Aliens attack now Twilight and her friends must become Pony Sentai Gokaiger to save the day
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 6th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
Darth Gonzo
a Brony a Transformers fan a Power Rangers fan. Spike is best pony & we all have a Destiny
Darth Gonzo
Joined 6th Jun, 2014 ·
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Not bad for your first story. Keep it up.
Pretty nice, but if I may point a couple things out...
First, the grammar's a bit bad. It's not the worst I've ever seen, but you're forgetting to use some proper punctuation, and add an extra line of space when you're changing scenes.
Also, it's moving a bit fast. You might want to try to slow some of the scenes down by using a bit more detail in what's going on.
All in all, though, very good for a first story, but a few minor improvements like these will go a long way.
4613677 By any chance did you notice a ranger that was not on my list?
4613454 By any chance did you notice a ranger that wasn't on my list?
4613930 You should out the list on and I can tell that Pinkie not on. Lance has point, He been doing the same thing with me. You might want to make you long description longer, Like tell them about the team, what challenges they will face. How it going to be play out, things like that.
4613677
I agree. all it needs is a little more work on grammar and such and this could be a hit later on.
4613968 I'll do better next chapter okay and by the way I had the story proofread so how's the grammar bad?
4613983 Proofread mean that you had some else read it before putting it up. Approve means they allow it to be put up if there are minor problems. The approvers don't proofread it.
4613999 I did have someone else read it before I put it up.
4614007 Then, they must have miss somethings. Just follow what Lance said and you be ok later down the road, after all, my first story was a Pony Ranger story and I even have problems with it and I don't even have a proof reader going over it.
4614013 I noticed that you avoid my first question would you mind answering it.
4614027 I didn't avoid it, I say Pinkie that wasn't there, if it about the Super Sentai, I don't know all 39 teams.
4614056 I was talking about akared.
4614064 Again, I don't know that team. I'm more in to Power Rangers teams we have here then Japan Super Sentai teams
4614075 Can you get a hold of Lance for me he might know who I'm talking about.
4614081 I can try, even he got other things to do.
4614086 Thank you.
4614096 He offline right now.
4614086 By the way did you notice Owlowiscious on cast?
4614111 Yes, I seen Gokiaiger a bit so I know his role.
4614121 Good now I'll talk to you later I'm going back to sleep bye.
Did you make up some super sentai teams because aside from Gokaiger there are only 37 teams
wait, decepticons? i thought this was a power rangers spoof. i is confuzzled
4614064 I'm afraid I don't know that much about Super Sentai myself. I just figured Akared was just a mistake that slipped by your proofreader.
4614259 I'm with you on that, I know very little about Super Sentai myself.
4614223 No I didn't Ninja Captor, and Akibaranger are real Sentai if you don't believe me look it up yourself.
4614243 I need someone to play the bad guys in the story so I thought the Decepticons would work.
4614259 I'll be adding him to my list soon as I can.
4615118 You can watch English subtitles Super Sentai shows on YouTube the channel I use is Sentaifan096.
4615350 Oh, I just forget their existence because they aren't official
4615380 In my story they are official and because I wanted 40 Super Sentai teams.
4615378 As I said, I seen only a bit of Gokiaiger. It ok, I just don't watch japan version that much. Bu the way you can reply to more people in just one comment. To do that reply to the first person and tell them what you want, then push enter twice and hit reply on the person you want to speak to next, it save a lot of room in the comments.
4615440 I know I just forget about it is all. Also what did you think of the story?
4615457 I was the first person to comment. It wasn't bad, but I agree with Lance about the grammar, but keep trying and like Lance said, You might want to try to slow some of the scenes down by using a bit more detail in what's going on. Those are his words, I just repeated it.
4615462 What do you think of the bad guys in the story?
4615470 Since there isn't much about them, I can't say much yet.
4615356 okay, that's fair i guess. i suppose you couldn't just get a ponified Lord Zedd, right?
4619232 You do know that this is based on the Japanese Power Rangers witch are called Super Sentai?
4701540 withdrawn.
4614259 Hey dude have you read the new chapter?
4615380 Have you seen the new chapter?
Okay it was short but has tons of potential. Just some things I need to correct. Doesn't mean I don't like the story, this is coming from a fan of the original product.
1.
It's three X's and a V.
2.
How does Twilight know what to say? It made sense in the original product because it was in Marvelous's character. In Gokai Ponies it also made sense because Twilight didn't know at first and since Rainbow Dash was Silver and a fan of Super Sentai. Here it just makes no sense.
3.
That attack is GoRanger Hurricane, the soccer ball was GoRanger Storm.
4. The spacing gets confusing, it's hard to tell who's speaking.
5.
Along the spacing, the FINAL WAVE! needs to be specified, like this.
Just some things I noticed.
4742606 I'm sorry about that and can I point something out before a soccer ball is also called a football but I change a few things if you want.
4742606 Oh and the reason Twilight said that is because when she's transformed she acts a little different is that okay with you.
4742827 okay american football
4742854 Eh I thought it didn't make sense, like Robin Williams's career, it's kinda painful
4743037 I changed it to soccer ball if you take a look in the story.
4743227 Thank you
4743327 Your welcome.
4743327 Hey would like to help with my story just so I don't make other mistake?