Canterlot Thrown Room
Celestia and the rest of the Mane 6 stood in silence as they are were mourning for their fallen friend, Princess Cadence, until Shining Armor broke the silence.
"What is it Shining Armor?" asked Celestia in a sadden voice.
"Princess the creature won't answer any of our questions we tried everything from being polite to even threats!" Shining yelled with disbelief.
"Bring him in here. I will see if I can get through to it."
"Yes Princess." Shining Armor bowed as he walked out of the room leaving the seven ponies to think on how they were going to react when Death comes in the throne room in chains. "Ah hope that thing gets what’s comin' for' him." said Applejack stomping her hooves to the ground. "I am with you Applejack when that thing walks in I am going to buck him in to next Tuesday!" exclaimed Rainbow while flying and punching the air.
"I am not a fan for violence but since he killed Cadence and messed up my mane, I'll rip him too pieces." Rarity said while trying to comb out her mane. Twilight couldn't be mad for some reason though, yeah she was pissed that this thing walked in her home town and decapitated her friend, but she couldn't feel it. She just felt like there was some reason why Death would harm an innocent soul. Twilight was deep in thought until her friends cut her train of thought by them naming a whole bunch of ways on how to make Death talk by either Pinkie tickling and talking no stop to hitting him with a baseball bat. Damn, even Fluttershy said they should cover him in cuts and pour lemon juice all over him until he told them why he is here. Twilight looked at Celestia with a concerned look and she returned the glance. Twilight finally had tears come up in her eyes and so did Celestia.
"Why w-w-would something b-b-be so c-c-cruel?" Twilight sobbed.
Celestia with tears still in her eyes looked down at her heart broken, "Twilight I..."
"Princess! Here he is as you requested!" yelled Shining Armor as six guards dragged Death though the throne room on his knees. Celestia quickly wiped her tears and turned around and gave Death a not so happy look. Celestia walked slowly to Death as his head was hung down, so Celestia lifted up his head while Death looked at her but anger wasn't in his eyes, it was sadness, guilt, and failure. Death turned his head to see the same six ponies that he had defeated, they both exchanged glares as they wanted a rematch with him. Death only chuckled as he knew if that happened the result will be the same as last time. Celestia finally broke the silence when she started to fill the tension in the room.
"Why are you laughing creature?" Celestia said raising an eyebrow. Death looked back at Ceestia wich she had a confused look. 'I really hope this plan works' he thought.
"It’s just that all you ponies think you could break me but you can't. Do you know why?" Death questioned with a blank look on Celestia's face which meant 'no', "Because these unicorns are too weak to look in to mind." Death felt a strong pain as he felt Rainbow Dash head butt him right in to his stomach. As Death fell to the ground clutching his stomach the 6 mares started to approach him until Celestia moved in between them. The six ponies, even Death, looked awe as Celestia was protecting him.
"Celestia! What are you doing?!" Twilight screamed as she was still glaring at Death but relieved that he was still in chains.
"Guards leave us" Celestia commanded as the six guards walked out the room.
"Why did you protect me?" Death asked with a confused look on his face.
"Yeah! What's the big idea! I had him!" Rainbow said still flying. Celestia gave her a disapproving look as Rainbow slowly descended.
"Princess with no disrespect, why are ya' protecting after what he has done?" Applejack asked
Celestia turned from Death and began to explain herself to the awestruck six in front of her. “My dearest ponies the reason why I protected him is because I think there is something more than this creature just killing Cadence out of fun."
"What are you trying to say he is an assassin trying to protect the world from templars!" Pinkie said as the rest even Death was confused and did not know what she meant, but decided not to question it.
"No, Pinkie Pie" said Celestia "I think there is good reason why he killed Cadence."
"But Princess how is there any good reason to kill somepony it's just uncivilized!" exclaimed Rarity.
"Because when I looked in to his eyes I only saw guilt and sadness like he didn't want to kill in the first place." said Celestia. Death finally looked at all of them as they started to stare him up and down. "Just to get this out the way because I know it will be the first question I hear is that my name is Death, second horseman of the apocalypse, and I have come on........ professional business."
"T okill everypony you see!" Rainbow said as she flew up to his face looking at him with an intense stare to hopefully intimidate him, but it did nothing. Death ignored the Rainbow pony and waited for another question, but the next pony who asked a question surprised him he expected the orange one or even the pink one since she talked so much, but it was the yellow one that always hid under her mane every time she looked at him and the one he first met at the cottage. 'This just got interesting maybe I will stay a little longer' Death thought.
Fluttershy was scared out of her mind with every step she took towards Death. "So....what is it.....Fluttershy?" Death asked trying to remember the pegasus's name.
"Um.....so why did you kill our friend since you did it out of good." Fluttrshy asked hiding under her mane.
"Reasons."Death said as he didn't want to answer that questioned. Twilight did not like his response at all as she turned red with anger and exploded.
"What do you mean reasons!" Twilight yelled with tears in her eyes again, "You killed my brother's wife, one of my family members, my friend and all you have is just Reasons! How cold hearted are y......"
"You ponies think you’re the only ones who lost a family member!" Death snapped as lunged forward Twilight but only to be pulled back by Celestia's magic, “I have a brother as well who I may never see again! I had a whole civilization now laid in ruins because of a dumbass deal I made! So don't talk to me about being cold hearted you bitch!"
Everypony was now quiet and felt like a knife was stabbed right in to their gut with no remorse. Twilight was now stepping back as Death fell to his knees. 'Death can you hear me?' Crowfather said in his mind. Death shot up not caring to speak out loud, "Crowfather? Is that you?” Everypony looked in confusion as to figure out who Death was talking to. "Who is Crowfather is he your dad that is a crow or is he a crow that is your dad?" asked Pinkie. Death simply ignored the fact and focused on trying to here Crow father. ‘Death I have just came to tell you that you have failed me and now I have no use for you' Crowfather said with a malicious intent. "What do you mean?" Death asked. 'I mean that I have a new client to help me bring back humanity but not for them to be in piece but to be my slaves and personal army!’ Death had an angered look under his mask and punched the floor all the ponies gasped as he made a hole the shape of his fist in the floor. "You played me! Come out so I can play with your feathered corpse!" Death screamed as Crowfather left his mind for the last time.
Celestia walked up to comfort him until Death pushed way not wanting to be bothered."Death", said Celestia in a calm voice "Are you ok? Who is Crowfather?"
"Not important at the moment but I will tell you this I am sorry for murdering your friend. Like I said I know what it is like to lose someone close to you, I have just slaughtered an innocent soul for no reason and now in chains to face my...." at that moment Twilight unlocked the chains and helped Death to his feet. She had a smile with tears on her face and so did the other 5 ponies, Celestia nodded and walked over to Death again.
"So Death would you mind telling us why your here now, since e trust you." Twilight said. Death simply nodded and sat down rubbing his wrists for having the chains on so long.
"I think it would be best if I showed you."
"But you said unicorn magic isn’t used for projecting images from your brain."
"Exactly, I said unicorn not alicorn." Twilight simply nodded as her horn glowed until she was stopped by Rarity. "Twilight are you sure about showing us this brutes memories you don’t know what might happen." said Rarity with a concern look. "I have to try" Twilight responded as she continued the spell. A purple beam shot out her horn and instantly split into two as the two beams went in to the chest and forehead of Death.
"AAARRRGGHHH" Death screamed in pain regretting on letting them do this. Then all of a sudden a magical aura wrapped around Death as a sphere came out of his body showing his memories and every pony was shocked at what they saw..........
Everypony looked in the room in shock to see Death take on all those Demons all by himself except from the help of the glowing green bronco.
"That....was......awesome."
"He sure is mighty strong"
"I believe that all this violence is scaring dear, Fluttershy."
"Did you see when he transformed and became something stronger 10x! Amazing!"
The mane 6 were having a conversation on how terrifying but cool on how Death was until Celestia got serious with a stern voice immediately getting the attention of the six friends.
"Hold my little ponies there is another memory and this is the one that will give us answers." Celestia said as they all circled the sphere as it started to show another memory.........
All the ponies were now awestruck as the sphere returned into Death and the purple aura around him disappeared.
"Death are you ok?" said Celestia as she tried to help but instead of pushing her away he accepted the kindness.
"Do you all see why I am here now?" said Death
"Ah think for speaking for everypony here is that we forgive ya for what ya did and we are sorry that you were betrayed and we accept yer friendship." said Applejack shaking his hand.
"That's fine it is not the first time I got stabbed in the back."
"But there is one more thing I am still concerned about you."
"And what is that?"
"You’re not tellin us somethin important and don't try to deny it ah can smell a lie from a mile away." Death was surprised that this little pony could figure out a secret just in a split of a second, but he knew that it would have to wait for another time.
"Sorry, but that's for another time." Apple jack frowned but sighed in defeat. "Fine but ah want ta know what ya hidin'."
Celestia was then about to speak when she heard the doors slamming open to see her sister Princess Luna to come rushing in with a concerned look on her face. Death could tell this was Celestia's sister because she had some similarities like her. She was shorter than Celestia but taller than the average pony, she had a dark blue coat, with a mane and tail that looked like the night sky.
"Luna what is the matter?!" Celestia asked, but Luna was focused on Death who was out of his Chains as she glared at him ready for a fight. Celestia took notice of this and explained the situation.
"Don't worry Luna he is with us, what’s wrong?" Luna taking her eyes of Death and looked at Celestia.
"Tia Appleloosa is being attacked by demonic creatures and being led by a red female with demonic wings." Death looking shocked as he stepped forward and his two scythes appeared in his hands.
"I know who they are. The creatures are called demons the population of the realm known as Hell and the one that is leading them is an old enemy of mine!" Death growled as he summoned his bronco and rode out the window riding though Canterlot.
Celestia quickly took action and turned towards the six, “Twilight you and the others take the elements and follow Death to Appleloosa to help him defeat these invaders." The six nodded as they put on their elements and hurried out the door to the carriage they arrived in to fly to Applelossa.
While Death was riding in the streets of Canterlot he eventually found the it and rode off away from the city. "So Crowfather you chose her as your new client. I have to admit I am surprised but it won't matter, after I kill her I will be coming for you next." Death was now riding in the wilderness which was the Mild West he heard some guards talk about while he was chained up. "If I am correct the town known as Appleloosa should be around here somewhere." Death rode until he saw a sign say Welcome to Appleloosa, but what Death saw was flames rising from a town and Demons flying from above making sure no pegasi was able to escape. Death than kicked the back of his bronco motioning it to go faster. He scowled under his mask and took out his two scythes and rode toward the town.
"I am coming for you Lillith!"
Very good so far. Just a little grammar. I'm a editor. So if you would like my help them give me a PM and I will help you.
Thank you, so much..
I just... (sniff)
It as been 15 days seance your newest update. When will there be a new chapter?
Hey sorry about the next chapter because of school but I will have it u.p over the weekend
"The creature won't answer questions! We tried everything from asking politely and asking sternly then crying and apologising for it and promising we'll be better in the future and for him to just give us another chance!" That's what I wish I read XD
Dammit pinke
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Guess they throw stuff in there.
Critique
Canterlot Thrown Room
(1) saddened
Add a coma in between questions and we, otherwise it’ll be a run on sentence.
(1) it’d be more accurate if you use the word try
(1) if AJ knows that Death is a male, why does she consider him a thing?
(1) that statement makes no sense. Rarity is comparing the death of someone she respects with her mane.
Let me paraphrase what I mean “since he killed my sister by running her over with his car and threw mud on my pair of crocs, I will beat him dead” does that make sense to anyone?
(1) though? I think you meant to put towards to
(2)Death just sliced Cadences head off, I believe she would be glaring at him, not giving him a not so happy look.
(1) how does she know that? I mean, Death unlike Wrath and Strife, is wearing a mask. So how does Celestia know that so specifically?
(1) care to elaborate how exactly did Celestia filled the room with tension?
(2) You mean Celestia, right?
(3) what do you mean by wich....whatever that means.
(1) so...Death made a question with a blank look....or did Celestia have a blank look while that question was being asked...because the wording on this sentence makes it seem that it can go either way.
(2) as far as the story is concerned, Death has only met 2 unicorns. Shining Armor and Rarity. Every other being was either an earth pony, a pegasi or an alicorn.
(3) look into mind? How does that make any sense? I believe you meant to write “to look into my mind”
(1) why the hell would Death be in awe? He would be more surprised or intrigued taking into consideration how the rest have acted towards him.
(1) I know that you’re trying to create a scene in which Death is captured and all, but in all fair honesty, I believe that Celestia protected them more than she’s protecting him.
(1) you need to learn to use commas. Put one after ponies.
(2) you meant something to this creature...right?
(1) the wording is weird.
Try something like this instead. “What you are trying to say is that he is an assassin trying to protect the world from templars!?”
(1) add a comma after princess
(2) quite the hypocrites aren’t they? In more simple terms they are fine and dandy as long as the pony that does is someone they don’t consider worth saving (i.e King Sombra)
(1) actions speak louder than words. And besides, Death has shown enough common sense to not attack blindly/without a plan.
(2) you’re very wrong with that assumption. The first horsemen of the apocalypse is Wrath (aka War). Then comes Famine and after that Pestilence. Death is the 4th horsemen of the apocalypse, not the second.
(3) taking into consideration both the who and the what Death is, I highly doubt that he would ever use the word “professional”
(1) typo here.
(2) why the hell would Death be impressed/interested in wanting to hear what Fluttershy has to say? He has talked to Angels, the king of the dead and creators of entire planets and he showed no interest in hearing them speak, so why the sudden change?
(1) I’m surprised Fluttershy has forgotten that speaking doesn’t require you, or anyone for that matter, to be close.
(2) technically speaking, she just answered her own question. He did that for the greater good of mankind. And add a ? at the end, otherwise it’d be a statement, not question.
(1) if you added “in rage” it would make more sense...not to mention that you just wrote that Twilight exploded...literally speaking regarding to the wording used.
(1) according to the Darksiders wikia, Wrath was sent to the Void in order to heal from the damage he suffered when he crash-landed on Earth before getting his ass kicked by a demon like monster. The main reason as to why Death started his entire misadventure was to redeem his brother from the Charred Council, not save him.
(2) as someone who has played and completed Darksiders 2 a couple of times, I don’t recall hearing him say at all what ‘deal’ he made that caused the destruction of mankind which resulted in the seals being broken thus summoning his brother War to Earth sooner rather than later.
Everypony was now quiet and felt like a knife was stabbed right in to their gut with no remorse. Twilight was now stepping back as Death fell to his knees. 'Death can you hear me?' Crowfather said in his mind. Death shot up not caring to speak out loud, "Crowfather? Is that you?” Everypony looked in confusion as to figure out who Death was talking to. "(1)Who is Crowfather is he your dad that is a crow or is he a crow that is your dad?"
(1) add a comma or a question mark.
(1) it isn’t a fact by any stretch of the word.
(2) Crowfather never showed any malicious intent, even after Death killed him. So why the sudden and extreme change of heart?
(2) Crowfather never had any clients, let alone worked for anyone. He made a deal with Death for the sake of acquiring the knowledge of the Nephilim. In exchange, he had to protect the talisman that held their souls.
(3)how the hell will he be able to resurrect all of humanity if he is far away from the core of the Tree of Life? And what sacrifice is he willing to make in order to resurrect humanity as a whole?
(4) taking into consideration that humanity went extinct from simple low class demons, that so called “army” can be easily wiped....again....by the demons that are still on Earth.
Death had an angered look under his mask and (1)punched the floor all the ponies gasped as he made a hole the shape of his fist in the floor. "You played me! (2)Come out so I can play with your feathered corpse!" Death screamed as Crowfather left his mind for the last time.
(1) add a comma
(2)...taking into consideration that the Tree of Life is connected to all realms, wouldn’t it be more feasible that Death goes to the land of the dead in order to seal Crowfathers soul away?
(1) “I’m perfectly fine, I just like to break the floor tiles of palaces and scream aloud every Thursday as long as there’s a full moon and a unicorn tap dances”.
Joking aside, it is painfully obvious that Death isn’t okay. Celestia should’ve asked “what’s wrong?” Rather than “are you okay?”
(2) No he doesn’t. Taking into consideration that even if Wrath ended up dying, Death would be able to resurrect his soul using his necromancy (something he has been able to do in the comics), make a bargain with the king of the dead (aka king of bones) or simply threaten him using his position as an enforcer of the Charred Council to force the king into resurrecting his brother.
(3) Death has enough self control to not kill every living being he encounters, regardless of how annoying/dangerous they might be (Azazel for example).
(4) The wording seems strange. Mainly because there’s no comma there.
(1) who is ‘e’ exactly?
(1) it ain’t important, but how does Death knows of the existence of alicorns? A little bit of context goes a long way after all.
(2)add a comma
(3) concerned
"AAARRRGGHHH" Death screamed in pain regretting on letting (1)them do this. Then all of a sudden a magical aura wrapped around Death as a sphere came out of his body showing his memories and every pony was shocked at what they saw.
(1) There’s only one individual doing this, not many. Change it to her rather than them.
(1) I think you meant the sphere rather than the room, but what do I know.
(1) the entire reaction after seeing Death (ironically) killing all those monsters in a rather brutal fashion feels....fake. Taking into consideration that equestrians aren’t that fond of violence on almost any way that involves shedding blood, I’m surprised none of them feels queasy.
(1) I wonder if AJ would forgive him if he killed Big Mac or Applebloom? I mean, she just forgave Death for killing a mother/princess in cold blood for no good reason.
(1) I believe you meant to use the word lie rather than secret, taking into consideration that you just used the word lie before using the word secret.
(1) Applejack is a name with no spaces.
(1) add a comma
(2) Luna ain’t that tall. Twilight is almost at the same height as her, not to mention that Twilight herself ain’t that tall either.
"
(1) why did you wrote with a capital letter the word chains?
"Don't worry Luna he is with us, what’s wrong?" Luna taking her eyes of Death and looked at Celestia.
"(1)Tia Appleloosa is being attacked by demonic creatures and being led by a red female with demonic wings." Death looking shocked as he stepped forward and his two scythes appeared in his hands.
(1) regarding how there’s no comma, you just created a place called Tia Appleloosa. Pity there aren’t any commas where they should be to make your story make more sense.
(1) if you’re referring to Lilith, it makes it a little bit obvious to me that you haven’t played Darksiders 2. When Death encounters her, she states that she is the one who created the nephilim by using the essence of both demon and angel. It would make far more sense if the one controlling the demons here was Azazel, someone who fought both War and Death.
(2) you meant “through” Canterlot....right?
(3) there’s no need for a comma there
(4) and where were the elements before that, or did they just magically appeared in thin air all of a sudden for the sake of plot convenience?
(1) found the it? Don’t you mean the road?
(2) mention me on instance in canon that Crowfather has any clients and I’ll believe you.
(1) So Death’s horse is faster than a steam locomotive?
(2) than: introducing a second element in comparison. Then: at the time, or, at the time in question.
(3) neither War nor Death kicked the back of their respective steeds. Now that I think of it, they never kicked them at all. They hit them with the back of their feet, yes. But they hit them on the sides, not their backs.
I really want to like this story trust me in that, but if the coherence continues to be this bad, then I will lose all interest in this story, no matter the ratings it gains later on.