I'm just some kind who goes to Uni far from home, who just happened to be the only person on campus to see some kind of phenomenon.
The sky. Turned. PINK!
Then, I stumbled upon this cute girl. And, boy, does she have a strange story...
Even though I got kicked out of PonyFall, the adventures of Lis and me will continue.
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Already read it, really good
RD APPROVES!
-Silverness
It's odd how only like two of these Ponyfalls have ended up causing tears.
d'awww, i hope this continues
392782 What do you mean? And thanks.
393251 He means that there are only two fics so far that have made their respective MLP characters cry because of their transformation and whatnot...
pretty good
PRE-TTY GOOD!
392804 It will. Don't worry.
393323 Thanks for the clarification.
You should've just played StarCraft...Just saying.
Man, I am really a sucker for humanized ponies.
Despite me be willing to search in dumpsters for a decent Pony-on-Earth fic this story escapes Sturgeon's wrath. Let's hope you can keep it that way.
I particuarly like how she isn't quick to attack the closest strange creature she finds, as all the other Ponyfall fics seem to like.
However, I do have some constructive criticism to offer:
I thought her name was generally agreed to be Fleur-De-Lis, shortened to Fleur. I know Elizabeth was one of her early names, but it's practically canon now. It's enough that readers will wonder who this OC "Elizabeth" is and why she looks so similar to and shares an identical history with Fleur.
Second, Fleur (or "Lis") was abnormally tall in the show, over a full head taller than the average-sized Rarity. Is there any particular reason why this wasn't translated over? The sizwe-difference romance thing can easily played when the guy is shorter.
Other than those, a solid start. How soon can the next chapter be out?
Hello, reviewed your story. Sort of. If you want, read it here: Please?
397792 So I read it. In the sake of 'I don't particularly want to read through the rest of your stuff right now, but might later', was that a decent review? Of Little Lily, I mean. I don't really care about the others.
396173 Well, thanks for the positive comments. Um, I didn't really like having her say 'Hi my name is Fleur!' I just thought that that would sound stupid, and I found Elizabeth as one of her early names and liked it. Yeah, I can see how that might confuse people. About the height thing, I wasn't really looking at pictures of her in comparison to other ponies, and decided that I thought she should be shorter. I also kinda think that really tall girls that are also really skinny look odd. So I'm not going to change that. Sorry!
401044
I can deal with fanon names, since yeah, they really aren't canon. And fine, Elizabeth sounds normal.
But just making Lis arbitrarily short when she's shown to be quite tall? So she'll be able to cuddle under your lead's chin?
It's not like having a taller girl can't be romantic as well. And just because you don't like it? I suppose if I ever write Rarity, I'll make her mane a stark blue because I think she looks odd with hair that doesn't match her eyes. Her tallness (and therefore, similarity to the model of beauty in the land, Celestia) is a defining trait of hers, and just throwing that out the window is bad storytelling.
Besides, it's not as if women can't pull off the tall and skinny look.
I don't come to fimfiction looking for grade-A stories like Atlas Shrugged or Gone with the Wind. However, I do want everyone to become a good writer, and throwing out stuff like this is leading you on the wrong path.
Mind for a 1v1 in Starcraft?
396162
My thoughts exactly!
Even though no hint of Starcraft this chapter, I'm gonna track or favourite or whatever this story, because STARCRAFT! FUCK YEAH!
403292
I understand, but this really is looking to be a good fic. Also you should check out some of the other ponyfall stuff. Most of them are pretty well done.
404886
I'm tracking like 6 of them, but I think I forgot to menion, that this fic is actually more realistic than the others, because learn how to walk, use fingers etc. and that's what I like about this story!
I sneaked into his room, and he doesn't notice
402236. Blah, blah, blah. Fine, give me a minute.
There. Ya happy now?
411109
I think we all learned a lesson about writing friendship today.
414179. Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Fantastic, i simply cant believe how well it is written!
419808 Why thank you. I try my best to be grammatically correct.
419817
wait a minute... now i cant remember is fallout equestria: pink eyes is as good or better than this... fuck
419876 Wouldn't know, never read it.
419882
you should, its an excelent story
419887 Eh, maybe. Right now I need to be writing about Lis and her fantastical adventures with ramen...
419902
if you mean the noodles then oh god that sounds so good...
both in the fiction and in real life
419920 Indeed I do. Being a carnivore by nature, I don't really have much that a pony could/would eat. Pasta seems like a decent vegetarian dish, and I don't cook, so ramen it is.
419930
i was seriously about to say to make sure that it dosent have any chunks of beef in it... but then i realized cup of soups and ramen are different
420027 Nope, I would never do that to Lis. It would just break her little heart.
420057
yeah... that would suck
Keep those ponies falling.......
I would've selected "Cry Tough" by Poison, "Let the flames begin" by Paramore and "Call me when you're sober" by Evanescence.
424153 And then some Feed Me just to mix it up.
I would've started a pony out with something more classical sounding, like The Trees by Rush, or one the softer All-American Rejects songs, but whatev's.
424051. Nope, I'm no longer affiliated with the PonyFall group. But I will continue to bring you our adventures. Do not worry about that.
FANTASTIC! Also, it's gonna be funny, when you are gonna explain Starcraft to her
heh. personally, i woulda started her with Foo Fighters.
this is PRETTY GOOD MON
hmmm i like these stories, the concept is good but the one thing I hate about them is that every writer Incorporates the show into their story. It breaks like, the fifth wall. Not to mention almost all of the people are bronies, I like what you did because its not like, "oh hey you're that trophy wife fancypants has," before they can actually explain in-depth who they are. Still, I like this story and I am following it.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv70a3cOI31qh4fnp.gif
ah yes, I often argue with myself too. out loud even. I find it to be a highly effective way of getting myself to think calmly. I really like what you did with it.
ok then!
656205 Huh? What is this that you are talking about?
656213 to quote Medic, "I have no idea!"
Hooray, an update. Ah, I remember when PonyFall was a big thing...
it just seemed a little... short
Wunderbar!
You got kicked out? aww that sucks mate, anyways, it's still a good read and worth it! STARCRAFT
Alright!