Pinkies Perspective
"Eh, I mean hi... erm did you say favourite? Oh of course you would I'm the only science pony you know, I didn't mean to pick up on that... erm... yeah... sorry I need to go do the things that I do... you know things and stuff, so erm goodbye."
Pinkie Pie watched in silence as her Lavender friend galloped away from her. For a couple of seconds she just stared at where Twilight once stood and then her mane deflated a little.
"Why has Twilight been acting this way around me lately?" Pinkie thought as she shoke her head to pump up her mane and continued onwards. "Could she have noticed? No, you've been trying so hard not to let it show, you haven't done anything differently, you've been talking to her like you normally would and you have been calling her 'Twily' long before this."
Pinkie Pie couldn't help but doubt herself. She had noticed that Twilight was always getting away from her and avoiding direct conversations. In her mind Twilight finding out about it was the most likely explanation for her behavior.
"They always do try to avoid me when they find out," Pinkie thought with a sigh, her stride keeping strong in spite of it all, "Why did you let this happen again, you know it never ends well when it happens, you promised yourself you would never fall in love with a mare again."
Despite her protests, Pinkie knew that wasn't going to happen. She's known she was 'like that' and that there was nothing she could do about it, and believe her, she's tried. Just thinking about the subject brought up bad memories in her head and there was one specific memory that stuck out from the rest at that moment.
This was quite an old memory, from when Pinkie was still a filly. It took place after she saw the Rainboom, but before she moved to Ponyville. She had made a lot of friends and was having fun playing and throwing parties for everyone. But there was one friend she had more fun with than any other, a friend who Pinkie just clicked with and a friend who Pinkie developed her first crush towards as a little filly.
It was of course another filly. She had a light pink coat and eyes that had vibrant shade of pink. Her mane was separated into two different shades of blue that combined beautifully together. She was yet to get her cutiemark, but that made little difference to the two of them and they were best friends. Despite Pinkie's new feelings towards her, she was too young to understand what they meant. So things carried on as normal and Pinkie was too happy with all her new friends to question any of it.
It was one week before Pinkie was going to leave for Ponyville and the two were talking on one of the schools benches. They were sad that they would be leaving each other soon, but they did not want to talk about that. As they were talking the pony said to Pinkie, "I'm really glad we became friends" and that was when Pinkie did something she would unknowingly regret to this day. She leaned over and kissed her.
The reaction she got was not one she was expecting. Her friend in shock got up and galloped away to leave Pinkie alone with a sad and confused look on her face. She later found out that her friend had told a teacher...
"It wasn't my fault, no one ever told me it wasn't normal to kiss mares." Pinkie Pie thought as she cringed at the memory. "But my parents definitely told me that when they found out. They yelled it in fact, repeatedly."
She never did see her friend again. They were going to have a big party before the day she left for Ponyville, but that never happened. Pinkie instead moved on from the incident. She was too young to think anything of it and she put it out of her head. She had forgotten about it for a long time and it wasn't untill her teenage years that her circumstances made her remember that day.
She remembered when all the mares started talking about stallions. She could never take part in those conversations; she never really understood it. Everything always felt upside down to her.
It wasn't long before Pinkie started to realise her sexuality. It wasn't something she dealt with very well. She still remembered those dark nights when she would stay up looking into the mirror and repeating over and over to herself that she wasn't like that. It came to no success though, she continued to have these feeling and she even started to have anouther crush on one of her friends.
She didn't tell her friends any of this; she was too scared of them hating her and she couldn't even accept it for herself. She still does remember that mare she had a crush on though, she was a jasmine yellow coated pegasus with a tiffany blue mane.
She remembered that she was around her house near the end of the school year. It was just them alone together and Pinkie wasn't dealing with it very well. Pinkie had been hiding her feelings for a long time and was finding it harder to keep it hidden. Her friend who was worried about her asked if anything was wrong, so she answered honestly - she told her that she loved her...
Things fell silent. Her friend was in shock and couldn't really respond except with an unconfident "O-okay." Pinkie quickly tried to explain and say that she knew nothing would come from it and it changed nothing between them, but her friend was still unsure of the situation and said it was fine, but Pinkie could tell she was weirded out by it.
The rest of the evening passed by very awkwardly. Her friend didn't tell anypony about it, but she still avoided talking to Pinkie and they never hung out one-on-one together anymore. The following year they were put into different classes and they eventually just faded out of each other's lives over time.
There have been a couple of other experiences like this and they all ended badly. Through the sadness Pinkie started to get better at hiding her true feelings from ponies. But her feelings continued to pile up and it came to the point where she couldn't deny that she was like the way she was. She never really accepted it as part of her, she saw it more as a flaw that she had to work around.
"Come on Pinkie, you shouldn't be thinking these things now, you know it always brings you down," Pinkie thought as she forced one of her signature smiles and continued to head in the direction she was going. "You have a party today and you need to put on a good show for them."
Pinkie trotted down the road to get some last minute supplies for the party she was preparing for that day. The sun shone on Pinkie giving her that glow she always has, but something was off about it this time. She still had her puffy mane and glowing smile, but her trot: there was no skip in it, there was more of a tiredness in it - a tiredness that had dwelled in Pinkie a long time, a tiredness that Pinkie was finding too hard to conceal anymore.
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It was nearing the end of the party and Pinkie had done everything she could to make it a success. She had found herself in a small room connected to the main party area. She was sitting on a chair staring at the door connecting the two rooms with a blank look on her face, just listening to the music and laughter coming from the opposite room.
"Why are you acting like this all of a sudden, you can't start letting this affect your life again, if this keeps up something bad will happen again." Pinkie thought to herself as she pushed her hoofs into her face with a frustrated moan.
"Hello Pinkie."
Pinkie was startled by the sudden presence of a colt who had just opened the door and snuck into the room. He was a white coated pony with a black mane and yellow eyes who looked at Pinkie with a comforting smile.
"Hi," replied Pinkie with her best attempt at a smile. "You're the birthday colt's older brother aren't you. How are you enjoying the party?"
"It's a lot of fun, even if I am a bit old to wear a party hat and play with balloons."
"You can never be too old for that!" replied Pinkie with a tired enthusiasm.
The stallion chuckled before adding, "Are you alright? You don't seem to be your usual quirky self."
"I'm fine," replied Pinkie with a sigh. "I'm just tired."
"If you're feeling tired you should get some rest instead of throwing a party," reasoned the colt with concern in his voice. "You shouldn't just pretend for the sake of others."
"Sometimes it's just easier that way," responded Pinkie with a cold tone.
Pinkie lowered her head and let her mane deflate a little as a silence engulfed the situation. The colt was taken aback by the words Pinkie said and also the way she said it.
"You know it's weird seeing you like this," said the colt finally with a cheerful grin that he tried to warm up the mood with. "You are normally so happy and hyper. I guess I've always viewed you as some kind of goddess that is resistant against sadness, but you are just as normal as the rest of us."
Pinkie raised her head to face the colt again.
"I know it's really silly of me to say," continued the colt, "but you've touched the hearts of so many ponies it's hard to not see you that way, and you've changed my life for the better. I'm not sure if you remember, I was a normal kid and had friends, but I was never myself, I was an act I would put on to get people to like me. I was depressed and didn't know why, until you showed me a path - you showed me that I should always be myself and I am eternally grateful for that."
Pinkie looks at the colt with a sad smile and a couple of tears in her eyes. "But sometimes it's so hard."
The colt looks at Pinkie with a warm smile. He is unable to know what Pinkie was going through but he knew he had to say something to comfort her. "I remember you telling me one specific thing which later turned out to be true, and I have never looked back since. You told me that no matter how good life gets, you will never be as happy as you would be by being true to yourself."
Pinkie wiped away a tear from her face as her mane regained it's composure.
"Thanks." she said with a sincere smile. "Sorry I've been a bit off today, but I'll be back to my happy pappy self in no time."
"That's good to hear. I'm heading back to the party; I don't want to miss the last piece of cake."
With one last friendly smile the dark haired pony turned around and left through the door. There was a pause before Pinkie leaned her head back and looked towards the ceiling.
"He was nice, I wonder if he would have been as nice if he knew just why I was upset," Pinkie thought to herself "but he was right, I've spent my entire life trying to hide this from everypony, and what good has it done. Lying to everyone, lying to myself, it's brought me nothing but missery... but telling ponies has brought even worse misery."
Pinkie turned back to the door to think "Maybe I should tell somepony who I know is okay with this kind of thing, or at least won't tell anypony else if she's not. But who do i know like that?"
Pinkie stared at the door intently to focus her mind and as she did a name suddenly came into her head.
"Hmm, she might be okay with it. I can't imagine her being against it and I know for sure she wouldn't tell anyone. But we've been friends for so long, I don't want to ruin that... No, I can't back out of this again, you have to do this... I just hope she understands."
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Just as the chapters before, I really like where this story is going, but the one extra character that shows up when Pinkie is feeling down confused me. I know in your author's note it talks about it, but couldn't you have used someone who maybe could tie into the story a little bit better, is this pony going to show up again or is he just a one time thing? Other than that confusion as I've said, I really do like this story so far and where it's heading.
Hmm... I'm guessing... RD?
4582292 yeah sorry about that, I did look at all the characters in the show and looked for one that would make sense in for this but i couldn't so i just chose the best out of two bad's. He's not going to be in the rest of the story and i don't see anything that could happen in where the story is going were i will need to use just a random character, hopefully it didn't bring the chapter down to much
4583473
Oh no it didn't bring down the chapter all that much, I was just a bit confused that's all, and now that you gotten an editor I don't see any grammatical problems with my untrained eyes! Also, don't judge me, I totally slept last night and it definitely isn't five in the morning XD.
this is so sad
I wanna cry. Hopefully it will turnout for the better if twliy and pinkie get together! But what will there family think?
Great so far :)
4584551 I'm happy you liked it
and i am a sucker for happy endings especially when it comes to these kind of stories
*Royal voice* WE DEMAND MORE OF THIS STORY OR ELSE YOU SHALL PERISH!!!!!
This story deserves 5 moustaches
