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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice editor.
I've given up on this story. There is no hope for it now.
5150660
Get out of here! Flamer!
5151599
Little agitated much? I didn't say I don't enjoy the story; believe me, I do. However, I can no longer masturbate to something as silly and as absurd as this story. I enjoy the fact that it's so idiotically silly, being blatant references or overused nomenclature, but I cannot actively jerk myself to something that's more comedic and satirical than arousing and maturely satisfying.
From your outburst, I can only assume you're younger than 18, have had numerous mixed opinions about your work (not just this story in particular) in the past, and have yet matured enough to understand that the English language is so versatile I can make cuddling a kitten sound absolutely malicious. Here, I'll even attempt to right now.
I literally just wrote a small paragraph about how I would adopt a kitten and keep it for the rest of my life. My comment previously posted was purely announcing that I had given up expecting an actual, structured plot and story from this particular piece and I would cease to from here on afterward. I had hoped for some sort of beautifully-constructed plot, and I never received it; instead receiving a blatant joke-fest, which is equally entertaining given the proper environment.
Nevertheless, I find your story quite laughable, and I'm sorry that angers you, assuming that nothing was misunderstood with my previous comment. I believe you had some fun writing this, and probably laughed for hours as I do for this story, so the fact that you're angry intrigues me, considering apparently you don't have enough faith for your story to be a big joke to anyone but yourself.
If the insertions/edits are of any indication, your editor had a rather annoyed time editing this, since you intentionally left errors; I don't blame him, assuming he wasn't a comedic editor. From my evaluation, you don't have any hope for your story being anything but a joke to yourself and only yourself. To you, it is wrong that others find your story enjoyably hysterical. My only question is; why write a story and make it public if you're just going to find entertainment in it yourself?
Of course, almost this entire evaluation is assuming you understood my previous comment and wish to keep your action previously allotted.
5151731
I was referencing Tara Glisbie's 'My Immortal' and am actually in no way angry at you, merely in character. I appreciate all the reviews and comments I receive, so thank you for explaining yourself, I enjoyed the critique as it confirmed that the change in style I had been going for in the story was noticeable.
This is meant to be a joke, and I'm glad you find it funny, that means it'd good. Although, I agree that it isn't sexy enough, I'll try to fix that in future chapters.
If you have any advice to give me in future, please don't hold back, I'm actually a fan of some of your work and would very much appreciate your help with this, my first fic.
Oh! Also, what other works of mine have you read and had mixed opinions on?
Sincerely, Bathspounge
5152413
Bathspounge: you have other works? I can't find anything in your profile, is there a link somewhere?
Also, in this chapter, did the ponies all turn anthro? I've been imagining them as sexy sexy ponies the whole time, so hearing about Flutterhy suddenly having hands and Rainbow taking off her shorts was very jarring. Crossing my fingers and hoping for equines and hooves in Chapter 6. (Of course, I can't control your fetishes.)
Well, here's the promised review...a day late but hey, I was distracted yesterday.
First of all - congratulations to getting an editor^^
Thus said...lots of character undevelopment but I assume it was meant to be like this. Still, Fluttershy being totally turned on but too shy would have been funnier in my head at least. Also, including bestiality for the heck of it...opens a whole new can of worms. It can be done awesome but since you went over it so superficially it just feels forced and unnatural. Dash comparing the bears shlong to Bathspounge's baby maker could have brought out another joke at least. Well, hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
Now to the positive stuff and there is a bit more going better:
1. Your grammar, one of your weaker points so far, turned into a big strength with your editor pointing out your mistakes.
I'm not too big on the whole 4th wall breaking conversation but as long as it's kept in check, it's fine.
2. Now that we've got half the Mane 6 plus Redheart lusting after Bathspounges dick, you can create tons of funny scenes
where they get all jealous of the new girl and are only mollified by sex - you know, repeat orgies because that's
totally what's missing.
Overall the whole thing is more readable than it was before. While harem-sex-fics generally tend to be boring, your's actually IS funny and therefore at least worth to continue reading.
Looking forward to the next chapter^^
P.S.: I did my best to find acronyms for the genitals for just this review, so it IS possible to change whatever word you're using to avoid repetition.