“Do you know how long it’s been, Lightning Dust?”
“…”
“Five years, Lightning. Five long, Celestia-forsaken years.”
“…”
“We hugged and that was it. Left in the middle of the night while everypony was sleeping… No trace of you afterwards. You didn’t write, you never visited. We never knew what you were doing with your life. You simply left. One hug, and then gone for five years. It’s like you fell off the face of the planet, Lightning.”
“…”
“I was worried sick. For a while, I wasn’t the same after you left, you know? Didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t study. When I wasn’t crying or moping around, I spent all my free time trying to figure out the slightest hint of your whereabouts. And I couldn’t find you.”
“…”
“I damn-near flunked out of school because of you, Lightning. I damn-near gave up my whole future for you.”
“…”
“I missed you, sis. Really. It was only after two years did I finally give up. Spent another year coping, but the pain never really went away, though.”
“…”
“…Heh, and you still kept your dye job after all this time.”
“…”
“Oh, Lightning…”
“…”
“…You were right, you know? There, I admit it. Mom and Dad really didn’t care about you. I really thought that regardless of how cold or uncaring they were towards you they would still love you as their daughter, even if they never showed it. I was wrong. They hardly put any effort into looking for you after you left. Just a month of half-hearted searching, just to look like they tried, and then they stopped and just… forgot that you ever existed, I guess. They didn’t care, Lightning. I see that now, and I’m sorry I didn’t earlier. I cared, though. I always did—and I still do—even after they passed away a few years after you left. But did you ever believe it? Did you really mean it when you said you loved me? Did you think I was lying when I said I loved you?”
“…”
“…Guess you can’t really give me that answer right now.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…You’re so selfish, you know that? You’re so bucking selfish.”
“…”
“You just up and leave, without telling anypony, not even me, and you disappear from our lives for half a bucking decade.”
“…”
“Then, when you show up again, it’s not you at our parents’ place or at my front door. No, it’s your name plastered on the headlines of every major newspaper in Equestria, saying how you almost ended up killing a bunch of innocent ponies in a freak weather incident!”
“…”
“It was at the Wonderbolt Academy, wasn’t it? So you did end up chasing your dreams. Not many ponies can say they were a contender for the Wonderbolts, even if they did kick you out. I’m proud of you, Dusty. I really am. You proved that you weren’t nothing. But you were so selfish. Didn’t you think about what you were doing? Was the chance to impress your superiors really more valuable than the lives of other ponies? Was it? Why, Dusty? Why?
“…”
“…”
“…”
“What you did last, though, that was the most selfish thing you could’ve done.”
“…”
“I get it. You lost your chance. You were in trouble. You needed help. So then, why didn’t you just ask for it? Why didn’t you just ask somepony for help? Didn’t have to be your family; could’ve been a friend of yours or a coworker or somepony else. But why… why did you have to be so Faust-bucking selfish to try and kill yourself?”
“…”
“W-Why…? Look at you. Y-You were so much stronger than this. S-So much prouder. And this is what you ended up doing. J-Just went to the p-pills and alcohol, hoping you would d-die...”
“…”
“Well, w-what good did that do you, huh? Stuck in a… a c-coma; doctors aren’t sure when—if—you’ll wake up. Can you im-imagine how it felt for m-me, to have gotten a message saying my estranged baby sister a-almost k-killed herself a few days after… after she almost k-killed the bucking El-Elements of Harmony?”
“…”
“W-Why’d you do it, L-Lightning? Huh? Huh? Th-there were o-other ways out of your… s-situation. D-Did you think you had no-nopony else to turn t-to? Is that it? Y-You still had me, always did… and y-yet…”
“…”
“…Damn it… I… I failed you, Lightning D-Dust. I f-failed you. Ever since we were just children, I promised… I promised to t-take c-care of you… and t-this is w-what happened… What kind of b-big s-sister would let her baby s-sister do this to herself? I’m so awful… so b-bucking a-a-awful…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…J-Just come b-back, D-Dusty. Please. I-I miss you. I miss you so m-much…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Miss Heartstrings? I’m sorry, but visiting hours are up.”
“…O-Okay then.”
“…”
“…Well… G-Goodbye, Dusty. I… I’ll visit again t-tomo-tomorrow. Just… just come back, o-okay? Promise? P-Please?”
“…”
“…I love you, sis. I promise I do.”
Made me cry manly tears
Beautiful. This is a wonderful piece of literature.
4215927
Thank you for taking the time to write that out. Ahem, in order (more or less):
The purely-dialogue style is something I've seen in only two other stories, both of which are by the same author, so it's a very rare style that I wanted to experiment with. I hoped that that, along with the premise, would help it stand out. I'll admit, while it is easy to write a lot with it, it's not the easiest way to convey emotions, at least for me (among other things, I was getting tired of adding stutters to convey sadness; it started to look awkward to me).
And yes, I'm surprised that more haven't commented on Lyra's and Lightning's similar appearances, too. Heck, there are a bunch of canon siblings that don't look like one another in the least.
Yeah, ultimately the story was building up to that post-Wonderbolts Academy scene in the hospital. As I've said in my Author's Notes, that was what I originally planned for before expanding upon the sisterhood concept.
I appreciate your comment regarding the characterization. Truthfully, I'm not really not sure how well that worked out. For starters, Lightning Dust appeared in only one episode and I couldn't remember her canon personality very well, besides being reckless and having a desire to impress. In fact, I was worrying that my Lightning Dust wouldn't tie in to the one seen in Wonderbolts Academy. I ultimately justified it by telling myself that a lot could happen in five years. As for Lyra... well, she's a background pony and really doesn't have any canon personality. I'm not even sure if my Lyra fits with the typical fanon representation of her. I mean, there are no humans (obviously) and I don't think I really portrayed her as hyperactive or quirky here.
With regards the "Faust" thing, you actually aren't the first person to point that out. I don't know; I personally like using "Faust" as another way to say "God" within the MLP universe, because like many others I do enjoy the fan theory that involves her being the Creator of everything or something along the lines. I suppose I'll consider not mentioning it again for future stories if people continue to feel bothered by it.
Anyways, thanks again for reviewing and for also sharing my little story.
When I first saw how short the chapters were, I wasn't too thrilled about reading this. I was ready to say: "You should have just compiled this into a one-shot!". But after reading the first two chapters, I realized I was too quick to judge, and so very wrong.
I love it when authors pick some kind of unusual format for their story to tell the story better. And yours definitely does that! The short chapters work a lot better than they would if it would be all compiled into one. That way, it feels like time is actually passing by. Using only dialogue to tell a story normally wouldn't sound too good, but over here it fits perfectly. The reader knows exactly what's going on, even without description. You managed to show Lightning Dust's and Lyra's personality only using dialogue. I knew exactly who was talking and how they were feeling.
I look through a lot of fanfiction, but I've never seen anything quite like this. From the format, to the concept of Lyra and Lightning being sisters... This story just oozes originality. It's great to see the sisters' relationship to one another, and to see what prompted Lightning to be the way she was in Wonderbolt Academy; her jealousy slowly growing, her lack of appreciation and love from her parents. Ah, jealousy, isn't it a powerful and dangerous feeling?
The ending here really hit me. The "..." when Lightning was supposed to speak seems like a small touch, but really, it works so beautifully. Though I didn't shed a tear, a bit of liquid pride creeped up there.
My only minor problem is the 'Faust' thing. It seems out of place, I don't know... But I saw the comment where you explain it a bit. Just wanted to point that out.
Honestly, this was awesome. I bow down to you sir/lady for such a wonderful piece of art. I have a lot to learn from you...
You, my dear friend, have earned yourself a favorite, follow, like and a virtual hug!
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Thanks for that! You flatter me.
I was concerned that the dialogue-only style and the short chapters would deter potential readers from giving this story a chance, but you did end up enjoying it, and so I'm grateful for that. Also, thank you for your remark regarding the originality (I do so love the unorthodox) and the fact you were actually moved by it. I honestly thought I was trying a bit too hard to get that sadness feel right, but it seems that it's been working so far. Hmm.
(And yet another complaint about the "Faust" thing. I guess I'll be avoiding that in future stories.)
But really, thank you.
What are these water droplets under my eyes? Tears?! WHY DO I HAVE TEARS?! I do not feel anything. I have no emotions!