peachesaqua222
Joined 5th Jun, 2014 ·
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- peachesaqua222 · 1.1k words · 24 4 · 791 views
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Yay!! First story
I'll read this later omg idk why I'm telling you but yeah
Unexpected twist is unexpected.
This is nice and all, but I found it rather confusing to read. There was nothing separating memories from real time, and there was no marking between the paragraphs that were at different times. I also found several grammatical, punctuation, and capitalization issues. This story has the potential to be really amazing, but you need an editor, proofreader, or something like that. If you would like me to point out specific issues, you can PM me.
OMG I leave for while and people have commented! Thank you so much you guys are awesome
4532148 Thank you for commenting and pointing these things out. I really appreciate constructive criticism. Please keep in mind this is my very first fic ever, and parts were a little rushed. The ending, well I sorta improvised, I wrote it before I knew you had to include a thousand words so it's not the best. I don't really know about the grammar, it's not my strong point, but I do understand why it was confusing though.
... people.. have... liked.... this.....
or am I seeing things?
4532177 What I've seen a lot of people do is put memories in italics, and separate paragraphs from different times with a few extra lines and asteriks or something. And I can understand the word limit thing. It was so annoying in my story and I had to take down the third chapter because it was really really bad. I still need to finish rewriting it.
4532190 Yeah I'll try keep it more easy to understand in my next fic.
4532217 Okay. But you know, you can just edit this one as well.
4532228 I may get round to that. But I do want to expand and write more
4532238 Oh, okay.
4532119
That was great!
4535753 Thank you so much
That was a great pony tale!!
It was a bit confusing, you could see there was a flashback, maybe italics would have helped!!
A great story though, amazing twist at the end!!
5420174 Thanks for the feedback, I'll fix it!
well that was... interestingly dark. abit short but great overall
5512119 Fist story, written in one evening.
5512119 Look! I changed my profile pic!
cool. what anime is it from?
5513485 I'm not really sure. I just found it and thought it looked cool. I think she's called Yuki.
ok just saying sequle
5567655 What?
5568053 i really think there shpuld be a sequle to this explaing why dash is in a nuthouse or if its a very crule twist of fate or discords doing
5571513 Hmm... I'll consider it. Rainbow's in there because of some traumatic accident that destroyed her ability to fly.
5571566 cool can my oc be in it i made him as dashies older brother and ignore my profile pic hes a pegause
5572209 I could write a story involving your OC if that's what you want. It can't happen soon though. Busy with other projects at the moment.
5572954 thank you
Good god! That was a surprising twist...