I'm an old-school MLP fan, glad the new show is doing great.
Twilight Sparkle12,272 stories ·4,753 members
The Hero... Nightmare Moon?319 stories ·2,180 members
During her entrance exam, Twilight's powers goes far out of control, leaving Celestia a shell of herself and Equestria in ruins. Now Nightmare Moon is free, but even she can't stop the Tyrant Filly. She flees through time and space, finding herself in an Equestria familiar to us but odd to her. Can the Mane Six help her stop a Twilight out of control?
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woo...
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Cool. Following this.
Holy shit.
Was not expecting that.
its on my read later list but no. no they cannot stop twilight at her fullest the mane six twilight would hold back and not go in her a game so the otehr twilight would win unless your not going to have twilight in the mane six in this story then they dont have a chance in heck so ill tell you later if its a good story or not
im back it was great
Yes... This is awesome. Also, Nightmare Moon getting owned by a little filly. A highly powerful filly but still.
Tracking/Favoriting this.
I must say, a very VERY interesting concept. This story holds great promise, I can't wait for things to begin to unfold.
Wow!
An interesting premise.
Let's see where this goes.
This looks nifty.
Well this is interesting.
At a suggestion, though, you might not want to have the words be in bold every time Nightmare Moon or Twilight speaks. It's a little...loud. Which I understand is the point, but it's kind of distracting to read, and I found myself skimming the sections rather than reading them through just to get past the shouting.
Otherwise you're off to a heck of a start.
Huh, Nightmare Moon as an anti-villian? I can get behind that.
-Nightmare Moon snorted. She held up a foreleg and pointed up to the moon, hanging over the sun. “Tell me, when you were a filly...-
That poor stallion; Luna has been out for 20 minutes and she's already told everyone about his sex change.
Very, very interesting concept you got going on. Solidly written. Nice piece of work you've written here.
Looking forward to more of this.
414801 i take it that's a good woo?
414838 About a third of the way done!
414858 Thanks!
I love Of Two Minds.
414921 Eyup...
415060 Neither was i when I wrote it...
415321 never know... Besides, I like happy endings.
415663 She's a bit embarrassed at the moment...
415856 Thanks, more coming soon.
415900 Thanks!
417028 Not sure myself...
419125 lol, thanks.
425563 I removed a lot of boldface, but kept it when things got... intense.
428827 Compared to the Tyrant Filly she's the cavalry, pun intended.
438770
I always mess that up! Thanks for the catch.
443414 Thanks, looking forward to writing more.
A third of a new chapter is written. Next week or two next chapter!
508750 very much so, a good woo...
I only now got around to reading this. Veeeery interesting start!
I can't imagine how Luna would react to Nightmare Moon, and vice versa...
Hm... Well, we're in some deep shit here. Nightmare's home dimension has gone down the toilet, and the one she is in now is arming itself to help her... beat a unicorn filly with twice the power Celestia had. Oh dear.
Oh man, the excrement is going to impact the ventilation unit here.
Even Nightmare Moon has standards, poor Evil Luna, she sees a happy world after leaving a complete mess.
Crazy superpowered filly Twilight is in trouble now.
Nows your chance Mane 6 +, hit Nightmare Moon with the EoH while she's weak and has no chance of trying to seize control or capture them on the other side.
My only problem is year wise, Twilight is supposed to be in her late teens or even early twenties, not 4 years after being a filly.
Also does that mean Crazy Twilight can't age?
Ah, I was wondering when this would update. Glad to see that you are still working on it and that the wait was worth it.
Nice to see that at least some part of Nightmare Moon isn't completely evil and that she still cares for her sister to an extent. I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment, this is getting really interesting!
606349
I'm working on the assumption that absorbing Celestia's power has halted Alternate!Twilight's growth in all sense of the word. That and the two universe might not be in complete temporal sync (that is, the alternate version is a few years behind the Mane 6's)
606349 This was discussed in the SB thread - yes Twifilly is not aging physically or mentally (otherwise she'd be more reasonable now).
I'm dubbing this alternate Nightmare Moon "Reasonable Moon" in my head (but don't worry, I won't do in type).
I'm actually surprised at how easily the Mane-6 have agreed to help Nightmare Moon, that they didn't just chat her up while Spike asked Celestia or Luna to go retrieve the Elements of Harmony and then Friendship Cannon her.
This is interesting! Proceed!
“In your own words, seven years ago during an entrance exam you stole Celestia's powers, sucking her dry of all but the bitterest dregs of her magic....
If three years ago Nightmare Moon broke free.......
(If the entrance exam was at age 12)
Twilight was only 16, it should have been 9 or 10 years prior for the exam so she end up 18 or 19 at NM's attack and about 21 or 22 at the present story.
In the words of a wiser person than I,
*squee*t just got real.
607029
Well, they do know it's not their Luna having a bad day. Besides ... an alternate-universe monster based on your beloved Princess of the Night shows up with ass thoroughly kicked, claiming it was by an alternate-universe version of the most powerful unicorn around--one that is at times considered to be a noticable fraction of an alicorn's power--and it's pretty reasonable to figure the other universe needs some serious help.
Especially if it's a child-Twilight's mind trying to control all that magic.
And I am very looking forward to updates..
508783 Just wanted to make sure.
591595 Thanks! Always cool to see an author I follow following me. makes me feel... almost decent.
606091 Yeah, who thinks they'd be rooting for her?
606207 Not twice... but damned close. And thanks!
606240 Now I wish to watch Airplane: the Movie! again. Not sure why...
606349 As far as i know, only thing we have for certain about their ages is Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie. Beyond that, total conjecture. And yes, she's still a little filly without a cutie mark... and the powers of a goddess coursing through her skull.
606937 Celestia's the only one who can be her 'equal'. And yeah, seeing Equestria like this is... not pleasant for her.
607029 No... go ahead and use that here, too. And they know she needs help, considering how badly she got her flank handed to her. It's just odd enough to pique their interest. They got Luna coming too for insurance as well.
609372 Good words.
610083 Yeah, pretty much. There's something going down over there, and now it affects them with Nightmare Moon there.
612170 No problem, bro.
612170
Lauren Faust stated they were meant to be late teens early 20's. (Young Adults in age.) Maturity is between 12 and 18 though.
612170
As a note, in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, if AJ is to be believed, she was even younger than the Crusaders when she got her cutie mark and the other girls, Fluttershy aside, appeared to be her age. So that means 'Shy may be the oldest member of the Mane Six.
Also, looking forward to the third chapter!
Whod'a thought that Nightmare moon of all people would end up being a horse hero?
Still though, this story does have a AU potential, and it could create an idea that perhaps the queen of the moon might redeem herself with a little help from the others against a pony with all the power, but none of the maturity.
Well, while I'm here, I might as well do my best to give you some help. I read your story, and I do have a few problems with it.
First off, the transition between Chapters 1 and 2...isn't really good in my opinion, because it skips from Twilight falling on top of Spike in Canterlot, to Twilight eating with all of her friends. Again, I understand you were telling the story from two different perspectives, but please be sure those two perspectives go in chronological order, or it becomes really confusing.
Next, the accents of certain words are absurdly inconsistent. Please stick to either using italics or bold to accent words, and keep that throughout your story.
Also, most of the characters in the story appear to have little to no purpose. A few minor characters is fine, but when your ratio of main characters to minor characters is 1:5, it begins to become somewhat of a problem.
Why does Luna appear in this story? Aren't Luna and Nightmare Moon the same character? Please explain this.
Finally, while I do admire the fact that you are detailing the pony's actions very clearly, there are some scenes where the dialog and the statements switch constantly, and after dealing with a few of said paragraphs, I got a little dizzy.
Aside from those points, this is a great story with a unique concept! I know that if you will fix some of those points, you'll get into EQD for sure!
It's okay. Unfortunately, the high point was reading about "Daring Do and the Shattered Mirror."
....
Makes me want to read that story instead.
You missed the opening quote, and I would suggest bold text for this line.
Nightmare Moon blacked out on the ground...
Twilight's reaction: Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh! WhatdoIdowhatdoIdo?
Spike's reaction: WAUGHH! *faints*
Missed the opening quote on these
“Where would I go?” This made me smile
810846 I'm not sure how you could ask how Luna and NMM could both exist at the same time in this story, given the description. Yes, Luna is the same pony as NMM, but the NMM in this story is from a different universe than the Luna in this story.
This is like, the third fic that I thought was dead that suddenly updated in the past week and I love it.
Ending was a bit abrupt though.
784913 Nightmare Moon would think it least of all.
810846 Okay... they're two different Twilight's. One is the canon version, another is an AU version who sucked away Celestia's powers. They're different dimensions, not time periods. As for accents, the characters speaking aren't entirely mentally stable. That's used to reflect that. As for ED... I don't really care much anymore about getting posted there, to be honest. Thank for the review, though.
924349 ... Gee, thanks.
1188848>>1188913 I'll get to fixing those, thanks.
1602453 Yeah, different realities.
Welp.
The start was aleetlerough but the concept drew me in.EDIT: Read it again, I din't know why I said it was rough. I guess I was misremembering; it's jarring and a little scary seeing Twilight behave like that - I guess she's basically trapped at the mental age she was at when the accident happened.That's going to make for a very interesting antagonist.I kinda like stories that have NMM being something of a good guy rather than just cackling evil.
Hmmm....I like this so far. You get a like, fav and a watch
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Holy smokes, an update! *squee*
I find it interesting that the sister's roles seem to be reversed from the norm. Celestia is hesitant about helping Nightmare Moon, while Luna is all for it. I'd think Celestia, in her infinite patience and wisdom, would be more receptive. Then again, she lost her sister to the darkness once, so...
And Dash and Nightmare share a little heart-to-heart. I gotta say, I'd be pretty peeved if, after saving the world countless times, people started avoiding me. I understand Nightmare's feelings. Still doesn't excuse a potential apocalypse, but...
Just found this. Glad you're deciding to finish, but damn that was abrupt.
i wub you
Good chapter so those were Nightmare elements make's sense if you think about it.
Hmm. That would give Celestia Kindness, Laughter, and Magic. Yeah, seems legit.
In any case, this is a fascinating idea, and it's being executed quite well. I look forward to alternate Twilight's reaction to seeing herself. Er... you know what I mean.