Chapter Two: Dirge
There wasn’t much time left for this to work perfectly. Everything had to be right, down to the cleanliness of every single inch of everything in the large ballroom. This mare was not one to mess up anything; much less when it was put on her through fair terms.
Octavia dashed around the wide room, hooves making muffled clacks against the sparkling wooden floor. Her frenzied eyes peered over everything, scanning for anything even an atom out of place - which happened to be a fair amount of the plating. Her long, black mane whipped around her face as the renowned cellist fixed all that was seen. One whole table had to be completely redone, much to her disappointment. The plates all had to be cleaned until Octavia could see every strand of her hair in their reflections. But then a banner was misaligned, tablecloths were uneven, a chair had scratches in two of its wooden legs, the seams of a seat cushion were becoming undone - the list kept growing and growing for the gray mare.
All of the other helpers except for the chef and baker had gone home after a gruelling day of organizing and dragging all of their respected items. The cellist was left alone in this room of never ending problems. Her hair was already frazzled and sticking up in places from her frantic worrying, showing the exact opposite of her usual kempt posture.
Octavia slumped down in one of the chairs, plopping her head down on the table but making sure not to disturb any expensive plating or decorations. She let out a rather loud yawn then took a gander at the large room, scanning over every little detail her eyes could take in in their tired state. She felt like falling asleep right there on the spot with the muffled banter of her prized chefs working in the kitchen and making their finest delicacies for the big day.
The room seemed up to standard in her critical eye. The mare sluggishly lifted herself from her seat and began stepping towards the door. She tilted a plate, moved a chair, and corrected an overhead decoration on her way. Her hoof pressed against the double door then gently parted it, allowing a light breeze to waft into the building.
With Luna’s beautiful orb in the sky, the very tired yet still very anxious mare made her way home, as painstakingly slow as it was. Octavia had the help of the silvery moonlight to guide her through ever-familiar streets. The large oaken doors shut behind her with a soft, muffled noise as they fell against their frames. Octavia would have been called a zombie or said to be sleepwalking if anypony were to see her on this night. Her hair was a mess, eyes almost red with the very little sleep she’s had, and she stumbled every so often in her walk home.
With what seemed like almost an hour of walking, her mind wandered back to recent history and what started off this crazy exchange of great annual nights. A smile crossed over her lips. Her pearly-white love was to blame. But even with all of the sleepless nights during every other year as that special day came, she couldn’t raise her voice against the DJ - much less be angered.
Since the first event began in the club, The Pendulum, it has become a trade off between the couple. On odd years Vinyl would be the one to make special days and nights; Octavia had the even years. Even after all this time together they still kept their differences between a classy professional raised in wealth and pompous lifestyles, and the underground dancer of hard tones and beats.
As of recent time the spectacle between the two musicians had grown to become a public event. Because of their blend of style and sophistication, they allowed almost anypony into their celebrations. The crowds grew and grew, almost encompassing the entire town. Others who have heard of them came from other towns, villages, or even cities.
Throbbing beats and music began to fill Octavia’s ears, and she looked down the block. There, the famed nightclub roared and screamed with occupants. In the days close to their anniversary, the club wouldn’t let their best DJ play. As much as it pained her to see a non-partying version of her lover, Octavia did her very best to make sure the DJ wasn’t bored or causing trouble. She stood still, eyes reflecting the many changing lights that managed to sneak out of the building. When she had heard enough of the harsh beats the mare continued on her way.
Luckily her home was rather distant from the clubs and stores so the air was nice and quiet when she finally neared her destination. This was the same building that she and Vinyl Scratch had bought together once they saved up enough money from their performances. Vinyl made less during her work, but did it much more often than the leisurely life of the stringed instrument that Octavia mastered. The cellist smiled while she stared at the white door in front of her. She remembered how they argued once about their work hours and wages. Octavia wasn’t sure how but it led to some... pleasurable things that night. After that, they just went back to normal and left the issue in the dark.
The gray mare yawned and rubbed her left eye sleepily. Perhaps she should get inside and have some sleep before the important day rolled around the corner. Opening the door, she closed it back with nary a sound and ever so quietly made her way up the stairs.
Her ear twitched and picked up something. Octavia stretched her head out slightly to try to pinpoint what she was hearing as she went up the last few steps that led to their room. Her last step to the final door made a creak, but the sound didn’t stop. Finally removing the wooden barricade, she smiled.
Right there in front of her was the love of her life, sleeping in her usual spot with a warm smile and soft face. Octavia almost giggled, and would have if this were a few years ago. Her eyes panned slightly from her lover’s white face to the record player on Octavia’s side of the bed. It was spinning with the distinctive vinyl record clicks coming through the music that flowed from the bronze horn that adorned its top. She instantly recognized it and mouthed “Twisted over you” just as the voices in the music sang the words.
Octavia found herself in front of the record player and softly singing the lines in perfect time.
“You know, you know, you’re all I’ll need,
You’ve got me twisted over you.”
The gray mare knew how heavy Vinyl slept and used it to her advantage to sing a couple more of the lines even though they repeated the same four.
“You know, you know, you’re all I’ll love,
You’ve got me twisted over you.”
Octavia grinned as she remembered how she used this song when it was her first turn to make the anniversary. Vinyl loved the song for some odd reason, but she never questioned it. It had more lines to it than what was playing though. The same exact four lines kept streaming out as the special needle ran itself along the record’s surface. Octavia never understood how Vinyl managed to do that. She could take a music playing device and make it replay any part of a song through magic. The cellist didn’t remember ever hearing about any other unicorn doing that before.
The gray mare yawned again and gingerly crept into bed alongside Vinyl. She leaned over above the unicorn and gave her a quick kiss on the horn before snuggling down behind her. It was a little chilly outside the covers so her lover’s warmth and body was eagerly anticipated. Stretching out her forehoof and wrapping a hind leg over Vinyl’s warm frame, Octavia nestled herself closer with her nose almost in the electric blue mane of the DJ. She let out a sigh of pleasure as she lay there and closed her eyes.
Then she opened them just as the lyrics started over again.
“You know, you know, you’re all I’ll need,
You’ve got me twisted over you.”
She felt no movement. No breath. No warmth.
“You know, you know, you’re all I’ll love,
You’ve got me twisted over you.”
A/N: This was supposed to be Chapter Three, but for some reason I couldn't find any fitting song to use for Chapter Two. So, to not keep you all waiting even longer, I made this the second and final chapter (unless I somehow create a third chapter, like an epilogue or such ending.) Nonetheless, I hope you readers enjoyed this piece and will excuse my dropped quality in writing. Unless it's misspellings, because that's just plain bad and they need to be fixed.
I thought of doing a different, more classy sounding song, but I couldn't think of anything to really use and the current lyrics stuck in my head for the part.
Thanks to MadMan for reviewing this story and helping out.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- GhostieToastie · 9.2k words · 63 5 · 2.2k views
- WhirringGears · 3.6k words · 51 2 · 1.5k views
- Lynked · 66k words · 205 7 · 3.5k views
- Nanaya pony · 2.5k words · 69 2 · 2k views
- Page Turner · 12k words · 41 3 · 2.2k views
- Dracoliat · 11k words · 35 4 · 1.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
650 users online
1,145,252 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wait a minute.
What the hell is going on.
Is Vinyl DEAD??
The "She felt no movement. No breath. No warmth." Sounds like Vinyl was dead, am I just utterly confused or did you just kill Vinyl?
I...but...
1374936>>1374946>>1375001
To put it crudely: Yep.
Vinyl died in her sleep while still smiling, knowing that Octavia was preparing for the next day's celebration.
1375048 But, I love Vinyl
I almost cried now :( Still great piece of work though.
1375048
... what the actual **** man. And just when I thought I could escape feels today...
Read that ending like five times. What did you do to her?
1375063
She died in her sleep.
1375058
What can I say, I write about loss. If the rest of my stories were to somehow complete themselves up to standard, then you'd see a whole lot more of sad times that may or may not end in complete devastation.
1375048 To quote a certain young character in a very good show "OH COME ON!"
really, I am sad, this was happy fic, why me sad, why you make me sad.
1375116
I try to excel in making readers sad. Happy stories just aren't my thing. Sure, I can try to do it like I did the first chapter which was originally going to be a simple one-shot, but then I thought about making a sequel ending like this. And so, here it is, an ending with an unknowing death that came all too quickly yet silently.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif
You could have put a sad tag, you know. Some people don't want to read a sad story, with Vinyl's surprise death it certainly is. Though some of us would have predicted that something unhappy was coming with a chapter title like Dirge, we are not the majority. I know you were going for a surprise ending with that and a sad tag would spoil it slightly, but you also need to remember the preferences of the readership.
I misclicked the thumbs down, I don't know why the thumbs up won't stick. My downvote was not intentional, it's well written.
Der teufel, mann?! (use Google translate)
1375124 I know, most of the stories I have written were sad (although I find that if you give people sadness through happiness its much more tearjerking. If your willing to take the time, read my story "Little piece of Grey" then read one of my worst rated stories "Dear Mr diary". Perfect example) there is a certain feeling you get from being able to invoke more complex emotions on people. Although I feel that the drop (Vinyl's Death) was all to sudden. I would suggest hinting something was slightly wrong, but Octavia was oblivious a little while into the second chapter. I feel if you were subtle enough, the story would be much sadder.
1375145
Good point. Originally I wasn't going to make it sad or anything and keep it with the first chapter. I didn't think about adding the Sad tag to it but I went ahead and just did so.
1375158
Я не знаю, это просто происходит
1375193 フン
1375187
The thing about hinting is just that, it hints. Generally when I do things that pertain to the sad moments I do not try to hint it. Otherwise readers will see it coming and expect it. Look to My Last Words for an example of this. I don't want to spoil anything about it so I won't tell more, but I don't tell things that relate to what happens/is happening.
I got the hint from "Dirge".
It's kinda funny, really, that I reviewed this and knew how it ended ahead of time, but still, reading it here and all, I can't help but go:
"YOU KILLED VINYL! YOU BASTARD!"
And then I settle down and realize that this is a fantastic chapter. Can't wait for more.
1375124
After reading the fic, I'd set to watch you...but knowing that, I'm unwatching. You're a fairly good writer, if this story is an indication, but I'm not someone who deals with "sads" well
Still, good luck with future projects, hope you find plenty of people who can enjoy your writings and appreciate them as much as they deserve (if not more
)
It's good once in a while to get hit by the feels in my opinion.
Like usually I don't cry but thanks to the sad stories I read around here I actually do.
But I must say you did a great job and I enjoyed it. No matter how much I cried.
I went from liking this story to disliking it...
Sorry, but such a "SURPRISE! She's dead!" story is one I genuinly hate.
Cause of death?
How long have they been together?
How old was she?
None of it, not a single clue.
I hate to sound rude, but that was way too quick and it, quite frankly, made the entire chapter bad.
why!!!???
make one more chap plz funeral or something
What...the...hell?
Uh, why?
To be honest, I wasn't even sad because the ending was so random and out of place.
You seem to have done a lot to try to force this story to be sad, and I don't think it worked.
The problem I have with this story is that you need a chapter in between the first and the second. Something to set a time stamp, a feel for it all, a mid point. There is no indication of how long this relationship has been going, I mean we know it has been some time now. But, we can't tell if this is a truly tragic dead at an early age, a life cut short; or a death after many years, one filled with long love and happiness. An epilogue would be nice, yes; but I think we need a time frame for it all, to truly understand what happened here.
P.S. what do you think of funeral fit for a DJ as a fitting surrogate epilogue for this story?
1427036
You may or may not have read it, but I have said that I tried to go for a chapter between them. It was going to expand on all of it, provide more time and depth as was needed. But since I couldn't even think of what to write for it, much less even begin a single word, it was cut. Looking at this, I probably shouldn't have even bothered to put that "sequel" as it ruined what was already there and at least mostly liked among the few readers. Should have kept it away in the documents like many other pieces that I've tried writing.
As it is supposed to be within this ending, Vinyl died at a relatively young age. I am going upon how death is sudden; unexpected. There are many cases where someone is fine just a minute ago then out of nowhere, they're dead. I was also thinking of writing a bit more to bring in a reaction from Octavia, but I would rather have left it open for the reader to imagine how the time after her discovery would be.
But like I said; I probably should have left it alone as it was.
That could possibly work as an epilogue, but it's a bit different in what happened. In that one it's mentioned how Vinyl died in the hospital while in this it's in her sleep at home.
1430295
First, I must apologize if i sounded like a jerk in my last post.
From you're original post I thought that the song was the big thing you couldn't think of for the a second chapter, knowing you couldn't even start it is a bit different. I have to say I did enjoy the story as a whole, I just may have been a bit too critical in my critic. Though, I would suggest seeing if you can solidify the length of there relationship some were within this chapter, just make it less fogy how long they have been together, that it has been years not decades. Maybe its just me and it is already distinct. I think were you ended the chapter was fine, leaving it to the reader to decide Octavia's reaction.
I know its a bit off, but not a bad choice for how it could be at the funeral.
I think some of the other readers and I might like some of thoughts other works you speak of.
1431556
No need to apologize; you didn't sound mean at all.
The songs that I include into this story are what I base the entire chapter off of. Starts with a song and some thoughts, then it grows into writing. What was supposed to be the second chapter never got an established song to use for it, so it wasn't started. When it comes to critiquing, I would really prefer to have people detail more if something doesn't go right or there's an issue - and you're doing that on top of suggesting how it could be improved.
And which other works do you mean? Mine, or ones from other authors?
1431637
i inferred other works from the line 'Should have kept it away in the documents like many other pieces that I've tried writing.' but i just now noticed the tried part.
.... What.
First you have a super-happy/cute chapter for a one-shot.
Then for a sequal, you have a rather normal chapter... which ends with Vinyl dead, no warning, no reason. Just, dead.