One day, Spike finds a flyer advertising a new chocolate factory that has recently opened in Fillydelphia saying that they are giving free tours. He tries to convince Twilight to take him, and that's where we join them.
This is my first story that I've really written, so constructive criticism is welcome. I don't technically have a proof reader, but I think that I do a pretty good job of catching any mistakes, with some help from spell check.
Um, yeah. Enjoy.
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The time I've waited for someone to literally do this has came you sir earn thumbs up.
Concept =
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
Execution...
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSLTPUz0Q_Kk7jJaQ5lSsbLRHU8VlVXqRwX1kLvpf8n6w8y7VaSaQ
Lets see where this goes....
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Rough around the edges but it's not too bad. From a first read, I would recommend better separating your paragraphs and talking a second look at your sentence structure. Also, there is not really a need to describe pinkie's mane as we all know what she looks like. That's the major stuff I noticed.
So far, it seems to have promise. looking forward to more
309294 I'll go through and reformat it to get better spacing. It looked better in word.
309230 309266 Thanks!
309255 INDEED!
Ok, I gotta do this.... I just gotta.....
*clears his throat*
i605.photobucket.com/albums/tt138/MeowthRocket/OLATE.jpg
MORE!!!!!
...if you want too...if that's ok....
349370 You want MORE!!!!!
Then you shall have MORE!!!!! 
Sorry about the wait. Time kinda got away from me.
I'm not quite as apologetic about the shortness though. I'm just writing until I get to what I feel is a good stopping place. I hope to have cliffhangers come into play quite often.
I'm fairly excited for the next chapter. We get our first look at my little minions Oops, i mean slaves. Darn, did it again, workers. There we go. That's what I'll call them. Although, My Little Minions does seem like a fun, if slightly grimdark, concept for somepony to work with. I lay no claim to the idea or title. Use it if you wish. In fact, I encourage it.
I'm going to, eventually, draw what I pictured for the introduction of the Factory, scan it, and (maybe) put it in here. I can give you guys pictures of Blizzard and Chocolate Factory (character) if you want.
This has gotten long, and I need to get going, so... Bye!
fifty bits to pinkie pie got eliminated first
This is interesting
I... I want... MOAR!
That was hilarious.
655613 Good, it was supposed to be.
Oompa Loompa doba de do.
I was honestly expecting pinkie to take the place of Augustus Gloop
But anyway:
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/233/305/771.jpg
Should have been an apple pie.
Good chapter though!
(And isn't it supposed to be Chapter 3?)
868436 I was kinda thinkin' that that might be a form of cannibalism...
(Shh...
)
868748 Why? They eat apple pies in the show!
(
Seriously though, it's pretty confusing not having a chapter 3.)
868810 I'm not really sure, it just kinda felt wrong.
(Hey now, I said hush.
)
868821 Personally I think it'd sound better, but that's just me.
(Muahahahahahahahah!
)
868829
Meh, I dunno... Apples aren't round... Maybe an orange something...
(NO! You may NOT laugh maniacally in response to me! I forbid it.
)
868848 But it would be hilarious for Applejack to turn into an apple! (Kinda like APPLE.MOV,
)
(Yes. Yes I can. MuAhAhAhAhAhAhahahahahahhaha!
)
868855 Oh, you and your poking holes in my logic...
868866
farm8.staticflickr.com/7100/6967641350_13944d8121_m.jpg
Little rushed but it was alright. Not sure if I like or dislike the trolling nature of CF here. Either way, I'm sure
approves
And I see what you did there with the Ch. 4 thing
Once is an accident, twice is a coincident...
In case you were wondering, Chocolate Factory is based off of half of my psyche, Blizzard being the other half. Chocolate, being the more insane side, would be the one to break the fourth wall with Pinkie, and it would be in his nature to repeat my descriptions.
My only complaint is that there's no oompa loompa style song
2454904 I'd have tried, but I'm no good at lyrics.
gergerg
hrthrthrt
I was hoping for some Applejack Inflation but this is pretty good :D