Princess Luna's Computer

When Luna was bored for a couple of days, Celestia decided to grab a laptop from the storage. Luna seemed to enjoy it, but when it ends up in Twilight's hooves, it becomes somewhat serious business.

[There is the "Human" tag since humans are mentioned but does not actually play a large role.]

First story.

If you wish to provide some artwork for this story, go ahead.

If you spot any errors, please place your assertions in the comments.

Chapters (3)

April 24 · 11th Apr 2014 · 1,560 words
1,560
Download .txt
Download .html
April 25 · 11th Apr 2014 · 2,419 words
2,419
Download .txt
Download .html
April 26 · 11th Apr 2014 · 1,699 words
1,699
Download .txt
Download .html

Comments ( 8 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 8
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Leafall

Leafall #1 · Mar 30th, 2014 · · · Princess Luna's Computer ·

Well this is an original idea, I've never seen anything like this before that wasn't a trolfic... I liked how shocked Twilight was with the computer. And this:

“I am socially inept. I don’t feel like doing so.” Luna crossed her arms and looked away.

Oh my, I love that line.
Your writing could use a bit of work, though.
You don't need to write 'started' so much. It ruins the flow and is just unnecessary. So for example this:

Luna started to observe the computer, and she instantly became confused.

Could have been this:

Luna observed the computer, and she instantly became confused.

Or even this:

Raising her eyebrows, Luna examined the computer.

(Because show don't tell. Yes I know it's an overrated advice, but most of the time it's true.)
Or you can make it way different if you want. It's your decision in the end.
And this really bothers me...:

Celestia stood, and she started to walk away.

It makes no sense. She stood, but she walked away...what?

Pony With A Box

Pony With A Box #2 · Mar 30th, 2014 · · · Princess Luna's Computer ·

Haha, Twilight doesn't know something!
Anywho, great story, and, I'm egarly awating more Lol I remember Windows 98. Ah, blue screens... the good old days... Lol can't wait till that laptop inevitably bluescreens, and twilight has a panic attack