Iron Baker - A Pinkie Pie Tale
"She's a master baker, she throws wild parties, and, to top it all off, she's an Element of Harmony!" The gamekeeper shouts. "Give a warm welcome to Ponyville's own representative, PINKIE PIE!" The sound of stamping hooves fills the earth pony's ears. Pinkie Pie takes a deep breath. Come on, Pinkie She reassures herself. You can do this. Pinkie Pie forces her hooves forward. As she walks the length of the tunnel into the blinding light of the arena, she begins to reminisce about the past week.
"Wake up, silly, you're going to be late!" Pinkie Pie was sitting on Rainbow Dash's chest, shaking the pegasus.
"Wah?" Rainbow Dash groggily moaned, waking up. "Pinkie? How did you get up here?"
"Oh, it's simple, Dashie." The earth pony giggled. "I made my flying bicycle again."
"But how did you not fall through the clouds?" The cyan pegasus asked.
"I landed on you, of course!" Pinkie Pie laughed.
"Then where's the bike?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Pinkie looked around. Sure enough, the bike wasn't there. "Whoops, I guess it fell through the clouds." She said.
"Then how are you going to get down?" Rainbow asked.
"Simple, you'll carry me!" The earth pony said.
The lights flash out of nowhere, blinding Pinkie Pie and pulling her back into the real world. The applause gets louder as they see her. She approaches the raised circular stage in the center, where her empty chair is. The other three contestants are already seated, being that they're from larger cities.
The gamekeeper, winner of the fiftieth annual Iron Baker Competition, is standing in the middle of the stage. He's a light green, which goes very well with the avocado/lettuce dishes that he won with. Pinkie Pie observes her contestants. One of them, the representative from Manehattan, is an earth pony with a small bandage on his hoof, obviously caused by dicing something. Pinkie Pie subconsciously noted that his dish is probably a salad. The representative from Canterlot is a beautiful unicorn, with a bright pink hair. Pinkie Pie remembers her from a trip to Canterlot. She's - she's - she's Fleur! Fleur de Lis, Fancy Pants' girlfriend. Pinkie never suspected that she would be a baker. Pinkie looks at the Fillydelphia representative. It's a small pegasus, shaking in her chair. Chances are that she barely scraped by in her local competition, and is thus scared that she'll mess up here, in the Equestrian finals.
The gamekeeper speaks. "Welcome, fillies and gentlecolts. I am your host, Carlos. As you well know, everypony in this competition has had to go through a competition in their own town, and win. So, even if they don't win here, remember they've already won at home. Now to begin. As always, there is a secret ingredient that everypony must use in their dish. This time, it's a bit more unusual than normal. It's -"
"Pineapple." Pinkie Pie hastily answered. "It's a pineapple glaze." The local competition had just started, and the brunt of reporters had all flocked to Pinkie Pie. She was answering questions as fast as she could to get them to go away.
"Pinkie, do you have anypony here with you? Anypony cheering you on" One of the reporters asked.
"Well, I did convince my friend to come and compete." Pinkie explained.
"Tell me, who is this friend?" The reporter continued.
"It's my best friend Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie said, attempting to keep up her facade of joy. She was frustrated, mostly because the glaze wasn't spreading right and the reporters weren't helping.
"Who is Rainbow Dash?" A different reporter inquired.
"Rainbow Dash, as I said, is my best friend." Pinkie Pie said. "Although you guys probably know her as the element of loyalty. Or Ponyville's best pegasus. Or the Wonderbolt-to-be. Or - well, Rainbow Dash is so amazing, it would take me hours to name everything about her!"
"STARFRUIT!" The gamekeeper finishes his sentence, a large table covered in starfruit rising from the floor. Pinkie Pie's smile drops from her face. Her best dish was a Pineapple Glazed Donut. Starfruit would ruin its taste. Now she had to start from scratch, creating her dishes on the fly. The only time she'd ever seen starfruit was on a wedding cake Mrs. Cake had made when Pinkie was four.
"Contestants, you may begin in three -" The gamekeeper pauses for effect. "Two -" He pauses again, for about a full minute this time. "ONE!" He swipes his hoof down and the four contestants hop out of their chairs and bolt for the table. Fleur uses magic to grab about one third of the starfruit for herself. The pegasus grabs some in her cupped wings, but trips down the stairs, splattering green juice all over the floor. Pinkie Pie and the Manehattan representative lock eyes. They each grab half of the remaining starfruit and race to their respective kitchens.
Pinkie Pie dumps the starfruit in a large bowl and races around her kitchen, grabbing ingredients as she goes. Okay, um, what should I do? She asked herself. Three hours isn't enough time to trial and error bake. Um, I'll do a salad first! I don't care if that Manehattan guy is, too. The gamekeeper's one of the judges, right? I'll put avocados and lettuce in it. Pinkie Pie grabs a bowl full of mixed vegetables. Inside are onions, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and potatoes. But no avocados. Where are they? Pinkie Pie panics, sifting through the bowl. Oh, wait, avocados grow on trees, they're fruit! She realizes. She darts over to the fruit shelf and dumps some avocados in the vegetable bowl.
Pinkie dumps the bowl's contents into a sink and washes them all. How many judges are there again? She asks herself. Um, I'll go with four. She cleaves an onion in half and begins to thinly slice it.
Pinkie Pie vigorously diced a cucumber, ready to scoop it up and dump it in a blender. She decided to take a leap of faith, hoping that spinach, avocados, cucumbers, and some salt mix well together in a tasty drink. "So what's this?" A familiar voice asked.
Pinkie Pie looked up to see Rainbow Dash casually leaning on the counter, surveying her food. "Rainbow, what are you doing?" Pinkie asked. "You're supposed to be cooking!"
"I'm done." Rainbow Dash said. Pinkie glanced over at Rainbow Dash's kitchen. There sat twelve clumsily plated dishes, each of them involving a misuse the secret ingredient, cucumbers. "I finished early, too." Rainbow Dash said. "Half an hour left."
"That's not good, Rainbow." Pinkie Pie sighed.
"Well, if it tastes good, it doesn't matter how long it took, right?" Rainbow asked.
"Rainbow Dash -" Pinkie said.
"Rainbow Dash -" Pinkie says, reminiscing aloud.
"What?" The gamekeeper asks, a pad of paper in his hoof.
"Sorry, can you repeat the question?" Pinkie asks. She's done with slicing the onion. She starts on tomatoes. "I was thinking."
"I asked you if there was anypony who helped you get here." The gamekeeper says.
"Oh." Pinkie Pie says. "Well, that'd be Rainbow Dash."
"How'd she help you?" The gamekeeper asks.
"Well, she was my best competition in the local event." Pinkie Pie explains, starting on the second tomato. "I'd showed her a bit too many secrets of mine. I didn't know it at the time, but she purposefully messed up her dishes to let me win."
"Well, that's a new answer." The gamekeeper says. "Normally, people say that they've gotten encouragement or sponsorship."
"Well I'm known for being original." Pinkie Pie says. She finishes slicing the second tomato. She scoops the meat out of an avocado and begins to slice that.
"And how?" the gamekeeper inquires.
"Well, I work at a bakery called Sugarcube Corner." Pinkie Pie explains. "I often make dishes nopony would think of, like pineapple donuts, or spicy cupcakes."
"How'd you manage that?" The gamekeeper asks, trying to keep the conversation up. Pinkie Pie can tell the others talked longer.
"I'll let you in on a secret." Pinkie says. She finishes the avocado and gestures for the gamekeeper to lean in closer. "Cinnamon."
"Cinnamon?" The gamekeeper asks.
"Shh!" Pinkie says. "You'll give away my secret ingredient! But yes, cinnamon."
"But I thought it was sweet and sugary." The gamekeeper says.
"In small amounts, yes." Pinkie explains. "But, with enough quantity, it transforms into fire."
"Well, I certainly didn't know that." The gamekeeper honestly says. "How'd you figure it out?"
"That's a funny story." Pinkie says. "I was making a cinnamon bun and a put too much cinnamon on."
The gamekeeper chuckles. "Well, I'll leave you to cooking." He says, leaving.
Pinkie pie contentedly sighs and starts slicing the starfruit. Once she's done, she tears the lettuce and lays it down on four salad plates. Then she arranges the rest of the ingredients on top of it, and wraps them all up in the lettuce. She scrutinizes the food, and eventually leaves to start her second dish, she main course.
Suddenly, the gamekeeper's voice rings out. "Contestants, as you know, we always add a surprise element halfway through the competition. And this years, surprise element is -" He pauses again for dramatic effect. "BREAD! At least one dish must contain bread!"
Yes! Pinkie Pie thinks, rejoicing in her mind. I know how to make starfruit bread! Pinkie Pie had been sifting through some old recipes when she found one for starfruit bread. She'd memorized it for no reason, but now it had come in handy.
She ran to the oven and set the preheat to 350. Then she gathered salt, butter, flour, baking powder, eggs, some white wine, starfruit, and some coconuts. Then she pours the flour, salt, and baking powder into a bowl. She mixes these with one hoof as she pours sugar, butter, eggs, the wine, and starfruit into a larger bowl. She mixes those, and then stirs in the mixture of flour, salt, and powder. Then she cracks open a pair of coconuts, scoops out the meat, and adds those, too, stirring it all together one last time. She pours the mixture into a pan and thrusts it into the oven.
Pinkie Pie slumps down into a chair and glances at the clock. Two hours left. Considering the bread takes an hour to bake, and not too long to plate, Pinkie Pie has to come up with a dessert. But it's not like she has a small amount of time. She has two hours. She looks at her competitor's kitchens. The representatives from Manehattan and Fillydelphia are clumsily finishing and plating their first dishes. However, Fleur de Lis is sitting in a chair, sipping fancy wine as her final two dishes are in the glowing ovens.
Pinkie racks her brain for a dessert dish.
Pinkie racked her brain for a dessert dish. The drink she had made went as a side for the lunch course, and, as they say, everypony has a sweet tooth! Pinkie Pie's dessert had the best she'd ever made, not just her average treat. Pinkie Pie eventually decided on a pie. How she was going to incorporate cucumbers, she didn't know. But she would try.
She figured that, if ponies can make cucumber bread, she can make the bread part of the pie cucumber bread. She made the cucumber bread, hollowed it out into a pie shape, and then filled it up with clashing flavors like apples, pineapples, some oranges, and a coconut. She hoped the discord in the flavor would earn her some points.
I'll make a pie again. Pinkie Pie thinks, grabbing the ingredients required. She starts by juicing the starfruits to make the pie sauce. Then she makes the pie, putting some solid starfruits inside. Then she shoves it into a separate oven to bake.
Pinkie Pie decides to play a Fleur and drink some wine while she waits. She doesn't drink that much, just two glasses. But her head starts to feel funny already. She sits down and observes her competitors. Fleur is doing what she is. The representative from Manehattan is crudely fashioning some croutons of a sort from starfruit bread. The Fillydelphia representative tripped again, landing face first in the - soup? Pinkie Pie couldn't tell what the dish was. She sighed. Her biggest competition is Fleur de Lis at this point.
Pinkie Pie falls asleep in her chair.
Rainbow Dash appeared just as Pinkie was sticking the pie in the oven. "Hay, Pinkie, what are you -" Her face darkened when she saw the dish.
"What's wrong, Dashie?" Pinkie asked. Then she looked at the cyan pegasus' kitchen. Her dessert was a pie. "Oh, Rainbow Dash, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."
Rainbow Dash started to walk back to her kitchen. Pinkie Pie followed her. "I'm quitting." Rainbow Dash said.
"Dashie, why?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"Because." Rainbow answered.
"Is this because I made the same dish as you?" Pinkie asked.
"No." The cyan pegasus answered.
"Then why?" Pinkie Pie persisted.
"Because - because I -" Rainbow Dash stopped talking and grabbed Pinkie Pie, pressing her lips against that of the earth pony's. Shocked, Pinkie didn't kiss back, but she wished she had. "Goodbye." Rainbow Dash said, about to leave.
"Dashie, wait!" Pinkie Pie said, grabbing the pegasus by the shoulder.
"I SAID GOODBYE!" Rainbow Dash screamed, grabbing one of her pies and launching it into Pinkie Pie's face. Then the pegasus flew off.
The ding of the oven wakes Pinkie Pie up. She bolts up and yanks the bread out, narrowly escaping it being burnt. She makes a pineapple flavored glaze, and carefully spreads it atop three slices, on each of the four plates. Then she sits down and waits for the pie to finish.
Half an hour later, the pie is finished. She pulls it out and is about to plate it when she glances at Fleur's kitchen. The unicorn is just now expertly plating her dessert... A pie. Pinkie Pie glances down at her pie. Not again. she thinks. She looks at the clock. Two minutes left. This is for you, Dashie. She thinks. Then she flings the pie into her face.
She hears the audience gasp in unison at this dramatic turn of events. Pinkie goes to the sink and washes the pie off of her face. One minute left. She washes her hooves, careful to keep them clean. Thirty seconds. She retrieves the bowl of starfruit. Fifteen seconds. Then she unceremoniously dumps some starfruit on each of the dessert plates. She bell rings. Time up.
"COMPETITORS, PLEASE COME BACK TO THE STAGE!" The gamekeeper's voice rings out. The four of them return to the stage, the pegasus from Fillydelphia tripping up the stairs. Feeling sorry for her, Pinkie Pie rushes over to help her up. They take their seats. The gamekeeper speaks. "Competitors, each of you have done a very good job, but one of you has not finished." Oh, no, that poor pegasus. Pinkie Pie thinks. "Due to the baker's recent injury, we have decided that they will be allowed five more minutes." Wait, what? Pinkie Pie thinks. The Manehattan representative hops up and darts back to his kitchen.
For the next five minutes, the eyes of the three finished bakers lazily observe the audience. There's a vendor trying in vain to sell cupcakes to some elderly ponies. There's a drunk pony passed out in his seat. There's Rainbow Dash, hovering near the ceiling. There's - wait, Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie does a double take. There is the cyan pegasus, her eyes darting away from Pinkie Pie when the latter looks at her.
Just as Pinkie Pie is about to call out to her friend, a bell rings and the gamekeeper says, "Time's up! Step away from your dishes!" The baker steps away and sighs. Two out of four dishes are plated. He skulks back up into his seat. "Now, to reciprocate the introductions, the representative from Ponyville will present her dishes first!"
The crowd cheers as Pinkie Pie moves her plates onto a tray and carries it to the judges table. After silencing the audience, the gamekeeper walks over to his seat. "So, let's see your first dish." He says.
Pinkie Pie grabs the salads and places the dishes in front of the three judges and the gamekeeper. "This is a bit of an experiment." She says. "I just decided to play with some flavors. It's a starfruit avocado salad, with some lettuce, tomatoes, and onion in it."
"Okay, sounds delicious." The gamekeeper says. They start to eat as Pinkie Pie stands there awkwardly, feeling weird for watching people eat. Her stomach grumbles. She remembers she hasn't eaten anything all day.
"This is very tasty." One of the judges says. "The bit of spice from the onion contrasts perfectly with the juicy sweetness of the starfruit, and the lettuce, tomato, and avocado create their own sort of blend."
"Thank you." Pinkie Pie says.
"And with the lettuce the way it is, you can almost wrap it up like a burrito and eat it." One of the other judges says, and then proceeds to do so.
"Thank you, I was aiming for that." Pinkie lies.
"Thank you, we are ready for your next dish." The gamekeeper informs Pinkie Pie.
"Okay, coming right up." Pinkie says. She reaches onto the tray and hands the four of them their dishes. "This is a starfruit bread with a pineapple glaze." She explains.
"So, you're saying a slice of bread with some sauce is an entrée?" One of the judges asks.
"Well, I know you guys have got a lot more food to eat, so I decided to make the salad the heaviest course in the meal." Pinkie Pie says.
The judges eat. About halfway through her slice of bread, a judge says, "Wow, I wouldn't expect pineapple to go so well with starfruit. How'd you decide to use pineapple?"
"Well, my original dish was a pineapple glazed donut, but, with starfruit, it wouldn't exactly work well, you know? So I decided to make this bread, and put the glaze on it, because my friend Mrs. Cake once made a delicious wedding cake that was pineapple flavored with starfruit icing." Pinkie Pie explains.
"Interesting." The judge says.
"Thank you, next dish please." The gamekeeper repeats.
Pinkie grabs the plates piled with starfruit and passes them to each of the judges. She gets a quizzical look from them.
"Just fruit?" One of the judges asks.
"Yes." Pinkie Pie answers.
"Didn't you have a pie?" A different judge asks. "I saw you preparing it, what happened to it?"
"Well, I saw that Fleur de Lis, Canterlot's representative, was making a pie, as well." Pinkie explains. "So I - disposed of my pie and plated these starfruit. One thing that can ruin any dish is over-complication. With the starfruit being delicious as it is, you don't need to put it in an elaborate pie or a smoothie, but the simple juicy nirvana created by the fruit itself is enough to satisfy anypony's sweet tooth."
The judges eat, and don't comment. "Thank you, please return to your seat." The gamekeeper says. Pinkie does so. She sits down and notices a nod of silent approval from Fleur. Once the judges have finished scoring Pinkie Pie's dishes, the pegasus from Fillydelphia is called up.
"Good luck!" Pinkie whispers, winking at the small pegasus. The pegasus grabs her dishes and walks up to the judges.
"Okay, to begin, I've made some - I know it sounds weird - starfruit soup." She says, handing them their dishes. "What I did was blend the starfruit into a juice, and then do the same with some onions and tomatoes and the like. So, I ended up with this." The judges eat the food and voice their approval. the gamekeeper asks for the second dish. "Okay, for this dish, I decided to make it a bit of a Frankenpony kind of thing. I took thirty starfruits each, peeled the skin off, and then kind of sewed it together in the shape of a giant starfruit. Then I made some sweetbread, stuffed the giant starfruit, and shoved the whole thing in the oven. It's a bit of an experiment, so I apologize if it tastes bad." The judges eat, and then say that they like the food. Then she brings up her final dish. "What I have here is a starfruit-mango ice cream, made from goats milk instead of cow." The judges eat, and, just like the last two times, say they like her food. The pegasus returns to her seat and the Manehattan representative goes.
Pinkie Pie can't help but feel sorry for the guy. None of his dishes are good. All of them have to big of a flavor clash, or overcompensation for a wrong ingredient. He skulks back into his chair.
Now it's Fleur's turn. She starts out with a protein shake of sorts, one of those drinks ponies use to feel full but lose weight. Then she gives them a full on main-course, expensive meal, with some starfruit as a side. Pinkie Pie knows that that's going to hurt Fleur's score. Then Fleur serves her pie. the judges love it, one of them saying it's the best she's ever tasted. Fleur returns to her seat with a dignified air about her.
The gamekeeper returns to the stage. "We now have to wait as the judges deliberate the winner." He says. "This is a prime time for a snack or bathroom break, as it will be fifteen minutes."
Once the gamekeeper finishes speaking, Pinkie Pie walks up to the small pegasus. "Wow, you did amazing!" She says. "A giant starfruit? How'd you even think of that?"
"I just - you know - thought it up." The pegasus replies. "I didn't want to stuff individual starfruit, that'd be really hard. So I made a giant one."
"That's genius!" Pinkie Pie shouts. "I never would have thought of that!"
"Yes you would have." The pegasus says. "You're just a bit rattled because of your friend Rainbow Dash."
"How'd you -" Pinkie stammers.
"I'm observant." The pegasus replies. "Oddly so. I noticed you blurted out Rainbow Dash's name when Carlos asked you a question, so I knew something was up."
"Wait, who's Carlos?" Pinkie asks.
"He's the gamekeeper, silly." The pegasus replies.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Pinkie Pie says. "What's your name? I never got to hear it, I was introduced last."
"My name's Claudia." The pegasus says, shaking the earth pony's hoof. "Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie."
"Nice to meet you, too." Pinkie Pie says.
"THE JUDGES HAVE DECIDED!" Carlos yells, hurting the mare's ears and drawing the crowd's attention. "I hold the results in my hoof! I will start with third place." He opens an envelope. "In third place, with a score of nintey four out of one hundred and fifty -" Carlos pauses for dramatic effect. "Micheal from Manehattan!" The Manehattan residents in the crowd let out a sigh as their representative walks up to retrieve his third place medal and prize bits. "Now I will announce the second place winner." Carlos continues. "In second place, with a score of one hundred and thirty nine, is -" He pauses again. "Pinkie Pie from Ponyville!"
Awestruck, it takes Pinkie a while to realize what happened. In fact, it took a helping hoof from Claudia to get her to stand up. Pinkie walked up to Carlos in a daze, retrieved her prize bits, her second place medal, and then walked back to her seat.
"Our first place winner is not only our winner, but is the first contestant in the history of Iron Baker to receive a perfect score of one hundred and fifty! This contestant is -" Carlos pauses, much, much longer this time. "Claudia from Fillydelphia!"
The crowd erupts with cheers as the small, quivering pegasus receives her prize bits and first place trophy. Pinkie Pie looks at Fleur, who seems to be crying. Once Claudia gets them, she thanks the judges, the audience, and, most surprisingly, her fiancé back home.
Then the gamekeeper allows the audience to meet the contestants. Pinkie Pie is surrounded almost immediately by adoring fans. She spots Rainbow Dash above them, and the message in the pegasus' eyes is clear: Meet me afterward. Te cyan pegasus flies off.
Five hours later, the crowd finally disperses and Pinkie Pie is allowed to leave. The earth pony found Rainbow Dash sitting alone outside of a closed café. "Hay." Pinkie says, sitting down.
The pegasus jumps. "Oh, I didn't hear you coming." She says.
"Sorry." Pinkie Pie giggles.
"No, I'm sorry." Rainbow Dash asserts. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have quit. I shouldn't have -"
The cyan pegasus' words are cut short when Pinkie Pie places a hoof over her mouth. "Rainbow Dash, when someone's too loyal, they get - too serious." Pinkie says. "They lose their sense of humor, and they're not fun to be around anymore. Well, you're the element of loyalty, so, without laughter, that's bound to happen to you. But luckily, I'm the element of laughter, Rainbow Dash. That means that we're meant to be together."
"Are you saying that -" Rainbow Dash begins.
"Yes." Pinkie interrupts. She presses her lips against that of the pegasus. "Come one." She says. "Let's go home." They stand up and head to the train station, holding hooves.
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A good story, and an idea I'm surprised no one else has jumped at yet, so kudos
That said, there are a few things that could be done to improve the telling. The most glaringly obvious one is to give more notice that the story is going from present to the past. It became rather hard to follow at times when it made a sudden shift, especially since both the past and present are dealing with similar events.
**Spoiler**A plot point that struck me as odd, how is it that the Manehattan pony won third if you said that the judges didn't like his food, and yet Fleur had a certainly passable meal, along with a fantastic dessert?**Spoiler**
I'm not sure I totally understood Pinkie slamming the pie into her face when she could have just ate it (We've seen her eat a tiered cake whole, a pie would be no problem), though the wording there made it sound to me like she had chucked the pie at Fleur. Just be careful when dealing with multiple members of the same gender and to not use he/she too liberally.
There were some typos and such, but that's easily remedied with some proofreading.
And finally, while this isn't so much of a writing issue, my culinary experience and time spent living in the islands is screaming at me to add this as well: Have you ever tried cracking open a coconut, much less scraping it out? It's a pain in the FLANK! you gotta have a machette/cleaver on hand and chop all the way around it to get it open, then the meat isn't exactly easy to scrape out. Not saying it couldn't be done here, but the way you wrote it made it sound more like she was breaking a few eggs.
Overall, a good story and an enjoyable read, and I hope the criticism helps for next time
I haven't read your story but the picture caught my attention and made me go, "Pies oh my!"
413248 I agree with you that the manehatten pony thing. (don't want to elaborate, spoilers)
413248
The wording "made it sound to me like she had chucked the pie at Fleur" made me laugh out loud, literally.
With the eating the pie thing, she had a minute and a half to do that. It's not like she could eat a pie and dump fruit on the dish in ninety seconds. It took her thirty to wash her hands!
And the present/past tense changes were only signified by the double space in paragraphs. I was trying to make it clear, yet still seem like slipping into a memory.
And, for the coconut thing, I wan't really trying to over word it. I was doing this as an auditionary story, so I was trying to break 4K in an hour. Needless to say, I didn't make it.
413488 Oops. *hooves
413248 413487
Oh, yeah. The whole thing about him winning was because, if Fleur got it, it'd seem like I was making the mess-up mess up.
The reasons I chose him for third:
1 - From experience in theater, I know that it's bad to audition either last or first. When you go first, expectations are high (Note the line "So, you're saying a slice of bread with some sauce is an entrée?"), so you normally get a lower score.
2 - Fleur's dishes were weirdly proportioned. It started out with a skimpy drink, then a huge meal, and then a slice of pie. While they tasted good, the planning wasn't done very well. Note that she sat there for over half of the competition. She was over-confident, and, thus, lost.
3 - And also, Fleur may be a really awesome background pony and such, but I don't think she needs more bits than she already has.
413509 Hmm. Okay then
Is this story incomplete or is it just not marked as complete?
499758 whoops. Gonna change soon.
This is better written than Sugar Rush, it has more detail, but I've spotted at least one spelling error, Their might have been more. However it was hard to keep glued to this one with the subject matter, [Insert personal review here] Cooking isn't my thing, even in real life, I'd rather throw something in the microwave and get on with my day. Besides from that and the shipping, you've got potential.
a small cute story that doesn't need anymore chapters, but...
"she thanks the judges, the audience, and, most surprisingly, her fiancé back home" <- why is that surprising? its pretty normal for people to say that their lover or mate or whatever helped them go the distance... i could understand if it was a fiancée (female) that would be more surprising (female marring another female), but a fiancé (male)? that doesn't seem very surprising (female marring male) :P
The very ending felt a bit rushed, but otherwise very good!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4oltapzdd1r7muxmo2_1280.png
684093
I'm just now taking French on my free time, so I only caught the feminine vs masculine thing. But I think it fits; Claudia's a bit too... Uncertain of herself to go so outside of the norm like that, in my opinion.