"Tentative book singing"

Oh, Sweetie Belle...

So that's why the CMC just got hit with more chores in Hearts And Hooves Day; daterape potions are perfectly legal, if I understand Equestrian legalese correctly.

SwiperTheFox,

I need to congratulate you on your skilled preservation of characterization in this story. It's all too common that silly borderline clop like this throws the personalities of the Mane six et al. to the wind and has them act or think in whatever way tickles the author's fancy. Up until chapter 4 of this book, I thought you had done just this. Thankfully, I was wrong.

My main concern was with the lust Twilight felt for Spike. The show establishes the relationship between these two characters pretty clearly; They love each other as brother and sister. The first four chapters seemed to almost ignore that Twilight is contemplating incest. The fifth, of course, shows that Spike has eyes only for Sweetie Belle, understands the gravity of what Twilight asks, and turns her down gently. This demonstrates to the reader that we are not in a universe not too different from the canon one, and that Twilight has been driven to great distraction. I've seen other author's handle this relationship far worse, so your delicacy is commendable.

However my remaining doubt is with the way Twilight deals with her budding (exploding?) sexuality. Why does she never attempt to use books (other than the one) to understand what's going on with her? Surely she owns a work on pony sexuality? Even more odd is her almost total lack of real introspection. Again and again in the TV show we find that Twilight is a character that is capable of reckoning with herself and her feelings; here, not so much.

However, after your skillful course correction with the incest I have little doubt you can assuage the other concerns of this reader. Thumbs up.

Sincerely,

Scootalderp

Note: This review written at the author's request. I'm more than happy to do a similar examination of your story.

me gusta

415881
Yeah, there's a lot of proofreading type things I need to correct in this chapter.

415898
Yeah, I wrote the section as sort of a parody of the things that I've see in law and economics classes. But, yep, it's totally legal to do magical lovey-dovey things. (As per the show's canon, then). The CMC didn't do jail time or anything that serious, and neither would the Y.C.T.B. author.

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417135
Thanks!

The Great and Powerful Trixie's secret eh?

I feel dumb for not catching onto the pen-name earlier now. . .

418347
This is in part based on my experience as part of homeschooled co-operatives in West Chicago, where we would take old school-related material and other ex-library books and shift through things to give to low-income familes that need educational material. (So, I'm glad Twilight is doing what she's doing).

But I can totally see your point as well.

"Try to understand, desperately locked in a dream in my hand,
Will you wait along for me tonight, "
Hold me. Kiss me. Save me

A star shines in all of us, we'll search for all our lives,
One day we'll find a way, and a reason to survive,
Cry for the day to return like no one can understand,
We all face our fears in the world,
We all hold our place in the universe,
For eternity...

You wanted my advice and here it is my friend

"Revenge will be sweet. Now that you've turned me from normal into a pervert, it's time for me to show you what naughtiness is all about."

You crank the rating up to mature and never look back

I want you to know I hate reading. I hate reading just as much as I hate working.
That being said I wanted to keep reading this enough that I managed to make myself do one assignment between every chapter.
You saved my work from being left in the dust.
For that; I hate you.

if i was spike in the beginning i would be like.

ah shoot i forgot something in the forest bye twilight

I thank you deeply for not doing what I thought you were going to do between twi and spike. Way to many people put those two together despite how it messes up their previous relationship without even doing so much as trying be delicate with it. You did the exact opposite by hurling the sex train at spike and then had him blast it off the tracks with the "mommy" gun. (technically wasn't really rape you were setting up for) Otherwise, I'm very happy with the story so far and I shall continue reading at once!

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See also: Want It Need It.

Trixie...

The plot thickens...

I gotta say, I'm enjoying this story more than I thought I would. Glad I stuck it out.

"WHAT!" Twilight suddenly screamed. Her eyes bugled as she glared at the mirror. "Written by triX I. E. ?" -- It's about damn time!

Oh gawd...this wont end well... That last sentence.

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Hah, this'll be awesome, "come into my web" said the spider to the fly.