Who am I? Where am I?

by Ferote

Chapter 3

After the first minute my mind begins to wander. I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time, I just think. "Does this world have any rules of the universe that earth doesn't have? There was that pink pony on the way to the library. Was it because of who she was, or can some earth ponies do that?" "Okay darling, that's everything." "I wonder how advanced the technology of this world is. Do they even know about electricity?" "Michael?"
"Huh? Yes Rarity?"
"All finished."
"I can move now?"
"Yes darling." She turns back to her desk. I look around with a certain idea on my mind "Theres the door, too mundane, that window, but it's closed, stairs, don't want to intrude on her privacy, and another window, an open window." I move my right foot to halfway off the small pedestal I'm standing on.
"Be right back Rarity." I push off with my right leg, going clear over her head, bending my knees on impact to lessen the fall. "Yet another free running adventure, hope this one doesn't end up in a creek" I dive through the window, rolling to cancel some downward momentum. I end up in a sprinters position and then I'm off. I glance everywhere, taking in all of the details. There's a row of houses, but I did that before, a market, I don't want to pay for a bunch of ruined goods, and a wall in front of me coming up fast. I jump at the wall, place my foot squarely on it, and push off. I turn around midair facing back to the boutique. "The boutique! Hope Rarity doesn't mind." As I rush at the building, I look all over it for anything to grasp. I notice the small balcony over the door. I jump up, grab the poles holding it up, and scramble to the top. I leap at a window, grabbing the sill and pull myself up again, arms beginning to burn from the effort. I reach the second floor, stand on the small balcony to rest my arms for a second, and jump for another windowsill, pulling myself up yet again. I grab the top layer of the building, but my hands slip on a patch of wet roof. "Motherfuc-" I am stopped when my back connects with the second floor roof. I watch through dimmed vision as the balcony gets closer and closer, then complete darkness is my existence.

---

[I was going to end it here, but I would feel bad for the cliffhanger, and I also looked at the word count.]
{Third}
"Motherfuc-" *Thud*
"What in the hay was that?" An earth pony trots towards the sound. She sees the boutique, something completely normal, and something that wasn't part of the daily routine in Ponyville, something falling *Thud* that had fallen off the side of the boutique. She gallops to the strange form, and sees something that had been the target of much gossip over the past three weeks. A pale individual with brown hair and, from what she had heard, eyes as bright and beautiful as the sky. She looks up and down his body for signs of anything wrong, and she finds some blood dripping from the back of his head. "That ain't good." She slips herself under his body and begins to carry him back the way she came.

---

{First}
"Ugh, what the hell happened?" "I need to quit waking up like this" I open my eyes and see not a hospital room, but a bedroom. "I need to find out where I am, AGAIN, and what the hell happened to me. Let's see, woke up in a hospital, met Twilight, had conversation with Twilight about ponies, met Rainbow Dash, free run, sizing for clothes, and another free run. Right I fucked up climbing the boutique." I feel my head, my bandaged head. "Whatever, still need to figure out where I am." I sit up and turn sideways, resting my feet on the cold hard wooden floor. I look at my body, I am clothed, except for my hat and boots, socks too. I search the room and find my boots and socks, but not my hat. "Damn it" I put on my socks and boots, and walk towards the door. I walk out of the door and into what seems to be a living room. "Better get out, the peo- ponies here probably wouldn't want someone like me wandering in their house." I look around for a second and find exactly what I need, the front door. I walk out of the front door and hear a sound to my right, a creaking sound. I turn and see an elderly pony sleeping in a rocking chair. "How long do ponies live? Oh god, I hope it's not so short that I am practically immortal to these ponies."
"Howdy!" I jump when I am jarred from my thought process by some pony with a definitive southern accent. "Looks like you didn't get hurt too bad."
"Yeah, my skull didn't crack open THAT much." I chuckle at my own twisted idea of a joke.
"What were you doing on the boutique roof anyway? Oh I'm sorry. My names Applejack and this here is Sweet Apple Acres."
"Names Michael Tennison. It's okay, curiosity oftentimes trumps manners. Rarity had just finished sizing me for some clothes and I needed some freedom. Ah crap I need to get back to her. Which way is Ponyville?"
"Just follow that road right there sugarcube."
"Thanks Applejack." I then run down the road.
"Call me AJ." She yells this in my direction and put a thumbs up over my head to show her I heard.
[Are the italics for the thought process visible enough, or should I switch to underline?]
-Michael

Comments

[fenril]

FIRST!!!
also it appears you have the wall of text problem.
and to answer your question yes they are visible enough, but still wall of text

[Ferote]

446504 would you rather have wall of text or dialogue driven story? sorry for sounding rude but thats how my first fic was. you just got to find a balance, and i havent yet

[fenril]

446572
its not that i mean its just at times the dialogue can get a little to close to the rest of the story. ok look if you send me your email ill show you what i mean

[Ferote]

446598 so your saying i should put in an extra kine for dialogue?

[fenril]

446674
that would help yes

[Blaze Burn Crash]

Wake up, meet up, conversate, meet up, free run, size up, free run, fuck up, and meet up.
That's basically what happened, right?

[Ferote]

447483

[nonameguy0010]

whatever you do, don't use underlines. Possibly space out the lines a bit. The lines seem to run together, making it a bit more difficult to read.