Rainbow Dash Builds a Scooter
Rainbow Dash Builds a Scooter
by Shamrock95
I don't own MLP: Friendship is Magic. If I did, then Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich would totally have hooked up by now.
Rainbow Dash, Ponyville's resident speedster, was streaking through the clear blue sky above Ponyville. Normally, Rainbow could always be found up there, simply enjoying the thrill of flying at incredible speeds. Not today, however -- the cyan pegasus was a pony on a mission.
Rainbow was on her way to get her present for Scootaloo's birthday that weekend. At first, Rainbow had been uncertain as to what to get her, until she saw a flyer one day advertising the perfect gift. That gift was the Lightning Streak LS200, a top-of-the-line scooter that had just been imported to Equestria all the way from Neighpon. Scootaloo had a burning passion for scooters, and Rainbow knew that her current scooter was getting a little worn and old. And so, Rainbow intended to surprise Scootaloo with not just a new scooter, but the best scooter on the market.
Thus was how Rainbow Dash found herself inside Ponyville Sports Supplies, after getting a tip-off from Fluttershy that they had some LS200s in stock. The store was a large one, filled with all kinds of sports equipment -- balls, hockey masks, bikes, the works. The charcoal earth pony working the counter looked up and smiled upon seeing Rainbow. "Can I help you, ma'am?" he asked.
"Yeah," Rainbow replied. "I heard that you had some of the new Lightning Streak scooters in stock here. I was wondering if I could buy one?"
"Certainly!" the cashier said happily. "I'll just get it for you now. You're lucky, you know, this is the last one we've got until next week."
The cashier headed through an open door behind the counter, and returned bearing a long, brown, flat cardboard box, which he placed on the counter.
Rainbow was nonplussed. "What's this?" she asked.
The cashier gave her a funny look and said, a little too loudly and clearly, "It's your scooter."
"But it doesn't come assembled?"
The cashier shook his head. "Nope, it's flat-pack. But we can put it together for you for an extra twenty bits, if you like."
Rainbow frowned. "I dunno," she said. "How much is the scooter on its own?"
"Two hundred bits," the cashier said nonchalantly.
"What? That's ridiculous! How the hay can a scooter be worth two hundred bits?" Rainbow shouted in disbelief.
The cashier remained calm -- evidently, he'd seen explosions like this before. "Well, it is a very high-quality scooter, ma'am. Plus, it's been shipped all the way from Neighpon in two days."
"Forget it," said Rainbow, shaking her head. "No way am I paying any more than two hundred bits. I'll put it together myself."
"As you wish," the cashier said neutrally, before ringing up Rainbow's order and accepting a check for two hundred bits.
"And good luck to you!" he called after Rainbow as she struggled out of the shop with the box in tow.
Darn rip-off artist, she thought to herself, as she lugged the box back up to her cloud mansion high above Ponyville. What kind of fool does he take me for? I'll have this put together myself in no time, without paying any stupid assembly charge. After all... She grinned to herself. I'm Rainbow Dash! Is there anything I can't do?
Presently, Rainbow Dash had arrived back home with the box. "Okay," she said to herself, "I'll have this together in no time flat. I'll just open it up and get started." With that, Rainbow worked open one end of the box and upended it.
Immediately, a cascade of nuts, bolts, metal tubes and other detritus spilled onto the cloud floor -- fortunately, the objects had been enchanted at the manufacturing stage to ensure that they didn't fall through any cloud structures. Rainbow gawked at the massive metal pile. She had been expecting just a few simple parts, but it looked like she had enough metal here to make a thousand scooters.
"Oh-kayyy," Rainbow thought, feeling a little uneasy, "this isn't a problem. I'll just follow the instructions and I'll be fine."
Rainbow rooted through the pile of metal until she came across the slim instruction manual. She opened it up and read the first page.
INSTRUCTIONS
To assemble a new LS200, it must be fixed to the axle scooter first base. To all of you, you need the following items: The wrench of M size. This action, this figure has been displayed in the show on the next page. Passenger of the walrus must great precaution asparagus no surprise magic time magic happy.
Rainbow stared at the instructions. Then she turned them upside-down, to see if they made any more sense that way. But no, it remained the same garbled mess. Evidently, the Neighponese factory's budget hadn't extended very far to translation work.
"Wha... huh..." Rainbow Dash spluttered. She shook the manual furiously. "I don't believe this!" she shouted. "How can they make such an awesome scooter, and yet they can't even speak simple bucking Equestrian? How is that possible?!"
Eventually, Rainbow calmed down enough to think clearly. "Okay, stay calm, stay calm..." she said to herself. "Maybe I can still make sense of it if I just look at it carefully enough." She smiled again, but this time she didn't feel nearly as confident as she had at the start. "What could possibly go wrong?"
Through almost an hour of painstakingly trying to make sense of the instructions and diagrams, Rainbow Dash had somehow managed to fit both axles to the scooter base. She now had what looked like a skateboard. Now she had to assemble the handlebar.
"Ha!" Rainbow laughed. "I knew this dumb scooter wouldn't beat me! Okay..." she looked at the manual again, "...according to this, I now have to fit the handlebars to that long metal tube thingy. Piece of cake."
Rainbow picked up the handlebars. This one looked like a cinch. She just had to twist it on until it clicked into place. The prism-maned pegasus dutifully stuck the handlebars firmly on top of the pole, and twisted.
And twisted.
And twisted.
After five minutes of twisting in one direction, Rainbow tried twisting in the other direction.
No luck. The handlebars simply would not screw on.
Rainbow's eyelid twitched. The handlebars wouldn't screw on. Why would they not screw on? Was this some kind of elaborate practical joke being played by the Neighponese on innocent Equestrians?
"Why won't you screw on the bar?" Rainbow growled at the handlebars. She twisted them again, violently. "Are you too good for the bar or something? Is that what this is? Well, it's not gonna happen with me! You screw on to the bar." She twisted the handlebar furiously.
"YOU."
Twist!
"SCREW ON."
Twist!
"TO THE BAR."
Twist!
When the handlebar still wouldn't twist on, and Rainbow Dash was sure that it was silently mocking her, the answer hit her: the Internet! Surely somepony out there had had the same problem as her? She'd just type "LS200 handlebar problem" into EquestriaSearch, and her problems would be solved! Simple!
And so, Rainbow Dash eagerly hopped onto her laptop and did just that. It led her to a forum thread at AskUsAnyStupidThing.com, where she found a thread relating to it started by "MuffinGal101". She clicked on it.
MuffinGal101, 6 days ago:
I just bought an LS200 scooter, and for some reason I can't fit the handlebars onto the tube thing when trying to build it. It won't twist on like it's supposed to. Can somepony please help me?
Rainbow's heart leaped. That was the exact problem she was having! Her answers were so close! Beaming delightedly, she scrolled down eagerly.
MuffinGal101, 6 days ago:
Never mind, I fixed it :)
Admin, 5 days ago:
Issue resolved. Thread locked.
Rainbow stared at the computer screen, her delighted beam still fixed on her face as her pupils slowly shrank to little dots. In her mind's eye, she had visions of burning the scooter, burning the factory, and then burning MuffinGal101's house for saying that she'd fixed the problem and not bothering to tell anypony just what in Tartarus she'd done to fix it.
Rainbow got up from the computer and slowly walked over to the handlebars. Pressing them down on the metal tube and letting out a strangled sound from her throat, she gave it one final, desperate twist.
Click.
Rainbow snapped to reality, and looked in disbelief at the handlebars. They'd latched perfectly onto the metal tube. Apparently, she had to press down on it before she twisted it -- something that had never been mentioned in the manual or the diagrams.
After staring silently at the handlebars for about a minute, Rainbow raised her front hooves to her temples and made a noise that was not quite laughter. Once again, she could have sworn that the scooter parts were all pointing and laughing at her behind her back.
Incredibly, miraculously, Rainbow Dash was almost done. Now that the board and the handlebars were both assembled, she just had to attach the two together. There was no way that this could go wrong. Rainbow was home free!
"Haha!" Rainbow gloated. "You thought you could beat me, scooter? Well, nopony gets the better of Rainbow Dash! I've saved Equestria countless times from the forces of evil. I've pulled off the legendary Sonic Rainboom. I fought alongside Daring Do herself! You'll never beat me!"
At this point, Rainbow realised that she was trash-talking a scooter. "Man, how long have I been working on this, anyway?"
She looked at the Wonderbolts clock on the wall. It was just gone seven p.m. She'd been working on the scooter non-stop for nearly four hours, not counting the time she'd spent screaming expletives at the scooter parts, the manual, and a certain imbecile named MuffinGal101.
Making a mental note to get some sleep once she'd finished, Rainbow looked at the manual. According to the instructions, "Leashes special wrench can be used to achieve the main characteristics for the LS 200 is installed on the board. This key is only available with your scooter."
Eventually, Rainbow worked out that she needed a special wrench to fit the handlebars to the board. Once she was done there, it would all be over. "Scootaloo had better think that this is the best present she's ever gotten in her life..." she muttered. Sighing, she reached over to grab the wrench.
It wasn't there.
Rainbow did a double take. Then she got down on her hooves and knees and frantically searched the floor around the scooter for the wrench. When that failed to yield any results, she grabbed the empty box and shook it madly. Nothing in there, either.
The crushing reality of the situation hit Rainbow Dash like a wagon slamming into a tree. The company had forgotten to pack the wrench. The wrench which was vital to the scooter's construction. Without the wrench, all her work was for nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Rainbow opened her mouth and screamed.
The scooter deck and handlebars lay in the middle of the room. Standing over them was a blue pegasus who was clearly so far out of her mind that she'd lost the address. Her multicoloured mane was frizzled and tangled like she'd been hooked up to an industrial generator. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, her pupils scarcely larger than black pinpricks. She was smiling dementedly, showing her teeth in a manner that would not have been out of place in a serial killer movie. In her hooves was a large, heavy metal pipe.
"It's so simple," Rainbow sang deliriously to herself. "This scooter is clearly the root of all the evil in Equestria, and it wants to make me the first pony it drives over the edge before it conquers the world. Well..." she let out a high-pitched giggle, "...that's not gonna happen. All I have to do is smash it into a bunch of crackly little pieces with this nice big pipe. The scooter will die, and I will be free."
Cackling, she raised the bar above her head and menacingly advanced on the defenceless scooter. "The deed is done! Lightning Streak LS200, I'll see you in Tar-"
Rainbow tripped over something and fell flat on her face. She quickly looked up with hellfire burning in her eyes.
"Who did that? WHO DID THAT?" she roared. "How many of you are conspiring against m-"
She froze as she saw what she had tripped over... the wrench! The few remaining threads of Rainbow's sanity managed to work out that it must have fallen out of the box when she was carrying it into her living room. The cloud floor would have muffled any noise the wrench made upon impact.
Rainbow Dash looked at the elusive wrench, then decided that the scooter could wait until the morning. Feeling comprehensively bushed, she turned and silently went to bed.
Two days later...
"So am I gonna get my present now, Rainbow?" Scootaloo asked excitedly. The two surrogate sisters were at the front door of Rainbow's cloud mansion, where Rainbow had decided to let Scootaloo hang out with her for the rest of the day after her birthday party at Sugarcube Corner.
Rainbow grinned. "You sure are, squirt. And this one is a doozy!" With that, Rainbow slowly opened the front door to reveal a gleaming scooter standing proudly in the hallway.
"Ohmigosh!" Scootaloo squealed, rushing up to the scooter. "Is... is that an LS200? Oh, thank you so much, Rainbow!" She pulled Rainbow into a tight hug.
Rainbow laughed. "You're welcome, Scoots! I just hope I did a proper job putting it together for you."
"Why?" Scootaloo asked innocently. "Was it hard?"
For a moment, Rainbow Dash stiffened. A look of dread flashed across her face as she remembered the horrors she had experienced. Then she smiled and returned Scootaloo's embrace.
"Nah, no problem," she replied. "Piece of cake."
THE END
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Pretty good for what might be your story
It's good. The writing is clean and interesting. The humor is decent, but I'm not a very great judge when it comes to humor. Personally, I'll give it 8/10, Great work!
4133984 "Might" be my story? You calling me a plagiarist? Just kidding. Thanks for the compliment!
4133998 Thanks! I've always fancied myself as a writer of comedy. Maybe that's just because there's no value I appreciate more in an author than the ability to make me laugh.
4134035 You're telling me. Take my advice -- do not attempt to fix a PS3 on your own unless you have a degree in computer engineering.
To be honest, when I read the summary I thought this would happened...
Rainbow Dash buys the scooter, tries many attempts to assemble it. She then give it to Scootaloo, but when she did, the scooter gets disassembled to all the pieces, Rainbow cries to Scootaloo for failing her, but she then watch in awe as Scootaloo assembled the scooter expertly thanks to all the teaching from Twilight ( Twilight Time )
4134757 Now why didn't I think of that? Ugh, don't you just hate it when the best ideas come to you too late?
I figured Scootaloo was going to say thanks, but that she'd already gotten one earlier in the day. Maybe she did, but Scoots was just being tactful and keeping both without saying anything.
4154541 Maybe we can consider that an alternate ending. ;)
The forum posts....MY WHOLE LIFE!!!
4161323 I think we need to introduce some variant of the death penalty for people like that -- anybody who just goes "derp, I fixed it" without bothering to explain how they did so gets their Internet privileges revoked for six months. I know that might sound a little extreme, but GODDAMMIT THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME!
Dude, oh my god. I laughed way harder than I feel I should admit.
4190432 Hey, there's no shame in laughing. If there's one thing that's guaranteed to result in comedy, it's tipping a pony over the edge!
Lol
this is absolutely hilarious I love it!!!! Awesome job 
4218892 Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
"Passenger of the walrus must great precaution asparagus no surprise magic time magic happy."
FAVED AND LIKED!!!
4258059 Yeah, most of the garbled translations were done by running them through Google Translate a few times, but I made that particular line up myself. Thanks for faving and liking -- that's what motivates me to keep writing fics!
Next time, it could be best to give it to Twilight, she is the best in panic atacks
5348430 True, but Twi doesn't have as close a relationship to Scoots as Dash does. Besides, Dash knows how much Scootaloo looks up to her, so I figured that the fear of letting her down would be more than enough to tip her over the edge.
5350944 Even if she have no relation, Rainbow buy the scooter, Twilight only need to be the
nerdeggheadgood pony that help a friend to complete the present for a little fillyWho knew that a simple wrench could've driven somepony that crazy; then again,
anything's possible.
6323916 And lest we forget...
6323945 Eeyup.
I've read this story several times and I just noticed:
Was that a reference to the G3 special "A Very Minty Christmas"?
7202428 It sure was.
7203023 Thought so
The ending would have been more hilarious if Scootaloo said she already had an LS200, heheh.
7424824 What, and make poor Rainbow suicidal?
As someone who actually assembles things FOR A LIVING, I feel Rainbow's pain and suffering; just be glad that she didn't get a scooter that was ACTUALLY missing parts, or had parts that were broken during shipping. Then she REALLY would have lost her marbles!
7606370 And let me guess, the instructions you get are all in Engrish?
7606983 actually, the thing I assemble the most (big box store bicycles) the instructions have to stay sealed in the bag attached to the seat! But then again, most of the other stuff I build come from American companies that manufacture in China, so the instructions are already in English. (Some even come with Spanish instructions, but since most people in my area are English only, those get thrown in the trash.)
Adorable Scootalove and a funny misadventure. Love it.
8937639
Thanks!
8939255
Np! :3