One of the best DJ's in Equestria has met a terrible fate, and her opposite has is left with nothing but memories. Being the most upset, her friends start to worry when she refuses to come out of her slump.
This is my first fan-fic
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 7th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Jan 2nd, 2015
Dispirit
People can draw and make music for the fandom. I can write. (I don't know how well)
Dispirit
Joined 7th Apr, 2014 ·
Offline
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This story is not bad for a first attempt. I can definitely tell that you put effort into it. You chose to write something with more meaning than just another alicorn OC dating all of the main 6 and the princesses, and I credit you on that.
This story feels like it could be an excellent story with the right polish. First off it was much too short and didn't give enough time to develop an emotional attachment to what was happening. I know that (for the most part) the characters in fanfiction have an already established personality, but as an author you shouldn't be afraid to develop them in your own way (as long as it's believable).
My suggestions to you would to join a few groups like the school for new writers or any other group that interests you. Don't forget to post your story to groups that deal with your type of story. Not only does this increase the amount of people who will see your story, but also increases the amount of feedback you will receive which is crucial to improving yourself.
All in all I think your story could easily be made into a wonderful story by expanding upon it and giving it time to develop (Also check out the fimfiction writing guide! It helped me improve my writing a lot.)
I hope I have not discouraged you at all and I wish you only the best.
Hope something I"ve said has helped and welcome you as a new site author!
Best of luck.
Much like Geopocalypse said, I feel like there could have been much more expansion of the story. What was the accident? Where was the accident? When and how did Octy steal Applejack's rope? There are so many things you could have elaborated on and didn't. Please continue to write, and next time, think more on the details, hmm? o_O
B-E-A-Utiful cover art though.
Poor Octy.
Hit home.
DAT feels,