Codex of the Chaotic Heroes

by The P Co

A Hectic Infiltration process

The Crystal Kingdom has returned, I and Shiny are en-route there now, if you would, please send Twily and her Element of Harmony friends, we could use all the help we could get, especially since we aren’t sure how bad the situation is, or how good it might be, mark the situation as ‘unknown’ and get Twily out here with us.

Please and thank you,

Love you, Mi Amore Cadenza =)

With the letter finished, Cadence rolled the scroll up and flashed it away.

“So, what are you thinking, Candy?” Shining queried, he’d already cleaned and polished all of his armor to a sheen, going further with it would make it blindingly lustrous.

“I’m thinking, that the train could move faster, and…” She felt a sense of dread “...You could use a weapon.”

“Well, the only weapon I’m skilled with is a spear, and I didn’t bring one with me.” The knight informed, putting a comforting foreleg around his wife’s hyperventilating form.

The loving contact sent sobering chills up Cadence’s spine, shocking her out of her worry, “You’re right, well… I can make you one out of crystals, and then… all we have to do is wait.” the pretty pink princess planned, summoning up an orb of her magic.

Forming the orb into a long, thick line, she created a sapphire spear from nothing.

“Wow, never seen that spell before.” The white stallion observed in amazement, how did she even do that?

Cadence wordlessly lowered the spear into her husband’s waiting hooves, smiling as she watched him give it a few test thrusts and swings.

A servant walked into the car bearing news “Excuse me, Princess and Prince, but we’ve arrived.”

“Ah, finally.” both royals said simultaneously, stepping out of the train.

It was bad.

Even judging from one glance, it was bad.

The sky was dark, and Shining could tell by the position of the sun that it was noon.

Crystal ponies aimlessly wandered through the streets, moving with all the intelligence and dexterity of zombies.

“… Shit.” Legends would be spoken of the perfectness-to-words ratio of summing up a situation that Shining just pulled off.

100% perfectness, only 1 word.

---

-Somewhere a couple miles west of the Crystal Kingdom-

Michael looked around at all of the fresh, innocent, virgin snow.

He violated it by running through it with his dirty shoes.

Slowly, through warmth and wash, his shoes were cleaned off, leaving only slight ruts in the snow as she sprinted as fast as he could.

He felt free, free to do as he pleased, he was a player, and he could put all of his intelligence to use.

Then the new information came in.

His mind was infinite in capacity and it infinitely expanded its content, and now it was filling up with information on this new world.

Equus, land of many mythical creatures, even more than Terraria.

The magical aura here was much stronger here, he could expend all of his mana and only wait a few seconds to recharge.

Using this peaceful time to test out his new spells, which he’d already memorized, He watched as the gently-falling snow was scattered away by a bolt of golden flames.

The demon scythe flew away from him, speeding up exponentially.

The necrotic missile was an empowered form of magic missile, while it lost its never-miss power, it gained an immense damage boost.

Crystal storm was fun, watching all of those little glowing shards fly away, and judging that… if his information on the species of this place were true (which it was, because he only ever had correct information) then he’d be able to shred even a minotaur to ribbons in about...

*TITITITITITITITITITITITITIT* he kept going for a whole minute.

Let’s see, about 10,000 crystals per minute.

Given the average size of a minotaur and the size of the crystals.

Factor in all that physics and medical crap, like the velocity of the crystals versus how dense the minotaur’s muscles are.

He’d be able to shred a minotaur to ribbons in about… half a minute.

It wasn’t impressive, the crystals went about 100m/s, versus the average 375m/s of a bullet, however the crystals were 1” thick spikes that tapered down to needle points, as opposed to usually less than 0.5” for a bullet.

Overall, it was balanced.

“OI!” he heard someone shout to him.

Looking in the direction of the shout, he found a somewhat portly man sitting in the snow and shivering.

Walking closer, slowly, Michael examined the man’s clothes.

A red shirt with a yellow hammer and sickle on it, and green denim jeans. Obviously this other man wasn’t expecting cold weather.

Just looking at him told Michael a lot about the world he came from, including the meaning of the symbol on his shirt.

Such an oddity, a world with enough people to divide into classes and make seem inferior to others, and as such the working class, hammer for industry and sickle for agriculture, would rise up against their oppressors.

Then the player saw a pair of revolvers at the man’s side, and a rifle and bastard sword crossed on his back.

This man had no tools, obviously he hadn’t really expected much, but since his world was so much unlike Terraria, then it was understandable.

“Ugh... where am I? Why the hell is it so cold? I freaking hate that unicorn.” David mumbled as looked around, finally seeing Michael clearly.

“Who the hell are you?”

Michael tried to answer, but was interrupted.

“Nevermind. Damn, it’s cold as balls here.” David shrugged.

“Snowballs, maybe, your body temperature seems to be about 98.6 degrees fahrenheit.” Michael corrected with his extensive knowledge of biology.

“Oh, thanks for the good news.” David sarcastically responded. “I bet it’s going south as we speak.”

“Well, natural body temperature, here, I have something that may help.” Michael flexed his fingers and cast Golden Flames on the ground, creating a small fireball that quickly fizzled out as it melted the snow into water “Oh, it seems that this will be harder than expected.”

“Did you just summon fire?” David said flabbergasted.

“Yes, anybody can use any spell with the right book and a few mana stars, watch.” The player fired a Necrotic Missile over David’s head, watching it sail far into the distance before dissipating.

“... Okay, I’m no longer in LA.” David said flatly.

“Ah yes, Los Angeles, for one thing it is very warm there, but we are far to the north in Equus, so it’ll be a bit hard to find some good weather.” Michael informed out of habit.

He knew that this man was far from an idiot, but old habits die hard.

David looked at the man, and knew that this guy was smart. Considering everything, especially how he reacted to his deadpan remark, he must have dealt with people more annoying than he was at his worst.

He sighed, and spoke.

“Let’s just get to a cave or something, huddle up, because we both know that the winds here aren’t good for your magic spells, or whatever.”

“Wind? I didn’t notice, is… is snow harmful to your health? Wait of course it is, your body is subject to temperatures. Right, well, I’ll dig the way, you keep watch with your rifle.” Michael peered into the distance and pulled out his copper pickaxe.

David shook his head and took out his rifle.

'Am I the only normal guy in this universe? I hope not. What’s next, some methhead?' he thought, quickly running out of hope.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of digging, and sure enough Michael was digging a huge hole straight down into the ground.

---

Nikolai woke up to find himself in a middle of a snowstorm. As he looked around, his face contorted to a look of confusion.

“Wait, is this Siberia, or Crystal Empire? Bah, I am sure that... fuck.” Nikolai took off his helmet, letting cold air blast onto his face. He grabbed a bottle of 80-proof vodka and took a drink out of it.

Letting out a massive belch, he attracted the attention of a nearby Canadian sociopath.

“HEY THERE!” Trevor hollered over, looking around the frozen field, “You know where that Crystal Empire is?” he asked, walking closer with a pistol out.

“EH? Who is there!? Do you have vodka?”

“Nope, got some meth though.” Trevor flashed a bag containing the precious substance, then brought his pistol back out again.

“Oh... okay... So, we both do not know where Empire is?”

“Well bud, I’d say it’s probably somewhere in that bigass bubble.” Trevor pulled out a sniper rifle and took a zoomed-in look at the protective bubble shield.

Nikolai looked over to see that there was indeed a giant bubble.

“Wow, I am really drunk... Big surprise, no?”

“Nope, I’m stone-cold not-on-alcohol and I see it too.” the crazy gunner couldn’t really say sober, because he’d snorted a few ounces of cocaine a few minutes ago.

“Alright comrade, I am Nikolai, armed and drunk Russian.”

“And I’m Trevor, armed and high ‘Murican.” Trevor really hated being seen as some maple-guzzling wussbag that people so often saw Canadians as.

“Strange accent...” Trevor got a little pissed. “Oh, are you from that Texas place?”

“Er… yeah, yeah I am, you from Moss Cows or whatever?”

“No, I am not from Moscow, I am from Leningrad.”

“No idea where that one is, anyways, lemme call my buddy ‘the mechanic’ and he’ll get my truck out here, then we’ll get over to that there bubble in a bit.” Trevor pulled out his cellphone and saw that he, surprisingly, had a signal stronger than his phone could measure.

“Alright, but be gentle, I get carsick.” Nikolai belched slightly.

Calling the mechanic, the airsman looked around the cold wasteland, it was dark, but the sun was still high in the sky, which was odd.

“Yeah, alright I’m on my way.” the mechanic said on the other end.

Several seconds later, a loud, smoke-blasting, really old-looking truck came charging in from the distance.

The mechanic was perplexed at how he’d gotten out here. Stopping about twenty feet from his client, he stepped out, made a small flourish motion, and walked away.

Trevor got into the driver’s seat and turned the truck on again.

Nikolai got into the passenger’s seat, and made an unusual facial expression.

“Red, like the Soviet flag.”

“No, red like the blood of the confederacy, or Canis or something, or whatever this truck is… anyways buckle up.”

Nikolai reached for the seatbelt, only to find that there wasn’t one.

“Eh... done?” Nikolai said as he grabbed something that might help him hold on.

Trevor clicked his pistol’s slide back to cock it, then handed a shotgun to Nikolai.

“Alright, chaos and no property damage, got it bud?”

“Alright, Nikolai can agree to that. If there are zombies, make sure they do not touch my vodka, alright?”

“Don’t worry… aw shit, the heater’s broken, can I get a swig’a that?” Without waiting for permission, Trevor grabbed the bottle from the cupholder and drank a few mouthfuls.

*CHIK-CHIK* Nikolai aimed the SPAZ-24, an upgraded SPAS-12, at the methhead with wide eyes.

“Give me my vodka back, suka.” Nikolai ordered in a low tone.

“Alright, alright, don’t look forward to gettin’ my head blown to smithereens, here, wiped my spit off for ya too.” Trevor made an obvious motion of wiping his saliva off of the mouth of the bottle, but secretly spit in it.

Nikolai nodded and took a drink, getting a major buzz from Trevor’s fucked-up body fluids.

“Shit, my body feels like shit, like after time with sixth wife... haaa... Balls...”

“You know, you remind me of some asshole I killed, his name was Josef.” Trevor reminisced that day, it was the first time in months he’d used jumper cables.

He’d killed Josef with this guy named Joe after he knocked both of them out after he was ordered by a some Mexican-American who was harassed by the so-called Civil Border Patrol.

It was a fun day, especially since he’d done the whole mission while on LSD.

Using what had looked like a unicorn horn up their...*ahem* instead of a pistol to shoot them in the head was pretty badass as well, especially since he later found out that the unicorn horn was actually his broken bottle, and he’d been hallucinating pretty hard.

But hallucinations were fun.

“Oh, and how was... do you taste yellow? I am tasting yellow all over my eyes, is weird.”

“Dude, I’m hearing chocolate in my fingernails, you’ll get used to it, come on, we’re almost there, time to do that Sombra son of a bitch’s duties.” Trevor floored it and started barreling through the snow.

The mechanic watched the departing truck, then looked around and wondered how to get back to Blaine County.

--

“Heh, I am good at duties.” Nikolai said suddenly, laughing a little bit.

“Well good, because duty calls.” Trevor replied with a few chuckles.

“And the answer is VICTORY FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!”

“No, the answer is Black Operations.”

“Nyet, is Modern Warfare.”

“Whatever it is, the World will be At War.”

“Or we be in and out like Ghosts.”

“Man, the only thing that’ll end that is Extinction.”

“No, that would be Nazi Zombies.”

Both Nikolai and Trevor laughed out loud between their pointless, drug-induced banter.

---

Stryker opened his eyes, and got up, noticing that he was no longer in the Netherrealm, but in a winter wasteland.

'NAWT, much, better~' he imagined Johnny Cage saying, which pretty summed up the concept of replacing death-by-burning with death-by-freezing.

“Where am I even?” Stryker said as he looked around the barely-visible landscape

“Police? POLICE GUY!” Lee called out to the man who he just now saw in the distance.

Stryker turned to see a dirty black man, running towards him, waving his arms.

“Oh, are you okay sir?” Stryker said as he approached the man, hoping he wasn’t injured.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I just… I’m looking for... I need some help, I just need to…” Lee stopped for a moment.

He needed to think about what he was about to say.

‘Find shelter?’

‘Attack a city-state?’

-> ‘Find someone?’ <-

‘…’ (Stay silent?)

“I need to find someone, his name is Sombra, he’s some sort of… well I need to find him.” Lee figured that, even if they were out here in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, this guy might still arrest him if he seemed to be on drugs.

“Hmm, well sir, if it were any other day, I’d ask you if you were intoxicated, but considering that I was killed, turned to a mindless slave, and brought back to life, I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

“Well, I’d understand if you thought I was on drugs or something, I nearly died, vaulted over a city, saved a little girl, and now I’m here because of some Sombra guy who needs me.”

Stryker nodded, and sighed, “Looks like we’re on the same page pal. Name’s Kurtis, Kurtis Stryker.”

“Lee, Lee… Enfield” the dirty man lied, not sure what to really say, it had just become a habit to hide his name.

“Alright Lee... I see some sort of bubble shield over there, if we hurry, we might make it there before we freeze to death.” Stryker said, letting his special forces training take over.

“I nearly forgot about that, I guess it’s just so relieving to finally meet someone who hasn’t gone crazy, alright, follow me.” Lee curled up and leapt away like a human-sized grasshopper.

“Of course he can do that... I bet that needle-mouthed woman, or that four-armed tiger monster would have a field day with him.” Stryker muttered to himself as he began to run towards Lee.

The half-zombie waved to him, and when Stryker was about ten feet away, Lee curled up and leapt towards the bubble again.

Sighing, Kurtis followed, hoping that this wasn’t going to be some sort of trend.

To his lack of surprise, Lee did the exact same thing when Kurtis was ten feet away from the him again.

Leading the way, the Georgian quickly approached the massive blue bubble with the SWAT officer following close behind.

---

“I’M THROUGH!” Michael called up from the hole as he fell a distance too short to damage him

He looked up and noticed that he’d dug at least fifty feet down, a fatal height for David, “I’ll make a pathway, okay?” he called up again, placing ice block to make platforms.

“Uh... yeah, about earlier, I’m sorry about that, you can understand why, right?”

“I understand, it’s understandable that someone who has never experienced magic would not know how it works, and people tend to get angry when they are uncomfortable.”

“That, and I was torn from my home.”

“Yes, that is also a very viable grounds for being disgruntled at the least, going on a full-on rage at the most.”

“Alright dude, what’s your name, by the way?”

“Michael, Michael the Guide, destined to lead the protagonist through his or her own destiny, that’s my job, as the elder gods dictated, I know that you’re David, you’re from Los Angeles, California, in the United States of America, on Earth.” David was a bit shocked at how much Michael knew.

“...That’s creepy dude... you sure you weren’t stalking me?”

“It is by the elder gods that I know everything about everything, including things that I may only know by looking at someone who is of those things, by looking at you, I learned of the history of Earth, and it is… horrible.”

“OH, so you’re like the Rick Sanchez of your world, except non-alcoholic.”

“More like the Wikipedia of all of reality.”

“... Makes as much sense as anything else in this damn place.”

“Oh trust me, the story of the fall of King Sombra and the corruption of the Crystal Kingdom is much stranger than the elder gods dictating me to be a walking knowledge nexus.” Michael said in a half-hearted assuring tone.

“Alright, so what you’re saying is, you know everything, so you can do a lot of crazy things, right? If that’s so, maybe I’d like to see the actual result of genetically splicing the DNA of Abraham Lincoln and Adolf Hitler, like that TV show, Rick and Morty.” David smirked, remembering that episode with a fondness to his heart.

“Well, you might be shocked to know that Abraham Lincoln never truly wished to free the slaves, only to deport them back to Africa, and Adolf Hitler never truly wished to kill the Jews, only keep them out of the way of the war. Then again, I must manually sort information, so I may have gotten that from a different earth.”

“Frankly, you should know that my 10th grade history teacher told me exactly that, and that he loves mint chocolate chip ice cream. Also, he was Asian. Listen, I know stuff that most other people don’t, mostly random stuff from what I like. I’m like a partial hipster, only I’m borderline mainstream. I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“Yes, and I see your point. Back to your previous question, I would like to be able to do just about anything, but until fifteen minutes ago, I was an NPC, only able to spout my wisdom to players who may or may not have cared to hear it.”

“Ah, okay.” David thought of Michael now as a servant turned free man, who apparently seemed to come from a video game.

“I know what you’re thinking, by the way, and from examining knowledge in your world, I know that my world may very well seem like such a thing to others… I have found the body of Sombra.” Michael’s nearly deadpan tone kept steady, even with the last part of his statement.

“Wait, what? No, he came to me, told me to come here or he’ll kill me and... HE’S THERE.” David almost yelled out the last part.

“It seems that Sombra was able to reach through the void that divides universes to recruit beings that might be able to awaken his physical form, with just a touch of any crystal to him… hum…” Michael cast Crystal Storm, peppering the motionless body with large spikes of bright blue glowing crystals.

“Hey, dude, is that a... truck?” David asked as the sound of a revving engine approached the hole into the cave.

Then a large, dust-covered, faded red truck came crashing down into the opening, the driver’s and passenger’s seats clattering loudly with the knocked-around bodies inside.

Shortly following the truck was a dark body that landed in a pile of powdery snow, followed shortly after by another similarly dark body that seemed to aim itself much more carefully than the first.

“SHIT!” Trevor yelled as the engine stopped running, luckily through the power of bottom-heavy vehicles that GTA was so well known for, his truck turned right-side up again.

“Oh... I am... URP!!!” Nikolai opened the door to the truck, got out, and expelled the contents of his stomach all over the snowy floor, which was to say, a few ounces of stomach acid, some bits of a ration protein bar, and a liter or five of vodka.

“Dude, gross!” David yelled out.

“Regular consumption of antacid tablets will keep your stomach steady, the sickness is because of the gratuitous amounts of ethanol-based fluids you consume. And that’s on top of the dru...” Michael lectured the drunk.

“Stop speaking smart, it is hurting Nikolai’s head.” Nikolai groaned.

“Okay, let me say it simpler terms: vodka bad for Nikolai’s stomach, Nikolai vomit because of too much vodka.”

“Fuck you, I will not stop drinking vodka, you fucking... ohh... shit...” Nikolai noticed the symbol on David’s shirt.

“Hehe...” David chuckled.

“Fuck you too! So, where in Soviet Union do you live in?”

“... In the late 20th century, real late, the USSR fell apart, this is just a fashion statement.” David explained, gesturing to the shirt.

“The USSR dissolved on the 26th of December, 1991. It has been since known as Russia.” Michael explained in much greater detail.

“WHAT!!! Oh, pride of Vladimir, you have broken... Nikolai needs drink.” Nikolai took a drink of the drug laced vodka.

“No, the current leader is known as Vladimir, Vladimir Putin, that is.” Michael informed.

“And he took over the Crimea.” David added.

“Oh, is somewhat better... I can see Juggernog... fuck...”

“What’s wrong with him?” David asked.

“I think he’s given up on life, which is a bad sign.” Lee finally spoke up from his hiding place in a pile of snow.

Stryker finally pushed himself up, panting.

“You... could’ve... waited for me... a bit...”

“Sorry man, I saw that truck and… I thought it was Kenny, man, guess I was just hoping too hard. Then again, this is a bit better though, because now we have a whole little group.” the Georgian explained, looking at the others.

“You could say that.” David said as he looked at the drunk, Michael, some crazy-looking guy, the black guy, and a tired SWAT officer.

“I guess I’m one of the only normal guys here.” David said with a strong hint of unsureness.

“Well man, I can assure you, I’m pretty normal acting, and I look a lot more normal after I’ve had a shower.” Lee assured, putting a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“Uggg... I can taste the rainbow in... What did you spike my vodka with Trevor, I can hear chocolate on my fingernails, like you can... I don’t like chocolate.”

“I’ve taken so many drugs, that I don’t even know how many drugs I’ve taken, it’s probably some fucking love-child of PCP, LSD, LCD, OCD, DOC, DCU, EQD, I don’t know all of it.” Trevor said, pulling out his AP pistol and looking around for something to shoot.

“Um, Trevor… LCD is a technological system, OCD is a mental disorder, DOC is short for document, DCU means DC universe, EQD is an internet websi-” Michael was silenced by a strip of duct tape that Trevor slapped over his mouth.

The redneck looked at everyone, or at least he’d thought he had...

Until he saw Stryker.

“OH SHIT! IT’S A KERP!” He couldn’t even speak properly as he fired several times.

Stryker dodged, and did a combat roll, punching Trevor hard enough to make the other man drop the weapon, and entered a Kombat pose.

“Dammit, I don’t want to do this right now!” Stryker yelled out, ready to fight the meth addict.

The Kombat Health bars loaded up, Kurtis could see that his was only half-full, due to his exhaustion, while Trevor had a blue coating on his own health bar. The health bar itself looked a lot smaller than a normal one, however.

ROUND 1, FIGHT!

Not caring where the voice came from, Trevor simply threw a grenade at Stryker, cooking it off so it couldn’t be thrown back.

*BOOM*

Stryker was blown forward, being injured in the process. he then proceeded to fire his gun at Trevor twice, hitting him with both shots as he saw him stumble backwards.

Not one to be discouraged, Trevor pulled out his baseball bat and swung hard, not so much damaging Stryker as knocking him back a good distance.

Stryker had charged up his EX meter and stood up. Trevor dashed forward, and Stryker readied himself.

“SPREAD ‘EM!” Stryker shined a light into Trevor’s face, blinding the meth addict. Stryker then proceeded to smash the flashlight over Trevor’s head, cracking his skull, then pulled out his baton, and smacked the redneck along his chin, dislocating the jaw. Stryker then tazed the redneck, causing him to fall backwards.

“BUSTED!” Stryker felt good about that combo, beaming a confident smile.

Looking up at the bar, Stryker’s face fell when he saw that the blue coating was completely gone, but the green health had barely gone down.

“What’s with you?” Stryker muttered out.

“I’m… I’m from Blaine County, BITCH!” Trevor pulled out his rifle and…

He released the fire within.

Stryker gaped in disbelief as Trevor’s health suddenly doubled in size, and had a orange glow over it. His EX bar began to drain, which was one solid piece instead of being split into three sections.

“IT’S PARTY TIME!!!” Trevor then proceeded to: empty his whole AK-74 at Stryker, who could dodge only half of the bullets, which didn’t matter because the damage was doubled, and double of half is obviously a whole.

Needing to stop this powerful assault, Stryker put all of his focus on moving quickly, seeing that Trevor was relatively slow to react.

Getting behind and reaching into the other man’s pockets, the SWAT officer found a pair of SMGs, which he pulled out, cocked, and aimed, he was about to pull the triggers right as Trevor finished turning around.

Michael covered his ears as the cacophony of the gunfire exchanged began to shake the ceiling, threatening to cave it in.

Quickly reinforcing it with a one-block thick layer of ice, he went back to covering his ears.

Nikolai stared at them as something odd happened.

Trevor pulled out a grenade right as Stryker fired his standard issue M9 handgun, causing the grenade to blow up.

Blow up at point-blank range.

The two stood in place, both stumbling and unable to move. They then fell to the floor at the same time.

THAT WAS PATHETIC!

“Umm... so that happened...” David said, trying to clear out the noise in his ears.

Lee nodded and slowly, very gingerly tried to pick both men up, however they slipped out of his hands in a burst of blood and the air went red.

LEE WINS!
FATALITY!

WASTED!

“How the hell did that happen?” Lee asked both everybody and nobody, knowing that the answer was beyond his reach.

Michael knew better, however, and, after he ripped the duct tape off his mouth, explained, “It seems that the rules of this portion of reality were temporarily overwritten, causing a disturbance in which a bout of Mortal Kombat could occur, when they ended in a mutual knockout, the disturbance was not satisfied, but when you interrupted, it found release. In short, they did something that they shouldn’t have been able to, and you put a stop to it, congratulations Lee, you won.” the guide gave a thumbs up to punctuate his sentence.

“And killed two men technically.” David added.

“Wait a second… shit! We have to destroy their brains, or else they’ll come back as walkers.” Lee looked around for something to break the fallen men’s heads.

“Is least of our worries.” Nikolai said.

“Why?” David asked.

“...” Lee couldn’t believe Nikolai’s statement that spat in the face of everything he knew.

-> Rage out? <-

Stay calm?

Turn it around?

Stay silent?

“... Nigga... IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW!” Lee flipped out, death was serious, no matter who it happened to, “DO YOU NOT CARE THAT THESE TWO GUYS ARE ABOUT TO RISE UP AGAIN AS MINDLESS BEASTS?”

“No need to worry, gentlemen, they have their own ways.” Sombra finally said, having watched the events unfolding over the past several minutes.

Lee jumped when Sombra spoke, not expecting the dark unicorn’s deep, roiling voice.

David looked at the king, and had a look of anger on his face.

“Ah, King Sombra, well, would you be so kind as to help us out of this cave?” Michael asked politely.

“Child’s play, dear Michael." Sombra effortlessly lifted the truck and the six men out of the cave on a pillar of dark energy.

Looking at the bubble, the dark king sneered, “Your friends are already inside, no doubt working on the chaos that will render the kingdom's defenses useless. Also, those six heroines will arrive soon if not delayed or stopped, you’ve all spent too much time fighting each other.” he looked at where Trevor and Stryker had been laying only moments before.

Michael nodded, turning to Lee, Nikolai, and David, “I guess it’s time for us to get in there.”

“Sure thing, comrade!” Nikolai cheered.

“Yeah man, the sooner we get this over with, sooner I can get cured.” Lee said, getting a strange look from Nikolai.

“Alright, but after this, bring me back home.” David told the king.

Sombra sent the four men, and the truck, just outside of the city’s border.

“So, it’s time to go in?” David asked.

The others nodded, and the four entered the bubble, leaving Sombra behind to do whatever it was he needed or wanted to do.

Immediately, the men were greeted by a clear sky with a bright sun, warm air, and no snow, as if the bubble was a portal to a paradise.

“Yes, hopefully this will be how this place stays… wait… I just remembered.” Michael’s face twisted into a look of worry for his fellows as he turned to face them, “Okay, you might find this weird, but… well… we aren’t exactly dealing with things that you might consider normal.” the guide stepped closer to the city.

“So? Nikolai blew up Earth from moon while zombies tried to steal my vodka, and little girl switched souls with German who tried to suck Nikolai for free drink. Also, there were monkeys. Ugh, monkeys...” Nikolai rambled.

“And I dealt with a zombie apocalypse for four months, then nearly died when I got… almost bitten, and Sombra just sorta gave me my leaping powers afterwards and sent me here in a big crystal casing.” Lee summed up the most agonizing leg of his life in about one sentence.

“Oh yeah, he did same for comrades. Dempsey, I want free, Takeo, who cares. Also, there was fourth one, the girl, what was her name?”

“Seriously, AM I THE ONLY GUY HERE WHO HASN’T DONE SOMETHING WEIRD!?” David yelled out at the explanations of Lee and Nikolai.

“Is upholding the law weird?” Stryker asked, checking his M9’s magazine and taser’s battery.

“Wh... fuck it, you’re alive... somehow.” David threw his head back, giving up on logic.

“As soon as I awoke, I found that I was outside of this city’s hospital for some reason, it wasn't the weirdest thing to happen to me. From there, I tracked the sun’s location and made my way to regroup with you, Trevor ran towards a large spire that looked like the Eiffel Tower.” The officer explained.

“Eiffel Tower? This is not France.” Nikolai told Stryker.

“Well, it was made of crystal and only had three legs, so I’d say that it merely resembled the Eiffel Tower.”

“Ah, like spirals of Moscow Cathedral. I understand copies comrade.”

“Um, Stryker, that spire is the Castle of the Crystal Kingdom, where the Crystal Princess and Prince currently reside.” Michael informed in a worried tone.

“As of when?” David asked.

“As of yesterday, David, and I believe Officer Stryker asked you a question?” Michael thought very highly of questions, and to leave one unanswered was a blasphemy to knowledge.

“Oh yeah... what was the question?”

“Uh, is upholding the law weird?”

“Don’t bother, this isn’t America.” David said.

“But is upholding the law weird though?”

“I would want to think about it, we just came to a new world, so we should just get to the castle, now!” David soon ran off.

“I mean upholding the law back where I came from, dipshit!” Stryker was getting a little pissed off, but ran after David anyways, because he still had a job to do.

“STRYKER! COME ON! David has a name! And feelings! AND TREVOR’S ATTACKING THE ROYALS!” Michael shouted as he ran off after the two, wishing he had Hermes Boots or an Anklet of the Wind.

“Wait for Nikolai, do not make fat man run!” Nikolai yelled out as he chased the three men. Thankfully, the explosion of the Earth somehow gave Nikolai all the perk-a-colas he could handle, one of which happened to be Stamin-up, which increased speed and sprint distance.

Lee frowned, then curled his legs up and did his grasshopper-like leap onto a towering crystal growth, then leapt to another growth, then to a crystal building, quickly making his way through the city.

---

Sombra had ripped the train tracks asunder past the small checkpoint station, leaving the Mane Six to be guided through a few miles of open snowy wasteland by Shining Armor.

The bubble shield Cadence had put up rippled slightly as the Shining fell through, his spear following shortly after, its blue surface seemingly burnt black.

“Shining! Are you okay?” Twilight cried out in worry, rushing to her brother's side and helping him up.

“Ugh, yeah, yeah… I’m okay, just got knocked around a bit out there.” The knight assured, putting his spear over his back and taking the lead.

The six mares followed, looking forwards to the city.

It was amazing, and many ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ were shared.

Shining looked at the castle, it was immaculate and magnificent, it reached almost two thousand feet into the air, a true wonder of construction, held standing by three massive legs in a triangular support system.

There was a very strange and very very fatal addition, though, that was extremely new, as in ‘it wasn’t there when Shining left’ new.

There were raging fires burning on the surface and in the interior of the castle, Shining could see that some ponies were jumping from the building in an effort to escape the flames.

Little did Shining, Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, or Applejack know, the fire was caused by a crazy redneck meth addict human.

And that crazy redneck meth addict human had an omniscient matter-manipulator, an elite SWAT officer, a drunken Russian apocalypse survivor, a black Georgian apocalypse failure-of-a-survivor half-zombie, and a mostly normal & very much the most sane human present, all backing him up.

Oh yeah, and the Crystal King of Darkness was supporting them too.

Unless something very miraculous happened, Sombra would undoubtedly win.

Luckily, however, the Mane 6 were experts in working miracles.

Author's Note:

alright, sorry it took, like... almost two weeks to get it, BUT I GOT IT!

enjoy this second chapter, and check out Hexed Lives, which is the other half of this collaboration, hosted by Awesomedude17

Link here

EDIT: fixed some stuff

Comments

[PrototypeJ]

awesome chapter you are doing a amazing job

[Awesomedude17]

4264083 Danke, mien fruend.

[PrototypeJ]

>>Awesomedude17 Your welcome