• Member Since 30th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 6th, 2014

Anna Belle

Applejack is best pony.

Anna Belle Joined 30th Apr, 2014 · Offline

Also LikedSimilarAuthor

 10
 501
T

As life goes on, Pinkie Pie's dark side grows more and more deadly. Will she be able to stop it, or will it completely take over.

Tags will be updated as story goes on.

WARNING! Contains some language.
Chapters (1)
Incomplete Published: May 5th, 2014 Download
1,050 words
Comments ( 10 )
The Elite Knight
The Elite Knight #1 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

This is an amazing start to your story!

This makes me think back to when I first read Cupcakes. God did that creep the hell outta me. Keep up the good work! :rainbowdetermined2:

milkteajester
milkteajester #2 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

Grammar and Spelling errors:

Pinkie Pie was pushing a cart into the smalk, cramped basement.

You mean small?

As she stared into Pinkie Pie's dark, icy blue eyes, she thought about all her friends, family, and happy memorys.

"Memorys" Should be spelt "Memories."

"Oh, I'm sorry, a small filly like you wouldn't know what that means," Pinkie Pie said, as she leaned in closer, towards Twist face.

Twist's' face.

"P-Pinkie, please don't do it," Twist beg again. "I won't tell anypony about this, I swear."

It should be twist begged.
Otherwise Pretty good story. It's just not too original..
:twilightsmile:

Watch out...
:pinkiecrazy:

Anna Belle
Anna Belle #3 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

4339577 thank you for pointing that out to me.

Anna Belle
Anna Belle #4 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

4339564 thanks, and I've really cupcakes too. I have even seen the mini-move of it.

The Elite Knight
The Elite Knight #5 · May 5th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

4339703
Woah wait a sec. A mini-movie? I've seen some spoofs, but still.....
I know I'm gonna regret it, but could ya send me the link?

schmitthappens21
schmitthappens21 #7 · May 7th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

Twist asked, looking into Pinkie Pie's icy blue eyes.

Why did "Four" and Will Herondale have to pop into my head when it said icy blue eyes?
(rhetorical question)

schmitthappens21
schmitthappens21 #8 · May 7th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

Pinkie Pie began smiling, as she got

Got....what? The knife?
Now, I might have just missed something, but if that's the end. There should be a period.

"Who's Carrot Stick," Twist asked, still trembling.

*?* Question mark needed instead of a coma. (I think)

"My first victim," Pinkie Pie explained. "He was a drug dealer and he hit on almost every mare he saw." She laughed. "It's funny what a stallion will do when they think there gonna get laid."

Nothing wrong here. (I think) But that is hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

"I remember how it all happened. I brought him to my room, and when he was districted

Districted? Distracted you mean. That's not a word. At least that's what Google says.

i'm sure you'll go to heaven

*I'm*

unlike that bastard."

Just for kicks. Bastard actually means: "a person born of parents not married to each other." Just found that out when my friend and I looked it up in the dictionary in school. Glad we didn't get caught.

Twist tried to hold back her tears, as Pinkie Pie regained balance, and was now getting closer and closer

period

it didnt work.

*didn't*

Sorry that I corrected a lot of it. I like editing.
Nice story so far, I liked how you said Twist smiled.
Quite good.

Anna Belle
Anna Belle #9 · May 7th, 2014 · · ·
Reply

4354942 thx for pointing those mistakes out for me.

Login or register to comment

Stats

Page generated in 0.067 seconds
Total duration
908 users online
416,173 hits today, 1,870,739 yesterday

• Site Statistics

FIMFiction

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024

• Privacy
• Cookies
• Staff
• Licenses

Follow & Support Us

Support us
SubStar Chat!
Discord Follow us
Twitter

MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®