Rainbow Dash is the most loyal, daring, and toughest pony in Equestria. Everypony knows that.
All three of those attributes are put to the test when Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria is killed.
Rainbow must undertake a daunting journey that only one before her has, and finds the most unlikely of secrets waiting there for her, chained to a dark place.
When love that's so far unrequited wars with love that is returned, and with Canterlot in ruins, Rainbow Dash must decide: heart or head?
Chapters (2)
I am so reading this.
6336673 Cool. It's my first real adventure fic (I don't count Deadlines, not for a minute) and I'm writing a pony I dislike so I expect it to flop :p But I hope you like it, regardless.
6336860 I'm sure you'll do great, it's not like you disappointed you readers before right? Also goddamn that word count! I might have to take couple breaks reading this.
Hm. And yet again, you continue to be the one author who can get me to like all of their literature.
Paper Tiger will continue to remain my personal fave, tho :3
6337009 Which is surprising, consider I write only either stuff that makes people cry or makes people fap. I don't have much of a middle ground.
Your support is, as always, appreciated.
Looking forward to reading this with a nice pipe when my cat is gnawing on every bit of exposed flesh
I'm here from "I just want a comment" group - willing to comment in exchange for comments on tales of a hidden world
Back when Dash was a filly, Luna was still Nightmare Moon, mostly forgotten except as a Nightmare Night boogeyman, wasn't she?
But she's already within a wing's reach?
What was the intended meaning of this sentence?
I don't know what she's aiming at here... which might be a good portrayal of her being incoherent with pain and grief. Also great job stepping on Celestia's feelings there...
That would sure have been useful a moment before, against whatever they were fighting... also, I love ranting ancient beings. My own characters do that a lot
I'm not sure how that works for quadrupeds.
lol, that's so Pratchett
Paper. Parchment is made of parched cow skin.
Speaking of which, I wonder where Discord went. It seems the story of his treachery unfolded quite differently here.
I find this hilarious for a reason you have no context for.
Pinkie being Pinkie while grieving is something I need to think about for my own story.
And all that while a whole retinue of healers were being useless on the scene.
So, in the time it took Dash to get from the city center to the palace, they got there from other cities? Or had they set out well in advance (if that were the case, why was the city not evacuated?)
she's rambling and I like it.
That means she too must have been there while Luna was Nightmare Moon. I wonder what she is...
hove?
considering the risk she's taking, you'd think she'd give her a more through briefing. Or I don't know... at least a ball to distract Cerberus on the way out or something.
Now, this is puzzling. After his helping Tirek resulted in the city getting destroyed, with what might be hundreds dying (the ponies didn't look drained though... it seems the events unfolded quite differently) I didn't expect him to just show up there, as he'd be a reviled villain - I though he'd either be away and openly evil, or remorseful and hiding to avoid Fluttershy. Instead he is in the palace and smug as ever. So many questions...
This story... I like it. In fact, it resembles my own writing style so much, I can't help but love it despite its flaws
A few more notes:
You might consider shorter chapters in the future - about 3000 words seems ideal.
The biggest challenge is of course the whole concept of death - in most stories, death is either final and dramatic or reversible and cheap. You aim for the middle ground, making returning from the death the focus of the story while still preserving the drama. I will keep reading to see how well you do.
6339072
True, forgot that bit.
She's extremely injured and extremely pissed off. Also, Celestia's wings are pretty effin big.
Rainbow was angry and glaring. Celestia was surprised at it. So Rainbow's glare met Celestia's surprise.
Given the rest of the context, I'm pretty sure it's clear what she's aiming for. And yeah, she's being a dick to Celestia.
Well, I mean, who said she didn't? I'll give you background you wouldn't be aware of and that I generally wouldn't care too much to give, but Tirek struck in the night initially. Both sisters had to rout him somewhere where their full power wouldn't kill the hell out of ponies--and their full power is nowhere near what I described Celestia being at Dash. But the battle with Tirek isn't the point of the story, so I left it out.
Not as comfortably as for humans, but as a measure of comfort, it doesn't hurt.
At that point in time, after Twilight was struck down, Discord retreated to get the other Elements inside.
People always write her as being flat-maned and irretrievably depressed. Laughter endures, in my headcanon.
Why do you believe they were being useless? How do you think the injured and medicated guards got to the medical wing? There were just too many injuries for just Canterlot's in-house medics (not counting civilians, who were busy running from their ruined homes with their families tbh)
Pegasi and Unicorns can travel faster (between the wings and the spells). Alpha Beta's generally flusteredness was to show that he was fairly new at this and wasn't sure what to do.
Long story
It's a form of "heave" and generally indicates it takes effort to bring whatever it is into view, in this context.
If Rainbow Dash were going the "normal" way, through the fields and to Tartarus' door, I'd agree. Luna can essentially dump her into the passageway where Twilight was hours before, though. More of a briefing would be nice, but preservation spells only last so long.
Nono, this isn't the canon fight with Tirek. This is one I made up that happens later, after. Tirek escapes Tartarus again after feeding on lost souls down there. Discord is still a "good guy", so to speak, but he's hinting at a little more history there that gets explained in later chapters.
6339072 Oh, also:
See, cutting this into 3k word bursts as separate chapters would mean one of two things:
1. Four weeks of updates of window dressing and scene setting where not much happens
or
2. All four chapters being posted at once to get that bit out of the way, in which case, may as well make them all one chapter.
I'm sure it'll help you that the next chapter is going to be quite a bit shorter, due to the nature of it
6339072 also also also, I can't really comment on your story, as it's a sequel and has an entire prequel I need to read first to understand this alternate universe you have set up. I did attempt to read chapter one of the sequel with no prior reading of your works, and it reads as very disjointed and the characters are unfamiliar to me, so I can't really give you a fair comment on that.
6339300 The two can be read separately, though they do add up to a greater whole.
Also, they aren't in a strict prequel/sequel relation:
book 1 is a single story set around the time Twilight got her cutie mark, while book 2 is a collection of short stories, which will span the time from 4000 years ago to season 3
Of course, you're invited to read both when you have the time, but it's book 2 I'm mostly concerned about now.
It's not a bug, it's a feature - this is the first time the reader meets them - there is plenty of worldbuilding in the following chapters.
6339268 It is different - because it can be read in smaller chunks instead of all at once. (unless there is some mechanics for leaving a bookmark in the middle of the chapter that I'm not aware of)
6339262 Ah, after reading the chapter, I was under the impression that the battle ended in the city itself, with both the Princesses and the Elements fighting Tirek. (in which case Dash would have seen Celestia's full power)
I got that from the Elements wearing armor and their Elements burned into the flesh (speaking of which, if they're using Elements against Tirek, then that means neither the plundervines nor the rainbow power happened in this continuity, which just makes Discord's story more mysterious.)
Another thing that points at alternative continuity is the presence of healers - apart from Zecora's brews, healing magic is conspicuously absent from the canon story.
Oh, and the healers I meant were the ones trying to transport Twilight's body - a whole bunch of them focusing on a dead body while a severely injured national hero was trying not to faint from pain mere feet from them.
6339362 idk I'm pretty sure nobody wanted to get in Dash's way at that point when she was squaring off with Celestia, esp since Dash had no reservations about physically striking Celestia to keep her away. The healers at that point were 1. guarding Twilight's body, because ponies can be terrible sometimes and I'd imagine looting isn't unheard of and 2. they saw Dash was a. standing b. breathing c. apparently well enough to go after a demi-goddess, lol.
6339345 Dunno, I hate reading short chapters because I read very fast. So I stick with what I like, except in the case of one-shots.
6339337 I'll have to read both for a full and fair overview. Which will take some time, given all else I have to do today, but I'll do so eventually.
6339378 Thank you in advance.
Also poke me when you have a new chapter done, so I don't miss it in my feed.
Now I've had the time to think about the story, new questions pop up.
1 I wonder... Tirek seems to be effectively immortal, causing the ponies to keep sealing him. He escaped Tartarus by draining the souls of the dead, and now... has he been sent back there? Will they bump into him on their way? What's stopping him from repeating the same trick over and over?
2 The whole system where one can potentially be freed from an afterlife, as long as it's a bad one. Why is it there? Also, living creatures sent to Tartarus can apparently escape without outside help - how are they different from the dead? Finally, who has decided that Twilight gets to be the exception to the rule?
I like fics that make me think.
6339417 1. Tirek is, much as Celestia and Luna are. All they can do is put new safeguards in place each time. A Princess' work is never done, especially when those princesses are merciful creatures.
2. The system will only work for one reason, which will become apparent as the chapters progress. Tartarus, as shown several times in the show, is a physical place, it's just bound by different physical laws. I don't count Tirek as a 'living creature', exactly, more of a demon. And Cerberus is the gatekeeper, so he's not necessarily part of Tartarus, simply it's guard.
Can't give away all my secrets
6339426 Nor waould I expect you to. I wasn't asking for answers outside the story.
They should seal him in solid rock or something - he's a wimp without someone to drain
6339442 Right? Get him in those magic draining manacles or something.
Or
Reform him
given Escape from Midnight Castle, that would be hilarious
Okay so the original set of the EOH are in play with this Tirek. So why were they used? I think more back story on how this went down would be needed.
Hmmm...
This certainly is a weird definition of "interesting and intriguing" hitherto unknown to myself...
I am reading this on break between shifts. Guess what I am eating?
Is this a flashback, or what Twilight is seeing in purgatory?
6567000 All will be revealed later :)
I'm frankly confused. Must have been a better way to do this.
I'll wait till next chapter before pulling the plug on this story.
6568654 Totally up to you, but there's a reason it's being done this way :) If it's too confusing for you, that's fine
It's not going to be super straightforward at first.
6570302 dun dun duuuuuuun
6570337 "princess celestia! please sign my flank!"
6570395 There's a reason ;) I'm honestly surprised nobody has figured out where this is going, to me, it's painfully obvious xD The difference in the tones of the chapters is one of the keys to the story--one of six. :D
6570666 Something else entirely xD But given it's me, and me being me, you're likely to both get the feels-stabby and also kinda feel like stabbing me at the end too.