Blueberry Cake's first week at Canterlot High

Equestria Girls Background Characters119 stories ·121 members

Blueberry Cake's first week at Canterlot High

Two weeks into Blueberry Cake's Freshman year, her dad gets a new job, and they have to move. Blueberry Cake has to transfer to Canterlot High.
At her new school, she meets Tennis Match, Mystery Mint, Cherry Crash, Starlight, and Drama Letter. She accidentally brings the 6 of them into a new friendship.
When another girl, Sunset Shimmer, arrives at the school, will it be the end of the friends... forever?

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 15 )

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scoots2

scoots2 #1 · Apr 28th, 2014 · 1 · · Meeting Friends ·

I see you've gotten the honorary, standard Equestria Girls downrates! They do not mean anything, just so you know. There are some things you can work on, like slightly smoother introductions of the characters. They're the equivalent of background ponies, but they don't have widely-established personalities, so you might want to explain that a bit. People rely on the fan generated personalities to communicate Lyra and Bon Bon, for example, and it's a bit like cheating. You can't lean on that the same way. But hang in there and don't get discouraged!

Tennis Match Fan

Tennis Match Fan #2 · Apr 28th, 2014 · · · Sunset's Rift ·

4302942 Okay, thanks! You do make a good point. I'll work on that next time.

8_Bit

8_Bit #3 · Apr 29th, 2014 · · 1 · Sunset's Rift ·

What scoots said. It's far from perfect, but at the same time, it isn't so bad as to say that all the downvotes are deserved. I thought the dialogue felt a bit forced, lacking the smoothness of natural conversation. And that scene where they argued over who she sat with just felt bizarre. I get that she's the main character, but 5 or so girls (all of whom she met hours earlier) fighting tooth and nail for the chance to sit with her just seems... Well, wierd.

Let me stress this: this doesn't make for a bad story. But you may want to look into getting a proofreader for future work. They can help you with plot structure, dialogue flows, character interaction, all the way down to simple spelling and punctuation errors.

Not a bad start for your Fimfic career. Just remember: Every artist was.first an amateur.

*le thumbs up*

Tennis Match Fan