Vinyl Scratch reminisces the days when Octavia had been her friend.
I was sleep deprived and my fingers just kinda made this. First one-shot sad story i have ever written, hopefully it wasn't too bad. Also this is loosely based off of what is going on in my life right now. I could have rated this for everyone but i decided to play it safe because of minor cursing.
Another thing, if you are an artist please, flipping PLEASE pm me about some cover art here.
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Nice, but I noticed a lot of places where it's got "you" where it should be "your".
I liek. I wouldn't be too surprised if this became popular or featured, actually.
I'll try to be at least a bit constructive.
First, about the format and grammar.
So, there is a bit of a problem with 'you' and 'your'. You might have overlooked that.
In the eleventh and twelfth paragraph you changed the tense from past to present:
But most of it is pretty good.
Format: Since this is in a form of a letter, why not start the story with 'Dear Octavia,', and end it with 'Love, Vinyl, or something similar.
(Also, you forgot to put indentations for some of the paragraphs.)
Now, about the story itself. Spoilers for the people who haven't read the story yet, and are looking at the comment section... Very short, but got the point across, which is good. I liked the fact that it was supposed to be a letter from Vinyl.
The last line was a good way to end(though you should probably type that in italics). A nice way to sum up the story.
I'm especially glad that Octavia didn't hang herself or something similar. It happens way too many times in fanfiction.
It's a shame she died at the age of fifteen... She must have had some very strong feelings toward Vinyl.
Anyway... I really enjoyed the story, it was nicely written and interesting.
Good job!
(And I am very sorry, that this is loosely based of your experiences. I hope it'll get better, though!)
4173208 Thank you for the crits! Most of the grammar and formatting errors were just because i wrote this at like midnight and looked them over. As for the italics at the end, i did think of it, though i wrote this on Microsoft word and copied it over here. For some reason i do not know why the italics did not transfer over as well; also i do not know for the life of me how italics work on this site. Once again thank you, i will look into tweaking the story a bit.
4173761
Self-editing is hard.
Yeah, that's fine. They weren't too bad.
You are welcome!
As for the italics, you have to write things [i]like this[/i].
That way, you'll have italics.
There is a helpful guide on that, if you want: right here!
That... Was beautiful... I can't say anything else...
You mean aside from the part where it was a pic specially commissioned for another fic and you failed to credit or link back to the artist?
Poor show.
4174599 Shit, sorry. I just found the pic on Google. But when i did click the link it took me to another story (not yours). I contacted the author asking for permission and i used it after he said it was okay. I will change it.
4173816 Thanks for the link! It'll come in handy.
4174751
Okay. Thank you. Sorry if I sounded snippy but that pic is rather special and was created by a friend, so it smarted to see it on someone else's fic.
Out of interest, what author gave that permission?
4174840 if i recall correctly its was symphonic melody i think. I for some reason cannot locate the pm i remember sending him; but i think that is his name.
Short, sad and emotional.
A GOOD STORY !!!!!