“Are they getting a divorce?”
“What? No!”
“Then it can’t be that bad.”
“I guess. Cadence and Shining Armor are… trying to start a family. It’s not working.”
“No foals?”
“Nope, none. I feel so horrible that I forced her to admit it. Plus now I know way more about my brother’s love life than I ever wanted to.”
“I don’t think apples and soda are going to help with that one.”
“No… I was hoping watching the show would give me a clue of what to do next. What do you think?”
The apple rolls out of my hands. “You’re asking me?”
“I asked all my other friends; every single one of them said something different.”
“What makes you think I can help?”
“You obviously can’t make it any worse.”
I reach for a fresh apple. She returns the dropped one into my hands before I can. I study its smooth surface. “Talk to her? Write her a letter?”
“That’s all you’ve got?”
“Twilight, the closest thing to a woman in my life leaves purple hair all over my couch.”
She blushes deep red. “You going to eat that?”
Before I can respond, the apple leaves my hands and finds its way into her mouth.
“How about we do something different.”
“I’m not watching football.”
“Forget the TV. What do pony’s do for fun?”
She looks around my apartment as she chews. “Want to go out?”
“How? And where?”
“Let’s get you some school supplies. Don’t tell me there’s neat piles of paper, pens, and notebooks somewhere in this dive.”
“Somebody would see you.”
“I’ll cast a spell. You’ll be the only one who can see or hear me.”
I roll my eyes. This evening’s gone from a kid cartoon to an after-school TV movie. “No messing around, right? I don’t want people to think I’m crazy because I’m talking to my imaginary friend.”
She jumps into the air and flies around my apartment like an oversized pigeon. A moment later she’s hovering next to me with a big smile on her face. “They’ll never know I was there.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
---
I’m so glad the store’s nearly deserted. Twilight might be invisible and silent to the rest of the world, but I’m not so lucky.
“Oh, and make sure you get extra college-ruled paper; you can never have enough.”
The glee in her voice is almost sickening; we’re just looking at school supplies. All the same, I grab the package she’d pointing to and drop it in the cart. She started out in the child seat in the front of the cart, something I didn’t think was anatomically possible. Now that we’re in the school section, she’s airborne and clearly loving the store’s high ceilings.
I clear my throat and mutter under my breath. “Tone it down.”
“What was that?”
“Tone it down.” I whisper.
Finally she sets down on top of my cartful of Twilight-approved paper products. “Speak up.”
Instead I whisper again. “Tone it down. This is just stuff for school.”
“And that’s what’s so great about it. All these fresh supplies just waiting to be used to advance the cause of learning, or whatever it is you’re doing in college. I wish we had ballpoint pens in Equestria. Oh, maybe they have calculators on the next aisle!”
With that she’s gone again. Maybe I can sneak over to the junk food section, or even the magazines.
“Jake! Jake get over here! Help!”
The security camera footage for this must be hilarious: gangly, unshaven twenty eight year old male who’s been robotically putting school supplies in a cart for fifteen minutes suddenly bolts for the toy section.
I find her in that special pink aisle where they keep all the girl stuff. She’s hovering right in the center, chewing on her own front hooves. At first I don’t understand what’s wrong, not until I see what she’s discovered.
“What… What is this?”
I grin. “Ponies in toy form.”
“But… But they’re so inaccurate!”
She gently prods a few of the packages. “What is this? Goth Pinkie? Rainbow Dash with a purse? And where’s Applejack? They’ve got everypony else, so why no Applejack?”
“Maybe she isn’t as popular.”
“All the base designs are exactly the same! They painted all my friend’s faces on the some random pony’s androgynous body!”
Thinking about that security camera footage is the only reason I’m not laughing. “Lighten up; they’re just kid’s toys.”
“That’s no excuse for…”
Air’s leaking out of her open mouth, and I know exactly why.
“Yes, Twilight, that’s you.”
To be fair, the toy looks nothing like her. Even so, she stares into its soulless, painted-on eyes for nearly a minute. Then she starts tilting her head from side to side. I think she’s trying to catch her own reflection in the plastic packaging.
I start heading back the way I came. “Come on, let’s go finish buying school stuff.”
“Buy… yes. I need to buy these.”
“Pony toys?”
“All of them… for research… and maybe a bonfire.”
“I can’t afford all this, not if I’m going to eat this semester.”
“I’ll pay you back.”
“With what? Hay?”
Finally she breaks off the staring contest with her toy self. “How about just one? Please?”
It’s the compelling argument of a five year old. Still, I can’t stand up to the teary eyes she’s giving me. “Fine, but only one, and not one of the giant combo sets either.”
She returns to her game of studying the entire collection. At last she settles on a little Rainbow Dash that comes with a hairbrush and a purse.
“Heh heh heh. This is going to drive her insane.”
I literally read the second chapter, starred the story, and went to the front page only to find out it had updated.
P.S. I dunno what Twilight has against pizza; the only thing that isn't vegetarian is the toppings, right?
This story has been rather lackluster for me so far, but that last line finally really amused me.
4639349
You grind the meat into the bread, sauce, and cheese, for maximum manliness.
If he's so worried about people thinking he's talking to himself, why not bring a cellphone along, then it'll look like he's talking on the phone to someone. I'm sure the dude has a phone.
Another good chapter!
Hah!
I love it!
I just know that somehow Rainbow is going to find her way to one of these Friday Night Twilight Nights just to get Jake back.
More please. MORE!
oh lord... poor rainbow XD
4639522
or she could have just cast that species copy transformation spell she did with the breezes that way they could speak freely with out all the whispering.
yes the funnies they were had
Twilight, I will help you build that bonfire.
And WHY DOES APPLEJACK ALWAYS GET STRONGARMED WHEN IT COMES TO MERCHANDISING???
I'm shocked twilight didn't want one of herself, or ask to get a couple of the cheap $1.50 blind bag toys.
4639685 do you think he has any female clothing lying around?
BEST. CHAPPY. YET. you sir earned a mustache from me!
4639831
She could conjure up or transmogrify some clothes.
heahea.org/img/175-Its_Magic.jpg
4639934 maybe twilight can explain the limitations of majic next chapter for us?
4639831
I'm sure he could just lone her a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt even if the are just loose then they can buy something basic her size for when she visits.
This was a fun chapter. It's so in character to see Twilight so delighted in school supplies. I half-expected her to try to clone a calculator with magic. Wondering if the family thing will come back later, or it's just a throwaway scene.
Twilight needs a photo of when she gives Rainbow the toy.
MOAR!!!
Oh, that was fun.
Dash is going to flip out when she see the toy of her with a purse.
Lmfao. Poor Dashie.
Hahah, it is really hard to find good pony models, they almost all look terrible. The plushies too. The ooh good ones are fan made.
Twilight, you are so evil, or bordering into Trollesta territory, or is it Discord trolling.
hhmmmm not bad but i need something that tell me she start to like him, even if she don´t noticed it herself. But i am glad that they went out for a change.
I give a thumb up but i will wait with my favourite.
AWESOME!
Keep it coming mate
not bad at all
4639685
I'm trying to decide if it would be easier for twilight to cast a transformation spell or him just use a phone
4641241
She made it look pretty easy in the Breezies episode plus she can experience human culture a lot better if she can walk around and interact as one.
4639934
yup, I mean she could turn rocks into hats before she even became an alicorn should be a cake walk for her now. May not be anything as nice as what rarity could make but she could totally do something as basic as jeans and a simple tee-shirt.
4639934
'I don't gotta explain shit' from the 'You're not scientifically possible!' pony? I doubt it.
4639420 And you grind the meat between your knuckles.
Which is almost as manly as Ivankov from "One Piece"!
images.wikia.com/onepiece/images/5/59/Emporio_Ivankov%27s_Dancers.png
4641311
Exactly.
4641707
It's a joke. I'm referencing how magic tends to be used as a device that can solve practically any situation with little explanation.
Oh god. This chapter is awesome!
Twilight should summon him for the last episodes
Well that was cute and hilarious.
Twilight face-hooves at you for clearly misquoting her.
Just.
4642317 That's making me imagine a less flippant scene after those..
I don't see where people find this thing funny. It's interesting, yes, and I'll be keeping and eye for it, but as much good-natured as it is, it isn't funny in the slightest; which isn't a bad thing, mind.
i have to see rainbows reaction to the toy please write something about it
4642486
Thanks for catching that, Twilight would've been... displeased
4638035
Thanks for catching that
4636717
Thanks for point that out, I'll fix it.
4635493
I'll be interested to hear your final opinion and thoughts, good or bad, when the story is finished.
4639522
That would've made too much sense.
If Jake tried that I think Twilight's reaction would've been something like:
"Why are you talking into that thing? It looks stupid."
4642814 Your secret is safe from Purple Smart. Unless she has a dedicated internet connection...
Thinking you're missing a 'to' between 'just' and 'screw'.
I tend to stay away from stories with short chapters, but I am liking this too much and am looking forward to where it goes. Keep it up
4643368
I edited this thing prior to posting, I swear
4643660 It's alright. I'm still finding mistakes in my stories that have been edited more than once.
Far too many
This is fun.
You have this complete stranger's worthless seal of approval!