“I did it again, didn't I,” the Lavendar coloured pony cried as she continually hit her head on her pillow. “Why does this keep happening to me?”
Earlier that night Twilight destination came into view. It was a quiet and clear night so the house stuck out as much as the bright moon did. Twilight was trotting down the street with a spring in her step but she was also trying to keep her breathing steady for what was to come.
Twilight arrived at Sugar Cube Corner She took a deep breath before she reached for the door handle. As she entered she was immediately greeted by an flood of sparkling lights and a stream of upbeat music. She continued to walk forward cautiously in hopes of seeing one specific pony she knew, but before she could trot even a couple of inches a pink ray of light suddenly ignited in front of her.
“Oh my gosh Twily I’m so happy you could make it, well I mean I knew you could make it because you said you could, what I’m really happy about is that you did make it, and you’re here in front of me, well you already know that because you’re here, and that’s why I’m happy!”
The newly present pink pony Pinkie closed in on Twilight's face with her massive smile as the space between her and Twilight decreased rapidly, Twilight began to blush and her heartbeat almost doubled.
“Ah… yes, of course, I mean hi, no, I mean yes of course hi, why wouldn’t there be a “hi”… erm, I need to do a thing over in a place.”
Twilight quickly trotted off to a corner away from everyone else, where she spent the rest of the party there in silence…
And now we come back to the beginning, with Twilight groaning into her pillow.
"I don’t get this," Twilight moaned in her head, "what has happened to me? Why do I keep doing this, and why is it only around Pinkie?"
Twilight turned around on her bed so that she was facing the ceiling. She took a deep sigh and continued to contemplate the situation as she had been doing at night for a couple of weeks now. It was beginning to become a regular occurrence.
“I mean, I don’t get this way around AppleJack, or Rarity, or Fluttershy or anypony else for that matter.” Twilight closed her eyes in thought. “Why is it just Pinkie; what is it about her? I mean, she’s fun, always happy, enthusiastic, caring, sweet, has a stunning coat, soft mane, beautiful smile and eyes that I could just stare into forever… wait WHAT!”
Twilight’s eyes flung open suddenly as she sat up quickly. “What? Are these feelings friends should have for each other? I know Rarity and Fluttershy have said I look good on many occasions, but this, they never told me anything like this!”
Twilight quickly realised that this situation she found herself in was not getting better; in fact, it was getting worse every night, and waiting it out was no longer an option. She viciously slammed her head into her pillow and let out a loud groan filled with anger.
“Hay Twilight, you alright?”
Twilight turned to see a purple dragon with a worried look on his face by the side of her bed. Twilight let out a nervous laugh before getting up to face him.
“I’m sorry Spike, did I wake you?” she said with an unenergetic voice.
“Don’t worry it's fine. You're the one I’m worried about.” Spike said with genuine concern in his voice. “What’s going on? You look really troubled by it.”
“As soon as I figure it out myself I’ll be sure to tell you.” replied Twilight half-heartedly.
“So… you don’t know what you’re upset over?” Spike responded with a look of confusion “Surely if you didn’t know what was upsetting, you wouldn’t be upset by it.”
“No, it’s more like a maths equation that I can’t figure out.” Twilight said as she let out a sigh, “and no matter how hard I try I just can’t figure what’s going on. Though I’m sure I’ve read about this somewhere before, I just can’t put my hoof on it. This is just so annoying!”
Twilight turned and dropped her head in a mixture of anger and sadness.
Spike ran around to face Twilight with a comforting smile. “Hey I know all too well what it feels like to have a maths equation I can’t solve, but when that happens, I just ask someone for help. You could ask someone if they know what to do!”
Spikes words gave Twilight a spark of realisation that reignited her energy, her head flung in the air to show a smile of enthusiasm.
“You’re right Spike, there is no use giving up on something like this, I can just ask one of my friends if they know what’s going on!”
“That’s the spirit, well I mean you could just ask m-“
“Now what friend should I ask? Well Fluttershy is a good listener, but when it comes to giving advice, that’s another issue altogether.”
“Yeah, but you could save a lot of time because I could have the answ-“
“Rainbow Dash maybe? But she’s the other end of the spectrum, she could give me some good advice, but I bet I’d never slow her down long enough to talk to her.”
“I think you’re ignoring the fact that I’m right he-“
“I got it! Rarity! She’d know what to do for sure! I’ll go see her first thing in the morning.” Twilight smiled, satisfied with her plan. “Well, good night Spike. I’ll need to get to sleep quick if I’m going to be ready for tomorrow.”
Twilight quickly jumped back into her bed and turned off the light, leaving Spike to stand awkwardly next to her with a bewildered look on his face.
“… Goodnight Twilight.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight was up bright and early to visit Rarity, but as she was trotting towards Rarity's shop she began to doubt what she was doing.
“What if this isn’t a normal thing that happens to ponies? What if this isn’t something that should be happening around friends? What if Rarity think it’s weird and doesn’t want to talk to me?”
Twilight came to a complete stop in the middle of the street, scared stiff with worry.
“Don’t be stupid Twilight, Rarity is your friend and she would never judge you or think less of you because of something like this… let’s not say this is just happening around Pinkie just to be safe.”
Satisfied with the so-called conclusion she reached, she continued to trot down the road at a brisk pace. As she did she began to take in the atmosphere. It was a nice day and the light of the sun warmed the town nicely, the birds were tweeting and Ponyville had this nice mix between liveliness and peacefulness that made it so nice to be out on days like this, even if it was too early for it to really get started. It allowed her to calm down a bit from her jumbled state of mind and think a little.
“I wonder what Pinkie is doing on this nice day?” Twilight thought to herself. “No, stop thinking about Pinkie, you have so many friends, why do you always think of her first?”
Despite the constant telling herself not to, Twilight couldn’t deny the fact that Pinkie was the pony she was always thinking about. She felt this strange emptiness whenever Pinkie wasn’t there, and despite the fact she hasn’t even been able to talk to her normally recently she still found great happiness by just being in the same room as her.
“The sooner I find out why I’m acting like this the better. I just hope Rarity has the answer."
Twilight abruptly reached the shop and she stopped in front of the door. Twilight paused slightly before knocking on the door. The door was opened within a couple of seconds by a glamorous white pony with a perfectly done mane.
“Why Twilight, what a wonderful surprise,” Rarity announced with a smile. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Hello Rarity,” replied Twilight, “Actually I was wondering if we could talk?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow in interest, but she could sense the seriousness in her tone. She signalled Twilight to come in and take a seat and Twilight did so. Rarity went into the kitchen to prepare tea as she does for conversations like this. Shortly after she returned and gave Twilight some tea before sitting down herself.
“Now Twilight, Sweetie Belle is over at Applebloom’s for a sleepover they had last night, and I don’t have any work for today so I can hear everything you have to say. I’m all ears,” Rarity said with a smile that helped calm Twilight down a bit.
“W-well it’s been going on for a couple of weeks now.” Twilight tried to speak confidently but ended up turning away from Rarity’s eye contact. “You see, I’ve been suffering from noticeable physical symptoms while being near… this certain pony. I start to blush and my heart rate increases… there are also mental symptoms: I seem unable to stop thinking about this pony, and I seem to be overly complimentary of their appearance… You see, I have never experienced this before and I don’t know what it is or means, and I was hoping you could help me figure out what it is, if I mean you would want to help me that is?”
Twilight slowly lifted her head to look back at Rarity, but to her surprise she had a smile on her face; in fact, she was even starting to giggle quite loudly. Out of all the reactions Twilight had thought she would get, this was the least plausible reaction she could think of, so much so it rendered her momentarily speechless.
“Oh Twilight,” spoke Rarity through the giggling. “You really are so innocent and clueless about these kind of things. It’s quite adorable you know.”
“What!?” Twilight tried to speak through the shock of everything. “You know what this is?”
“Of course Twilight,” Rarity chuckled. “You are in love!”
IN your description you write "will Twilight be able to except these feelings" but you want to replace except with accept.
Except is a term of exclusion for example "I ate all the apples except this one".
Accept is the word you want "I accept your offer to go to the dance".
4438476 Thanks a lot, it's surprisingly hard for me to notice things like that, especially at midnight. But i still hoped you enjoyed the story so far :)
just changed the Picture for the story because i noticed there was already another story already using it, and i think this one works better with what i'm going for. just a little update for you, kind of
I love the story! You might want to try finding an editor though. An editor will help you with your grammar!
Try out:
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197236/overly-extensive-editors
Overall I like the story idea and where its heading but an editor seems like a good idea to help with the grammar
I'm not good at proof-reading myself which is why I'm looking for an editor myself!!
I really like where this story is going,it has a great storyline and I like how much you make Twilight nervous around Pinkie, not that many books I've read do that, but I do agree with some of the other comments about getting a editor, this just needs a couple touch ups on the grammatical side, and while I would wholeheartedly say yes to being an editor for you, I believe I would and should not be a first choice, if I was able to pay attention in English then of course I would help, but I haven't so I really could only do things like spelling and some grammar. I do hope you find a great person to edit your work because with the edits this could be a really great read.
This is my attempt at a Shipping story between Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie pie. it's about self acceptance and all that jazz, i am not gay personally so i have never had to go through this but i have a lot of friends who are, and i have been witness to there struggles, that and the manga "girlfrinds" is what inspired me to make this, it's my first attempt at a shipping so be nice, i've done my best to check the grammar but that has never been my strong point, please tell me if you notice anything i can change. i'm sorry about not finishing the other story, life caught up to me and i don't feel motivated to write for it, i might finish it one day if i get the time. i do hope you enjoy this :)
Aside from filling your description with an authors note, this is going to offset most readers because of the sheer number of grammatical errors before even reading the story.
"Twilight has started to have new feeling for her close friend Pinkie Pie, will Twilight be able to accept these feelings and the idea that she might not be what society wants her to be?
andHow will her friends react, especially Pinkie Pie?This is my attempt at a Shipping story between Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie. It's about self acceptance and all that jazz. I am not gay personally so I have never had to go through this, but I have a lot of friends who are.
andI have been witness to their struggles, that and the manga, "Girlfriends," is what inspired me to make this. It's my first attempt atashipping, so be nice. I've done my best to check the grammar, but that has never been my strong point. Please tell me if you notice anything I can change. I'm sorry about not finishing the other story, life caught up to me, and I don't feel motivated to write for it. I might finish it one day if I get the time. I do hope you enjoy this :)"This isn't a few small grammar problems; this is thirty-five grammar problems in two paragraphs.
4440212 Thanks for the advise, i decided to move it to a different place, the reason it ended up there was a joint between not understanding how fimfiction works very well and putting it up at midnight, i am a bit rusty to how this kind of thing works. thanks for the advise and i hoped you enjoyed it so far :)
4440026 thank you for your kind words i will be working on getting an editor and hopefully i will get one by the time chapter 2 is done, i hope your response to chapter 2 will be as positive as this one
4439722 thank you! saying that you love my story defiantly makes me feel motivated to write the next story as well as possible, i took your advice and went to the page you gave me, hopefully someone will be open to editing my story
I thought spike was too wordy I couldn't hear his voice with those words. Other then that it's fine.
4448698 yeah, looking over it there are a couple of sentences that don't sound like spike. i'll try harder for the next time he's in. but thanks for the comment, constructive criticism is always welcome, and greatly needed
This is genius! And genius must be continued!
4456290 Awww! i you. thanks so much for that, i hope my next chapter can live up to your love
You have a tendency to off and on forget capitals for names both first and last. Otherwise a by the book story.