Kingdom Hearts FIM: the time magi's journey

by Time pony eon

chapter 1 the beginning

It was a normal day in the life of twelve year old Eon. He woke up 2 hours late as usual and was fixing his hair in the bathroom when his eyes wandered to his mark It was a clock, and he then realised he didn't have to rush he concentrated on his powers and finished up. (Explanation station in Eon's world there are three tribes / races etc. Magi are distinguished by the marks on they're foreheads. And posses magical abilities. Avians are distinguished by they're wings and can fly. Earthens lack such features but have incredible strength)

When he was downstairs "Hi mom" he said

"Hey" she responded so Eon grabbed his fork, plate, glass of milk and his waffle. "Honey" his mom said finishing her sentence, Eon had slowed down time."Please dear you know I prefer to talk to you in the morning."

"Sorry mom." was all he could really say

"Now what's got you in such a rush?"

"Today's Colgate's birthday and I want to get there on time."

"Oh right well then you've still got half an hour to get there."

"Oh yeah"

So he finished his waffle headed out on his bike and slowed down time again. Unfortunately because he slowed time earlier he didn't have energy speed up his own time so it had taken longer to get there. Along the way he was a bit annoyed as there was so many black clouds when the whether man had been saying it would be clear all week. But after awhile he finally got there

Colgate was average height had blue hair with white streaks, and was a magi whose mark was an hourglass. she was playing pin the tail on the donkey. then Eon noticed they're friend Big Mac.

Big mac was a tall blonde earthen who didn't talk much. he was drinking the punch. Eon was a tall magi with solid white hair and brown eyes. 'hey guys.' he called out

"Hi Eon." Colgate answered

"Eeyup."Mac said as usual

"Here's your present."Eon said as he handed her his gift so they went on having fun until lighting started striking

"Okay kids come inside." Colgate's mom called.

just then the ground started shaking. 'What the!?" Eon asked as he looked around until he noticed that the city was literally falling apart. some of the buildings would collapse before disappearing into what looked a wall of darkness.

"Come on!" Colgate shouted to Win tugging on his arm until Mac picked him up and ran to the house snapping Won out of it. The whether was getting worse and just as they were about get a fissure opened in front of the door."mommy!" Colgate shouted as she was about to try jump across only to be stoped by Big Mac as he grabbed Colgate. "Leme go!" Colgate yelled

"Nope." Was all Mac said

"Uh guys we should maybe run from the dark wall of doom!" Eon said as Mac put Colgate down.

"Oh"Colgate said looking at the wall of doom "That's why you were staring into space, run!" so the trio started to flee towards the nearby everfree forest from the ever closer wall of darkness. As they ran Colgate spotted one of her best friends The Doctor

The Doctor, no-one knows his real name but him he is a tall young looking avian with Brown hair and wings his hair is always in combed over shape. He where's suspenders and a bow tie and will never NEVER just pass by a fez.

"Doctor!" Colgate shouted as the doctor and her friend who everyone called Derpy or Ditzy ran into a blue box before one of the last remaining buildings fell on top of them and disappeared. "No" was all she could say

Eon grabbed her shoulder and said "Come on!" As they kept running they soon found themselves surrounded by darkness from there everything went fuzzy

"Ah!" Eon almost yelled as he fell out of bed and hit the floor "Whew it was just a dream, well more of a memory then a dream, but a dream none the less." He thought aloud trying to sound fancy but why now, he couldn't help wonder he had had it before always when important was going to happen. "Oh well I'll find out later I guess." He concluded.

six years had passed since Colgate's 13th birthday. Eon got ready for the day. After taking a shower he looked out the window to the huge plains of The Land of Arrival. As that dream had actually happened they're world was gone for good. Either way Eon went down stairs to the castle kitchen (yes he lives in a castle) and had a bowl of cereal.

~~~~Later that morning~~~~

"Morning guys." Eon said as Big Mac and Colgate came in.

"Hey Eon." Colgate said In a sleepy sounding voice "Oh by the way master Cadence has something to say". And so a few minutes later the gathered in the great hall. And there was master Cadence, a tall avian with pink, yellow, and purple hair and pink wings with purple tips.

"Listen up today is the day you three leave the Land of Arrival". She said softly but also sternly. "It's been six years since I found you all lost in the sea between worlds. And since then you have grown adept with the keyblade. I want you to go out and seal the keyhole of ten worlds and then you will be ready for the mark of mastery exam. Now go train once more here."

~~~~~The training grounds~~~~~

All three of them got to they're normal spots the training grounds covered five square miles with various environments from wide open plain to a few interconnecting caves.

Each in position in open plains the summoned they're keyblades, Eon's known as Time Keeper was fair a balance in range, attack, and magic but leans a bit towards magic. It's hand guard was similar to his mark it's handle and shaft were a solid black the teeth of the weapon being the Roman numeral for 13, XIII and keychain was the Roman numeral for ten, X.

Big Mac called his keyblade at about the same time.it had large amount of it focuses solely on strength and range at the cost having magical powers, it was called sweet Apple the hand guard and keychain both resembled a green Apple with a piece cut out it had a brown a handle. The shaft resembled a apple orchard, the teeth resembled a big red barn.

The Eternal Peace, Colgate' s keyblade had a perfect balance length, strength and magic it had round sliver looking hand guard and a gold handle with copper shaft and chain it's teeth were wavy and looked as if they were corroded copper the key chain was a hourglass with the same worn look.

"Fire"

"Blizzard" Eon and Colgate called at the same time pointing they're key blades at Mac he was able to block both spells and noticed Colgate gesturing towards Eon. Eon knew what she meant and started to run into the caves dodging blizzard spells. once Eon escaped to the caves Colgate and Big Mac split to find him.

fifteen minutes later Eon spotted Big Mac on a lower level "Thunder!" he shouted as his spell hit Mac dead on. "Now to find Colgate." however because of the echo from his thunder cast she found very quickly.

"Fire" Colgate said trying to be as calm as possible.

"Stop" Eon replied just as calmly everything around him halted. As he walked he passed by fireball and delivered a pair of three hit combos as well as got her behind her, readied his keyblade and ended the spell Colgate reacted from each hit one at a time and when that was over "Blizzard" he said as the spell knocked her out cold "Yes I win." only to knocked out by a blow to the back of the head.

"Nope." was all Bic Mac said.

~~~~later in the main courtyard~~~~

"Okay my students it is time for to begin your journey to other worlds." Cadence told them

"uh no offence" Eon cut in "but how are going to get to other worlds?" If he had asked two years ago she wouldn't have had a clue as that was how long to gather the materials and built the ship

"That is simple Eon." She walked over to a tarped object that had caught Eon's eye. "this... is a gummi ship you can use this to traverse the sea between worlds. Farewell my students and know you are always welcome here." she said as the three climbed into the ship which soon lifted off.

Author's Note:

Okay my first chapter of my first story now I have Three side projects I want to vote on

A: A story focusing more on Eon
B:A digimon crossover
C:A power rangers crossover

and please rate comment fave and/or follow

ps. updates will be somewhat random and far apart I'm at coming up with the thing at as I go

Comments

[Spirit Shift]

Awesome that makes two spin offs and better two potential crossovers!

[Spirit Shift]

Hmmmm well I'm gonna say it before some mean critic does, I can see enormous potential in this, but just a few things

1) There is no sign of any kind of correct grammar. I volunteer to be your editor or proof/pre-reader if you want but we need to fix this. It's the biggest problem here.
2) Rainbow Dash like pacing: You basically crammed three of my chapters worth of information into one chapter and under 2000 words. Space some stuff out, list some more details, get some context and the battle scene was just 3 spells and a few attacks. Common you can do better than that

Here's what it felt like. Eon woke up, he slowed down time for little to no reason other than showing that he had time magic, but thats cool. The second he made it to Colgate's all hell broke loose and big mac showed up at some point, the doctor&ditzy escaped and Eon woke up, Cadence informed them of their new mission, they fight, gummi ship, end of chapter. Now, however long it took to to read that is however long it'll take anyone to read this chapter. Basically, it feels like you listed a bunch of events in a chain, making this seem more like a synopsis/outline than a story.

3) You were great with character details and descriptions but you have little to no dialogue between them. Right now none of your characters have any sort of characterization or personalities between them.
4) Don't use numbers to detail strength and weakness because what are you basing it on? Believe it or not, but some people actually haven't played the game (I'll give you a minute, it's shocking I know) and as such would not get what the numbers are for. That's why I use phrases like "Built for strength" or "Made for speed/magic"

Things I liked:

1) you used my race names and descriptions! *squee*
2) Cadence as a keyblade master? Brilliant, and perfect for a crossover.
3) Eon's and Colgate's character, I feel like I could like them but refer to problem 3 for why I don't yet.
4) Character choice: Pretty awesome, tho I feel like Mac's only here to round out the group.
5) Keyblade designs, pretty awesome I must say, please expect some drawings of them and maybe some character art.

[Spirit Shift]

Hmmmm well I'm gonna say it before some mean critic does, I can see enormous potential in this, but just a few things

1) There is no sign of any kind of correct grammar. I volunteer to be your editor or proof/pre-reader if you want but we need to fix this. It's the biggest problem here.
2) Rainbow Dash like pacing: You basically crammed three of my chapters worth of information into one chapter and under 2000 words. Space some stuff out, list some more details, get some context and the battle scene was just 3 spells and a few attacks. Common you can do better than that

Here's what it felt like. Eon woke up, he slowed down time for little to no reason other than showing that he had time magic, but thats cool. The second he made it to Colgate's all hell broke loose and big mac showed up at some point, the doctor&ditzy escaped and Eon woke up, Cadence informed them of their new mission, they fight, gummi ship, end of chapter. Now, however long it took to to read that is however long it'll take anyone to read this chapter. Basically, it feels like you listed a bunch of events in a chain, making this seem more like a synopsis/outline than a story.

3) You were great with character details and descriptions but you have little to no dialogue between them. Right now none of your characters have any sort of characterization or personalities between them.
4) Don't use numbers to detail strength and weakness because what are you basing it on? Believe it or not, but some people actually haven't played the game (I'll give you a minute, it's shocking I know) and as such would not get what the numbers are for. That's why I use phrases like "Built for strength" or "Made for speed/magic"

Things I liked:

1) you used my race names and descriptions! *squee*
2) Cadence as a keyblade master? Brilliant, and perfect for a crossover.
3) Eon's and Colgate's character, I feel like I could like them but refer to problem 3 for why I don't yet.
4) Character choice: Pretty awesome, tho I feel like Mac's only here to round out the group.
5) Keyblade designs, pretty awesome I must say, please expect some drawings of them and maybe some character art.

[Time pony eon]

4768923 I was aware of my poor pacing and my grammar. The fight scene was a lot cooler in my head, granted probably so is every other fight scene ever made. yeah I should have spread out across several chapters and after seeing your critiques I will revise the chapter. Also you can my sister for the design of Eternal Peace. Funny thing I kinda gave Time Keeper that kind of description followed by stats.(face palms) I actually thought Eon was gonna be the only with a decent description as he's a mixture of me and Aeon from castlevania judgement.

4768339 That was why I didn't use any characters from your fic.

[Time pony eon]

4768922 ps. I would be glad to take up that offer.

[Spirit Shift]

4769532 Sure just let me know when you're ready
btw did you use Gdocs or did you use something else to write this.

[Time pony eon]

4773343 I actually write on the site because gdocs is a jerk and won't let me sign in

[Spirit Shift]

4774321 HA! Anyway if you want my help, go to your story, at the top hit edit, the on the edit page put in an unpublished view password when you do come back link the chaper in a pm and tell me the password, then I can edit it for you before you release it to everyone else