Hi! my name is Hannah and most of my stories will be about my alicorn oc.
Hello, my name is Minecraft, the beginning of my life has been a series of twists an turns. My mother is dead, my father has been possessed by dark magic, my twin sister is three years younger than me and there is also a very strange mystery to solve... This is the beginning of my story.
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
1,026 users online
1,810,173 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Huh. Alicorn OCs, Dark/Tragic past cliché, grammar errors, uninspired character name, other people's OCs...
Yep, I don't think this will go anywhere with the way this story has started out. Sorry if I am output as rude, but this will most likely spiral into a train wreck.
That's liable to get you verbally lynched on this site, but good luck otherwise.
Right there, this became cliché. This checks off nearly every 'Don't Do This' in the book of fimfic. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Brilliant.
Why are there so many? Don't you think people would learn!?
Then another year later me and Carol were born, we were five when it happened." What? It said in the description that Minecraft is three years older than her twin sister. Now they're both born 5 years old. Twins are normally born on the same day. Alicorn ocs with an angsty past are a big no no. Did you get Pen Stroke's permission to use his OC? You shouldn't steal characters from people who could write 1000x better than you.
"My sister has a human name and I'm named after a computer game, but I assure you, we're both ponies."
How the hell does this have any upvotes other than the one from the writer herself?
Wait, there's gonna be more of this shit?!
People here don't take kindly to alicorn OCs. I think this is gar-bage!
4871801
I find it funny how she has her name capitalized in the summery, but not in her actual username.
*Reads Description*
Hmmm...Alicorn OC? Check.
Tragic Past? Check.
Not going to even bother to read this.
4871881
*Notices that the OC is also a Cadence recolor*
*Runs away*
Are we all just not gonna talk about THIS?
What even the hell is this? Alicorn OCs, bad designs, bad names, a horrible introduction, a twin sister that's THREE YEARS YOUNGER, shitty writing in general, and without the story even starting it set off almost all the warning signs of BAAAAAD.
There's not enough fire in the world for this.
It's cute how you think this'll have a sequel.
Author has zero favorites, and the story itself checks off virtually every badfic cliche.
Come on, guys, this one's practically waving a sign.
4871894
Wait a sec. The character on the left is HER?
4871917 I wouldn't call that a character.
In fact, it's starting to look like a malignant tumor.
4871922
I thought it was her mother!
4871894 I AM DYING RIGHT NOW.
Well, lemme help you out, here.
Note: if this is a trollfic, well played.
Creating OC's can be tricky. Everyone will attest to that. There are a few issues we ran into with yours. It's not so much that it's an alicorn, because alicorns are a type of creature in Equestria. It's more or less that it wasn't well explained, and the history of everything is very difficult to comprehend.
I've recently created a list of things to watch out for when creating OC's. I'll post it here:
Now, this is your story, so I'm not here to tell you what's right and wrong, but I would suggest reading over some other, more successful OC fics to get some ideas of what you could do in future stories, seeing as how you enjoy writing your character.
Also, I'd consider hiring an editor to help you out with construction and whatnot. We all need them, so there's no shame in asking for help.
I'm not voting this story either way, because I feel like this isn't a real representation of what you want to be able to do.
Anyway, have a great day!
4871969
Hey, it works for Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.
4871965 Maybe we're just having fun.
(i know i am)
4871978 Meh, it's more or less a stereotype question. Like, Dark Star, Black Razor... things like that.
4871979 TWOW
STOP HAVING ASSBUTT
Oh. Oh my. This... oh dear.
Let's, um, take a look at this and see where we can improve.
Kay. Let's start with who I assume is going to be your protagonist. Let's compare Minecraft to FiM's main protagonist, Twilight Sparkle. I want you to take a moment and describe Twilight without talking about what she looks like or what her job is. Go ahead and write down a few words, and then hover your mouse over my list and compare.
-Intelligent
-Studious
-Perfectionist
-Eager to please
-Socially awkward
-Knowledgeable
-Leader
-Nerdy/Dorky
-Easily stressed
That's by no means exhaustive, but you get the idea. None of these things are ever stated, of course, but we know them through how Twilight behaves and interacts with others, and that's what makes her endearing. All of this is established in the opening scenes of "Friendship is Magic" (after the story of Nightmare Moon, of course).
Now, I'm going to make another list for Minecraft, based on this chapter.
-
Um... yeah. I've been sitting here for five minutes and can't think of anything. I could probably do a bit for the parents, but I get the feeling they won't be showing up again for a while.
This is the challenge with OCs. Too many people try to make them interesting by making them alicorns, giving them a unique appearance or giving them some kind of tragic backstory. But what makes a character interesting isn't what's interesting or what's happened to her, but who she is.
Work on that for your next story. Or, use an existing character, where all that hard work has been done. Once you have a character your readers can care about, they might start caring about what happens to her.
~Scribblestick
4872024 Probably not.
4872045 A. Not everyone knows and B. People get stupid.
See's description...
4871965 That doesn't mean we still can't have fun with it
4872119 But i'm not upset and I find it quite funny actually
Now if the author had a meltdown(hint hint nudge nudge)
It would be fantastic.
4872153 I know it's probably a trollfic. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt these days though. One time I thought somebody was writing a trollfic, but apparently he was dead serious and thought his story was really good.
puu.sh/aYxMD/1a9a339ecf.gif
*Is looking at new stories on phone earlier* Wtf is this? Self-insert? Black and red alicorn/Gary Stu?
*comes back later on computer to check new comments and if it is [CLASSIFIED].
Your lack of story-telling experience amuses me.
A lot.
Might I recommend you fifteen different editors and pre-readers? Looks like you'll need it.
[This is coming from someone with a red-and-black OC whose first story made her a Mary Sue.]
Yeah, this is a trollfic. While not the most obvious one, that last paragraph pretty much seals the deal.
Pic related. That's all i got to say.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131020190248/terraria/es/images/c/c0/Ohgodwhy.png
Obvious trollfic is obvious.