Applejack has been acting a little bit peculiar. Every week she goes down to the end of the road just before dawn and begins playing her guitar, not talking to anyone. What is causing this strange behavior? Her friend, Twilight Sparkle, hopes to find out.
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Great story my friend!
291969
Thanks a lot, DJ Grump. I wasn't so sure how this would play out, but I'm guessing that I'll at least receive some positivity from it. I wish I could've done better with the synopsis/story description as I tend to be really bad when writing it. Hopefully I can make it better sometime soon.
And lo and behold, it is better by a certain someone.
This was a really nice story to read, I look forward to more great work from you Stars!
It was really good.
I have to say though-why is it always RD?
Great
292125
Ah, well, it wouldn't be that good if you hadn't arrived to review and edit it. Speaking of which, I give you another thanks for prereading this and my other things.
292141
She's brash and daring. The adventurous ones tend to be carefree and receive injury. The others, not so much. They think of the consequences more often and when it's a losing battle they do all they can to get out of the way. Rainbow Dash would most likely try to fight it harder. Also, loyalty. Loyalty in itself can drive one to do insane things.
292150
Thank you as well, Appleloosa. I was looking over the front page when Notifications suddenly showed (2). I clicked on it, and not even ten seconds later did another (2) appear. I wasn't really expecting this to gain much in readers (or rates for that matter.)
Dude (I Totally Miss You) - Tenacious D
good story, and I very much enjoyed it. it has that mournful tone to it, sort of wistful, quiet and empty. i don't agree with your choice of the word "prismatic"; it just doesn't have the right connotation to fit with your story. also, much could be gained from taking the tone up another notch. make it a little less mild and more wistful-like, just appeal to the reader's emotions more, and you should be golden.
on an unrelated note, i'm gonna start watching you
292289
Well, I thank you for that watch. However, you will find that you won't see many updates by me. I get horrible writer's block all the time and it was a miracle that I could even write this in one sitting without going, "Eh, I think I'll continue it tomorrow." I found the word "prismatic" to seem a bit off as well. I think I have a replacement word to use in my head right now.
As for the tone... I'm not quite sure how to increase it. Emotional writing is a very low point for myself and thus not able to be done well. If there's a way that you could give examples or describe how to take it up another level, it'd be greatly appreciated.
292323
And thank you as well. I'm going to stop commenting on this so much, but if anyone has questions or anything to talk about then I'd gladly answer it.
292324
well, to alter the overall tone of a passage, you have to alter the diction, which is jargon for the author's choice of words and phrases. think of it like painting a picture, except colors are emotions. if you want a piece to feel sadder, you have to add words that have the right connotations to achieve that effect.
well the best way i can show you is by example. take your sentence
"Nopony knows when she even learned how to play such a thing, but did they love it. The average passerby would stop what they were doing to watch the blond maned being weave her hooves along the strings. Tunes would fill their hearts for a short while until they had to move on and continue their day. "
if you wanted to make that have a lonesome, tired overtone, you might change the phrase "the average passerby". personally, i would change it like so:
"Nopony knows when she even learned how to play such a thing, but did they love it.Every now and then, a lonesome passerby would stop what they were doing to watch the blond maned being weave her hooves along the strings. Tunes would fill their hearts for a short while until they had to move on and continue their day. "
sounds a wee bit sadder, no? however, it's best to use a light hand. err on the side of less. i hope this helps!
One minor typo:
"....they were doing to watch the BLOND maned being weave her hooves along the strings."
It should be the BLONDE maned being.
Also, if I'm not mistaken (which I probably am) I think it's properly "... the blonde-maned being.."
Superb story! Now write more and tell us what's happened.
.
292812
Oh, as much as I'd love to write more on this, I'll have to decline. I am currently busy writing another short story (which I started about ten minutes before this one.) I will tell you though; Rainbow is a main character for the next one. The two aren't related, however. Sadly I'm having a little bit of difficulty getting it done. I'll try continuing it later tonight when I can think better. Hopefully it will be fun!
I normally write it as "blonde," so I'm not sure why it's not that. I'll get on it asap. Thanks for pointing that out.
293020 Ohh can't wait! If you need any help or just a proof-reader, I'm free.