Jungle Heat: A Choose Your Own Adventure filled with Passion, Romance, and also Derpy

by SolidStone

Derpys Story

My name is Derpy Hooves, and I am the clumsiest, derpiest, and silliest girl of all of Equestria High.

Wow.You've had bad ideas before girl, but this one is your worst. You look up at the sky it's all rainforest... oh, how am I going to explain this to Anon? Wait, I know! I'll feign ignorance! I'm Derpy Hooves! The Derpiest girl ever!

Your smile cracks a little bit, its not like you are proud of that title or anything. It just kind of stuck, its how people think of you. Hell, your real name isn't even Derpy its...Anon is already up!Uhh... uhh... causal, just gotta act causal.

"HI ANON!" You exclaim as you bump into him. Nice.... really smooth going there."

Appariently he didn't like that...you quickly feign ignorance " I-i just don't know what went wrong."

I could tell what he thought... probably goddamnit Derpy.

"Its okay Derpy"

JESUS CHRIST THAT SMILE OF HIS IS SO FUCKING CREEPY. Uhh... okay, uh, how to dissolve the tension here....

"You look so funny Anon!"

URK, REALLY FREAKING SMOOTH, STUPID STUPID, STUPID... uhh..

"uhh, So where are we Anon?"

He asks you how we got here... uh, yeah, not going to tell him that jusssssst yet. He'd definately blow his top at me. I shrug my shoulders.

"I dunno."

He walks off, clearly frustrated. Sigh, honey you have got to stop listening to those crazy girls on their ideas of making a man happy. Seriously. I thought this Cardigan Sweater from Rarity would be enough, but no, Pinkie just haaaad to say real men love mechas, and Rainbow Dash said, Ohhh have lots of adventure, and Fluttershy just haaaad to say it had to be somewhere with lots of animals, and Applejack just haaaaaaad to say apples, and Twilight just haaaaaaaaad to say Mmmpmpmpmhhmpm as she was sucking Flash's cock. Goddamnit those 6.

Your stomach starts growling. Your pretty hungry, especially from wearing all this addiontial crap you thought would help attract Anon. Whoof, its getting hot though.

"Hey Anon?"

"What?"

"Can I take my sweater off?"

"Sure fine whatever."

Cool, lets see if what Pinkie said works.You take off your sweater and make a big show about it.

"Okay I'm ready, you try to say in your best sing song voice".

Anon definately looks...well, amazed, looks like it worked!Anon asks you why you are wearing all of this. Oh, he doesn't like it. THANK GOD, I CAN TAKE THIS SHIT OFF. You take off all the extra shit Pinkie said would work.

"I thought real men liked Mechas."

SHIT, did I say that out loud? Damn it damn it. damn it.

"Thats not a normal girl thing Derpy" he says.

Im literally drowning in spaghetti right now.

"W-well, Im not a normal girl A-anon."

Yeah. NAILED that one ya ditz.

Anon stops," Lets eat Derpy."

You can't help yourself, with cheering for joy. Anon pulls out a catalouge of women in their underwear. Huh... so I guess mister nice and clean does have a dirty side. Time to test the waters.

"Your kind of pervvy aren't you Anon?"

He blushes and looks away, "S-shut up."

yeah, definately a weak point. I'll keep that in mind. As you are running around, you keep on flashing back to the women in the catalouge. They are all so pretty, not like you, they are perfect, maybe thats why Anon likes looking at them so much. They are the epitimy of everything you will never be, how could Anon ever like you? Your not perfect.

You trip on his side satchel.... a little bit gay, but its okay. You rummage through and see if you can't get any dirt or information on your man of interest. You see a pair of boxer shorts with hearts on it, connected to an orange furry thing.

JACKPOT.

I'll just distract him real quick and take his boxers and...........Oh shit! ANON! ACK! I WASN'T EXPECTING HIM TO REACT SO SPASTICALLY! NO HIS BAG! HIS BOXERS!!!!

" DERPY TRY TO SAVE MY BAG!"

" GOTCHA ANON!, Uh...uhh.... OH I KNOW!" You pull out your water bottle, I know its the only reliable water, but this is for Anon.... you close your eyes and put the fire out.

The fire is out, and you try to pick up Anons bag, it falls apart in your hands. Oh god, you really fucked up this time. He looks absolutely furious, like he's going to throttle you or something. Uhh... uhh... dont panic... just think.

"C'MON ANON, TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN," You push his cheeks so hard.Oh please dont hate me, please dont hate me, please dont hate me. Here it comes, the "I hate you Derpy, I wish you were dead." you wince anticipating it. You feel him grab your wrists,

"Its okay Derpy." He tries really hard to put on a fake smile.

You can't believe it, you acted like a total spastic derpy girl, and he didn't reject you, I mean yeah, he's clearly pissed, and I dont blame him, but wow. I might actually have a chance with Anon!

"Well c'mon aren't you Coming?"

You shake your head "Yeah I am Anon!"

You fall right on your face, you pull your sight from the ground to see Anon get hit right in the head with a Pineapple, Oh man... this was probably your fault...but at least we can have dinner now.Anon cuts the Pineapple, and gives you 2 pieces, oh god hes mad at me for hurting his head, and is pissed in general. Uhh... uhh...

"YOU ARENT BEING COHERENT" you scream

without thinking you take two of his Pineapple slices and put them in your mouth and mock him.You can literally hear the woman inside you screaming in agony at what the actual fuck you were doing.

"Im sorry Derpy, it was rude of me, just give me one of my Pineapple pieces back, you ca have the other."

Ooh! My heart! Did it just stop a beat? You turn and look away, ashamed and blushing. "Its not like I was THAT hungry." You take a piece of Pineapple out of your mouth and hand it to him as he just pops it into his mouth. He didn't even clean it.My....my spit is in Anons body...we shared.... germs.... OH GOD ITS A CONTACT KISS!!!!!

"What? Do I have a spider on me or something?"

"Oh no no, its nothing, nothing at all Anon."

You eat the remainder of your pineapple pieces and let loose a mighty belch. Great REAL ladylike of you, great way to attract Ano-He burps even louder. Hmm... impressive.

You sit happily enjoying the company of Anon...oh, he's taking his sweater off......oh..... he's...all sweaty... and... Damn, this heat isn't making this any better, damn Anon, why do you have to be so sexy? You fan yourself off, you know you'll be thinking of when you go to bed tonight....yes... riding with Anon on horseback, feeling up and down those rigid abs of his, with the wind flowing through my hair.... mmmphhhhh....

You hear fingers snapping. "C'mon Derpy, lets go explore a little."

You are so giddy you cant help yourself.

"YEAH ADVENTURE TIME C'MON GRAB YOUR FR-"

He shushes you, must like not that show.

Then suddenly, OH WOW! Look at the beautiful river! Hmmm.... yeah, definately sounds like a sexy romantic shenanigan situation can happen here. Just watch me Anon, I'll have you wet from your perfect beautiful face to your cute little toes.

You jump in without even thinking. Wow holy shit, okay, thats really far up. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, you flap your arms, but somehow dive into the water. SHIT ITS REALLY FUCKING COLD! You see Anon, oh god hes so adorable up there, like a little puppy filled with concern.

"C-cmon in Anon! The water is great!" Biggest. Lie. Ever.

Ow....ow.... why does my butt hurt so bad?

why does it feel like I've been pricked over and over by terrible bumblebees? Why does my butt feel like its being bitten off... is it Anon? Oh, is he pinching my butt?

You hear a voice "DERPY USE IRON TAIL!"

You get the reference, you clench your buttocks really tight, Oh man, he's really going for it... oh wait, holy shit, thats blood. Oh God thats alot of blood, and bite marks. Oh God, IS THAT A PIRANHA? WERE THERE FUCKING PIRANHAS IN THE RIVER? Anon saved me?

"This will only hurt for a second Derpy."

You feel a cold stream of water hit your buttock, you wince... but then let go.Anon is looking at your butt, Anon saved you from being eaten alive by piranhas, Anon, cared about you...

"Oh please dont look Anon..." You are blushing so red, this is perfect...

"Can you walk?"

You turn around, and see him without any shirt on as he gives his tshirt to you. Anon..... completely shirtless, soaking wet... and he give you his hand....Nows the time girl. Make your move!

Uhh... help me up Anon.

He brings in his other hand.

HA HA! GOTCHA! You pull him in, and kiss him.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap........yes....yes.....YES..... Oh god I'm doing it! I'm kissing Anon! yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! He pulls you in further and you feel him between your legs, Oh God YES! HE'S GOING TO FUCK ME! Okay, better pretend like I'm still kissing him. Oh God yes, put your fucking man cock right into my throbbing pussy, yes, fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me.

You feel him pull you down, You can literally hear the angels in heaven singing in chorus. He kisses you with his tongue, Oh god it feels so good. Oh he's done, you open your eyes and you meet his.

Oh, don't want to look like a Rarity moment here.

"Oh, did we do it or something Anon?"

He says something sweet. Yeah. He's totally going to get laid, I'm going to abosultely wreck that dick. He gets up, clearly he enjoys your company.Aww, he's so cute when he's flustered.... he keeps on making accidential dick jokes. Mmm.... I am going to absolutely wreck him so bad.

We spent about 5 hours building a pretty crappy fort, but I was happy just to be working and being next to Anon... that and watching him lift heavy objects.... and watching him bend over, and carrying stuff over his shoulder...

The t-shirt he gave me is already soaked, with something that definately isn't riverwater. Something.... a little bit more personal for my Anon.We both agree what we built was shit, and he takes my hand as we walk into a cave. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh so romantic.....

You find a nice glowing pond that you can stare into Anons face for the entire night, and have some romantic lighting for all the crazy kinky sex you plan on giving him tonight MUHAHAHAAHAHA..

"Here ANON Anon anon a-non!"

He looks at you and nervousally chuckles about a pillow. Heh... the pervert in me is really wanting to plow the living fuck out of this guy. I rip open my shirt and tell him he can sleep on these babies. he asks about me....well, for now, I guess I can bury myself in that awesome chest of his.

I can't wait for tonight.

My name is Derpy Hooves, and I'm in the Amazon with the Man of My Dreams, and I'm the happiest girl in the world.

Your name is Derpy Hooves, and this is how it is right now, your curled up with the boy of your deepest desires and fantasies, in a romantic cave, with a beautiful backlight. You are dreaming so well tonight, but it probably helps that the boy who means everything to you is right by your side.

You are in a princess ball gown, surrounded by many suitors, all very handsome and offering roses and the one really short chubby blue one is singing an oprea version of 'Follow Me', You love that song!You cross your legs and arms, "No, I have a special someone"

The suitors all groan and the little chubby blue one curls into a ball and says "GOTTA GO FAST"

"NAY LADY DERPY, THY BOSOMS SHALL BE MINE!"

*Audible lady gasp!* Its Sir Flash Mckensentryton! The Unnoble Duke to the Douchee' Legion! He rubs his overly villianized and curly moustache as he laughs an evil laugh making his top hat bounce on top of his evil head.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA, MYEH NO ONE SHALL STOP ME FROM DEFLOWERING MILADY!"

You put your hand over your forehead and do a dramatic and over the top faint.

"Oh, WHOEVER WILL SAVE MINE HONOUR AND WIN MY HEART?"

All the other suitors ran away quickly leaving a puff of smoke as the fat little one got picked up by an obese orange fox who said "HOW EMBARESSING"

Suddenly, the castle doors are busted wide open, It's Prince Anon!

"ANON!" You yell.

Anon does a badass head raise and raises his rapier at Sir Flash Mcsentryton.

"GET YOUR HANDS...."

He lunges forward the throne where you and the villianous cur are at.

"OFF MY WOMAN!"

Anon goes for a striking blow, but Sir Flash Mcsentryton is quick on his manuverability! MYAH HAH! He chortles as he tosses you aside, and grabs another rapier from the coat of arms above your throne.

"ENGRADE YOU CREATIN!"

He swings at Anon, Anon parries and swipes the edged steel away from him.

"It pronounced Cretin, you awful beast!"

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR! Sir Flash Mcsentryton slams his rapier over and over, it was so awesome and intense the battle, you can't help but cheer and pump your arms and punch the air with each and every blow Anon parries and ripostes.

Their swords clash and lock.

"WHY WONT YOU LET ME DO MY THING ANON?"

Anon grits his teeth, and yells with all of his dtrength.

SHE IS NOT YOURS TO BE CLAIMED! YOU'LL HAVE TO STEP OVER MINE DEAD BODY TO EVEN EARN HER GAZE!"

Sir Flash McSentryton leaps back.

"A CLAIM YOU'LL LEARN TO REGRET!"

He rushes at Anon, as Anon lays his sword aside.

"ANON NO! PROTECT YOURSELF!"

He looks to you and gives you a thumbs up.

"I already have the greatest protection in the world". Sir FlashMcentryton continues to rush widly while screaming on the top of his lungs like a little girl. Anon steels himself and rips off his shirt as he faced backto Sir Flash Mcsentryton.

"DIE ANON!"

The rapier bent into many comical shapes like spaghetti hitting a concrete wall against Anons chest.

"N-no! IMPOSSIBLE!"

With a quick stroke, Anon swung his rapier and slashed Sir Flash Mcsentryton across the chest with a killing blow as he flew back about 40 feet, out the castle window, and he hit the ground where a bus ran over him, then a steamroller, then a marching band playing Louie Louie.

You and Anon look down at the sight. You grasp your mouth with your hand.

"Oh Anon, its terrible."

"I know Derpy, my dad went the same way."

You embrace Anon, and ask "How in the wide wide world of sports were you able to defend against his killing blow?"

He holds you close, your lips draw closer as he whispered. " I have the greatest armour in the world. Your love."

You are completely blown away, seriously at that moment a warm wind blew in through the castle window making angels and cberubs sing. Even the poop farmer too! You take him into your arms,

" I love you Anon."

"I love you t----"

Suddenly giant tentacles came from the window and grasped Anon and began dragging him away. He looks at you with dismay and horror, like he realized something horrendous.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH DERPY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS?"

You chase after him, "Anon, I don't know what you mean! Anon ANON WAIT DON'T GO!"

"YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS"

You suddenly wake from your sleep by a sudden jolt to your chest. You peek your one eye open, Oh... its Anon... right in the middle of your chest.... pervvy little man.

You pretend you are still sleeping as you let him grope you a little more. God that dream though.... maybe I should tell him about this whole dang thing, I mean he clearly likes you right? He wouldn't be here, face in your cleavage if he didn't right? Well.... would he? Would he be doing this if I didn't put us in this situation? Did I force Anon to love me? Am I playing with his heart?

You feel a nudge. You open your eye and peek at Anon. "Gotta play cool, can't let him think I was awake or it'll spoil his fun..."

"Y-yeah Anon?"

He blushes hard, and nervousally chuckles. God, he is adorable.

"Do y-you mind, well, if we... you know..."

He doesn't even have to finish. You put your hand right on face. "Yup." You push his face lower and lower down, your eager throbbing womanhood is calling, and you are going to give the man of your dreams, a night hes never going to forget. Time to make the dream a reality girl. You can feel his breath on your engorged lips.... oh god... you are suppressing every single urge to close your thighs on him and drown him in your love juice.

Suddenly a loud crash echoes through the cave, shaking both you and Anon out of the deed. DAMN, SEXY TIMES FOILED AGAIN DUE TO PLOT LINE! You shake your fist at the invisible force guiding the chain of events

All of the sudden, there is nothing but darkness. A blackness darker than Shaquille O' Neal drenched in ink in a midnight lights out event painting a black bear in a dark forest on a black canvas. You hear him call for you .

"Derpy? Where are you Derpy?"

You go to stand up, ouch! You twisted your ankle from the fall, but you don't want to concern Anon in this already wacky and stressful situation.

"I'm over here Anon!" you cry out. He hits his forehead with an open palm, I guess he should've had a V8. He runs up to you, oh god... he's drenched in glowing water shirtless, dripping from his chisled rock hard abs. You bury your face in that Adonis of a figure. You feel so protected and happy, you are completely in comfort and peace, well despite the whole bbeing thrown into the belly of the abyss thing.

Time to settle the deal for ultimate sexy times, your womanhood is literally devouring your unmercessly soaked cotton garters. Honestly, at this point you should be sainted for your extreme paitence and self control to not overpower Anon, wrap your legs around his face, and grab on the back of his shirt, forcing him deeper and deeper in between your thighs.

"Anon...I'm really scared..." Yeah, turn on those overprotective instincts Anon has, make me feel safe and secure and protected.... with your man rod. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.

" It wasn't supposed to be like this..." Oh yeah it was, you planned this out, you totally feel wildly in control of your situation, you crane your neck closer and closer. Soon, Anon.... you will be mine.

"I didn't intend for it to end up this way." CRAP!!!! CRAP! OH GOD ANON, PLEASE BE STUPID AND FORGET THAT STATEMENT.... ACK! I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SHOWED MY BLUFF AND MY HAND TO HIM. ACK ACK ACK, Damage control time, you quickly lower your head to his crotch...

"Its okay Derpy, we'll find out.... wait."

Shit. He found out. You quickly hop up and look him in the eyes. Oh God, these are the hurt eyes of realization.

"What do you mean you didn't intend for it to end up this way?" he looks at you with those serious sad eyes. ... d-do I lie to him? I can't! Its Anon! HE LOVES ME, AND I LOVE HIM. HE'LL ACCEPT ME, NO MATTER WHAT.

You grab the back of your neck, and you can feel yourself crumbling on the inside as every word comes out. I may have.... kind of umm..." you can feel a mountian crumbling inside of your stomach. "Kidnapped you..." a train falls off its rails and crashes into a meadow full of innocent sheep mindlessly checking their FaceBook profile on their Ipoo. "While you were sleeping at the bus stop, put you into my Dads personal Cessna, flew over the Amazon, and purposely crashed the plane that we would be abandoned together..." You can literally feel ten million 747's crash into the Twin Towers of your heart, but this time the Jews aren't responsible, you are.

You hold the back of your head and smile weakly, and have a nervous fart that sounded like a cartoon squee. He looks utterly devasted by what you just told him, he lowers his head, and begins crying, his fists literally shaking. Oh God its coming back to me, the dream, I'm going to be all alone because of my lies...

He turns around and begins to walk off into the darkness. You fall on your knees, and begin bawling your eyes out. "No... please God no... don't leave me....Im sorry. Im so sorry Anon..." Here you are, alone in the dark, soon to be alone forever. You broke him, you broke the only man you will ever love.... stupid stupid stupid girl. You start rolling into a ball, and sobbing a huge pool of sadness below you. Your mind starts flashing through all the happy times you would have with him. Running on the beach in a sundress holding him hand in hand as you clothesline another couple. Fighting in the World Championship of Boxing against Mike Tyson as Anon cheers you from the corner "UP AND AT EM, YOU'RE A WRECKING MACHINE." Holding your first child in your hands as he looks down at you brimming with pride, growing old together and enjoying a Mai Tai at the Talking Tiki Torch Tour in Tallahassee Tenessee. All these happy things will never come to be.... all because you had to manipulate him.

"Please... don't leave me Anon." you whimper. You feel something. He's picking you up and suddenly your face is in his chest again. Ah.... it smells so.... manly. You feel his one hand pat you on the back, and the other on your head.

" Its okay Derpy. I forgive you." He pulls you back and you stare into his gorgeous eyes, awestruck at the whole thing. "Thank you for thinking of me so much, and going out of your way to impress me."

You wipe the tears from your eyes... this... its a dream isn't it? This is some crazy trip from the fall right?

"But next time, can't we just go on a normal date? Like to the movies or something?" You begin crying again, but this time with a big goofy grin on your face. "OH ANON!" you fling your arms around him and bury your face within that chest again. I'm such a fool, here I was using him for his body, where all along it was his heart that was the most beautiful thing. Oh God I love you so much Anon. I love you I love you I love you. You can't help it anymore.

"I love you Anon. I've always loved you Anon. I've just never been able to properly say it." you start hicciping between your sobs of happiness. "you dont know how much I just want to be with you. Every day I would watch you Anon, and everytime I get a little bit of courage to confess to you, I see your face and I become such a klutz. My head literally goes spinning and I get light hearted and I cant think straight." you dig your nails into his chest, remembering every painful moment you tried to win his gaze and attention at you.

"All I want is you Anon. Your everything I've ever wanted... but stupid stupid me and my stupid stupid ideas..." You start smacking your head over and over again. God I deserve so much more than this to do this to such a perfect guy.

He grabs your wrists. You look at him tears running down your face, looking like a hot mess.

"You aren't stupid" your heart skips a beat. He draws you in closer and puts your ear to his heart. Oh god its beating out of control. "No one, I mean literally no one has shown as much heart and care as you have. You are incredible, literally, you are a wonder to me."

You are overwhlemed with emotion. You bury your face into his pecs again. Overwhelemed with joy, sadness, happiness, love, lust... ach.... just everything.

"WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECT ANON?"

Suddenly his body tenses up and his eyes glaze over. Somethings wrong... he raises his arms like a zombie... and begins walking away. "Anon? ANON? What's wrong? Anon listen to me!"

Its no good, he can't hear you. You grab onto his waist, trying to hold him back, trying to keep him with you. I wont lose you now Anon, I just can't.

He suddenly stops, and you hear a horrific voice and see a monolithic pulsating uhh..'feminine' shaped ruby gemstone 30 feet tall with a humanoid figure intertwined above its enterance in front of you.

"Welcome dear friends. Welcome to my crypt."

The 'feminine' shaped ruby starts pulsating faster and faster, it seems to be actually moving, clenching, closing and opening.

"I am Desire, and I am Lust. I am the Mother of All Things,Born from Darkness."

Nonononononononononono fuck this, we've got the hell out of here, you try pulling on Anon to get him away from this horrendous thing, but he wont budge. He is so fixated on the creature.

" I have long been imprisoned here in these caves, unbeknowst to all mankind. I provide life to the creatures of nightmare that demand blood sacrifice. I am the Harlot, and I long once more for human flesh!"

Anon starts moving again, closer and closer to the pulsating vagina metaphor. NO! IF ANYTHING HE SHOULD BE DOING THAT TO MINE! GET AWAY FROM THERE ANON!

The humanoid figure is moaning in estacy,

COME TO ME ANON. MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN.

Enough. I've just about have enough of these goddamn imterruptions, and these goddamn plot surprises interrupting the greatest goddamn romance that anyone in the entire goddamn world will ever goddamn have. You reach down into your panties, and pull out a pistol. Hah, Mom was always right about protection. You point the trigger at the writhing Demon Ruby Clitoris Metaphor.

"GET OFF MY PLANE" you say as you pull the trigger. The bullet spun over and over again, and even though The Humanoid Demon Ruby Clitoris Metaphor was literally convulsing and whipping her body around like a spastic epiletic BDSM slave on an electric fence, it managed to pierce her right directly in the forehead.

" Boom. Headshot." you say and you lower the smoking gun. Goddamn Im such a badass.

Anon turns around and looks at you. "ANON!" you yell as you run to him.

He holds his hand out to you. "Derpy!"

Then suddenly the Demon Ruby Vagina Metaphor opened its Lips and shut them around Anon, swallowing him whole.

You freeze.... Oh God.... you fall on your knees. "ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

"AHAHAHA YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN KILL WHAT IS IMMORTAL YOU FOOLISH HUMAN? YOU'VE ONLY RELEASED MY POWERS FURTHER!!! NOW JOIN YOUR BELOVED WITHIN MY WOMB!"

The Giant Vagina Metaphor opened itself once more as tentacles jetted from within it and bound you, dragging you slowly within its gaping maw. You cling to the ground as your nails make an indent on the cave floor.

"NONONONONONONONONONO"

Your vision becomes starry and red. And then.

Darkness.

You can hear horrible voices wailing in your head, where... am I? Oh God it hurts so much, like knives being stuck into every nerve of every joint of my body while being baked in an oven and pressed between two concrete walls. You hear a shrill voice in your head.

"Welcome dear girl... welcome to you."

"What do you mean? WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU?"

A crimson shade of a woman appears before you, wearing a long flowing red dress that exposed her crystalline ruby legs and her crystalline ruby cleavage. A beautiful, arousing, and attractive woman indeed.

"I am you, I am all women, I am the flame within the beast. Your beast."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Mufufufufu... I am the embodiment of all Lust, and I am the embodiment of Female Passion. Why do you think I take the form of a giant Ruby Vagina?"

Oh. Well that makes sense.

"You are here, because I drew you here, or more so your lust did." She comes closer to you, and puts her faceted face right next to yours. "You have a mighty beast within yourself dear child, and it has served me well. Now you will be consumed by your own passion, and so will the man you desire... within your own womb... within my womb... this is the price of a Passion unguarded." She throws her head back and cackles.

"A-n-ooon." you whimper as the pain becomes unbearable to handle. You did this, you let this happen.

Suddenly the walls let go of their pressure, you can hear him. "DERPY!"

Your heart beat is failing... everything is going dark... no, try to stay alive... just see his face. One..last...time.

You feel him pick you up as you open your eyes weakly and look his face. Oh Anon.... I'm so sorry.

"Derpy stay with me Derpy. We'll make it through this, I promise."

You raise your hand slowly, and touch that chisled face of his. "I love you Anon....."

You lose strength.... and your vision goes dark.

Huh. So this is death, its not as bad as everyone makes it sound to be. Kind of blank, kind of white everywhere. Really, not that bad, not that good. Suddenly a door opens up in the blank white room and a man wearing a Bowler Hat, with a crinkled tie and a silly straw sticking out of his shirt pocket appears, adjusting his glasses.

"Uhh... Miss Derpy?" he asks.

" Yes that's me." you respond

He takes out a pen and a clipboard and hands it to you.

"Could you please sign this for me?"

You take the pen and clipboard and begin sigining your signature.

"Yeah, the big gal upstairs says this package is for you. Pretty lucky if you ask me, the only thing is it only works if true love is present, so I hope that fellow of yours really likes ya, or ya might have to go with Phil, The Spectre of the Things Not Currently Living."

A Spooky Skeleton appears wearing a Sombreo and a Cloak appears next to the Office Man and gives you a wave. "YO."

You finish signing and give the pen and clipboard back to him, as he hands you a glove. Huh. Kind of weird but okay.

"So... where am I anyways?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, My name is Uriel, and this is Phil. You're in a mid transition point of Life and Death. Kind of like a train station, before you go to where you need to go. Because of your current situation, the boss wants to intervene and see if what is she is expecting is actually happening."

He pulls in closer to you and says behind his hand "Phil gave her the idea, he's a bit of a romantic one"

Phil covers his skeleton eyes as he begins sobbing. "I'm really pulling through for you two. I really hope you two live a happy and long life together."

Suddenly the glove in your hand begins glowing, and burning. Phil takes his sombreo and flings it up into the air. "YAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I CALLED IT! 50 SMACKEROOS URIEL! YOU OWE ME!"

"Ahhh whats happening?"

Uriel takes your hands, as does Phil as they both smile at you.

"Something amazing" they say at the same time.

You come to....you look at Anon holding you.

As if something is compelling you behind all comprehension you stand up, and take his hand. Something seemed different, like, something had taken control of me. You hold his arm out intertwined with yours and make a gun sign with his hand, you do the same.

You can literally feel the energy of 10 million Kenyans rushing through your veins as you close your eyes.

"THESE BURNING HANDS OF OURS ARE BURNING RED, THEIR LOUD CRY TELLS US TO GRASP HAPPINESS. INVOKING. BURNING. FINGER. SEKIHA LOVE LOVE TENKYOKEN!

http://youtu.be/EkIJYrjUYyQ (for those who don't get the reference)

The entire Giant Vagina Metaphor crumbles from the massive amount of energy you and Anon exude. The Demon could be heard screaming. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I AM IMMOOOOOOOOOOORTAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It crumbles all around you, as you both hit the floot after floating a bit. YOur eyes go back to their normal Derpped state, and you collaspe in Anons arms. The entire cave is now brightly lit, seeing on how you just blew a hole right out the fucking thing.

"We did it, didn't we Anon?"

"Yeah... we did. We really did. Derpy.... I love."

You put your finger on his lips.

" I know." You put your hands around his neck as he stands up, and you kiss with a passion that made oceans crash into the shore, and a train go through a tunnel, and a volcano erupt.

You suddenly hear a voice.

'HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY Anyone down there? I think I hear voices, are you okay? There was an explosion here so you better get out of here quickly, get to my plane and I'll fly you to safety!"

You stare into Anons eyes, and he does with yours.

"Give it 5 more minutes!" you both cry out at the same time.

EPILOUGE TIME!

Be you

Be dressing in your room thinking back to your crazy jungle adventure with Anon. It had been 3 weeks since your crazy Amazon rainforest adventure. Your story ended up being publish by nature magazines and oddly enough That women's channel that middle aged women masterbait to.

You put on a polka dot shirt, as you slip a high sock with a low sock, and pull a striped skirt up your glistening body. It really doesn't matter anyway... they'll be off soon enough. You rush downstairs, and out the door.

Ah! There he is!

"ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" you wave to him while running down the sidewalk. He's wearing a cardigan sweater vest, kahki pants, and a new manly side satchel, which is still a little bit gay, but whatever.

He opens his arms and you jump into them, and he spins you around as you kiss each other.

"Hey Anon, remember our adventure?" you say coyly in between kisses

"Yeah, how could I forget Derpy?"

"Well... I wanted to show you something, another rainforest..."

You curl your finger beckoning him to follow you. You take him to the edge of a forest about 20 ft away from the bus stop.

"Derpy, this isn't a rainforest." He says putting his hands on his hips giving you an "Oh You" look.

You take off your top, your skirt, your panties and throw them at him.

"Yeah, but this is." you say as you point to your eager womanhood

You eyes meet his, your tongues meet and you fall into the bushes, intertwined with one another.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel him inside of you, and you drift off into eternal bliss. I love you Anon...

He gives out a mighty Tarzan cry. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

the screen fades to black and the end credits play:

http://youtu.be/n8UuwHxw0rk

THE END

Comments

[ferret]

Yeah this isn't very...
Uh wait...
No no it's all random and stupid...
Or wait, pulsating ruby vagina demon? That's ...
Nah that can't save it. This fic is just terrible.
...right?

He gives out a mighty Tarzan cry. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

you win