The soul in a flame

by BlazeRocket

The Story Of DarkKnight

DarkKnight...

3 months ago...

I woke up with a big headache. I look around to see I'm in someone's bed. I hear a baby's laughter in the background. And I smell the smell of fresh baked pie.

"Hello...I see your awake" says a voice similar to grandmas voice. "That was quite the teleportation spell you did there."

"Who are you." I say groaning in the process.

" it's me Granny Feathers" Granny said in a happy voice

"Granny Feathers! I teleported THIS far! WOW!" I yelled forgetting about pain

"Yes my dear." She said happily.

I got up and looked around seeing Bolt playing in his bouncy seat,laughing happily.

"Wait...where's...BlazeRocket?" I said with a sad tone.

"I don't know my dear..." She said sadly

"Oh ok I'm sure he's fine." I say as the phone starts to ring.

*ring ring ring* *ring ring ring*

"I'll go get it...you go and play ok." Says granny

I go over to see Bolt and play with him.

meanwhile...

"Hello" says granny on the phone.

"Hello miss, we would like to talk to you about BlazeRocket."

"Oh yes please...where is he?"

"An insane asylum ma'am...he has gone there for murder."

After having a conversation with the stallion granny was feeling uneasy. She went into her room and pulled out a small wooden box.
In this box was a horn...her horn. She was born an alicorn but after awhile Celestia herself cut it off so now she was just a Pegasus

"I don't know how I'm gonna do it but I'm gonna do it. Dark knight" she yelled Dark Knight going over.

"What do you need granny feathers?" I say

"We are going to train your magic" she says.

a long time later...

Then after a long time of training Dark finally got some great spells. Then a lot of them. Plus the fact he became much more serious. After years living with Granny he learned even sword skills. After He was old enough, he decided to go and live somewhere else. He even took Bolt with him. Eventually he found a town named ponyville. He moved there and got a job as a magic tutor. Bolt helps with the weather patrol. And plus the newest princess lived here. And Dark was in love but still serious as ever. And he also knew about Blaze Rocket but Dark thinks he's dead.

to be continued...

Comments

[NobleValor]

Stand some constructive criticism? First let me say you have a wonderful premise for a story. However, you could stand to build it up a bit. More details and characterization. For example, you gave a very basic idea of who Blaze is, but didn't really give him any depth. There's no reason for us (the audience) to connect with him.
While you don't have to go into the fact that while he hates turnip greens, but he loves spinach (although that is a nice personal touch if I say so myself ); you could stand to go a bit more into the dynamic he has between himself and the rest of his family (especially his brother Dark Night.)
Also, take your time. Unless there's a contest going on (and there wasn't the last time I checked) there's no reason for this to have the rushed feeling this is giving off. Hope I helped.

[BlazeRocket]

4749516 first of all you helped a lot second this is my first story so I'm not the best at writing third I tried to not rush it forth my writing will be better in other chapters fifth Ill try to give blaze a better background thnx

[NobleValor]

4758040 Glad to hear it. Also thanks for the favorite on my story.

[BlazeRocket]

4759164 no problem and the next chapter will be coming out and I'm trying to make it longer and better